I guess it doesn’t matter either way. The ice has definitely been broken, Susa’s on-board with this, and…
I guess there really isn’t an “and” to add to that.
This is it.
I’m still terrified. I’m worried I’ll disappoint her, or him, or…something.
This being a functional adult shit is hard.
Really hard.
I’ve put the toy in my backpack, per Carter’s orders.
Along with my leather cuffs, collar, the leash, and a couple of other items he specifies before we leave.
And, of course, our laundry.
We ride over to Susa’s together with Carter driving the Snot Box. I’m glad we’re not driving separately today. I feel…
I don’t have words to describe it.
On the way there, Carter breaks the quiet. “Are you all right, boy?”
“Yes, Sir. Nervous.”
“You should be nervous. I’d worry if you weren’t. That’s a normal reaction.”
“Then I’m all sorts of normal, Sir.”
He chuckles. “Hopefully not too normal.” He glances at me, a smile on his face, but I can’t see his eyes because of his sunglasses.
“I suppose not.”
“Also, I want to give you advance notice. Not this weekend, but sometime next week, there will likely be a couple of days where I ask you to go home early so Susa and I can speak alone. I hope that’s okay.”
My pulse rabbits, because old habits die hard. “Speak alone about what, Sir?”
“About you, and this. I need to know she has your best interests at heart. I mean, I’m sure she does, but I want some time to discuss things with her, things you and I have talked about. And I need to have some heart-to-heart conversations with her, too. Nothing bad. Is that all right?”
“I don’t understand the question, Sir.”
We roll up to a red light and Carter looks at me after we come to a stop. “Owen, I’m asking if you’re okay with me having some alone time with her. Talking with her about things we’ve talked about, among other things.”
“You’re asking me, Sir?”
“Carter and Owen time. Yes, I’m asking you.”
I think about it. “As long as she promises to keep things private, then yes, Sir.”
He smirks when I use the title, but I can’t help it. It feels normal, natural to call him that now.
I prefer calling him that, even after such a short time. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t, and I’m not allowed to lie.
Besides, if I always tell the truth, I never have to worry about contradicting myself.
Upon our arrival at Susa’s we let ourselves in, as we normally do now, and find her in the kitchen. Tonight is lasagna, the leftovers of which will feed us for most of the weekend.
Usually, Susa manages to hug Carter first. I’m not sure if she does it intentionally or not, but I’ve never minded it. Not really. Because she frequently hugs me a little longer. Besides, I always let Carter walk ahead of me, especially now, so of course she reaches him first.
Today, she bypasses Carter and comes straight to me for my hug. “How are you?” She asks after she releases me.
She looks a little…worried?
“Good, Ma’am. Why?”
“Are we…okay?”
That genuinely confuses me. “Of course. Why?”
“After this morning.”
Why do I feel like I’m missing something? Confused, I turn to Carter.
The bastard’s smirking. “He’s fine, Susa. He enjoyed himself. I can see we need to work on your sadistic side.”
She sticks her tongue out at him, making him laugh and amusing the hell out of me.
Also, it eases the tension in me. We’re okay. We’re alllll okay.
“Shirt off, boy,” Carter says as Susa hugs him.
I resist the urge to glare at him and instead set my things down and comply. Of course I blush as I do it. Susa’s seen me in a bathing suit before, and that didn’t bother me.
This is different, though.
“You know,” Carter says to Susa, “he actually called me a bastard last weekend.” Except he sounds amused, not upset. “Can you believe that?”
“A bastard, huh?” She also looks amused and smirks at him. “Well, he’s not wrong, Carter.”
His smile widens. “I didn’t say he was wrong. I just asked if you can believe it.”
“You’re a bastard extraordinaire. Sir,” I add with more than a little snark.
I must not have a very strong sense of self-preservation.
But that also amuses him, making him laugh. “I think my boy just gave me a nickname.”
“The bastard extraordinaire.” Susa firmly nods. “I like it. Suits you. If you’re going to be a bastard, be an extraordinary one.”
I have to admit, Carter’s easy, rolling laugh eases things deep inside me that I didn’t know had grown tense. I like that I can make him laugh like that, even if partially at my own expense. It softens the lines in his face and takes some of the wear and tear off his features.
I don’t think I’ve ever made my mother laugh like that. Laugh at me in mean ways, sure, plenty of times.
But nothing like this.
Through Carter’s nightmares, I’ve heard hints of the horrors the man keeps stored in his memory and in his flesh. If I can balance those sounds with this one?
Yeah, I’ll do it.
He smiles and playfully swats me on the shoulder. “Go get our laundry started, please.”
“Yes, Sir.”
Carter’s laugh might inspire me to try to move mountains, but it’s Susa’s smile that seals my fate. Her sweet smile, those blue eyes crinkled at the edges—knowing I’ve made her smile means everything to me.
I don’t ever want to stop doing this if I can make her smile.
* * * *
Once the lasagna’s in the oven, and our laundry’s in the washer, Susa wants to do more.
The bastard extraordinaire, of course, allows it.
That’s how I find myself kneeling in front of the couch in At Ease—with my shorts still on, fortunately—to talk with her.
She’s sitting at the end of the couch, Carter at the other end and watching us, one leg crossed over the other as he lounges against the back, his hands laced together on top of his head. Deceptively relaxed, because from the tilt of his head I know he’s watching, listening, and ready to interject himself if he feels he needs to. He might fool Susa, but he’s not fooling me.
It comforts me greatly to know he’s paying attention.
“I want to talk about this morning,” she says, and my face heats. “For starters, are you really okay with what happened?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“That won’t be the norm,” she says, and I’m simultaneously relieved and disappointed.
“Why not?” Carter snarks. “I thought it was a hoot and a half.”
“You’re a sadist,” she shoots back.
“Duh.”
I can’t help smiling and I glance at Carter, who drops me a wink.
Susa focuses on me again. “Would you want to do more with me?”
The smile freezes on my face as my throat goes dry. “More?”
“More.”
I’m almost afraid to ask, but she doesn’t speak, and neither does Carter.
“More how, Ma’am?”
“Well, for starters, would you be comfortable being fully naked around here? And wearing your cuffs and collar?”
No. Nononono. Nope. Nooooo.
That’s what’s running through my mind.
What do my lips say?
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Good boy,” Carter says, but he’s not smiling now. He looks serious. Now I’m certain he’s paying attention to every breath I take, every syllable Susa utters.
Everything.
Susa leans forward, reaches out, and cups my cheek. Her touch is soft, warm, and I know I’m not supposed to break position,
but I nuzzle her hand with my face anyway.
“Do you want to be a good boy for me?” she asks.
“Yes, Ma’am.” My eyes fall closed as I soak in her touch.
She’s touching me.
She’s not disgusted by me, or by what I want.
“How long have you wanted to do this?”
“I don’t know, Ma’am. A few years.” I discovered it on the Internet, and, fortunately, Mom is a complete technical idiot. It was one way I could hide things from her. In retrospect, I suppose it’s why things didn’t work for me with my girlfriends.
They weren’t…this.
Her.
Her thumb strokes my cheek. “I’m not sure I’m going to be very good at this. At least, not at first.”
“That’s all right, Ma’am. I’m sure you’ll do fine.”
“I’ll be taking some things slow. Are you okay with Carter showing me stuff?”
My pulse races. “Yes, Ma’am.”
“And will you be okay with me watching him do things to you?”
More heat fills my face. I wonder what things she means, because that could mean a lot of things.
Including shower time. “Yes, Ma’am.”
“Go ahead and get naked, boy.” When she withdraws her hand, I start to lean forward, to try to maintain contact with her hand.
“Boy,” Carter says, his tone not quite sharp, but enough to jolt me out of Susa’s spell.
My eyes open and I realize what I’d been doing. “Yes, Ma’am.” I see Carter nod at me, encouraging me, and I stand.
I can’t keep my eyes open, though, so I close my eyes as I push my shorts down and take them off, folding them by feel. She takes them from me.
“Eyes open, boy,” Carter says, but his tone has shifted back to the gentler range.
Has it only been a week since we started this? It feels like a lot longer. I can barely remember how lonely and bleak my life felt before Carter entered it, and now…this.
I open my eyes to see Carter now sitting forward and watching me with an intensity that almost makes me uncomfortable.
He tips his head toward Susa, and I know what he wants.
I force myself to focus on her.
I’m also forcing my hands to remain at my sides and not cover myself.
She sits back, watching me. “How do you feel right now, boy?”
“Nervous, Ma’am.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to disappoint you, or Sir.”
“Don’t be stupid, you could never—”
“Devotion, boy. Now,” Carter orders as he stands. Automatically, I once again drop to my knees and assume the position, my head and hands against the floor. “Susa, a word.” I hear Carter stride out of the living room. “Now.”
I flinch at his tone—beyond any kind of firm he’s ever used on me. I hear her stand and hurry after him, the soft sound of her bare feet padding across the tile, and the way the ambient sounds in the room change as she moves through it.
With my heart racing, I kneel there, straining to listen. But I hear a door close, followed by the muffled sound of Carter’s voice.
At war within me, the urge to follow and defend her. Not that I think Carter would lay a hand on her, but I just…
I don’t know what happened, what I missed.
My pulse pounds in my ears as I struggle to hear any hint of what’s going on.
Just as I’m about to break position and go after them a few minutes later, I hear a door open from down the hall, followed by the sounds of them returning.
I know it’s Carter’s hand that settles between my shoulders. He actually kneels beside me on the floor. I hear him, the soft grunt of pain as he settles, feel a gentle wash of warmth from how close to me he now sits.
“Good boy,” he softly says. “Thank you for obeying me.”
This feels…
I don’t know. Like something happened.
“Am I in trouble, Sir?” I whisper, not sure if I’m even allowed to speak right now.
“No, you didn’t do anything wrong, boy. You were perfect.” His words warm me even as he now strokes my head, slowly rubbing my scalp in that sweet, addictive way he has.
Like he knows how to short-circuit my brain and shut it down.
In a few minutes, I feel myself sinking deep into subspace, relaxing, the sweet hum filling my brain.
Quiet. Everything’s quiet.
“At Ease.”
I slowly roll up into the position. Carter’s sitting on the floor next to me, and he looks…
I don’t know. I can’t read his expression. The wall is there but it feels different, somehow. Not like he’s trying to shut me out, more like he doesn’t want me to worry about him.
Susa sits on the couch where she was, and likewise, I can’t read her expression, either.
Then she smiles at me and crooks her finger.
I go.
She has me put my head in her lap and pulls my arms around her, then folds herself over me and hugs me, her face buried in my hair.
“Such a good boy,” she softly says. “My very good boy.”
Boom. Subspace completely re-achieved. I no longer care what happened, because she’s tightly holding me and whispering to me that I’m Her good boy, and that I’m Hers, and…
Honestly?
The world can end right fucking now and I’d be a happy camper.
I’m Hers.
And I’m Her good boy.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Susa wants to be the one to put my cuffs and collar on me, and Carter allows it.
Thus, a new ritual is born. When she’s there and I’m to wear them, I’m to bring them to her to put on me.
I’m good with that.
Unfortunately, I’m also sort of embarrassed that I’m…
Well, hard.
Like, really fucking hard. That’s despite already coming twice today. It wasn’t quite so mortifying that morning after class, because Mr. Happy Bone was concealed inside my briefs and shorts.
I can’t hide from her what effects all this has on me now.
Worse?
I’m kind of leaving a trail. Or, would be, if I wasn’t kneeling on a towel, where Carter’s put me in Primed and is keeping me there while he and Susa have a very animated discussion about one of her father’s votes that week.
Carter’s like a conversational mongoose tonight, coming at her from different angles, flipping perspectives to play devil’s advocate, and generally tying her in knots in a way I’m not used to seeing her or him.
I don’t know why tonight is different, why he’s doing this now. Usually he takes a more methodical approach to their debates, and Susa’s normally unflappable no matter what arguments or tactics he engages in.
I listen and ignore the twinges in my back and the way my knees are protesting.
“His vote basically is a budget cut for education, Susa, and don’t try to argue otherwise. Loyalty. I mean, really? Cutting STEM program funding like that in the name of charter schools? A sneaky side-run?”
It took a moment for the command to percolate through my brain. I breathe a sigh of relief and drop into the more relaxed position, which also allows me to reposition my feet.
“Good boy,” Carter immediately says. He stands and walks over to me, resting his hand on my head. “That was a trick, yes. Excellent listening, boy.” He ruffles my hair. “Five minutes like this, and then I’ll let you up and you can relax. Susa needs to catch you up on the class today. I’m sure you weren’t able to pay attention very well.”
I can’t see his face but he sounds amused.
“Thank you, Sir.”
One more head-pat before he returns to the couch.
When he releases me from Loyalty, Susa has me grab my notes, my textbook, and my towel.
“Right here,” she points at the floor in front of her, against the sofa.
I sit where she tells me, between her legs, my back pressed against the sofa. The
n she drapes her legs over my shoulders and I realize maybe I’ll need a make-up session for my make-up session.
Carter laughs. “Susa, that’s just cruel.”
She reaches down and ruffles my hair. “Dinner will be ready in ten minutes. This is his reward for being such a good boy.”
“Ahhh. Very smart.”
“I have my moments.” She quizzes me on a few things, which I stammer my way through. When the timer on her phone goes off, she pats my head. “Let’s go eat.”
Once we finish with dinner, and after I have the kitchen cleaned up, I return to the living room. This time, she sits in the same place, only turned sideways, legs stretched out on the couch.
Then she pats the space right there, her meaning obvious.
Swallowing hard, and unable to miss Carter’s evil grin, I lie down on my back where she indicates, snuggled against her with her legs on either side of me. My head rests against her chest, and she holds her notebook in front of me, where she can read it to me.
This isn’t much easier than before. I spend the first ten minutes or so reveling in the fact that she’s snuggling with me like this.
Sure we’ve all snuggled together on the couch before for movie nights, but we were all clothed and there definitely wasn’t such a blatantly sexual overtone to the situation as there is right now.
My legs are draped across Carter’s lap, and he’s propped his feet on the coffee table. His laptop sets on a padded lap desk on his thighs, and his elbows rest on my shins.
“Owen?”
My attention snaps back to Susa. “Yes, Ma’am?”
“If you let him come now,” Carter warns without looking away from his laptop, “he’ll fall asleep almost immediately because of his full tummy. That means he won’t get any more studying done tonight.”
I feel her breath against my left shoulder. “He’s not getting much studying done now,” Susa notes.
“You can always order him to put shorts on.”
“But I like the view.”
I realize while they’re discussing me like I’m not even here, they’re talking about me in such playful, affectionate tones that it…fascinates me.
That’s when it hits me.
She likes the view!
Carter saves whatever he’s working on and finally looks at us. “He’s holding an A average across the board,” he notes. “If he gets anything less than an A in this class, I will hold you responsible and take it out of your ass, sweetie.” He’s looking at her when he says that.
Governor (Governor Trilogy 1) Page 22