He almost didn’t want to take a bite, not wanting to please Josiah in the slightest. But his hunger was overwhelming, and he reluctantly took a bite, hiding the pleasure in his face as the sweet and savory flavors rolled over his tongue, the warm stew instantly reviving him. It had a strange familiarity to it, and it reminded him of the stew he often made himself. He realized just how much he had taken away from him when he had left the Lost Shadows.
“She’s stronger than you think,” Josiah said as he watched him eat. Rowan kept eating. “I understand why you care for her so much.”
“I can’t tell how much of that is true,” Rowan said. “I’ve hurt Mia plenty of times.”
“How so? If you don’t mind me asking?” Josiah said. He had a warm presence about him, which annoyed Rowan to no end. The Lost Shadows alpha always knew how to discuss a problem; how to make each pack member feel special. Trying to get closer to Rowan, bringing him food, and talking softly to him, were all just tactics to try to pry information from him.
Regardless of his tactics, Rowan felt as though he were at a loss. These thoughts would only haunt him more unless he could give himself up to Josiah. For once, he would have to give him what he wanted. Cooperation.
“When I first turned,” Rowan began. “I left Mia behind. I didn’t want to, but my parents thought it was best for me. They told me we could always come back. But I was angry, then, and out of control. The wolf was just finding its footing, trying to attach itself to me.”
“A genuinely straining process, I know,” Josiah said.
Rowan almost wanted to stop. He hated how fake Josiah sounded whenever he tried to talk calmly to him. It made him feel like a child again.
“Mia was hurt. All because I wasn’t there,” Rowan said. “She met Grey and he did terrible things to her. Now she’s going out to fight him and once again I can’t even help her.” He could feel his jaw trembling, but he wouldn’t allow himself to cry.
Josiah adjusted in his seat, avoiding Rowan’s gaze. Rowan knew he could feel the tension between them growing. Josiah leaned forward, clasping his fingers together.
“Do you remember what I said to you while you were training with the Lost Shadows?” He asked.
Rowan looked down at his bowl, almost empty now. “You said this wouldn’t be as easy as I thought,” he said.
“That’s true,” Josiah said. “But I also told you something else.”
Rowan searched his mind. Somewhere, there was a door that he had never opened. It waited there, urging him to open it. But Rowan was too afraid. He'd only let the small shadows slip out from underneath, the memories of his accident, how frustrated he had felt from the Lost Shadows' teachings, and how he had attacked that young girl a while ago.
But this time would be different. Rowan had never dared to question it, but he wondered at that moment what would happen if he were to open that door. He took a moment, racking his brain for the events that took place in that home.
A teenage Rowan stood outside of an enormous mountain home, tucked far away into the mountains of West Virginia. He had only a small bag of clothes and belongings, the things his parents would let him keep once they had told him to leave their home and pursue his new life as a shifter. He remembered how heavy his knock had sounded on the large front door, as he clutched the ancient and mysterious metal ring.
It swung open, and there stood Josiah, a tall and muscular man at the time. His short hair was graying at the ends, and he had an aura of power surrounding him. Josiah welcomed a reluctant Rowan with open arms. He introduced him to what would have become Rowan's new family if he had only tried a little harder to let them take him in.
There were plenty of other shifters, learning just as he was; adapting to their new environment. He ate with them and watched how close everyone was with one another. They truly were a band of misfits, from all the corners of the world and gathered under one roof. But Rowan felt cold. He felt like he could never be a part of them, and that he saw shifting for what it truly was, living with a chronic monster lurking inside of him every single day, always pestering him to come out.
His training began soon after. Day after day, he was singled out from the others as he was brought into the basement of the home. It had been converted into a training room, an empty wolf-proof space with hard floors and scratched up walls. Josiah pushed him, harder and harder each day, but Rowan just couldn’t get the wolf under control. He would stay as a wolf for hours at a time, sometimes having to stay in the wolf-room until he could shift back. He believed he was a danger to the rest of the Lost Shadows.
Rowan followed his trail of thoughts as he wandered the path beyond the door in his mind. In a way, it was liberating to think through these memories, and he was startled to find that they weren't as painful as he had thought. But then he had arrived at a darker place. It had been years and Rowan wasn't making any progress. Josiah had sat with him. He had found him sitting on the roof, overlooking the mountains and the lights of the nearest mountain town glowing in the distance. Rowan longed to be back with them, to enjoy civilization once again as a regular human being.
Rowan remembered that night, crystal clear, unlike his other memories. He remembered the breeze on his face, Josiah’s heavy presence near him as he had tried to comfort him. Rowan remembered how hard he had tried to block out Josiah’s words. Little did that younger Rowan know that it would be just hours after that conversation that he would attack the girl, walking back from her friend’s house through the woods.
Rowan forced himself back to reality. He had allowed himself to sift through the worst in his mind. All that was left behind was a small pearl of wisdom, one that he wouldn't allow himself to see before. He was angry and reckless then, and a strange tug in his chest suggested that for once, he put those thoughts aside. He looked at Josiah, allowing his heart to be fully open to him for the first time.
“You said it would always be a part of me,” Rowan said, his face growing warm. “And that the true beauty of shifting is not that we can shift…”
“But because we can coexist as both human and animal,” Josiah finished. “The wolf is not a monster. Yes, it’s a predatory animal, but it is also amongst one of the most intelligent creatures on this Earth.”
Rowan sat further back on his cot. Slowly, the pieces seemed to fall into place. He had been too angry to see them before, always pushing them from his mind. After he had made a mistake by attacking that girl, he had accepted that he would be a monster forever. But now, with Josiah here to remind him, there was so much more to shifting that he would have seen earlier if only he were more accepting.
“I’m sorry,” Rowan said. “I think I owe you an apology for everything.”
“Everyone makes mistakes in their past,” Josiah said. “But only the bravest people will accept that they have a future.”
“What do you mean?” Rowan asked.
Josiah smiled knowingly at him. “I mean, that there is something in your past that’s keeping you from what you truly love the most. What that is, though, is up to you, and what you choose to believe is truly important.”
His words felt thick in the air. Rowan could feel himself breathing them in. They settled on the back of his mind, creating a strangely calming effect. He felt as if something was unlocked inside of him.
"I'll leave you alone now," Josiah said in a joking tone. "I have lectured you long enough."
Strangely, Rowan was almost tempted to ask him to stay, to share more of his knowledge that was long overdue. But before he could say anything Josiah gave him a clever smile and left the tent, the large flaps closing behind him and leaving Rowan alone with his new thoughts.
Somewhere inside of him, the wolf was stirring. It seemed to stare at him through his mind's eye. At first, Rowan was made anxious by its presence. But he remembered what Josiah had said to him. Rowan was afraid of the wolf. He had tried too hard to keep it satisfied, only so it would leave him alone. But he could never escape that it was a par
t of him. The wolf seemed to be settled, perhaps because they were injured from the hunters before. He welcomed the wolf, and for the first time since he had lain bloody and battered on the forest floor fifteen years ago, he felt a strange peace washing over him.
The peace was disturbed, however, by a sudden chorus of howls from outside. He thought they sounded familiar. The Lost Shadows had plenty of signals while they were out, all communicated through howls. They could find each other faster, spread messages when they were separated, but most importantly let each other know when there was danger.
Rowan was able to recognize it in a flash. It was a rallying cry, a warning. Enemies and danger were close by. Rowan ripped his blanket from over him, his half-naked body quickly losing warmth as he stepped carefully towards the tent flaps.
The cries were louder, and soon he could make out the whimpering and yelps that others were getting hurt. Rowan felt an overwhelming duty to protect them. But when he tried to open the flaps, a figure hurried inside almost colliding with the cot.
It was Tex, the now youngest of the pack since Rowan had left. He was just a teen, much as Rowan had been when he joined the Lost Shadows. He was new to everything, and still thinking that he was a monster as Rowan had thought. Tex looked up at Rowan with terrified eyes, his forehead dripping with sweat.
“We’re being attacked!” He cried as he trembled on the floor of the tent.
“Who’s out there?” Rowan asked.
“I don’t know,” Tex said in a panic. “Another pack found us! I tried to find Josiah but—“he began to hyperventilate and Rowan felt sorry for him.
He pulled apart the tent flaps to peek outside. Sure enough, the camp was being ransacked by wolves. He watched as the other Lost Shadows shifted to fight back.
He needed to help his pack, but his first thought was Mia. She was still out there somewhere, and he had a feeling that this pack were here looking for her. That meant that amongst those wolves, sinking their teeth into the rest of his pack, Grey was sure to be lurking. Rowan felt overcome with rage. The wolf inside of him was prodding him to be violent, and for the second time other than wanting to mate, Rowan was glad to oblige it.
“Wait!” Tex cried out as Rowan was about to step into the camp. Rowan turned to see Tex rocking back and forth on the ground, his knees brought up to his chest.
“Please don’t leave me here,” he said quietly. Rowan felt a tug, an overpowering urge to leave Tex to find Mia. But he looked down at the young boy, frightened. It was a sight all too familiar.
Rowan bent down beside him, looking back at the tent. He knew the urgency of the matter, but it would be no good to the Lost Shadows if there was a casualty he knew he could have prevented.
"Hey, you okay?" Rowan said calmly. He reached a hand out, grasping onto Tex's arm. Tex shook his head. He was on the brink of tears.
As Rowan looked into his eyes, he felt as though he were talking to his younger self. He thought of all the words he wished he had listened to while he was training.
“Tell me what’s going on,” he said to Tex.
“I can’t shift!” Tex cried in a panic. “I tried but I’m too scared. I can’t! I just can’t!”
Rowan shushed him, giving his arm another squeeze to help keep him grounded.
“Listen, I know it’s pretty crazy out there,” Rowan said firmly. “But I need you to focus on me for a second, okay?”
Tex nodded, his eyes flooding with tears.
“You can’t shift because you’re too freaked out,” he explained. He took several deep breaths with Tex until he had managed to calm down.
Rowan was glad he could help him. He could feel his own energy improving just by assisting this new shifter in front of him. Slowly but surely, Tex was able to shake himself into his transformation, with Rowan talking him through the process carefully. He was pleased to see Tex calmly shift into his wolf form. Tex growled at Rowan in warning, but Rowan gently shushed him, knowing that Tex was still young and angry as a new wolf. He stepped aside, letting Tex take off running towards the camp, rushing for the nearest enemy by the fire.
Rowan scanned the clusters of fur and teeth, engaging in a fierce battle, out in the middle of the woods. He found what he was looking for. On the edge of the clearing surrounded by two other wolves was an enormous wolf with a menacing glare and dark brindled fur, red and peppered with inky black specks. His eyes seemed to stare straight into Rowan's.
Grey.
Rowan stepped out into the campsite, ignoring the crying and growling wolves colliding into one another. The only human in sight, he walked past the chaos, past the roaring fire and straight towards the wolf that had instantly become his enemy. He never let his gaze falter as he stepped over a fallen log. He could feel the wolf begging to be let out, and Rowan felt a sense of unity with it. He was a man, and an animal, and on this night he would finally let them meet.
With his muscles only slightly twitching, and his skin bubbling over his entire body, Rowan shifted perfectly for the first time. He bared his glossy white teeth at Grey as he rushed for him. Both he and the wolf longed for a taste of the enemy's flesh.
CHAPTER 19: PROTECTOR
“Oh my God…” Kara exclaimed as she looked down into the clearing. Mia stayed hidden behind a tree as she watched the chaos unfolding before her. She felt regret seeping into her, knowing that if only she had stayed there might have been something else she could have done. Then again, Grey and his pack would only find the Lost Shadows faster.
“I need to go down there,” Mia said. “I know they’re here for me.”
Kara looked at her as if she were crazy. “You’re not serious, are you?” She asked. “You’ll be torn to shreds if you’re not a shifter!”
“But maybe they’ll leave the rest of the pack alone,” Mia retorted. “It could be the only way to stop this.”
A wolf bounded up the hill, its fur white and flecked with grey. It collapsed on the leaves next to Kara and Mia, exhausted as it shifted back into Shay.
“There’s a lot of them,” she said, her breath heavy. Kara leaned down beside her, tenderly brushing Shay’s forehead.
“Oh shit! Look,” she said, pulling her hand away. Blood was trickling from a gash above Shay’s eyebrow.
Shay winced. “It’s fine,” she said, but Kara looked skeptical.
“Doesn’t look fine to me,” Kara said. Mia tried not to watch as Kara placed her hand gently on Shay’s cheek.
“Let me take this next round. Okay?” Kara said in a more gentle tone. Shay was about to protest, but she clasped her hand around Kara’s and nodded with determination. The scene tugged at Mia’s chest, and she thought of where Rowan could be. She could see his tent still holding up on the edge of the camp, surrounded by fighting wolves.
“I can’t see Rowan from here,” Mia said. “I’m going with you.” Before Kara could say anything, Mia has thrown herself from the hill and into the clearing, bracing herself against the leaves as she slid quickly towards another tree. She was getting closer now, her sights aiming for the tent.
With Kara following quietly behind, they kept sliding until they reached the bottom of the mound, and then they crept closer towards the tent. Kara lifted up the back, allowing Mia to slide under the tarp-like fabric and into the tent. To her surprise, it was empty.
“Rowan’s gone,” she said to Kara.
Kara rolled her eyes. “Always running away, that one,” she said, annoyed.
Mia thought the sounds were far more terrifying up close. Without even looking, she could see the teeth glaring and the claws shredding as wolves collapsed into violent heaps out in the clearing. She almost felt too scared to leave the tent, but she knew now that Rowan was out there somewhere, and that he could have shifted just moments before she arrived.
Without another thought, Mia ripped open the tent flaps and bounded outside.
Mia, wait!" Kara cried out, but Mia had a mission of her own. The cabin was just a distraction for her, just Grey
trying to freak her out and assert his dominance over her, but Mia wasn't going to let him chain her down any further.
Reaching into her pocket, her hand clasped around the leathery covering on the object she had been carrying, given to her by Josiah. A silver knife. She scanned the campsite, looking for any hint of Rowan. Suddenly, she was knocked onto her side with incredible force. She reached out to catch herself, and the knife flew into the air and landed in a pile of leaves nearby. Mia panicked as she turned to see herself face to face with a large wolf.
"Grey?" She asked as she stared into its eyes. But she had a strange feeling that it wasn't him. She crawled clumsily backward, her eyes locked with the monster’s in front of her. The wolf bared its teeth at her, its jaws slowly opening, to strike at her throat.
An earth-shattering roar cut through the forest as something large bounded for them. Brian, in his massive bear body, knocked himself straight into the wolf. The wolf rolled against the leaves with a terrified yelp. It lowered its ears as Brian crept towards it, sweeping a massive paw into the wolf’s face. Mia looked away, not wanting to see the damage that the bear had done.
Another wolf approached them, who Mia recognized as Kara. Kara nudged at Mia to stand, helping her to her feet.
“Thanks,” Mia said. “Both of you.”
Brian shook his head from side to side as he sniffed at Kara next to him. Kara did the same, acknowledging that their alliance was safe.
“We need to find Rowan,” Mia told them. “I’m not sure you can understand me or not.” Kara nudged at Mia again, as if to assure her that she understood. She turned towards the fire and ran. Brian followed. Mia ran behind them, trying to catch up. She had to step aside as the wolves fought around her, almost finding herself getting snatched up in a wild pair of jaws with every other step.
It was if she were running down a hallway with knives slashing at her every which way, waiting to cut into her skin and make her bleed all throughout the forest. As the path seemed to clear before them, Brian roared again. They had found what they had been looking for.
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