by Rhonda Shaw
She took a stuttering breath with a shaky nod of her head. “I understand. I’m sorry it has to be this way.”
Walking over to the door to his office, with her hand on the knob, she glanced back. He refused to make eye contact with her.
“I love you, Dad,” she said and walked out.
* * *
A warm late July afternoon, Matt sat in the conference room as they waited for everyone to pile in. This was it. Today he’d either be cleared to get back on the field or his comeback would be shelved, forcing him to remain on the disabled list for the remainder of the season. The team was doing well, but he could provide the extra oomph needed to get them over the hill in order to cruise into the playoffs.
When Coach Brooklyn finally walked through the door, the last of the group to arrive, the meeting started.
“All right,” he said as he sat in the high-back black leather chair. “What’s the story on our catcher, Mr. Buck?”
One of the therapists cleared his throat. “He’s been doing really well with all of the exercises we’ve been running him through, and we’ve seen great improvements in his speed and mobility. Matt assures us there is no pain or stiffness in the leg.”
All eyes shot to him as Coach Brooklyn asked, “Is that true?”
Matt nodded. “Yep.”
“Nothing at all? You’re back to one hundred percent?”
“No,” Matt admitted to his coach, not bothering to lie as all players did since they’d see right through it. “I’m not one hundred percent, but I feel good. I just need to build up my strength more before I’m back to one hundred percent and can catch again.”
“Ah, so no catching?” the General Manager asked Matt’s doctor.
“We would advise against it this year. We need to ensure we don’t put the newly healed bone through too much stress too soon. It’s healed, there’s no question about that, but we should exercise caution for the next few months.”
“O’Shea’s been filling in nicely,” the GM said.
While everyone at the table murmured their agreement, Matt’s coach eyed him.
“I’m going to assume your vote is to not sit out the rest of the season,” he said to Matt.
“Yep. I want back in,” Matt responded.
“And what should we do with you?”
“A bat off the bench or designated hitter. I can also fill in at first, if needed,” Matt said. “I think we all agree I would be a huge bat to bring in late in a game.”
“No doubt about that,” the GM agreed before looking between the trainer and the doctor. “Any concerns with that?”
The doctor shook his head. “No. I don’t think Matt would be taxing the leg any harder than he does working out every day.”
Coach Brooklyn puffed up his cheeks and blew out a breath as he sat back in his chair studying Matt. Matt held his, waiting, the fate of his season depending on agreement from everyone in this group. Only one person had to express doubt and they’d shut him down for the rest of the year, which would be torment.
Coach finally turned to the General Manager. “We’ll send him down to Dayton, get him in some games, and then bring him back up. We’re going to have to figure out who we want to send down in order to make room on the roster until expansion in September.”
Matt broke out into a huge grin as relief flowed through him. He needed this. He needed baseball and he needed to get back with the team. Slowly but surely, his life was coming back together. It wasn’t there yet, but he was definitely in a better place than where he’d been only a few months ago.
Not only had he fully recovered, but also the legal interruptions from Natalie’s case were starting to lessen for the time being. They’d charged her with first-degree attempted murder, and soon afterward her attorney declared doubt about her mental competency. Pending the results of her competency trial, which hadn’t been scheduled yet, they’d go from there. Matt would do his job and testify as needed, but that was all he would do.
He needed to get back in the game and he needed to get his life back in order, which also meant moving on from Shannon. Disappointment remained and he wished things had turned out differently between them, but it was what it was. He didn’t understand her compliance with her father’s every wish when it led to her unhappiness. He was lucky his parents stood behind him no matter what he did.
As much as he might not want to, he had to keep his focus on the road in front of him. Baseball was finally back and that made almost everything right in his world.
* * *
Shannon walked out of the building and turned her face up to the hot July sun, closing her eyes at its brightness. She still couldn’t get over how cheerful it was all the time, such a startling presence against the cloudless bright blue sky, but soon the oppressive heat that marked desert living was too much and she jumped into her rental car, immediately cranking up the air conditioning. Matt loved living in Arizona, but that was probably because he was never around during the scorching summer months.
Pulling out of the parking lot, she turned her car in the direction of her appointment as dictated by the GPS. Assuming she passed the bar, she was reaching out to local legal aid organizations, gathering information since she planned to volunteer her time once she was allowed to practice. She’d spent a lot of time soul searching, and this was what she wanted. She was going to open her own practice while at the same time volunteer her services to those organizations who handed out free legal advice. Any case she felt strongly about, her services would be available at a low rate or even free. She was finally following her heart and combining her love of the law with fighting for those without a voice, and it felt wonderful, freeing. A lot of work remained ahead of her, but she was ready and excited to get started.
There were some nerves, especially since she was doing all of this without knowing if Matt would even take her back, but she remained optimistic. This felt so right that she couldn’t believe it was the wrong decision, that he wouldn’t be happy with all she’d done. Despite all the changes in her life, everything felt for the better.
She hadn’t spoken with her father since she stormed out of his office. His rejection hurt, she wasn’t going to lie, but until he came around and stopping taking this change as a personal affront, then this was how it had to be. She couldn’t live her life for him anymore. She’d done that for too long and had missed so much. She refused to lose anything more. One day her dad would come around, she was fairly confident in that. But if not, then it was his loss and his choice, and she had to remember that.
Turning into the driveway, she parked her car before lowering the visor to check her reflection in the mirror. This was the last thing she had to do before she could head back to Michigan and back to Matt. This visit was going to be stressful, but she hoped that by the end, she’d be able to get the help she needed. If things went as she desired, then she’d have her office space. If not, then she’d keep looking.
She climbed out of her car and placed her briefcase strap on her shoulder. She opened the front door, stepping into a bright waiting area with an Indian-patterned area rug of greens, peaches and burnt reds. Tan chairs sat around a petrified wood table, and multiple photographs hung on the walls, all displaying the majestic mountains and magnificent desert. Shannon didn’t need to look closely to know who had taken them.
The receptionist smiled at her. “Can I help you?”
“Yes,” Shannon said. “Shannon Morrison to see Michael Buck, please.”
Chapter 24
Matt sat on the bench in the dugout. The Rockets were at home, playing against the Cleveland Buffaloes on a warm and muggy August night. Tied four to four at the bottom of the eighth inning, both teams had run their starting pitcher for as long as possible, but had finally needed to make calls to their respective bullpens. A duel going go down to the wire, reminiscent of the season before. Tied for first place in the division, it was the final series between the two teams. Whichever team won the series would leap ahead
in the standings and, barring an absolute meltdown, win the division.
The Rockets had won the first two of the four-game series and now the third game was in their grasp. If they won this game, then the series was theirs, even if the Buffaloes managed to win the last game. The Rockets needed to be in charge of their own destiny. They couldn’t count on anything else to help them secure their place in the standings, so they had to pull this out.
Coach had yet to use him in a game since he’d come back. Matt understood Coach was worried he would hurt his leg, and the only reason he’d made room for him on the roster was as a confidence booster for his teammates, which was fine with Matt. He’d be the cheerleader in the dugout and help with defensive play-calling when needed. Sure, he itched to grab a bat and take a swing at the plate, but he had to wait until they called his number. Until then, all he could do was sit, watch, and wait some more.
Jason plopped down on the bench next to him. “This game needs to end next inning.”
“Yes, it does,” Matt agreed. “You need to get on base.”
Being one of the fastest runners on the team, if Jason succeeded with getting on base, then his speed worked to their advantage and the play call would be to have him take second on a steal. Assuming he stole successfully, putting him in scoring position, they had a better chance of getting him home and winning the game.
“That’s the plan,” Jason said with a nod.
“If the call is for you to bunt, make sure you get it down the third base line. They’ll never be able to get you if you place it perfect.”
Jason smirked. “Thanks, Coach.”
“I’m just saying…”
“I know, I know.” Jason grabbed a handful of sunflower seeds and tossed them into his mouth. “It’s killing you to sit, so I’ll overlook you telling me like I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Matt chuckled. “Sorry. If I don’t do something soon, I’m going to go out of my mind.”
“You’ll get your turn. Coach knows what you bring and he’ll use you in the perfect moment.”
Matt sighed as he removed his cap and rubbed his head. “Yeah, well, we need to get into the race if that time is going to come.”
“We will.” Jason stood when their teammate struck out. He grabbed his hat and glove, hitting Matt’s knee with them before trotting up the stairs out of the dugout. “We will.”
“Stay sharp, Kirb,” Matt yelled as he paced down the length of the dugout to encourage the rest of his teammates taking the field.
They had to stay strong defensively and not let the Buffaloes get on the board, ensuring they went into the bottom of the ninth still tied. If they succeeded, then they had to bring out the offensive guns in order to prevent going into extra innings. The more chances they gave Cleveland, the higher the risk of it blowing up in their faces. They had to keep the momentum in order for him to play, if not now, then in the playoffs. It tried at his nerves to sit on the bench and do nothing, but that was what he had to do.
And, while he did nothing, he had to fight his mind from wandering to those things he shouldn’t be dwelling on. One in particular was a girl named Shannon, who he absolutely couldn’t move on from, no matter how hard he tried. Frustration and remorse gnawed at him, believing he’d given up too soon, but he could do nothing about it, wasn’t even sure there was anything he wanted to do about it. The ball was in her court as far as he was concerned, and since he hadn’t heard anything from her, he had his answer.
Despite understanding they were over, he had no interest in dating anyone else, he had no interest in meeting anyone else, and he had no interest in shutting the door on him and Shannon. Simply put, he was stuck. He and Shannon were not meant to be and his brain accepted this truth, but his heart was taking its sweet ole time in catching up.
Maybe if he put himself out there and somehow forced himself to move on, if he actually tried to meet someone else, doing so would be easier. Sure, being back with the team and back in the game he loved helped, but he wasn’t doing anything. He showed up at the park, went through training drills and batting practice, and then sat in the dugout during the game. Go home and repeat. He needed a diversion. He needed to do something. He needed to play again.
Standing up, trying to ward off the wave of aggravation building, he climbed up to take a seat on the benches sitting at field-level of the dugout. He watched as his teammates defended the field, working hard not to make the smallest mistake. They had to close the door on any scoring opportunities before they appeared and shut the Buffaloes down one, two, three.
Turning around in his seat, he gaze roamed over the stands. No matter how many games he played in Rockets stadium, the sheer number of fans packing the place game after game always blew him away. Warm or cold, rain or snow, nothing stopped them. They came out in droves to cheer on their home team. The Rockets appreciated the loyalty and the constant support behind them. The dedication pushed them and reinforced why they did what they did for one hundred sixty-two games a year.
Just as he twisted around toward the field, a cap of blond hair caught his eye. A stroke of familiarity passed through him and he turned back, his jaw dropping. Shannon sat in the stands a few rows behind the dugout next to Karen and Maddie. Her attention was on him, not the game, and when he spotted her, she gave him a small smile. She appeared timid and unsure, but happy nonetheless. He was shocked to see her there, although he wasn’t sure why. Her brother-in-law was the Ace of the team.
His heart skipped a beat, missing her with a fresh wave of pain, and longing weighed him down. His shoulders ached, his body tired and his heart heavy from the unfinished business still hanging in the air between them. But he wouldn’t let her see his heartache. She’d moved on and probably had a new job in some big fancy law firm, working hard to make a name for herself. There was no reason to wear his emotions on his sleeve because he didn’t want her guilt. He wanted her to be doing what was right for her, happily following her dreams, which, unfortunately, didn’t include him. Therefore, he resisted launching himself over the top of dugout in order to rush to her side, tell her he missed her and still loved her, begging for another chance. He simply lifted his hand in a small wave with a smile, before returning toward the field and turning his back to her.
* * *
“I love you, Bucky,” a shrill voice screamed behind her, causing Shannon to cringe. She spun around and spotted the teenage girl almost hyperventilating, believing Matt had smiled and waved at her.
Shannon started to feel sorry for the young girl, since Matt had been smiling and waving at her, but suddenly she was worried that perhaps she was wrong. Maybe he hadn’t seen her and had been eyeing the girl behind her. That would suck.
Shannon slouched back in her seat and let out a heavy sigh. The entire game she’d kept her eye on the dugout, hoping at one point she’d spot him and be able to let him know she was here rather than approaching him after the game out of the blue, taking him by complete surprise. She’d also wanted to gauge his reaction at seeing her to determine if she should even try to contact him when the game ended. And, truth be told, even after doing as much, uncertainty remained. He’d definitely seemed surprised and happy to see her, but then just as quick, his face turned neutrally pleasant. His smile wasn’t that big and his eyes weren’t that bright. He’d reacted as if he’d come across an old, casual acquaintance, and she supposed that was exactly how he thought of her now.
So much had changed since the last time she’d talked with him. They hadn’t left things on a good note, and she took some blame for that. But she’d come so far since then, needing the space to clear her head and sift through the confusion and guilt constantly weighing on her, and in doing so, she’d finally found herself.
Now the time had come to tell Matt everything, lay her heart on the line, and pray he didn’t laugh at her and walk away. She had to believe he still cared for her as she did him, he still loved her as she did him, and they were meant to be together, otherwise she’d
be lost. If they weren’t, why did she still ache for him? Why did she miss the sound of his voice, the feel of his arms around her? Why couldn’t she go one minute without thinking about him?
She had to try. If he turned her down, then he turned her down, but she’d prove to him she was serious about him, about them, and would do whatever to make them work. Not only that, but she was her own person making these decisions, no other influences drove them—not him, not her father—and she was doing what she wanted, not what anybody else wanted her to do.
She had to go after her happiness, and her level of happiness relied on the big hunk of a man sitting a few rows down in front of her with Buck splayed across his broad shoulders. He leaned his arms against the railing, resting his chin on his hand, taking in the game in front of him. From the telling slouch of his back, she could tell it was killing him to be watching rather than playing, especially since Jerry had said Matt was getting back into his old form.
Given the tied score lit up in bright lights on the scoreboard, his comeback most likely wouldn’t be in this game. Shannon eyed his wide back and sighed. On one hand, she wanted him to play in order to reestablish himself in the game he loved that had almost been taken away from him, but on the other, she wanted the game and the season to be over so she could spend time with him.
Karen reached out and squeezed her hand. “It’s going to be okay, sis.”
“I know. I feel so bad watching him sit there like someone’s stolen his favorite toy.”
Karen smiled as she turned her attention back to the game. “It’s hard to be on this side of things. It always drives me crazy watching Jerry, especially when he’s struggling. I want to run out there, grab him off the mound and flip off everyone who’s booing him.”