by Karin Baine
Meanwhile, she was sure she was about to combust into flames. His baby. Calling her hippy-dippy. He’d wiped out her credibility as a mother in one insult. She didn’t think being a vegetarian and using meditation as a form of stress relief justified anyone making fun of her. It was her way of taking back her life and being at peace with herself.
Kayla opened her mouth, then closed it again before she said something very unladylike. Once the moment passed she called upon her rational self to counter his ill-judged argument.
‘First of all—’ her voice was louder than she’d intended so she dialled it back before he accused her of being hysterical ‘—this baby is not a baton. It is a human being that has been growing inside me. Therefore, I think it’s safe to say you’re not going to let me do anything. I’m its mother.’
‘And I’m its father.’
The man was infuriating beyond words.
Count to ten, Kayla, and don’t even think about launching that frying pan at his head, even if it is within arm’s reach.
Jamie levered himself off the worktop and walked towards her. Kayla immediately backed away. She didn’t enjoy confrontation. Usually, she did her best to avoid it when raised voices and tempers brought back memories of a childhood best forgotten.
Unfortunately, Jamie brought out the worst in her and vice versa. In all the time she’d known Tom he’d never shown anything but adoration for his older brother. He’d talked about him in such glowing terms Kayla had expected him to be a saint. From her perspective he was purely an annoyance.
Especially when they both knew she’d been prepared to walk out of that coffee shop and engage in some sordid afternoon shenanigans if their brothers hadn’t turned up that day. She didn’t like him knowing he was a weakness where she was concerned in case he used it to get the upper hand.
‘Look, Kayla, I’m not here to fight with you. I just want to make sure you and the baby are healthy. This is the last link I have to Tom and the only family I have left.’ It was a heartfelt plea, but there was no way she was giving him room to start dictating to her. She’d had enough of that growing up.
‘So, what are you going to do? Draw up a contract and a diet plan according to what you deem a suitable lifestyle? We’re not in some weird relationship where I’m happy to submit to your dominant will. I’m not that kind of girl.’
‘Wow.’
‘What’s wrong? Have you never had a woman talk back to you before?’ With his looks and his status as a partner in his GP practice, no doubt he was used to people doing his bidding with no questions asked.
The rumble as he laughed did things to her insides she wasn’t prepared for. ‘No. It’s just interesting that’s where your mind went.’
‘Liam and Tom might have left you half of this house, but you have absolutely no claim on my body.’ Her mind chose to interpret those words differently than they were intended. Forbidden images of Jamie’s mouth and hands possessing her sprang from nowhere, causing chaos within.
This pregnancy brought more problems than heartburn and weight gain. Especially when these feelings were so rare she didn’t think she’d experienced them even with her exes. A problem that had ended all her relationships and made her consider this surrogacy in the first place.
Sex wasn’t something she’d been able to fully enjoy when she couldn’t find it in herself to give control of her body completely to someone else. The same could be said about love.
Now a few arrogant words from a man who had a knack for getting under her skin were already wreaking havoc on her insides again.
One thing was for sure, she had to find some way to get Jamie out of her life so she and the baby could live the life Tom and Liam would now never be a part of.
* * *
‘Technically, whilst you’re pregnant with my child, I do have an interest in your body.’ Jamie couldn’t help himself. There was more than a hint of truth in those words and not solely for the baby she was carrying.
Small and curvy even before she got pregnant, Kayla physically wasn’t his usual type. Her honey-blond hair fell in messy natural ringlets around her shoulders, as chaotic as her rolled-through-a-jumble-sale fashion sense. The layers of mismatched vintage clothes she favoured, most people would have consigned to the dustbin.
Personality wise there was a major clash between them, as this current exchange would attest to. She was hard work, a pain in the backside he could do without. Yet, since losing Tom and Liam, he hadn’t been able to keep away from her. He knew it was more than their shared grief but hoped his sudden interest in her would end once the baby was born. Anything else would have disaster written all over it. Her shudder of obvious disgust at his comment was proof of that.
‘My body is absolutely none of your business.’ She folded her arms across her blossoming cleavage and Jamie tried to avert his stare.
‘Ditto. So, I’ll thank you to stop looking at me as though I’m a piece of meat.’ By the way she’d been ogling him earlier he’d say her pregnancy hormones were running riot. It was a reminder of that day in the café when they’d come close to succumbing to temptation. Thank goodness they hadn’t, when things were complicated enough between them.
‘I was not!’ Her reddening cheeks gave her away.
‘Let’s get one thing straight here, Kayla.’ He flicked the kettle on and lifted a mug down from the cupboard. ‘My only interest is in the baby you’re carrying.’
‘Mine too.’ Composure regained, she walked right up to him. Close enough for him to drink in her floral scent. It was likely something she made herself from daisies and buttercups under the light of a full moon.
Kayla opened the cupboard above his head, lifted out a handmade, slightly wonky, blue-glazed earthenware mug and set it down on the counter.
‘I assume you have a birth plan in place? I don’t imagine the event is something either of our brothers would have left to chance.’ Even if Kayla seemed the sort of person to let nature take its course. There was a very bohemian quality to her. As though she’d be more at home in some hippy commune living off the earth and communing with nature than working nine-to-five and living in a suburban semi.
‘I’m having a natural birth. At home.’
He should have known.
‘Not happening.’
‘Excuse me? It was what your brother, Liam, and I wanted. You can’t just swan in here—’
‘And what? Want what’s best for my baby? Which is to be born in a hospital where the best medical care is at hand should anything go wrong?’
* * *
Kayla couldn’t believe what she was hearing. They had planned as peaceful a welcome into the world as they could provide. Now, Jamie was storming in demanding as much noise, disruption and upheaval that came with hospital births in comparison. No way was she having that. The days of letting anyone walk over her were long gone.
‘In case you’re not aware, I was a qualified midwife before I became a doula. I know the difference it can make to mum and baby when a birth is at home, surrounded by familiar faces, enveloped in love rather than machines and overworked staff. That’s why I changed careers.’
It had been difficult for her to adhere to the rules laid out by the hospital management when births didn’t run to their specific timetable or targets. She realised quickly after qualifying she’d much rather devote herself to one family at a time than be on a conveyor belt moving from one mother to the next without making any real personal connection.
‘Then you know there are potential risks with any pregnancy. Complications during a home birth can’t be dealt with as effectively as they could be at the hospital.’
‘I’m qualified to make those kinds of decisions that might warrant a hospital transfer.’ It didn’t happen often, but in emergencies she would encourage medical intervention where it was needed. The welfare of baby and mother were always top priority.
‘Tell me, are you planning on giving birth naked and alone in a field?’ There was that patronising tone she’d come to know well when involved in a heated discussion with another medical professional on the subject.
‘You might not agree with my methods but please don’t mock them.’
‘It’s hard not to,’ he muttered, reinforcing the idea that a calm, peaceful birth wasn’t going to be possible anywhere with him around.
‘What is so wrong in wanting to be in the comfort of my own home, listening to the music of my choice and letting nature take its course?’ There’d been too much upset already during this pregnancy and the least she could do now was give this baby a smooth transition from the warm cocoon of her body into its new environment.
‘It’s selfish,’ he answered without taking time to think about what it meant to anyone other than him.
‘No, it’s simply an alternative to a hospital birth. Women have been doing it for centuries. I think I’ll manage.’
‘What? You’re going to deliver the baby yourself? I’m sorry, but this is crazy. I’ve already lost my brother. I’m not prepared to jeopardise my baby for the sake of your whim to raise a flower-child. I don’t think the sixties were all they were cracked up to be, you know. There was a higher mortality rate back then, likely for this very reason.’
Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t punch things.
Kayla hadn’t realised dinosaurs still roamed the earth masquerading as pretty doctors, but Jamie was living proof.
‘There are such things as friends. I know that concept might not be familiar to you if this is how you speak to everyone you meet. I have my own doula to assist with labour as well as a community midwife.’
‘Great. It’s reassuring to know there’ll be two of you howling at the moon and stinking the place out with incense.’
She didn’t know where he plucked these ideas about home births from. He was a GP, for heaven’s sake. She was sure he’d dealt with them in his time. This seemed more personal to her. As though he simply disapproved of her and her life choices when, really, he knew nothing about her.
All his talk so far surrounded his wishes for his baby, relegating her to the role of incubator who shouldn’t have any opinion of her own.
‘I really don’t care what you think, Jamie. This is my safe space. My body. My baby. My birth plan. You won’t be here anyway, so it won’t affect you.’ At this rate the baby would be cutting its first teeth by the time she told him it had arrived.
There was no way she was having him anywhere near her, stressing her out during the most important, and unexpected, phase of her life as she transitioned into motherhood. Given the chance he’d probably be shouting instructions like her old PE teacher, calling her a slacker and pushing her until she was sure her lungs would explode. That wasn’t the atmosphere she was striving for on this occasion.
‘Who says I won’t be here?’
‘This is my first baby and I’ve still got a few weeks until my due date. The chances are slim you’ll be in the vicinity when I go into labour.’ She certainly wasn’t going to tell him.
Jamie Garrett hovering over her every decision was the last thing on her wish list. It was the worst possible scenario after losing the men she’d thought were raising this child.
‘I’m going to increase those odds.’
‘How?’ She was compelled to ask, though she did so with a sigh. He was exhausting and as soon as she got shot of him she’d do a bit of meditation to clear her chakras from the negativity he left in his wake. She might even listen to the CD of whale music the boys had given her as a joke present. It would be her way of sticking two fingers up at the biological father-to-be who’d be horrified at the very idea.
‘I’m moving in.’ The self-satisfied smirk strengthened the impact of the bombshell.
She’d been wrong. This was the worst possible scenario and she was powerless to do anything about it.
CHAPTER THREE
‘THIS ISN’T HOW it was supposed to be. Liam and Tom were going to be the parents. Once I gave birth, my part was done. It certainly wasn’t intended to be a dictatorship run by you.’ Kayla promptly burst into tears and Jamie’s elation at getting the upper hand instantly gave way to something more sympathetic.
He hadn’t come here to antagonise her. Since Tom’s death, all he’d wanted was to be part of his baby’s life and to be a dad. The flirty nature of their relationship had to change in the wake of their loss. He’d changed, knowing he had new responsibilities to meet, and Kayla was a part of that new chapter. Upsetting her further wasn’t going to do anyone any good.
‘Why don’t you sit down?’ He pulled over one of the high-back stools from the breakfast bar. Now that pig-headedness had left her he could see how vulnerable she was. It must be hard for that little body of hers to be carrying that bump along with the hopes and dreams of both their brothers.
‘Stop telling me what to do!’ she yelled at him, her face scarlet as she vented her fury. Tears soon followed the outburst as her sobs ricocheted around the kitchen walls before hitting Jamie square in the chest. So much for wanting the best for mother and baby. He’d added more stress on top of already losing her brother.
Jamie backed away, crouched down with his hands raised in surrender as though pacifying a dangerous animal before it could attack. ‘I was only trying to make you more comfortable. I don’t want the baby to be in any danger because you’re all worked up.’
He didn’t suppose she had a blood-pressure cuff tucked away with her bongo drums and crystals in her birthing accessories. In this instance he might well make a dash out to his car where he had one in his bag for emergencies. He’d like to check her blood pressure. That was if she’d consent to him being close without hitting him with something.
‘Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!’ Her voice gradually grew louder until she was verging on the edge of hysteria. Kayla stomped her foot on the floor with that final instruction.
Jamie could only watch in horror as a trickle of liquid soaked her trousers and splashed on the tiled floor.
‘Okay. Don’t panic, but I think your waters have just broken.’ He dared to venture into her personal space, put an arm around her shoulders and guided her towards the living room.
‘It’s too early.’ She was clearly in shock since she permitted him to lead her.
‘Not really. The baby’s viable at this stage. No need to panic. Now, do you have something I can put down to protect the sofa?’
She was waddling even more than usual, but she didn’t put up any further protest. ‘There are towels in the wooden chest in the corner.’ There was a dazed quality to her voice he wasn’t sure was preferable to the ranting she’d been doing only moments earlier.
The area she directed him to was separate from the rest of the furnishings in the room. A circle of primary-coloured over-sized cushions on the floor had been carefully arranged. It had the appearance of a giant, gaudy bird nest, but this wasn’t the time for him to make any further mocking comments. He ignored the questions burning to be asked, the jokes begging to be made, to retrieve a couple of faded grey towels from the chest.
‘I’ll phone ahead to the labour ward and let them know you’re coming in. My car’s outside. I can drive you to hospital.’ He covered the seat cushions as best he could to enable her to sit down until he brought the car around to the front door.
‘How many times do I have to tell you I want a home birth? Cherry is my doula. Phone her and my midwife. Their numbers are in the birth plan in my bag.’ She directed him back to the weird cushion nest where her labour bag was sitting waiting for this very moment.
‘I’ll phone them for you but as you’re not full term I’d prefer to get you to hospital.’ He was doing his best not to be confrontational but when they held such conflicting views on the subject he knew he was fighting a losing battle.
‘This is your fault. You’ve ruined everything. I’m not letting you take this away from me too.’ Kayla let out an anguished cry and doubled over, clutching her belly.
‘Contraction?’ He crouched down in front of her, timing it with his watch.
She nodded, her face contorted with pain, and Jamie wished he could swap places with her. All he could do was hold her hand and wait until the pain subsided. He didn’t care that she’d almost cut off his circulation she was squeezing him so hard.
It was his fault. He’d been so determined to be part of this he’d trodden all over Kayla’s feelings to the point of starting her labour. When all she’d wanted was a peaceful birth.
‘I’ll phone Cherry, so she can come and sit with you, and I’ll let the midwife know labour’s started.’ It was the least he could do.
‘You’ll stay with me until she comes, right?’
He made a move to get the numbers from the file, only for Kayla to grab his hand again. It was the first indication that she wanted his help, though he knew it was only through her fear of the unknown. He wanted to be here for her, holding her and providing the support he’d so far failed to give her.
‘If it’s all right with you I’ll be staying until the baby’s born.’ That way he could make his own observations and decisions about how the labour was progressing. If he had any inkling at all anything was wrong, he’d be straight on the phone to the hospital.
‘I don’t want you interfering any more than you already have, Jamie. Get Cherry here.’
‘How about a compromise? I’ll stay, at a distance, but the first sign of anything untoward and we’re back to civilisation for help.’
‘Fine. Just get Cherry.’ Another sob erupted, followed by a further contraction. This baby was apparently in a hurry to meet its parents.
* * *