“Buckingham . . . do you want to break our engagement?” Fanny held her breath.
“No. But you might wish to. And please, not Buckingham. Buck.”
“Buck,” she said. “What could cause me to do that?”
“It has been fully twenty-two years, now, but the Kernow-Charles name is not untarnished.”
She could see that he was very concerned. Fanny placed her hand over his. “Tell me about it. You know better than to think any scandal could frighten me.”
He was silent. Sensing his agitation, she removed her hand. “Perhaps it would be easier if you walked about a bit.”
He stood. “You are a very understanding woman.”
“I just want to know what has put you in such a quake.”
He paced the room back and forth before beginning.
“I have always put it down to my mother’s vanity. It was almost a sickness. She absolutely had to be admired. I was just a young boy, not twelve, but even I knew enough to know that she had lovers.”
“Well, if we are going to talk about mothers. . .”
“Rosalind, let me finish, now that I have started.”
“I apologize. Proceed.”
“She drove my father to his death with her behavior. He loved her absolutely, but he could not bear her infidelity. After making over all his property and funds to a trust for me, he killed himself.”
Fanny frowned. “And you think because of that I would not marry you?”
“That is not all. I was so eaten up with hatred for my mother that I enlisted as a midshipman in the navy as I had always intended. I went to sea at age twelve, leaving my mother without a sou.” He took a breath and clutched his fists. “She was destitute before long.”
“Buck . . .”
“Wait. You still do not know the whole. She came to London. Fortunately for me, she changed her name. As far as I know, no one but me knows that Madam Georgiana, the famous courtesan, was my mother. I drove her to that.” He stopped and brought his hand up to press on the bridge of his nose. He turned his back to her. “Eventually, she died, as whores do.” He turned to face her again. “I am sorry to sully your mind with this story. It is not fit for a young lady of refinement. But you must know what I did. I cannot have you thinking me such a gallant as you do.”
“Buck, you were twelve years old!”
“Old enough to hate.”
“I admit it is not a pretty story.” Fanny gulped. What could she say? Would she not act with some vengeance against her own mother’s brutality if she had the means? “But I do not know that I would have done any differently in your case. We are both people of deep feeling who have been horribly betrayed by those who should have cared for us.”
“I must ask you never to repeat this story, no matter what the circumstances. Now, would you marry such a man?”
She stood and went to him, hoping he would take her in his arms. When he did not, she encircled him with her own. He lowered his head to her shoulder.
Fanny cupped his head in her hand, as he had hers, and held him to her. “No matter what you say, I want you to know that I accept you as you are, as you have accepted me. With all my perversity. With all my faults. Did you think it would be otherwise?”
Raising his head, he surrounded her with his arms and drew her closer. “I hoped not. And I hope you mean what you say.”
“I do. With all my heart.” She looked into his sober face. “From this moment, we will never refer to it again.”
“I love you, Rosalind.” He traced her features with his fingers, lingering on her mouth. “Today, you have captured my heart completely.”
Feeling that she had gone from a girl into full womanhood in the space of the last few minutes, Fanny said, her voice solemn, “You have mine in your keeping. I think you always have.”
He brought his mouth down on hers, kissing her deeply with heated fervor. Her knees buckled, and he had to catch her to him. Pulling away for a moment, she broke the tension with a gurgle of laughter at her sudden weakness.
“My Rosalind,” he said, and drew her to him again, kissing her greedily, as though he could never get enough of her.
Her heart was pounding so hard, she knew she must be in danger of a swoon from so much ecstasy. “Captain,” she said breathlessly, “I fear . . .”
“Yes, yes, my love. I fear, too. I must be gone. I will see you at the ball this evening.”
{ 19 }
THE ALLINGDALES’ BALL WOULD LIVE FOREVER in Buck’s memory.
“I am teaching you to waltz tonight,” Rosalind said. “I do not intend to go through the rest of my life without dancing!”
Taking him out on the empty terrace, she put one hand on his shoulder, instructing him to encircle her waist with his opposite hand and then clasp her hand in his other. She counted out the measures of the music and had him step with her. “One two three. One two three. There. It is easy, is it not?”
From there, they waltzed through the French doors and on to the dance floor.
“We are flying!” he said.
“See what you have been missing?”
“I would fly away with you, my love.”
He never would have dreamed that dancing with the woman he loved could be as exhilarating as winning a skirmish at sea.
In his carriage on the way back to Shearings, they indulged in more kissing.
“I think we must be married very soon,” Rosalind murmured.
“I will have the banns called on Sunday,” he assured her as he held her close, raining kisses down her neck and bare shoulders. Even a month seemed too long to him.
{ 20 }
FANNY ROSE LATE and before doing another thing, she commenced a letter to her sister.
Dear Sophie,
You are going to be very surprised when I tell you that I am engaged to a wonderful man. I wish you were here so that I could introduce you to him. It is so hard to describe someone I love. Yes, love. And he loves me as well. I have never felt that I had a home before. But now he is my home. And wherever he is, that is where I belong.
Not only does he love me, but he likes me well enough to save me from another scandal. You see, I did go to the theater to audition, despite my firm resolution not to do it. A madness just came over me and, of course, I was caught. By that dreadful rake I told you about. He promised to keep things quiet if I married him, but my captain (known more fully as the Marquis of Deal) had followed me there, and stepped up and told him I was his fiancée.
We have not been together as much as you would suppose, and I was very surprised. I tried to talk him out of it, but he has remained firm. I think the duke and Elise are pleased, even though he is nearly as much of a madcap as I am.
Though I have cared for him, almost from the beginning, (do you remember the sea captain I met in the gardens when I was posing as Ganymede?) I have tried to hold him at a distance. I know that is puzzling, but Elise says we are all vulnerable because of our childhood. I did not want to be hurt.
I really cannot put into words how he makes me feel, because I have never felt this way. I suppose I could say that he makes me feel cherished. He offered for me in spite of all my faults—and he knows them full well. If you can believe it, he stood up for me when the duke was dressing me down. I know that will impress you!
Suddenly, Fanny was impatient with words. Putting down her quill, she wandered to the window and looked down at Elise’s garden. The roses were coming on in earnest now. She threw up the sash so she could smell the fragrance of the climbing rose vines that crawled next to her window. Soon it would be summer. Would she be married by then? A thrill raced through her and she laughed to herself in a sudden spurt of pure joy.
Before she could return to her letter, the duke appeared in her sitting room, his forehead bunched over stormy eyes.
“I have just come from White’s,” he said.
His stern tone alerted her that all was not well. “And . . .?”
“You are ruined, Fanny.”
The blow sent her reeling. Thankfully, there was a chair nearby. She stared at the duke. “What do you mean?”
“Some actress has taken to spreading the story that you auditioned for the part of Rosalind,” the duke said. “That you seek low company. This is serious, Fanny. I can’t allow Deal to take on the burden of your bad reputation when he has done nothing to deserve it. Through no fault of his own, he would be cast out along with you.”
Bowing her head, Fanny bit hard on the sides of her mouth as one emotion after another raced through her. Outrage finally surfaced. “But I did not audition! It is a lie!”
Ruisdell continued, “It is close enough to the truth! It was your intention. You must pack up your things immediately. Elise and I are taking you out of London.”
All her happy musings fell away as though they had never been. “Have you spoken to Buck? Have you discussed it with him?”
“Of course he would stand by you. I know that. But if you care for him, you must teach yourself selflessness. Asking him to bear your disgrace is not what a person in love would do.”
From an affianced, cherished woman, she had become once again the irksome baggage. “I am sorry, Peter. And you are right. Buck should not have to bear this.”
“I am glad you are thinking of someone besides yourself for once,” her brother-in-law said. “This cannot help but affect Elise’s stature in society, as well as Sophie’s come-out next year. If you are not found in town, the rumor’s truthfulness may be questioned and will eventually die a natural death. We are going to Cornwall to stay with the Duke of Beverley’s family. Elise is sending Becky up to help you pack.”
Cornwall! Fanny quelled her tears and raised her chin. Sophie . . . Elise. He is right.
Getting up from her chair, she moved with resignation to follow his guidance. She knew what the duke said was true, but she could not help but feel that Buck would be hurt by her actions. They showed a lack of trust. Remembering the evening they became engaged and later the promises they had made, she crumpled up her letter to Sophie and took a fresh sheet out of her desk drawer.
He should not have to bear this, it was true. But she knew it was also true that he would, and he would not even consider it a sacrifice. He would follow her and leave the gossips to go to the devil.
My dearest Buck,
No doubt you have heard the gossip about me. The duke has persuaded me to leave for Cornwall to stay with the Duke and Duchess of Beverley until the gossip has run its course. This is for the sake of Elise and my sister Sophie who is to make her comeout next year. I just wanted you to know where I have gone. I hope you understand.
My feelings for you are unchanged. If you are still of like mind, please join us in the country. I shall miss you exceedingly.
All my love,
R.
Her heart ached abominably as she gave the note to Becky and persuaded her to leave the packing to her mistress while she walked to Curzon Street to deliver it.
* * *
In what must have been record time, they were soon bowling west out of London in the Ruisdell carriage. Becky, Parker, the children, and their nurse followed behind in another carriage with the luggage.
The duke apparently read her thoughts as she sat with her chin raised, looking out the window while Mayfair passed from view.
“No doubt you are wondering about your fiancé. This may seem hard on him, but he will thank you for it. Remember, we have been friends for many years. As your guardian, I asked him when he offered whether he was in love with you. Buck said that, as yet, he was not.” Ruisdell’s voice was kindly. “I thought it best to conceal our destination from him. Stevens is to tell any callers only that you have gone into the country. I do not doubt that he will try to find you, but you cannot expect him to weather this for your sake. He is far too good-natured for his own good.”
Fanny bowed her head. She could not bring herself to contradict the duke. Her feelings and Buck’s feelings were too private, too personal. She would sound merely childish and impudent if she gainsaid him. She would save that golden hour with Buck inside her heart and remember it all her life.
Fanny clenched her fists until her fingernails cut into her palms. Elise took her sister’s hand and, prying it open, held it in hers. “I am afraid, Fan, that the kindest thing you can do for the poor man is to write and cry off. You know, as a gentleman, he cannot do so.”
Tears stung her eyelids. For the first time in their acquaintance, she found Ruisdell almost hateful. Taking her hand from her sister's, she fumbled for a handkerchief. When she had wiped her eyes, she raised her chin once more. “I will do what is best for the marquis.” And that would not be to release him from the engagement! To do so would be a slap in his face. He may understand her leaving London, but after what had passed between them, he would never accept a broken engagement.
“Good,” the duke said.
“Why are we going to Cornwall and not Ruisdell Palace?” Fanny asked.
“You know the duke and duchess of Beverley,” Elise answered. “They have just left town for their seat in Cornwall. Before leaving, they invited us to stay with them any time we found we needed an escape from London. They were only speaking figuratively of course. Little did we imagine we should need to take them up on their offer in a literal sense.”
She hoped Buck would come for her. Would his doing so make her sister an enemy? Gloom settled upon her unlike anything she had known in years. “Do not think us cruel, Fan,” Elise said. “We had very little time in which to formulate a plan, but we did think this the best alternative. You remember that the duchess is a playwright?”
“Yes,” Fanny said, studying her hands in her lap.
“She told me that she is setting up amateur theatricals in their parish in order to raise money for the orphanage they patronize. It will be quite unobjectionable for you to act in something of that nature, dear.”
Though she would have welcomed such a diversion only yesterday, now its appeal was hollow. What a child they thought her! How could they possibly think that they could offer her a sweet to soothe her for doing the enormous thing they were asking of her?
It was almost impossible to contain her outrage. Looking for some outlet for her feelings, she took off her bonnet and methodically began stripping it of all its ribbons and flowers.
Elise looked from her to the Duke, her eyes round. However, Ruisdell was lost in his newspaper. Her sister said nothing.
{ 21 }
BUCK DECIDED TO PAY A LATE MORNING VISIT to White’s the next day for breakfast. He was to meet Rosalind that afternoon to call on her vicar about the banns. As he strolled thence, he was happy to see it was a bright day with no threat of showers.
He was beginning to be accustomed to the comforting smell of cigars and coffee that greeted him upon entering the gentleman’s club. Reflecting that his life was changing apace, he saw that Westringham was hailing him from across the elegantly appointed subscription room. The look on his face was one that his captain had only seen during the confusion of battle.
“I say, Captain. I’ve heard the rumor. Can I credit it?”
“Yes. I am really to be married to my Rosalind.”
All the color drained from Westringham’s face.
“Sorry, old man,” Buck said. “I know you fancied her, but we’ve known each other a long time. I think it was inevitable, to tell you the truth.”
“But don’t you know?”
Dread seized Buck. What was this? He cocked his head to one side.
“She’s no better than she should be after all! She’s diddled you.”
“What are you talking of, Clark?”
“She is an actress!”
“Not a professional,” he said.
“But she auditioned for As You Like It, just as she told me she would when she deceived me with that ghastly veil.”
“She didn’t,” he said firmly. Alarm coursed through him. Had Warmsby double crossed him? “Where did you hea
r this unconscionable tale?”
“Alverstoke. His mistress plays at the Covent Garden Theater. She heard it from the actress who won the part of Rosalind.”
Stunned, Buck could only stare at his friend. Finally, he said, “There was never an audition. That woman has put it about to increase her own consequence.”
“You’re going to have a hard time scotching this rumor. Miss Edwards has too many disappointed suitors who are eager to find out she has feet of clay. She is the talk of White’s.”
Buck turned around and exited the club. While the scandal did not change his intentions, he had a sinking feeling that it would change Rosalind’s.
When Buck arrived at Shearings, it was to see the crested carriage of the Duke of Ruisdell proceeding away from the house. Dread seized him. Rosalind is in that coach. They are taking her away!
The butler, Stevens, told him in formal accents that the duke and duchess had gone into the country with Miss Edwards. No, he did not know when they were planning to return.
Buck stood looking at the closed door, minus its knocker. The sun seemed to darken, and rage overtook him. How could Rosalind leave him over something she knew would not bother him a whit? Or was this Ruisdell’s doing?
As he turned his footsteps toward his rooms, the familiar sounds of hoofbeats and harnesses, drays and hawkers faded into some other dimension. His anger only grew. Blast Ruisdell to the devil! Why had he been so high-handed? Buck had had every intention of standing by his Rosalind!
His mind moved back to recall their promises and their embraces. Rosalind was not some youngster to be punished. She was a grown woman, somewhat high-spirited, it was true, but Ruisdell would not even treat a horse this way!
The proud, independent girl he had come to know had melted willingly in his arms. His natural desire to protect had increased one hundredfold. And she had accepted his protection gratefully, all her little bristles laid flat. It occurred to him that she had probably never had her own champion. Instead she had been raised by a parent who had attacked her. It had made her strong and a bit belligerent. But that did not mean that she wouldn’t welcome someone who would have her best interests at heart. She had welcomed him. And now they were parted. She would bear this disgrace without him. Her sister probably thought she was doing the best thing for Rosalind. Neither Elise nor the duke understood the depth of his feelings. But Rosalind knew. He thanked God for that. She may have been helpless to stop their flight, but they did not have the power to make her forget him.
Rescuing Rosalind (Three Original Ladies and Their Gentlemen) Page 11