by Janeal Falor
“It does.”
“Did you do that part?” Because I don't like it. It's wrong.
She hesitates. It makes me wish I could read her mind as well. “I did not.”
“Who did?”
“Someone you'll never know.”
“Because they're dead?”
“Yes. They've been gone for a long, long time.”
It’d be nice if things were different, but it's not something I can change.
“Tell me about the people of the city,” she says. “I know you visited with them. What did you think?”
I tell her all about them and find that the words flow. I am eager to talk about this. “I'm grateful they seem happy for the change, but I don't know how to respond to their attitude toward me. It's almost…”
“Worshipful.” She fills in.
“Yes.” My voice is hushed.
“You did something they appreciate. It's only natural that they turn around and praise you for it and show such adoration.”
“But I gave them something they should have had anyway. They shouldn’t be denied the basics of life.”
“No. They shouldn't.” The First Queen is very solemn.
After a moment, I ask, “What else do you think I should do for them? What has been done for them in the past?”
She cocks her head to the side. “A lot of things have been done for them that are good. One of the best policies was increased trade throughout the country. The people prospered during that period of time.”
“Because they grew wealthier?” How else would it benefit them?
“That, and they also had more interactions with each other and grew happier. They liked getting to know one another. They opened their minds and came into contact with different viewpoints, developing their critical thinking.”
What would it be like, to have the cities of my country more united? It sounds like a great plan, but hard to execute.
“It is hard,” she says, “but if you put your mind to it, you could make it happen in a way that would have the people thriving.”
It's what I desire for them. Why didn't the last queen do that?
“Because she didn't listen to my advice.”
“Deedra seems like she wasn’t the type of queen the country deserves.”
“As you say.”
Am I? I don't want to be the one who messes everything up for them.
“You are better for them than you know.”
I open my eyes to morning, a bright, glorious new day. The First Queen's words still echo in my head. I hope she’s right and that I’m better for them than I think.
Chapter 13
Inkga helps me into a dress—a subdued thing in maroon, but stately, according to her. It has sleeves that blossom out at my elbows and reach the floor, where they meet my wide skirt. Wide for me. According to court trends, it's much too narrow.
She pins up my hair and places the silver headband on it, where the crown will go. The whole time I look over my shoulder, expecting to see Daros or one of his men.
They never show.
I insisted on only Inkga helping me prepare. I'm not certain I want to be around other people right now. Strange, since I'm about to be among hundreds, with all gazes trained on me.
The thought reminds me of when I first drank the Mortum Tura. Of having a death wish.
Now I long for life.
Enough so that I'm willing to fight Daros or anyone else who stands in my way. The change is welcome, but it feels as if the death wish is hovering just under the surface, ready to splash forth at any time.
I push those feelings aside. I'm better than this.
“There.” Inkga puts the last touches on my short hair. “All finished. You look lovely.”
“Thank you for making me so.”
She beams at me like I gave her the best present. “You had it in you. I only spiffed it up a little.”
A blush heats my cheeks.
There's a knock. I follow Inkga to the next room, and she answers it.
She says, “Your Head Advisor, Nash Zorris.”
He strides in the room, and my breath falters. He looks good. Too good. His black boots come up to his knees. Cream pants, a black shirt, and a red overcoat with silver buttons complete his outfit. Though I don’t like red, it looks good on him. The ring that belonged to his father is on his left hand ring finger. His brown hair is combed, and hazel eyes sparkle at me, though they are more subdued than usual.
I want to bring him closer, not push him away.
I want to embrace him.
Lose myself in his arms.
But I can't.
He gives a stiff bow. “Your Majesty. Everything is ready and waiting for you.”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak to him. To Inkga, I say, “Thank you again, for all your help. Why don't you follow with the guards, so you can watch from a good spot? If you’d like.”
“I would enjoy that. Thank you, Your Highness.”
At least someone's happy with what's to come. Being queen is my duty now, but one I'm not certain I'm suited to.
I head out of the room, brushing past Nash without touching him. He's strong. Inviting. Entirely too so. I hurry on. Two of my escorts go in front of me, and everyone else follows behind. There’s too much attention on me, and it's about to get worse.
We twist and turn through the hallways. I forget how big this building is when I stay in my own little area. It's silly that so many queens added to it over the years, making it a monstrosity. At least cleaning it keeps people having jobs.
When we finally reach the door to the throne room, more guards are waiting. One of them peeks inside. “They are ready for you, Your Majesty.”
The guards go ahead and stand on the floor lower than me between the dais and the crowd. Nash, and Inkga shuffle in, where they hopefully can find seats close by. I should have asked Nash more about what to expect. I realize I'm pinching my fingers together, and I relax them.
I nod to the guard that I'm ready and enter the room to find it full to the brim with people.
My people.
They bow.
“Rise.” My voice echoes through the room.
Like at the ball, there are people of all statuses here—from Kurah, in fine, overly ornate clothing; to the Medi, who are well dressed; to those Poruah in rags, who’ve made the effort to clean up. Eager eyes watch me as I move forward, focusing on the throne at the front of the room. It's too many steps away now to worry about, but I tread them anyway.
To the right of the throne is a table with a crown sitting on it. On the other side is another table, with the chalice that holds the Mortum Tura. I will drink it, like the First Queen recommended. It will make me more powerful, though I'm not exactly sure how.
It feels as if it takes a full minute to get to the throne, but it can't possibly be that long. I reach the throne, which behind it has guards by the wall facing the crowd. More guards stand in front of the people, Nash and Inkga next to them.
For one of the few times in my life, I want to smile at them, but I keep it tight inside. It's much too formal of an occasion for me to grin. I sit on the throne, feeling silly that I'm sitting while everyone else is on their feet. At least my back is no longer to the room, and I can see everything. Even Daros.
My heart stops.
I search the crowd with my gaze.
He's here to ruin everything, like he's always done before.
I can't find him again. Where is he? Nothing. No one familiar. Maybe my eyes played tricks on me. Maybe not. Either way, my jaw is clenched tight. I'm grateful for all the weapons stashed on my person. I'd be grateful for my guards too, but last time we were here, they were so stunned to find out I killed the last queen that they didn't help. I can't be sure they'll come to my aid in a fight.
“The Shadow Wraith can’t be our queen.” A richly dressed man runs up the aisle toward me, sword in hand.
A dagger is out before I can think, though I don’t wan
t to hurt one of my subjects. Before he gets close, several guards are pulling him out of the room.
He’ll be taken to the dungeons, but hopefully not punished too harshly by the council. He may have tried to kill me, but I am the Shadow Wraith. I’ve left the country without many important men and women. He has reason to be upset with me, but that won’t change me becoming queen.
I can't keep sitting here; the ceremony must go forward.
I put the dagger back, grasp the stem of the chalice, and bring it in front of me.
The room is hushed, gazes attentive.
This drink does more than make me queen. It has power within it. Makes me stronger. More powerful.
Is that what I want?
For my people's sake, yes.
I lift it to my lips and taste the Mortum Tura—pomegranate, flavored with chocolate. I finish the whole cup before setting it back down on the table, where it will refill itself.
There's a shiver. A rush of something twisting through me. It's like a pressure at the back of my head, but different. More.
A gasp goes through the crowd. I must be glowing, bright and strong—the true sign that I belong as queen.
I belong.
I pick up the crown. Lift it high above my head, stretching my arms. The gazes of those gathered prick through me.
There is no turning back, only moving forward.
I lower the crown onto my head.
It's heavier than I thought it would be, enough to weigh me down with the burden of caring for my people.
Those gathered fall to the floor, their foreheads touching the gleaming wood. Unlike the first time this happened, I know what to do, and I don't keep them waiting. “Please rise.”
There's a rustle of movement as they climb back to their feet. So many people, all here for me, and this is just a small fraction.
Jaku comes forward, followed by the men under his command. He steps to the side, while the others come along the aisle I treaded across not that long ago, each stopping to bow to me and pledge their loyalty with a fist to their heart before I nod and they march back. I must nod over a thousand times.
The people must be restless—I know I am—but I appreciate the fact that the guards are promising themselves to protect and serve me.
Once the line ends, the guards protecting me each take a turn coming forward and doing the same, before lining back up where they were. They’re doing their job—one they've done for about seven weeks now.
After they're all finished, Jaku comes forward. “Your Majesty, Queen Ryn. My men and I pledge our loyalty to you from now until the day my service is no longer needed. May your rule be long.”
I nod at him like I did to the others, and he returns to his place among the council.
Nash comes forward then. My heart gives a light thump. He kneels before me, and I want to tell him to get up, but it's part of the ceremony. It's needed.
He puts his fist to his heart. “Queen Ryn, I pledge my loyalty to you from now until the day my services are no longer needed. May your rule be long.”
I want to reach down. To touch him.
Instead, I nod.
He glances at me, and our gazes meet. For one moment, time is ours.
And then it's over.
He moves back to his spot behind the guards, and the next council member comes forward. They all do and say what Nash did, only none of them make me want to jump out of my throne and throw my arms around them.
I also wonder how sincere their words are. Do they really want to serve me in any way that they can? Do they really wish for me to rule long?
The ceremony is about wrapped up. Nash comes up to the dais again, his gaze intent on mine. When he's beside me, in front of the table holding the chalice, he stops and faces the crowd. He holds out his fist, arm in a straight line, angled toward the crowd. “To Queen Ryn.”
The crowd mimics his gesture, raising their fists in the air. They cry out in massive roar, “To Queen Ryn.”
I am officially over my people.
I only hope I don't bungle it up.
Chapter 14
“You are officially the queen,” the First Queen says. “What plans do you have now?”
“I don't know. I should look into the laws more. Help my people. I like the idea of meeting with them. Having them come to me. I want to make certain that happens.”
“It's a good goal to have.”
But is it enough?
“It will be, as long as you are trying your best.”
“I don't know. I have a hard time making decisions that affect my people so much. I want to do right by them, but I'm also afraid of messing up.”
“Remember what I told you before. It's all right for the queen to make mistakes.”
We discuss more than what feels like fluff, but that's what my world keeps coming back to—it's all right for me to make mistakes. It doesn't feel that way.
The colors of the sunset fade as we say goodbye. They stay with me though, in my heart.
I wake to find Inkga entering the room.
“You're sleeping late this morning,” she says.
I stretch and hop out of bed. “It won't happen again.”
She shakes her head with a smile. “There's no reason for you to explain yourself. You can sleep in as much as you’d like. You've earned it.”
“I’m not accustomed to it.” Strange to think one day I might be.
I hurry to throw on a pair of black pants and a deep-blue blouse, stash my weapons, check to make certain I have my poison pouch around my neck, and let Inkga do my hair before she excuses herself with a smile.
I'm eager to see Nash.
A servant brings me breakfast, and I eat, barely tasting my food. The whole time I expect Nash to interrupt me, but he never does. He must be busy this morning. There is a lot for him to do, though usually he includes me in his duties.
He'll be by soon.
I pace the room. At some point a servant comes to take my tray away, but Nash still doesn't appear. Time to go find him. Maybe I'll finally get that stroll through the gardens.
I step out to find Wilric, Afet, Stird, and a female guard I don't recognize. They follow me as I go through the palace. He's not in the council room nor the room I sometimes meet in with my ladies-in-waiting, and I don’t find him in the throne room or the Mortum Tura room with its many mirrors reflecting nothing back to me but myself.
He's probably waiting for me back in my room. It was silly to leave. I was so anxious to see him, though.
Lengthening my stride, I hurry toward my rooms. My escorts keep pace, staying silent. I'm almost getting used to having someone with me wherever I go. Almost. I open my door with a grin on my face.
No one's here.
I suppress a frown as I turn to the servant always waiting by my room. “Please go fetch my Head Advisor for me.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.” He gives a bow and hurries off to go do my bidding.
What could be keeping Nash? He's usually here before I even think of him. It's likely that he's got things on his schedule this morning, but usually I come first.
I go in my sitting room and pace.
I tap my fingers against my legs.
I want to see his face.
Brush my fingertips against his.
I huff, impatient for things to be moving along. I can't wait for him all day; I have duties I need to attend to now that I'm officially the queen. I want to meet with my people and fix laws. Standing here all day isn't allowed.
What feels like a good hour later, there's a knock. I grin, open the door, and my face falls. It's the servant I sent to find him, and he’s alone except for the guards.
“Forgive me, Your Majesty,” he says with a bow. “I can't find your Head Advisor anywhere.”
My gut burns. “What do you mean, you can't find him?”
He shirks back, voice meek. “I mean, he's nowhere to be found. No one has seen him since he went to bed last night.”
“Th
at can't be. He was supposed to meet me here this morning. Look again.”
“Yes, Your Highness.” He bows once more and rushes away while I remain with the doorway with my escorts.
I drum my fingers on my thigh. “Wilric, do you know where Nash's mother lives?”
“I do, Your Majesty.”
“Please go to his home and see if he needed to visit his family.” Perhaps an emergency turned up. I'll have to tell him to send a note to me next time this happens. I hope everything is all right with them.
“Yes, my lady.” Wilric sets off.
I go back to pacing, this time keeping my door open. I'm anxious to find out what Nash has to say for himself. What excuse he has for not checking in with me. I cluck my tongue. His disappearance is inexcusable. There's no reason for him not to let me know what's going on, even with a quick note.
My pacing becomes frenzied as time passes. It's hard not to watch the clock on my wall tick by slowly, edging forward like it hasn't a care in the world. It doesn't understand my need for it to move more quickly. To get answers about Nash.
Half an hour later, the servant returns, huffing for air.
“Well?” I demand.
“I'm sorry, Your Majesty. There's no sign of him. I have half the servants and some guards as well out, looking for him.”
How can this possibly be? He must have gone home early in the morning. “Send me one of the guards who was on duty at the portcullis this morning.”
“Yes, my lady.”
After he leaves, I pull out a non-poisoned dagger and clean my fingernails with it. By the time I'm done, not only does the guard show up, but he also has Jaku at his side.
“Did you see Nash leave the palace grounds this morning?” I spit out.
“No, my lady. There's been very little activity at the gate this morning,” the guard says.
“Where is he?” My voice is a roar.
“Forgive me, Your Majesty,” Jaku says with a head bow. “I understand your need for your Head Advisor. This isn’t like him at all, but I’m sure it’s nothing. We'll find him.”
“You understand nothing.” My heart squeezes, a painful, choking feeling.
“I will personally go search for him and have my men on the lookout.” Jaku doesn't wait for an answer, but bows and turns to leave with the guard.