by Janeal Falor
“You concede?” I ask, letting triumph color my words.
“Yes,” he gasps.
I let him go, thrilled with my victory. I'm done with lessons for a while. It's definitely time for something else. Though I do miss the contact.
“You fight hard,” Nash says, still catching his breath.
“I was going easy on you.” I contemplate going after my shoes, but I like this barefoot feeling much better. In fact, I like the furniture pushed back as well.
“You're kidding, right?” he asks.
“Why would I joke about something like fighting? I always take it seriously.”
He shakes his head. “No wonder you took out the men who tried to kill you. How do you know how to fight so well?”
I shrug. “Just do.”
He narrows his eyes at me like he's trying to discover more about me.
“Now to the gardens?” I eagerly stand by the door.
He laughs and rubs his chest. “Now to the gardens.”
Chapter 23
The gardens are full of every plant I could ever imagine and more that I couldn't. A blossom of nature's magic. They’re wild and overgrown in a beautiful way, but have still been cut back to allow for paths and benches. Not only are they gorgeous, but they’re huge with fountains and miniature waterfalls.
“It’s lovely here,” I say.
“They'd be lovelier if I wasn't in such pain,” Nash replies.
“You're the one who wanted to fight.”
He grimaces. “True.”
“Why did you suggest it?” I ask.
He gives a humorless laugh. “You always go on about how you can take care of yourself. I thought it would be my chance to show you that you need me and get you to agree to learn more about the government.”
“And what do you think now?”
“You can take care of yourself,” he says, “but you still need guards for when you're sleeping and so people don't know how tough you really are. You can use that to your advantage.”
“I know.” I give him a wide grin.
He shakes his head. “The lessons can't end permanently, though.”
I sigh. “I know that too.”
“Good.”
We walk silently for several minutes. The sound of birds' twitters fills the air. It's a refreshing break from the daily grind.
“What do you do when you're not working for me?” I ask.
“I'm pretty much always working for you.”
I know what that's like—always working for someone. “Would you like that to change?” I hope the answer is no.
He shrugs. “I don't know. I haven’t given it much thought.”
“Give some thought to it now.”
It takes him a minute to respond. “It would be nice to see my family more.”
“Why don't we move your family into the palace?”
“It's kind of you to offer, but my mother would hate it. Besides, in case you haven't noticed, this is a dangerous place to live.”
“And yet you want to continue to stay here,” I say, hoping it's true.
“I can hold my own.” He laughs. “Or I thought I could, before you whipped me.”
“There are things I can teach you if you'd like.”
“That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.”
“Can I take that as a yes?” I ask, tickled at the words he spoke.
“A definite yes.”
The thought of my teaching him something for a change is welcome. What's more is the thought of being that close to him—of touching him when I need to correct his position, or showing him a certain move. It has me feeling hot and blushing for reasons I don't understand.
“Tell me about your family,” Nash says.
The hot feeling evaporates. “I have none.”
“Everyone has to have parents at some point. What happened to yours?”
My chest grows tight. “I don't know. I was abandoned when I was a baby.” I haven’t told anyone that before. What made me tell him?
“I know it doesn't make a difference, but I'm sorry.”
I shrug. “It happened before I can remember, so it's all the same to me.”
The garden is a good distraction. The flowers are so pretty. We turn the corner and find Faya and Borkus strolling together. He's wearing a sky-blue jacket with lots of lace and froo froo. It almost hurts to look at. Faya is a lot more stately, in a deep-maroon gown, though she has wider skirts and more lace than I care for. She holds herself stiff and apart from him. I don't blame her.
They grow closer to us. When they’re within speaking distance, they stop, and Borkus bows while Faya curtsies.
“You may stand,” I say. The words feel so silly coming out of my mouth. Like they don't belong to me.
“What brings you out today?” Nash asks them.
“Borkus and I were discussing the latest trends of the Kurah class,” Faya says.
How exciting.
“Yes. We think there are some wonderful trends out there. Don't you think, Your Majesty?” Borkus preens.
I open my mouth when Nash ever so gently nudges my foot with his. A quick glance at him reveals nothing. His face is clean of expression, but I know what he wants of me—to interact and not be rude about it. I suppress a sigh. “Honestly, I haven't noticed.”
“Of course she hasn't.” Ranen rounds the corner.
What is it about this man that makes me want to vomit? I stand with my back to a hedge, trying to watch him and the other two at the same time. I don't trust anyone. I don't even like turning my back to Nash, if I'm truthful with myself.
“You have to remember our queen hasn't been out much since coming to court.” Ranen's voice holds a hint of a sneer, but to his credit, he does bow—a stiff, jerky thing. He doesn't wait for permission to rise.
“I hope the trends go to what I like. There's too much fluff around here.” I try to soften my words with a smile but don't know if I succeed.
Borkus coughs. “Your tastes are certainly… different.”
“I, for one, think Your Majesty has wonderful taste. I could do with a little less.” Faya motions to her wide skirt and lace.
I grin at her. “My servant, Inkga, is having some made special for me. Perhaps she knows someone who could help you.”
“That's a very kind offer, Your Majesty. I do believe I'm familiar with Inkga. I will ask her myself.”
“Perfect.” I'm not the only one who wants simple things.
“Yes. Perfect,” Ranen says dryly. “As to matters of state, I wonder if you have considered letting me be an assistant advisor. Nash is very capable, but you would do well under my tutelage.”
I feel Nash staring holes into me. Because of that, I temper my response. “Thank you for the offer, but I currently need no other assistance.”
Ranen tenses his jaw. When I glance at Nash, he's barely suppressing the upward curl of his lips.
“We, on the council, do a great job at guiding you, eh?” Borkus chuckles.
I don't see anything funny.
“The council is a great asset to the queen,” Nash says, “as are her ladies in waiting.”
Not that I talk to either. I appreciate his support, though.
“As stimulating as this conversation is, some of us have work to do.” Ranen gives another stiff bow and takes off back the way he came.
I watch him until he disappears from sight.
“I must be going as well,” Faya says. “It was a pleasure to bump into you, Your Highness.”
“And I will follow after you,” Borkus says.
They both bow before passing by Nash and me and following Ranen.
Once they're out of sigh, I whisper, “That was quite the meeting.”
Nash and I continue walking. His strides match my own, quicker now than before.
“You don't like talking of clothes and frivolities?” he asks.
I snort. Thankfully, he lets it pass. “The gardens are a busy place today,” I say.
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“So it would seem.”
“Thank you for having my back.”
He glances at me. “I will always have your back.”
The warmth from earlier returns, even if I'm not ready to leave myself unguarded.
Chapter 24
Barely anything happens before the lady in green says, “You've been avoiding me.”
Easy answer to that. “Don't talk about things I don't want to discuss, and we won't have that problem.”
“We have so much work to do.” She sighs. “All is well. I'm here for you, whenever you need me. Now, let us begin. Who are you?”
I hesitate. Am I ready to say this? Whether I am or not, it's true. “I am the queen.”
She smiles at me and puts a hand on my shoulder. “You are, as am I.”
“You?”
“Yes. I am the first queen.”
“The first? Ever?”
“For Valcora, yes,” she says.
“How can this be?”
“From the Mortum Tura. You didn't think the only thing it did was make you queen, did you?”
“I never thought about it.” What else does it do? Or do I now know all?
“That's why I'm here. To help you with thinking about things you need to. Things that will help you rule.”
“What's your name?”
“You can call me Queen.”
It's weird that, when I finally accept that's who I am, I find someone else who is as well.
“Now, are you ready to tell me who Daros is?” she asks. It feels like she’s trying to tap into my mind. To chip away at my mental defenses.
“Not likely,” I say.
“Fine, then. We'll do things the long way. Eventually you will tell me, you know.”
I cross my arms. “We'll see.”
“A queen doesn't cross her arms like that. It gives away her emotions.”
I don't uncross them. “What if I want to give my emotions away?”
“Then I suppose it's acceptable.”
“Is that what I'm coming here for? To learn more about the things everyone in real life is trying to teach me?”
Her face softens. “No. I mean, yes, there will be some of that. I will help you in any way I can, but that's not why I left a part of myself behind.”
“Why did you? And how?”
“The how isn't important yet. Right now, you need to know why,” she says. “When I made the cup the way it was, I knew it would draw a lot of women.”
“Wait. You made the cup?”
“I did. I needed a way to help those who become queen. You see, the cup is made special so that only those who don't want the power of being a queen can become one.”
“So it would have only killed me if I didn't want it to?” The thought stuns me.
“Correct. I had to leave something behind to guide you because I knew only girls who would be in a vulnerable place would become queens.”
“Why would you want that?” I ask, still at a loss.
“Because those who want to become queen are power hungry. They don't want what's best for the country; they want what's best for themselves. They want to be able to say they rule over all. It's not what I wanted for my country.”
“I can understand that.” I know all about power-hungry people. “But isn't killing the rest of the girls going too far?”
She sighs. “I regret that it had to be so. There was no other way for me to make the cup. It had to be done like this or not at all.”
I don't understand magic. It's as brutal as Daros.
She lifts her eyebrows, and I clamp down all thoughts of Daros.
She purses her lips. “I'm getting off course. I knew when I designed the cup that it would create queens who would not necessarily want to live. Some didn’t want to die, but only took the Mortum Tura because of family or friends pressuring them into taking it. But you're not the first to feel your life wasn't worth living.”
“If you knew why, you'd agree with me.”
“It's very strange that I can't see the reason. You bury it deep. Please tell me. I can help you work through this, but it starts with talking.”
“I can't.”
I bolt awake. To my surprise, tears wet my cheeks.
Chapter 25
Inkga is readying me for the day. My new clothes haven't been made yet, but she's made a few alterations to the ones I own, so I don't have to go around in quite as much lace and fluff. Plus I have easier access to my weapons.
“Do you know how the plans for the ball are coming along?” I ask, pushing away thoughts of the first queen trying to find out why my life is no longer worth living.
“It should be quite the event. I don't think the people have seen anything like it in their lifetime.”
“Good.” As I want it to be.
“There.” She does the last button. I'll be glad when they're all where I can reach them once again. “There's someone who wants to see you as soon as you’re finished.”
“Oh?”
“Your lady in waiting, Jem.”
I want to grind my teeth at the thought of her, but I refrain myself. “What does she want?”
“I'm not certain.”
Wonderful.
“That will be all,” I say, moving to my sitting room while Inkga follows me. “You may send her in as you leave.”
“Yes, Your Highness.” With a bow, she leaves the room.
I take a seat on the comfiest of chairs. Despite that, I don't feel comfortable. I feel…something. That talk with the first queen has me on edge. I wonder if anyone has ever heard of her before, besides previous queens who I can't speak with. I feel like she can be trusted—like she really can help—but I'm not ready to open up.
There's a knock on the door. I wish it was Nash.
“Enter,” I call out.
In sways Jem, and she closes the door behind her. She gives me a curtsy, and I motion her up. As much as I'd like to keep her in suspense, it's too awkward.
“Sit,” I say.
She takes the chair across from mine. “Thank you for seeing me, Your Majesty.”
I hold back a grunt. “What do you need?”
She takes a deep breath. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was shaky. “It's about the ball.”
Of course it is. I give her a keep-talking look.
“The other ladies in waiting and I want to be more involved.”
“I'm not the person to ask about that.”
She crinkles her eyebrows. “But you are the queen.”
“Things are different now than when my predecessor was here.” I should make them even more different. It's time I tackle the laws and find a way to feed the Poruah class. If the Kurah class can make a feast for me, surely there's a way we can achieve that.
“Maybe things shouldn't be different.” Jem startles me out of my thoughts.
“You dare disagree with me?”
She straightens her back and stares me down in a way that makes me think she's ready to start a fight. “Ladies in waiting have an important part too.”
“If you mean not getting tested to become queen and wanting to get rid of me so you can do so, then it's not so important.”
She stands, face going red. “Taking your life didn’t cross my mind. If you would stop being so self-centered you'd see there's a lot we have to offer.”
Her words sting with truth. “You have nothing to offer me.”
“Fine. But don't come crying to me when you can't do everything and you need help. We won't be there to give it to you,” she says and storms from the room.
Why do I have a feeling I made a horrible mistake?
I stay up late thinking. As much as I don’t want to admit it, maybe Jem was right. When I finally go to sleep, there are no dreams. No nightmares. No lady in green.
Chapter 26
In the morning, I finish getting ready and dismiss my servants.
There's a knock on my sitting room door.
“Come in,” I say.
Nash enters with a bow. He shuts the door and picks a chair.
“How are you this morning?” he asks.
“Well enough. You?”
“Charmed to be in your presence.”
My cheeks heat. “Now you're trying to flatter me.”
“Get used to it. It will happen often while you're the queen.”
“Is that why you said it?” I ask.
“Um…Precisely.” He glances away from me. “Should we get on with our lesson?”
I'd rather wrestle with him more. “Fine.”
He starts with his lecture for the day, but I only give half an ear. I should pay attention, but Jem's visit yesterday has me unsure of what to do. It's difficult to think of much else. It’s occupied my thoughts all morning.
Does she want to help me, or does she want to see me fail so she can have a chance at being the queen? She'd also have a large chance at dying, but maybe it'd be worth it to her. It seems worth it to so many people.
What about the other ladies in waiting? What are they after? There's no way to know for certain if I don’t give them a chance. Is there a way I can use them without risking anything? Perhaps.
“Have the ladies in waiting help with the ball,” I tell Nash.
“Where's this coming from?” he asks. “I thought you stayed away from them as much as possible.”
“What gave you that idea?”
“The fact that you didn’t want anything to do with them. You never invite them in like the other queens did. They’d spend an hour with them every day. Though they weren’t the same ones you have, she listened to their advice as much as to the Head Advisor's.”
“You want me to listen to someone's advice besides your own? Someone who might want me dead?”
“That's not what I'm saying, though I don't think it's bad to get more than one person's perspective on things.”
I shrug. “I don’t want to be best friends with them, just have them help with the ball.”
“Well, it will be a good thing. My sisters are doing a great job with it so far, but more hands would make it easier.”
“Good.”
What else do we need to talk about? The dreams. Should I tell him they're happening? Something in me curls away from that idea. I don't want to sound more insane than he already thinks I am.