I was cleaning glasses when the thought hit me. I would save money, enough money to get me out of Cannon forever. I didn't know where I'd go—somewhere bigger, but beyond that, it didn't matter. First I would need to save, and from there I'd formulate the rest of the plan as needed.
Even as I planned a new life, I couldn’t shake the fear that I would almost certainly fail. I had nothing to offer the world outside of Cannon, and barely anything to offer in Cannon. What would I even do?
I chewed over these thoughts for the rest of my shift. Then, tired in more ways than one, I climbed into my car and motored over to the motel that had become my home and sanctuary. Donnie's house was much nicer and fancier in almost every way, but that didn't bother me a lick. I was happiest when I was with my fighter in our little hideaway, where we could watch TV and pig out on snacks in peace.
Even still, I couldn't force a smile as I walked through the door. Jack looked up from the couch, where he'd been reading, and furrowed his brow.
"Everything okay?" He got to his feet and crossed the room, gathering me in his arms.
"Fine," I lied.
I couldn't tell him. I wished I could. He would have all the right words to reassure me that I wasn't a waste of space in the world, that I had more to offer than just bartending and a broken past. But as soon as I thought about letting him in on my little plan of almost certain failure, the words died in my throat.
I was on my own in this world. I always had been, and likely always would be. Just because Jack was here now didn't mean he was going to stick around. Just because I wanted him forever, didn't mean he wanted me forever too.
Chapter 20
Jack
“Okay, now hold your hands out," I instructed. "And whatever you do, don't open your eyes."
Melissa did as instructed. One of the things I loved about her was that she was very good at taking instructions. Maybe later I'd play with that a little, but for now, I had something else I wanted to give her.
I pulled the rectangular box from behind my back and placed it onto her outstretched palms.
"Okay, open."
Melissa's eyes flicked open and she looked at the object in her hands. Her lips curved into a smile, but it was a weak one. "You got me paint," she observed.
"I know it's not much..." I scratched the back of my head nervously, self-conscious about her lack of enthusiasm.
"No, baby it's great." Melissa leaned over and pecked me on the cheek. "Thank you. I can't wait to get started on it."
"I just noticed you haven't been drawing much recently and you said you would paint if you had paint… I thought it might help inspire you," I offered.
"I'm sure it will. That's great. Are you all ready to go?"
"Yeah, basically," I answered, trying not to sound as deflated as I felt.
It had taken Melissa over a week to reveal how much she loved art, and only then because I'd stumbled on her doodling on some napkins at work. Apparently, Donnie had done a number on her in that regard, and even though she was talented, he'd always discouraged her from pursuing her passion. Melissa didn't even consider it a passion because she never thought she'd be good enough to do anything with it. She was wrong, of course, and I hoped if I kept encouraging her, it would only be a matter of time before she figured that out for herself.
Maybe I was overstepping my boundaries with the gift. Why was I so useless at shit like this? All I was trying to do was cheer her up a bit since she'd been in a rut for days now. She would deny it if I brought it up, but something was bothering my girl, and nothing I did seemed to help.
Today's outing was an example of me meeting my wit's end in my attempts to cheer her up—the Fall Fair. It was a cheesy date idea, but it was hard to be unhappy when surrounded by laughter and music and screams of joy. Now I was beginning to wonder if I should just call the whole thing quits and suggest a movie marathon instead, but she seemed enthusiastic about it. We spent so much of our time in our room together. We both needed to get out.
I pulled on a shirt and turned to the door, where Melissa was waiting. Someone rapped forcefully on the wood.
I dropped all thoughts of fun and games and strode for the door, putting a possessive arm across Melissa's shoulders to guide her away.
"It could be Donnie," I murmured.
"And you don't think I can deal with him?"
"Of course you can," I said, kissing her on the cheek. "But I'm not taking any chances."
I pulled on the handle, fully expecting to see the smug prick's face. What I got instead was a bushy mane of sandy hair.
"Jack!" my sister squealed, tackling me in a hug.
"Oof." I caught her, spinning her in a circle before setting her back on the ground. "Jeez, way to give a guy a heart attack."
"I'm glad to see you too," she tutted. Her wide hazel eyes swung to Melissa and Sadie grinned. "You must be Melissa! I've heard so much about you!"
"And you must be Sadie," Melissa greeted.
Before she could say anything more, Sadie enveloped her in a friendly hug as well. Melissa clapped her awkwardly on the back and backed out of it a second later.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
Sadie let out a great sigh and pushed her way into the room. "Ugh, you would not believe the week I've had. I swear to god one of my professors is out to kill me with all the homework she assigns. So I thought hey, why not visit my big brother and I can finally meet the mystery girl in his life. And here I am." She finished with a flourish of her hands as she dropped her bag onto the floor. "You're cool if I sleep on your couch, right?"
Fuck. I looked over to Melissa, nervous about how she would take all this. Sadie could be a lot to handle, and she'd just muscled her way into our little life without any warning while Mel was already in a bad mood. This could be disastrous.
Surprisingly enough, Melissa laughed and nodded enthusiastically. "I can't wait to hear all about what Jack was like as a kid! I have this theory that he was secretly a little sweetheart and he's just too tough to admit it."
"Not quite a little sweetheart, but I'm sure I've got a few tales to tickle your funny bone."
"We were actually on our way out," I interrupted before Sadie could reveal anything I couldn't take back. Not that I knew what the devious little thing had up her sleeve. "We're going to the town's Fall Fair if you wanted to come."
"A small-town Fall Fair?" Sadie made a show of cleaning her glasses on her shirt and putting them back on with a determined expression. "I wouldn't miss it for the world, big brother. Not for the freaking world."
"Great, it's settled." Melissa grinned and threaded her arm through mine. “Cannon doesn’t have much of a social calendar, but the fair is the highlight.”
I hadn't seen Melissa in such a buoyant mood all week. I never thought that my saving grace would be my annoying kid sister.
"To the fair!" Sadie declared, thrusting a finger into the air like she was a seasoned general on her final battlefield.
I rolled my eyes. It was going to be an interesting day.
"Sadie, no."
"Um naw a dah."
"What?"
Sadie finished chewing her mouthful of popcorn. "I'm not a dog,” she argued. “You can’t tell me no.”
I folded my arms and looked down at her imperiously. “You’ve already had popcorn and mini donuts. Cotton candy’s just going to make you sick.”
Melissa snickered. “He’s so bossy.”
Sadie turned to her, wide-eyed. “Right? It’s like he thinks he’s the king of everything.” She looked back at me and, with a smug turn of her lips, shoved another handful of popcorn into her mouth.
I glared at her as she chewed.
“I’m in college now, Jack. You wouldn’t believe the kind of shit I get up to, and I won’t tell you because I don’t want you to get your dainty panties in a twist.”
Bits of popcorn flew everywhere while she spoke and I grimaced. “Disgusting.”
“Says the guy who spent
years two through twenty-two covered in dirt.”
“I did not.”
She stuck her lip out. “Did too.”
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
“Did not!”
“Paxtons!” Melissa yelled, getting between us and forcing us apart. She made a great referee. “Everybody relax for a second.”
Sadie and I both burst into laughter. We'd never been able to stay mad at each other for more than a few minutes on the worst of days, and we weren't even really arguing. I missed my sister when she wasn't around, but I was glad to see she was still her normal, bratty self.
“You think they’d teach you not to be so stupid in college,” I said, reaching around Melissa to smack Sadie in the arm.
“And you’d think having a girlfriend would have made you a little more cultured,” she retorted, also reaching around Melissa to smack me in the arm.
Melissa glared up at me. I offered up an expression that I hoped was suitably chastened.
“What are we going to do now?” Sadie asked. “Besides getting me cotton candy, of course. It’s not a proper fair unless I leave with a fatter ass than I came in with.”
I rolled my eyes. Sadie was a curvy girl, always had been, and she’d always been very proud of the size of her rear in particular. I guess it was something she got teased about in middle school, and with true Sadie grace she’d managed to turn that negative experience into a positive one by owning her curves. I had no problem with that. I was proud of how confident she was. I would have a problem, however, with her getting neon-pink vomit all over our tiny bathroom.
“We could hit up the midway,” Melissa suggested. “Maybe afterward we could see about another couple of rides? I’ve been eyeing that Ferris wheel.”
Sadie snorted, and I sent her a warning look but, as she always did, she ignored it.
“You won’t get my brother on a Ferris wheel.”
Melissa cocked her head to the side, eyeing me with interest. “Why not?”
Sadie beamed. “He’s terrified of them. We went on one together when I was what…four? Five?” She looked to me for help, but I merely glared. Sadie laughed and continued. “He was in his teens in any case. And he bawled like a baby the entire time.”
“I did not!”
“Did too!”
I growled with frustration. "I'm not starting this again. And I didn't cry." I caught Melissa's eye. "I was a little bit upset. I don't like heights, and I'd never been on a Ferris wheel before."
Melissa's expression melted into pure goodness, and she took my hand. "That's okay. Everybody is afraid of something." She tossed a saucy wink to Sadie. "We can hold your hand and get you through it."
I jerked my hand away, and the two girls descended into giggles, Sadie spilling popcorn everywhere. Much as I didn't appreciate the teasing, and I would get Melissa back for it later, I loved seeing them get on the way they did. They were the two most important women in my life, and them being friends could only be a good thing.
We headed toward the midway, and I had to drag Sadie back in line when she bobbed off to get some cotton candy.
"If you want some you can get it later," I reasoned.
She pouted, but she knew I was right and let me guide her away.
My phone rang, and I looked at the screen, ready to ignore it. I saw it was my boss, however, and stopped the girls so I could answer it before we reached the chaos of the midway.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jack, it’s Neil.”
Neil did not sound happy.
"Hey, Neil, what's up?"
"Looks like some vandals got onto the job site sometime last night or today, I don't know. Anyway, the place is a fucking mess. There's spray paint, busted walls, and they fuckin' TP'd the place." He sighed. "Think you could come around and help me clean it up? I can't leave it like this."
The girls were watching me expectantly, and it broke my heart, but I couldn't leave Neil in a bind. He'd been good to me so far when he had no reason to, and I wanted to be the best worker I could be.
“Sure. I’ll be there in twenty.”
"Great. Thanks, kid."
I hung up the phone and ran a hand through my hair, wincing. "I've gotta go into work."
“What happened?”
I relayed what Neil had told me, and the girls were horrified.
“That sucks balls,” Sadie said. She turned to Melissa. “Do you want to stay at the fair for a bit longer? No reason we have to leave just because Jack’s gotta go be a hero.”
Melissa looked at me, then back to Sadie. “I don’t see any reason why not.” She fished in her pockets and pulled out her car keys, passing them to me. “You can borrow my car. It’s not a far walk back from here.”
I was hesitant to accept. I didn't like the idea of the pair of them walking home in the dark without me, but they weren't children. I grabbed the keys, kissed Melissa, and hit the road.
Chapter 21
Melissa
"Well, what first?" I asked, turning to face Sadie. She looked so much like Jack, from the devilish tilt of her lips to the hazel eyes that seemed to swallow the light around them. Sadie's nose was also a perfect copy of Jack's, though without the crick in it. She was gorgeous, and I envied her curves. I hoped the two of us could become friends and it was looking like that was a strong possibility.
"Ferris wheel?" she asked hopefully.
I laughed. "Let's do it."
Though we'd been heading toward the midway, I didn't feel like winning a giant stuffed bear anymore if I didn't have Jack to win it for me. Stupid, I know.
We walked over to the Ferris wheel and stepped into line, chatting the whole way.
"So you and Jack have quite the age difference, right? Ten years or something like that?"
"Ten years almost exactly," Sadie confirmed.
"And what was that like growing up?"
She mulled the question over for a minute, finally giving a noncommittal shrug. "Fine, I guess. We didn't play together or anything like that, but he was always there for me and seemed impossibly old for most of my life. He's a good brother and made a great guardian after my mom died."
"He told me about that. I'm sorry for your loss."
Sadie waved away my pity as the carnie ushered us into a carriage and the bar was strapped down over our laps.
"From what I understand, you didn't even have parents. Or any siblings. That can't have been easy."
I chuckled. "Having no family makes Christmas a lot simpler."
The wheel began to turn, and air rushed past my face, tousling my hair and tickling my cheeks.
"Well, you've got us now," Sadie replied, staring out over the fairgrounds as we rose higher and higher into the air.
It warmed my heart. When we reached the top of the Ferris wheel, Cannon in its entirety spread out just beyond the fairgrounds, and I realized how small my life had been before Jack came into it. No family. Small town problems. No drive to do anything else. My life was still small, but I was making steps every day to pursue something else, and eventually I would have enough money to get out of here for good and seek my happiness. I hoped that happiness would include Jack, but it was still too early to tell if I could trust him as much as I wanted to—if he was in this with me or if I was making fanciful notions alone. Sadie's words brought comfort and helped me believe that this was long-term and that I'd found something in Jack that I could build a life on.
"I appreciate that," I said finally. "I really, really do."
"And I appreciate how happy you've made my brother. I've never seen him like this."
I glanced over in surprise. "Really?"
"Really." Sadie nodded emphatically. "He's always been quick to crack a joke, but there's been this underlying bitterness lingering since around the time mom got sick that he just hasn't found a way over yet. When he's with you, that part of his personality seems lighter, like it's being erased." She shrugged. "I suppose love will do that to people."
We'd never discussed the L word, which wasn't a bad thing since we'd only been going out for a couple of weeks now. I didn't tell Donnie I loved him until we'd been dating for six months. Then again, what Jack and I had felt different. It was more passionate. More intense. Deeper. Just being near him was enough to put my body on high alert, and I missed him every second we weren't together. I felt almost pathetic for it, but I was trying to remind myself that it was okay to love and it was good to feel something so positive.
I didn't respond to Sadie's comment, mostly because I didn't know what to say. Instead, we fell into silence next to each other, gently swinging with each brush of the wind, staring out at the lights of the fair and the town just beyond it.
After the Ferris wheel, Sadie pulled me onto the Tilt-a-Whirl. After the Tilt-a-Whirl, I found the nearest bench and plonked down on it with my head between my knees.
Sadie sat next to me and ran a hand over my back in comforting circles. I tensed up at first, but soon relaxed my shoulders when I found I quite enjoyed it. It was soothing, and I needed some of that to combat the nausea threatening to ruin my night.
"Mom used to get nauseous a lot, as I'm sure you can imagine," Sadie told me in a low, airy voice. "She tried not to let on how much she was suffering, which for the most part worked in my case." She chuckled. "Hell, I was like six the first time, and I had no idea what was going on. So when Mom said she wasn't eating because she'd already eaten earlier, I believed her. Jack didn't though."
The story was helping, giving me something to focus on as I overcame the motion sickness. I was so embarrassed that I was reacting like this in the first place, but Sadie was acting like it was the most minor of inconveniences, and that she dealt with shit like this all the time. It helped.
"I didn't know about this for a long time, but she was too nauseous to sleep sometimes, and she would stay up all night in bed, miserable and alone. After my brother discovered she was doing that, he started bringing his blanket and pillow into her room at night. He would sit in her armchair and stay there until morning just to keep her company, even if he couldn't keep his eyes open the whole time. She tried to get him not to but, Jack being Jack, he didn't listen."
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