by Honor James
July 4, 2002
Dear Diary,
I’m totally freaking out right now. I can’t reach either of them! Both of their phones have been disconnected and the address they gave me is for some piece of land that is totally deserted! My father found the pregnancy test that I took and before I could even say a word kicked me out with only my clothes, and you my dear Diary, my one and only true friend. He said I could come back when I had gotten rid of it. As if my child were a thing! No way in hell. I will figure something out. For now I’m going to stay in the hotel where I’ve been working part time and will go from there. I wish I had family. Anyone besides dad, but I don’t. No, I take that back. I have a perfect baby growing inside of me and even though I meant nothing to them, they meant the world to me. I still love them, I think I will always love them but now I have to focus on my child. I’ve got an appointment at the free clinic in a week and will go from there.
March 4, 2003
Dear Diary,
Today I welcomed into the world the most beautiful daughter that there is in the world. I’ve named her Honey Dallas Choe. Honey because that’s what her father’s always called me and Dallas because that is the name of the town they said they came from. Choe because, well let’s face it DD I’m an 18 year old unwed mother who doesn’t really know the father of her child. I did after all sleep with both of them. Regardless, I love her already with all my heart. She looks just like her daddy, and I now know exactly which one is her father. I’ve tried to find them. I even sold my mothers necklace to pay for a detective to find them but no luck. It’s okay though, Honey will never lack for love because as her mother I’m going to give her all that she wants and needs.
March 4, 2004
Dear Diary,
Today my baby is one year old. She takes my breath away each time that I look at her. Her flame red curling hair, bright blue eyes and many freckles. Goodness she’s beautiful. I am moving out of the hotel and into a very small one bedroom home today. I’ve also began online classes to get my degree and hopefully this time in two years I will have my degree and doing things I love instead of what I have to do. Thankfully I’ve found an amazing mother’s group. They trade off babysitting so I don’t have that expense, and one of the mothers is actually the one that I’m buying the house from on contract. Life is looking up DD. If only her fathers were here.
May 30, 2004
Dear Diary
It’s been one year to the day since I last saw Honey’s fathers. Isn’t it fitting that she also said her first word today? It was one that made me cry and she couldn't understand why it would but it did. Her first word of course was ‘da-da’. I know I should get back to dating but honestly DD I don’t want to. I’ve loved and I will never love again. Those two men ruined me for any other and that’s the gods-honest-truth. I love my little girl and I hope that she understands one day when she asks me why her friends have daddies but she doesn’t. God give me strength. Classes are going fine, almost forgot to mention those. I also saw my father today. It tore my heart out when he looked at me, looked at Honey and spat at my feet before walking away. So, it’s just me and Honey in the world, but whom better to spend your life with than a little beauty that has everyone she meets wrapped around her little finger?
June 30, 2010
Dear Diary,
Seems as if the land where Honey’s fathers claimed they lived has been bought up by some conglomerate. It’s all very hush-hush of course, but oh well. At least I’m no longer driving by there when I’m feeling sad and blue. I’ve moved on from that part at least, right? I was asked out by Michael again. He will never replace my guys so I told him no; again. He didn’t take it too well at all. Oh well. He will get over himself. Honey asked me again today why I don’t date. All I could tell her was what I have told her since she’d formed that question; that once you have found a real and true love, there can be no other. I told her I would rather live alone with just her, my most perfect child, than to have less than a real and true love. I know I’m seriously out of my mind, aren’t I?
Chapter Three
Summer, 2013
With her mother's diary clutched in her hands Honey got into the Taxi. Yeah of course she had gotten weird looks, but she knew where she was going. Since her mother had given up her search, it was time she began it. With her mother's diary in hand, Honey paid the cabbie and told him, “Don’t worry, my mom is going to be here soon.” She assured the man and got out of the cab.
Pushing her flame red curls out of her face she turned her bright blue eyes up to the large house and nodded. With a firm decision she was going to put life into action and she was going to find out if her father was here and why in the ever-loving-name-of-heck he had walked out on someone as amazing as her mother. Pulling out the image of her mom and the two men that were with her in a restaurant, she marched up to the door and pounded on it with her little fist. Determination was her middle name. Well, it was Dallas, but still.
Frowning at the cloud of dust that was progressing down the drive Mikhail lifted a hand to shade his eyes. When the vehicle had turned and left, leaving a small body on his walk he dropped his hand. What the hell? "I'll be right back lads," he called to the others before leaning the shovel in his hand up against a tree.
Grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head, he jogged for the house only slowing when he got in sight of the little person knocking on his door. He stopped and cleared his throat. "Can I help you?" he asked with growing confusion as the little girl turned to look at him.
“Yes please,” Honey said with a smile and turned to look at the big man, the photo and then the man again. “Do you know these men?” She asked simply and held the picture out for him. “If you do, I would like to ask them a question please.”
Taking the picture, Mikhail looked at it and cursed under his breath. Wiping a hand over his face he looked to the kid and nodded, "Yeah, I know them," he said softly, "but first things first. How did you get here? Who are you and why are you looking for them?" he asked curiously.
“My name is Honey Dallas Choe and I’m here because of that one.” She pointed, “I think he is my daddy, but it could be the other one.” She shrugged. “I wanna know why they left my mommy and me and why we weren’t good enough for them; and then I will leave.” She said stubbornly. “So if you could give me their names and phone numbers, or where I can find them; I would appreciate it a great deal.” She muttered. “Because my mom deserves better than she got. She got her heart broke and now won’t date and they need to answer for that.”
Staring at her for a long time he dropped his gaze to the picture. It was an image of himself, Gareth and a little woman of Asian descent. While he couldn't recall her name clearly he remembered her and that night the image had been snapped. The last night of their leave and they'd spent most of it in bed with her. The things they'd done with her there; that she'd done to them and with them were forever burned in his memory. "I think we'd better go inside Miss Choe, this could take a while to explain," he murmured looking back at her.
“I think you should tell me out here because I’m not going in the house with you.” Honey said and snatched her photo from him. “My mom should be getting my note right about now and if I know her, it won’t take the hour to drive here that the cab took; so I think that you should talk to me right here on the porch, please.” She added sweetly.
"Alright," he said and waved a hand towards the seats at the end, "Can we at least sit down for this? I'd offer you a drink but you're a little young for what I had in mind, and it would be bad manners to drink in front of you." Moving up the steps he walked to the swinging seat and collapsed onto it to wait for her.
Honey moved to the seat and settled in. “It’s you in the picture isn’t it?” Honey said as she looked at the image again. “She loves you. Even right now to this day she’s in love with you and that’s why she won't date. Why did you leave her? Was it because she was pregnant? Is that why? Did you not want her because
she was going to have me?” Her hurt was clear in her voice, in the way she held her body. Hurt for her mother and for herself as well. “I look like the other man, but to her I had two daddies, but that’s not how it was for you is it?”
"Yes it's me in the picture," he said quietly looking at the image she held in her hand. "I was on leave for forty-eight hours and then I had to be back overseas to meet up with my team. I was in the Navy you see and," his voice trailed off. Shaking his head he blew out a heavy breath, "I never knew she was pregnant. Neither of us knew she was pregnant, if the truth be known. I don't know what to tell you Miss Choe. There's a lot to that picture you hold that I can't say without compromising my friends and allies. And there are things I just don't know how to say without giving you an education I doubt your mother would thank me for."
Honey shrugged and then sighed. “I see.” She said very pragmatically. “I completely understand.” She put the picture in her pocket and shrugged. So it was what Honey had been afraid of. These men had been just ready to have their bodies warmed and her mother did it. So her friends had been right, her mother had just been easy for these men. “Well thank you for telling me.” She said with a nod and then looked up at him. “I think that in the future you should be very careful of a woman’s feelings. They do have them you know. Even young girls have feelings,” she shrugged. Turning she saw her moms red car coming quickly down the drive and stood. “I wish I could say it was nice meeting you. But it wasn’t.” She stated bluntly and passed him the diary. “I would suggest that you read it and realize what you missed out on.” She muttered and moved from the patio and to her mother who looked totally frantic.
Daisy froze when she saw him. This was a nightmare. No, it was so much worse than that. “Honey get in the car. We will talk when we get home.” she pushed her child behind her and looked at a man she thought she would never see again. “You won’t see us again.” She promised him. “How she found you I don’t know, but you don’t have to worry about seeing us again.” She muttered. “Goodbye.” A word she hadn’t gotten from them before they’d left, and one she hadn’t been able to give but could now. Turning back to the car she tried to get a grip on her emotions and thoughts because if not she would break down and cry, and that just would not do. Period. Thankfully Honey looked nothing like Mikhail, one of the plausible fathers, and even better, Honey’s father wasn’t there; so total bonus.
With shaking hands she shoved the keys into the ignition and looked to Honey. “Buckle up baby.” she told her daughter softly and put the car into gear. Her one focus was getting out of there before the man got up off the porch and realized who she was.
Racing down the steps, his brain not actually working but his body being in full gear, Mikhail put his hands on her hood and stared into her eyes. He watched her closely as he eased around the car to the driver’s door and pulled it open. "Daisy," he whispered as he stared into the face that had haunted his dreams for years. Dropping to a crouch beside her he stared up into her face, "Why didn't you ever tell us?" he asked softly, as gently as he could the question that had been burning through him since he'd seen the photo.
“I tried.” She whispered, “I got the hint after all of the letters that I sent to you were returned unopened. Got the hint with your phones disconnected. I get it. I might be slow, but I’m not totally stupid,” she murmured and refused to look at him. “Don’t worry, we live far enough away you will never have to see us.” She whispered and licked her lips. “Please back up and close the door Mikhail?” Her heart was fucking breaking and he wanted to know why? God she was barely holding her shit together and he wanted to know why. God that was fucking rich.
"Daisy?" a stunned male voice said from behind Mikhail. Turning, he saw Gareth looking pole axed as he stood staring at the woman in the car. Looking at her, Mikhail reached out to touch her hand gently, "We were on leave. The numbers we gave you were disposable cells that we only had for the weekend. Please let us explain everything Daisy, but not out here. We can't share everything because some are top secret and could cause harm to those still serving."
Daisy shook her head. “No Mikhail.” She whispered. “You had the chance. You knew how to reach me and didn’t. Not once have you even tried to call me. I know because I have had the same phone number. Not once was I mailed. I know because I had my mail forwarded, and the head postmistress is a friend. No Mikhail, sometimes it’s just too late.” She looked to him again, steeling herself and saying, “Please. Close my door. I have to get my daughter to her piano lessons.”
Nodding he looked past her to the girl, "It was nice to meet you Honey," he said softly. Drawing back he shut the door and clenched his jaw as she peeled out of the driveway. Closing his eyes in pain, he dug his short nails into the diary he held in his hand. Lifting it he looked down at it and then to the dwindling vehicle before he flipped it open.
"What the hell was that?" the large Welshman demanded waving his arms.
"That was Daisy and apparently your daughter," he said looking at his friend. "She was pregnant while we were on our mission and apparently tried to get a hold of us through the crap the Navy gave us. She thinks we were there to bang her and then left after we got our jollies. For that matter, so does your daughter."
"I have a daughter?" Gareth asked in a stunned voice. "How the hell do you know I have a daughter?"
"Given her hair color she isn't mine, no one in my lineage has ever had anything but blond or black hair or a dirty blond color. Besides, you know I can't have kids," Mikhail said on a sigh. Turning his eyes down he read the first entry and felt his heart clench. "We need to find her," he whispered and handed the open diary entry to the Welshman. "We need to find her fast."
Chapter Four
Daisy was clenching the steering wheel tightly in her hands. It was the one and only thing keeping her from breaking down and sobbing. Taking a deep breath she looked to Honey and asked, “Why did you go there Honey?”
“Because I had to know.” The child said and shrugged. “When Margo Hughes told me that you were just another statistic, a teenager who got knocked up by some random guy, I had to know. You’ve told me all my life that you loved my fathers, but you never told me why you weren’t together other than life simply didn’t permit it. Now I know.” The child looked out the door and said, “I hate it when Margo Hughes is right. She’s such a mouthy turd.”
Daisy pulled over on the side of the road quickly, turned around in her seat and looked at Honey and shook her head. “No. Not for one moment are you to believe that she’s right. I did love your fathers very much. I’ve never kept that from you. Never once have I kept from you that you had two daddies not one. I was a fool, a complete and utter fool, but do not think that girl is right because she’s not. There was love when you were created, if only from me. I’m not a statistic because I didn’t do anything that the prudish Mrs. Hughes thinks that I did.” She heard it often enough so she knew just what the woman thought of her. “I love you Honey. You are my world. I’m happy that I met your fathers because I was blessed with you, the most amazing and perfect daughter anyone could ever dream of.”
“Then why does your dad still hate you? He still spits our way when we happen to see him out.” The child asked.
“Because to him; my getting pregnant out of wedlock was too much. I refused to give you up and he refused to see it my way. I don’t care about him. I don’t care about anyone but you Honey. We are a team, remember? You and me till the end, right?”
“And am I going to end up like you mom? That’s what Margo Hughes keeps saying. That I will end up knocked up before I’m legal.”
Rubbing her temples Daisy shook her head. “No baby you won’t. You won’t because you have me in your life. You’re a beautiful child and one day boys will beat down the door to see you, but you will have what I didn’t; a mother who loves her and will protect her. I would never say don’t have sex before you are married because, I’m not a total hypocrite like Mrs. Hughes. But
I will always protect you baby girl; even from yourself.” She said with a smile. “Now. Enough of that. You have lessons, and then I need to get you home. Penny will be over to sit for you tonight while I take the night shift at the hospital.”
“I think that they are the ones missing out mom.” Honey said suddenly. “Your father and those two idiots who didn't see what a good catch you were. I love you mom, and thanks for coming for me.”
“I will always come for you baby. Always.” Daisy said with a smile and leaned over to kiss her daughter's cheek. Her heart was breaking, no it was torn and shredded, but seeing Mikhail and Gareth today had brought it all right back to the forefront and made her hurt all the more. “Now then, lets get you to Mrs. Webbers for your lessons and then home so that you can start cleaning all of the dishes for your punishment.” At Honey’s groan Daisy smiled, “Hey, you did something that scared the life out of me, you are totally being punished for it baby girl.” She said and signaled to pull back on the road and head back to Sweetwater.