by Jay McLean
I looked at my mom. She was watching us with a frown on her face. I held more tightly on to Chloe. Mom mouthed, “I’m sorry.” And I knew she wasn’t just talking about Dad, she was talking about Chloe and how much she obviously meant to me. And she was sorry that soon it would all be over.
Chloe pulled out of my hold and made her way over to her shirt, silently shrugging it on before going to Mom and hugging her good-bye. Then she walked to my car and waited for me to catch up.
“You want to go somewhere and hang out?” I asked her as we pulled out of the driveway.
“No. I just want to go home,” she said, looking down at her lap.
“Sure?”
“Yeah, Blake, I’m sure.”
After dropping Chloe off, I didn’t really feel like being in the house with my asshole dad, so I went out to the guesthouse.
“How long?” Mom asked, handing me a drink and sitting on the couch opposite me.
“Four weeks.”
She frowned. “I’m sorry, Blake.”
“I don’t know what to do, Ma. I’m just not ready to let her go.”
Mom sighed. “Just ask yourself this: If you could describe your days with Chloe as black or red, what would it be?”
I smiled, remembering how she used to tell me about red- and black-letter days. Black-letter days had negative impact. Like when you got news of someone’s death. A red-letter day was the opposite of black. A positive experience or something unexpectedly phenomenal.
“Red,” I told her. “Definitely red.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Chloe
“How did it go?”
Dean grinned. “Great.” He ruffled Harry’s hair. “It’s official. Harry’s ours. He’s stuck with us for life now.”
Harry contained his smile and tried to move away from Dean.
“That’s awesome, Harry.”
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “I guess.”
“So. I was wondering if you still had that big gear bag from when you did karate last year?”
His face fell instantly. “Yeah, why?”
“I don’t have a bag big enough for when I leave. I was wondering if I could have it?”
“It’s in my room,” he bit out. “I’ll go get it.”
And then he left the kitchen, thumping loudly up each step to get to his room.
“What’s with him?” I asked Dean, just as the sound of a door slamming shut echoed through the house.
“I think you should talk to him, Chloe. I think there’s a lot he’s not telling you.”
I knocked twice on Harry’s door before entering. A single step in, and a bag was hurled at my head. I ducked right in time to avoid being hit. “Whoa. What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing.” His nostrils flared, and a snarl appeared. “Just take the bag and fuck off already.”
My eyebrows pinched as I took in his state. He stood at the foot of his bed, with his hands fisted at his sides. “Dude, what the hell?” I stepped farther into his room. I wasn’t going to let up until I knew what was going on.
“Seriously, I don’t even care about you right now. You’re leaving in a week, and you’ve barely been around. You’re always out with that Blake jerk, or he’s always here. He’s not even part of the family. You know that, right? We are. We’re your family.” His voice broke, but he kept going, his tone getting harsher with every single word. “Do you even think about me? I’ve been here for years. You’re my sister. Not his.”
Before I could speak, Harry added, “You know what? I know about you—and about your mom’s cancer, and your aunt, too. I know that Mary and Dean asked to adopt you, and you told them no. And I don’t get it. Mary and Dean—they love you.” He paused for a beat. “I love you, Chloe, and you don’t even care.”
I blew out a breath and took a seat on his bed, physically weakened by the impact of his words.
“Don’t!” he yelled, pulling me off his bed. “Don’t even think about getting comfortable in here. I don’t want you here. Just like you don’t want me. One week, Chloe. One week, and you’re gone.” His hands were firm against my back as he pushed me through his door and out of his room.
I turned to him just as his hand curled around the edge of the door.
His face was red, fueled by his pent-up rage. “So just do it, Chloe!” He was screaming now. “Just do what you’ve always wanted to do and fuck off! And don’t ever come back!”
I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat closed up. My face was wet from the tears I hadn’t known were there.
“Harry,” I whispered.
But he didn’t hear me. He was too busy slamming the door in my face.
I’d been so closed off, so blinded by the walls I’d built that I hadn’t even realized how Harry felt. He’d called me his sister. He’d told me that he loved me.
And all it had done was give me more reason to leave.
“I’m sorry,” Dean said from the bottom of the stairs. He didn’t offer any more condolences. He just walked away. And I knew why—because he agreed with Harry.
“I’ve been so selfish,” I told Blake. We were in my car, with the top down and the seats reclined, looking up at the clear night sky. It had taken only eight weeks, but I finally had scored from the three-point line. He’d celebrated as if he’d just won a state championship. But his celebration had died quickly when I’d told him that I needed to cut back on spending time with him so I could be home more.
“What do you mean, you’ve been selfish?”
“Harry hates me.”
“What?” he laughed.
“I’m serious, Blake.”
He must’ve known it, too, because he sat up, pulling the seat with him, and turned to me. “What are you talking about?”
“He hates me,” I repeated, my words strained as I held in my sob.
“What? Why?”
“Because I’m leaving.”
He sighed heavily. “Then he has a point.”
“Blake.” I glanced up at him, but the sadness on his face was too heartbreaking, and I had to look away. “You’re not helping.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Chloe. That I think it’s great that you’re leaving in a week?” He reclined his seat back down and continued to stare up at the sky. “I’m not going to lie to you. And you shouldn’t lie to yourself, either. You had to have known there’d be this kind of reaction.”
“You don’t understand, Blake. He was yelling at me. He told me to fuck off and to never come back!”
“Quit sulking,” he said. “I’m sorry that he spoke to you like that, and that your feelings were hurt. But I’m not sorry he said it. Maybe you need to know that what you’re doing—The Road—it’s not just your journey to take. Your plans affect everyone. And I know that you did your best to keep people from caring about you—or whatever—but you’re pretty hard not to care for. You’re pretty hard not to love.” He paused and cleared his throat. “Really hard not to love.”
My eyes drifted shut. I tried to settle the thumping of my heart before I spoke. “Lucky you don’t love me.”
He didn’t say anything, just reached over, took my hand, squeezed once, and never let go.
Blake
I had barely stepped foot in the house before Dad’s voice filled my ears. “You have a meeting with the recruiter at Fort Bragg after school tomorrow.”
I squared my shoulders and raised a hand to my head, saluting him. “Sir. Yes, sir!”
He looked up from his position on the couch in the living room. His hands tightened around the glass of what was, no doubt, whiskey in his hand. “Don’t bring that fucking smartass attitude with you tomorrow, Hunter. You’re not playing a useless game on a basketball court. This is real life. This is your future.”
Chloe had offered to come with me on
the hour-and-a-half drive to the army base, but I’d told her not to. She’d just be sitting around doing nothing, and after what she’d told me yesterday about needing to spend time with her family, it would have been selfish of me to agree.
Officer Hayden, the recruiting commander, was in his late twenties. He’d done three tours in Iraq before deciding to stay home with his wife and kid and “settle” as a recruiter. He said that my dad and he had spent a good chunk of time on the phone while my dad basically ordered him to show and tell me exactly what he wanted me to hear. Hayden laughed about it, said that he encountered army dads on a daily basis but none as extreme as mine, which didn’t surprise me at all.
He skipped the formalities of Dad’s standards of the meeting, like showing me around post and introducing me to what career choices I would have if I chose to enlist. He said that after talking with my dad, he’d figured I’d heard and seen it all by now. Instead, he took me to his home on post and introduced me to his wife and his little girl. I didn’t know why we’d ended up there, but I wasn’t going to argue.
He set out two deck chairs in his front yard, facing both his house and the American flag that flew proudly in front of it.
“Why do you want to enlist?” he asked, his eyes never leaving the flag.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, that’s a shit answer.” He kicked his legs out in front of him, getting more comfortable. “Do you want to do it for you or your old man?”
“I don’t know,” I repeated. I was getting edgy because I hadn’t expected questions. I had come there to keep Dad off my back and had expected a standard run-of-the-mill meeting. The same ones I had been through the past two years. No one had asked me any questions before.
Hayden sighed. “My old man, he works at a cardboard factory. Has ever since he was sixteen—same job his entire life. He’s sixty-seven and every day he wakes up at four in the morning, drives to work, puts on his gloves, and does the same old thing . . . makes cardboard boxes.”
“So?”
“So, that’s his job, Hunter. Making boxes.”
I rubbed my jaw, confused by why he was talking about his dad’s work. “There’s nothing wrong with making boxes, sir. It’s an honorable job.”
“You think so?” he asked, looking back at the flag.
“Yes. The world needs cardboard boxes. His job serves a purpose. There’s honor in that.”
A slight smile appeared on his face. “Is that what you want out of this? You want to serve a purpose?”
“I don’t really—”
“My mom’s never had a paid job. I have three brothers, seven nieces and nephews. My dad has always supported the family on his cardboard-box-factory wage.” He paused for a beat. “I’ve only ever seen him cry once. You want to know when?”
“Sure.”
“When I told him I was enlisting.” He was silent a long moment before he cleared his throat and added, “I remember him getting off his chair and walking to me, then wrapping me in his arms. He said, ‘I’m proud, son. You’re doing something with your life,’ and he used the same word you just used. He told me that what I was doing was honorable.” He laughed once. “What he didn’t know was that I was an eighteen-year-old-punk and wanted to enlist purely because I wanted to shoot shit.”
I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to tell him that I thought he was stupid.
He laughed again, louder this time. “I know what you’re thinking. That it’s stupid . . . my reason for enlisting.”
“A little, yeah.”
“Obviously, my perspective has changed,” he said quietly. “But that’s the difference between you and I, Hunter. I enlisted for a stupid reason. You’re considering enlisting because you want to serve a purpose. You probably think it’s honorable, right?”
“I guess.”
“But like you said, you could work in a cardboard factory, and you would serve a purpose. You would be doing something honorable.”
My gaze dropped to my lap as I took in his words.
“Your dad,” he continued, “he’s kind of intense. The way he acted had me intrigued about you, so I looked you up. High school basketball star, right? Division I college prospect . . . set for the NBA?”
I exhaled a shaky breath and shut my eyes; the weight of his words coming down on me full force. “That’s not relevant.”
“No?” he asked, the surprise at my response evident in his tone.
I shook my head.
“Hunter,” he sighed. “I’m not here to convince you to join the army, even though that’s my job. The choice you make has to be yours. It’s not something you want to regret ten, twenty, thirty years from now. I’m just going to say that the army, hell, the United States of America—we’d love to have someone like you on our side. We’d be honored to have you serve our country.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Chloe
“I have a confession.” Josh stood in front of us and took a swig of his beer. “That day, when you came into work for the first time and that stuff happened with Tommy, I called Hunter the next day and told him that I thought you were hot and asked him if he thought I had a chance.”
My jaw dropped. Blake’s chuckle tickled my ear.
We were back at the abandoned basketball court, or half-court, as Blake had corrected me. He leaned against the back of a bench with me in front of him. His arms were wrapped tightly around my waist as he rubbed my stomach under my shirt with his thumb.
“What did he say?” I asked Josh.
“He basically pissed all over you and marked his territory.”
I laughed.
“It’s true,” Blake murmured in my ear.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving.” Josh removed his cap and dropped it to the ground. Then he ran his hand through his dark hair. “Everyone fucking leaves me. Natalie . . . my own goddamn parents. Everyone. The only one that hasn’t is Hunter, and that’s ’cause he pretty much hates the world.”
Blake stood a little taller, gripped me a little tighter. “A, I don’t hate the world. B, Natalie’s a bitch.” Josh flinched but remained silent. “C, your parents are assholes. And D, you’re above all that shit.”
Josh’s eyes went wide before he shook his head and asked, “So have you decided yet? August 19, Duke orientation, right?”
Blake tensed for a moment before dropping his hands and letting me go. I took a step forward, unsure of what was coming.
“What about it?”
“I’m just saying . . . it’s not that far away.” His eyes moved to me. “Has he told you what he’s doing?”
“No,” I said quietly, looking at the ground.
“I haven’t decided.” Blake moved to the side and farther away. “I still don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do.” He sounded pissed. “Is that okay with you, Joshua? Do I need to check in?”
“What the fuck’s got into you? I was just asking.”
Blake stepped toward him. “You weren’t just fucking asking. You were pushing.”
I stayed put, too afraid to move or speak. They were face-to-face by then, glaring at each other. I had no idea what had set it off. Maybe it was the beer, or maybe it all just needed to be said.
Blake’s hands fisted, and he added, “You don’t think that decision weighs on me every day? I know time’s running out. It’s my goddamn choice, and I can’t make it.”
“Why?” Josh lifted his chin. “How hard could the choice be, Hunter? It’s basketball, or it’s the army. Two choices. It’s not like you have a kid to think about. Or bills or rent to pay. Or someone else’s future to worry about. There’s not a single, fucking thing keeping you here.”
Blake eyed me quickly before shoving Josh hard enough that he fell back a step. “Fuck you.”
“No, Hunter, fuck you.” He pushed him back. “You have months to
make up your mind. In fact, when did you sign that letter of intent? November, right? It’s fucking June. I’m too buzzed to work out how many months that is—but it’s too fucking many. Quit being a pussy and decide.”
“Fuck off, Josh. You don’t know shit.” He shoved him again. Harder this time.
And then Josh snapped. He launched himself at Blake, and they fell to the ground. Punches were thrown. Insults exchanged.
I panicked. “Get off him, Blake! You’re being a dick.”
They froze, simultaneously turning their heads to glare at me. Blake stood. Followed by Josh.
Blake slowly covered the distance between us, his eyes narrowing with every step. I swallowed and took a step back. For the first time since I’d met him, I was scared.
“You wanna take his side?” he said. “That’s great, Chloe. Maybe you should have played this little game with him instead. Then he’d be the one having to deal with you leaving. Not me.”
My heart sank.
“Dude.” Josh stood next to him with a hand on his chest to stop him from moving closer. He was our barrier—something I never thought I’d need. Not against Blake.
I held back the tears threatening to fall. “I’m sorry,” I squeaked out.
He shook his head. “You wanna know why I can’t decide? Because I can’t think of my future without you in it. Four days. We have four days together, and then, you’re gone. And it might seem like nothing to you, because you’ve had years to accept it. But I can’t, Chloe. I just can’t.”
Josh pressed his hands more firmly against Blake’s chest. “I think that’s enough.”
Blake pushed Josh’s hands away but kept his eyes on me. “Fuck this,” he spat. Then he turned around and walked away.
“Blake.” I started to go after him, but Josh stopped me.
“Just leave him. He just needs some time.”
Blake came back ten minutes later. He walked to the cooler, got a few beers, handed one to Josh, who thanked him, and gave me one. Then he sat behind me, his legs on either side, and wrapped his arms around my stomach again. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear.