by Janeal Falor
I let loose a dagger into the shooter’s chest and drop him to the ground. It wasn't a deadly hit, but it should be enough to knock him out for a while.
“You really want to do this?” I ask Ranen.
He grins, a startling expression that sends chills running down my spine. He snaps a second time, and another three men come pouring out of my bedroom before I have time to think about what's happening. I back into Nash, who slides a dagger out of my pocket.
I'm only too happy to let him. He's in no condition to fight, but I can't have him weaponless either. He needs to be able to protect himself. It's my hope that the men will focus on me instead of him, though. Six men I can handle myself, but not when I have him to protect. I don’t know how we’re both going to get through this alive.
The first man comes for me, sword drawn. I plant a dagger in his arm and whisk another out my boot. As I'm bent down, he hurtles toward me with the second and third men close behind. There’s not enough room in this little place to fight so many.
The floor is firm beneath my feet, giving me the confidence I need to win this fight. A fourth man hurtles past me and locks the door to my sitting room. Backup will not be quick in coming.
I scream for help. The locked door won’t keep my guards out for long, though maybe long enough. There’s already a thump of something hitting it.
There’s no more time to think about it. The three men are on me, barely held at bay by my daggers. Swords flash before my eyes. It’s all I can do to keep up with them and stay in front of Nash.
Sweat drips down my face, getting in my eyes, but I can’t wipe it away. A blade makes it past my defenses and slices my left arm. I grit my teeth against the pain, ignoring the liquid spilling out onto my arm. I lift it in time to block another sword coming at me.
While they aim for my torso, I’ve got to do something to get around them. As I block one, I kick one of my opponents in the groin. He drops his sword with a grunt and dives backward.
One down, but four to go—plus Ranen, but he admitted he can’t fight. He’s not the real threat here; his minions are.
As four blades try to reach me and Nash, I block and whirl, kicking the hand closest to me. The owner yells as I throw both daggers, one right after another, to land in the shoulders of two attackers. There’s lots of groaning, but one opponent hasn’t been hurt.
The remaining attacker laughs, probably thinking I don’t have a weapon to defeat him. I have nothing within reach, but I’ll use my body to block him to the last, no matter what it means. I can’t let him get to Nash.
He reaches back to swing at me, the blades in my boots too far away. He’s going to win, unless I get his sword away from him. It all happens so fast—while he moves his sword forward, Nash calls out, “Duck.”
Trusting he isn’t doing this to sacrifice himself, I dive to the floor. A whistling is promptly followed by a moan of pain.
I jump for the sword, which my attacker holds loosely in his hand. He doesn’t put up much of a fight while I get it. He stumbles back a few paces. When I take him all in, I notice that one of my daggers is sticking out of his chest. Nash got him where he will never be able to do damage to anyone else.
I put the sword I’m holding to Ranen’s throat and direct my comment at the nearest attacker. “Tie up the others.”
He has one of my daggers sticking out of his shoulder. “You haven’t won enough for me to do so.”
“Haven’t I?” Without warning, I press my blade into his opposite shoulder. He hisses, moving away from me. I turn to the second attacker, the one I kicked in the groin. “Tie up the others.”
He glances at Ranen, his face screwed up like he’s not ready to stop fighting, but then relaxes his expression into defeat. He rips the curtains and ties up his comrades. I’ll deal with him in a moment. First I need to secure Ranen and get the door open so my soldiers can come in. They’re pounding on the door, and I wonder how long that’s been going on. At this rate, they’ll break through it before I can unlock it.
I pull a dagger out of my boot, and swap the sword into my left hand and the dagger into my right. It’s more comfortable this way—feels like it’s meant to be. “Sit on the floor next to your buddies.”
He does so, and though he’s not secured yet, I’m much more confident that I can handle all of them.
“Why did you do it? Why make me raise taxes? Why take Nash?”
Ranen sneers. “Because you are unfit to be queen. I wanted the people to be unhappy with you. I made you name Tido your Head Advisor, so I could control him after I sent someone to kill you or had the people do it for me. I want revenge for how you treated me. Nash, the man you care about, will never be himself again.”
“Who said I care about him?” How could he possibly know that? Where did I slip up?
“You were wearing his coat when you came to visit me in the dungeons.”
I clench my jaw. How could I be so stupid? “How was that telling?”
“I’ve never seen a queen accept such a thing from a Head Advisor before. Only a fool who cared about him would accept his coat. Besides, you look at him with more kindness than anyone else.”
I want to rage at myself for making the mistake that cost so much, but the past can’t be changed, only learned from.
I put down my blades. This is it. Fighting’s over. I've won, and Ranen is going to be out of our lives. Done torturing people.
There's a burst of movement, and before I can stop him, Ranen is at Nash's throat.
The promise I made myself not to kill flashes through my mind. It's not something easily forgotten, even when the moment is a fast one that seems to somehow last forever. It's either deal with what's happening and live with the consequences, or stop it no matter the cost to me.
It's not a hard choice to make with Nash's life on the line.
I let my dagger go, not stopping to watch where it lands, because I know it's a death blow. What I don't know is if Ranen will be able to move before it kills him. I jump forward, knocking his blade away, but it’s already falling from his grasp.
Ranen is dead.
And the promise I made myself not to kill is broken.
Chapter 44
It’s been eight days I'm still fretting about not keeping my word. If I can’t even keep a promise to myself, how can I keep one to my people? Nash is worth it, but that only makes it so much easier to bear.
“How are you feeling?” I've been asking him that a lot lately.
“Fine. Happy to see you. Better.”
I smile. “Good answers.”
“I thought so. Now if only we could have more privacy,” he whispers.
There are several servants in the palace room I insisted he stay in until he’s fully healed, none of which I trust.
“The healer said you needed lots of rest and constant attention, to make certain you didn't regress.”
“Can't you give me that?”
I grin. If only I could.
There’s a knock. One of the servants answers it. He says, “Nash Zorris’s family, Your Majesty.”
“Send them in.” I’m grateful they’re here. They’ve been around often since I sent word that Nash had been found.
Nash’s eyes light up at the sight of them. “Mom.”
“Hello, handsome.”
He laughs, a dry sound that’s not at all his normal self. “There’s much debate about that at the moment.”
And it’s true he doesn’t look like himself. Bruises—purple, yellow, and green. Cuts still healing. His hair like prickles on his scalp instead of long locks. Dark circles under his eyes from the lack of sleep because of nightmares. I wish there was something I could do for him, but what? Maybe with magic, but I don’t know enough about it. I need to learn more.
“I’ll give you some time alone,” I say.
“You don’t have to go, Your Majesty,” Slipa says, but I’m on my feet and out the door.
Outside the room is a retinue of guards. Thoug
h Ranen is no longer a threat, no one wants to leave me unguarded. Jaku is with them. He waves me over farther down the hall, but where we can still see my other guards.
“How can I help you, Jaku?” I ask.
“I’m worried over your safety, my lady. Daros is still out there.”
Don’t I know it? “After everything we’ve been through, he’s nothing but a fly on the wall.”
“That may be, but he still presents a danger to you.”
“We’ll keep a sharp eye out. You’ve increased the guards around me. I’m certain we’ll be fine.”
“Be that as it may, I’m recruiting more guards for the general work around the palace. We’re increasing security overall.”
“Do we have the funds for that?” After all, I lowered the taxes for the Poruah and Medi. I make a mental note to tell them I’ll keep my word this time, though it’s going to take a lot more than that to make them believe me.
“I went over the budget with Timit,” Jaku says.
“I’m sure that was helpful,” I say sarcastically.
“He wasn’t the most forthcoming, but I did eventually get that we have enough funds to hire another hundred guards if we close down parts of the palace like you previously suggested.”
“By all mean, let’s do it.” I don’t know that we need a hundred men, but giving people jobs is better than keeping parts of the palace open.
“I’ll get right on it.” He bows and leads me back to the group of guards.
How am I going to deal with the Kurah? It’s going to take a lot of thought to figure that out. I’ll think of something. If not, Nash will help me, though I worry about his state of mind after everything he’s been through. But he’s tough. Ranen’s men may have done a number on him, but he is strong.
Nash’s family comes out of the room, and Slipa stops when she sees me. “Thank you for all you’ve done for my son, Your Majesty.”
“I wish I could have spared him all of this.”
“No one could have done such a thing. It’s not your fault evil exists in the world. You’re doing the best you can to fight it.”
As we give our goodbyes, I wonder if she’s right. Am I doing my best? I feel like I’ve spent too long giving in to whatever evil wanted. I can’t dwell on such thoughts now. I can’t change my past, only my future.
I hope my future lies within the room. I enter, and the servants give me a bow. I motion for them to rise, and otherwise ignore them.
Nash grins, and I return it, though it’s not his usual one. When I reach his side, I sit on a small stool next to the bed.
And then my smile falters. “Maybe it is time we have some privacy.” I turn to the servants. “Leave us.”
They curtsy or bow and head out of the room.
“I'd like to think this is going to be a good moment, but I can tell from the look on your face you have something other than alone time in mind.”
“I'm sorry, Nash. I want to know how bad things were for you—how much they hurt you—so I know how to help.”
His gaze skitters to the side. “I don't know. It's not something I like talking about.”
“The healer said the same thing, but that you needed to talk about it.”
“What about you? Are you going to talk about what it was like for you growing up?”
I clamp my mouth shut. He's got me there. It's not something I want to talk about at all. I'd rather eat garbage.
“Then we don't need to talk about me either.”
I sigh. I have to give in, sooner or later. He needs this as much as I do, no matter how little I want to admit it. “Tell you what—I'll ask you a question, and you can ask me one. When one of us gets pushed past where we want to be, we can stop. Sound good?”
“Not really, but I'll go for it. Only if I get to start, though.”
I grit my teeth. “Fine.”
“I know we’re not supposed to, but—,” He takes a deep breath, “Will you hold my hand?”
Surprised by his question, I take a moment to respond. “Yes. I'd love to.”
I take his hand into mine, feeling the rough callouses that have hardened from his using a sword and other weapons. Despite the hardness, there's a gentleness there as well. Something nice about the way he firmly takes me in his grip. He has a long way to go before he returns to his full strength, but right now I feel like he could take care of me.
“Your turn,” he reminds me.
I don't know what to ask after that. “Why don't you go again since that was a question we both wanted answered?”
“Fair enough. Was it like what I went through? Growing up, I mean.”
I give his hand a squeeze. I'd rather do that than talk, but he promised he'd answer if I did. “I don’t know exactly what you went through, but it was probably a little like that. Daros needed to keep me in somewhat decent shape because I had to stay well enough for him to use as an assassin whenever he wanted, but that didn't change the fact that he loved to torture me. I was his personal torment toy. He'd do with me as he willed, whenever he willed it.”
“I'm sorry you had to live through that. No one should.”
The words mean more now that I know he's lived through part of it too. Not that I want him knowing what it felt like. More than anything, I wish he never went through something so horrific. “Thank you. If only I hadn’t gone through it, but then, it's made me who I am today. I can't complain about that.”
“No. I can't say I'd complain about it either. I love you for who you are.”
The words swarm in my head, twirling round and around until they reach my heart. “What did you say?” I ask.
“That I can't complain.”
“No. After that.”
He smiles, soft and sure. “That I love you.”
“Even after everything I put you through?”
“What do you mean, everything you put me through?”
“I mean the torture you had to endure. The pain and ridicule.”
He takes my hand in both of his. “Ryn, that wasn't your fault.”
I glance down, trying to tell which hand is whose. His is bruised and bandaged where his pinky used to be, mine thin and strong. “It feels like I caused it.”
“But it isn't. I promise you it was Ranen's. He caused all these problems. He was selfish, trying to rule the country in a way he thought he could. He didn't understand you're the rightful queen.”
“So he took it out on you.” It hurts to say. I glance at his bandage, where he's missing a finger. “When did they take it?”
“Right away.”
I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse.
“They didn't like how I wasn't cooperating with them,” he said.
“Did you cooperate after that?”
“That's two questions, but no. I never did.”
“That reminds me.” I reach into my pocket and pull out his father's ring. “This belongs to you.”
He slowly picks it up, as if in awe. “I thought it was gone forever. I didn't know why they took it, except to maybe sell it. It's worth a lot of money, but worth more to me as an heirloom that belonged to my father.”
“They sent it to me as proof they had you. And then they sent your hair, the second time.”
“When they shaved me, I'm assuming.”
“I'm sorry. I should have never asked for a sign.”
“They didn't scalp me, and hair grows back fast. It'll be fine.”
Still, I miss his hair. It was long enough that I would like to let my fingers play in it. To feel the strands between my fingers. But that won't be happening for a while.
He winces.
“Are you all right?”
“Fine. Ready for a nap.”
“Should I leave you?”
“No. I want to ask more questions.”
“We can continue later, when your body is well rested. Blades know it's hard enough, dealing with this as it is, without adding pain to the mix.”
“No. I want to
know. With all that’s happened, how do you feel about being queen now?”
I’m not sure how to answer. I take my time. “I feel better, though I’ve betrayed the people. I know I’ll have to work hard to regain their trust, but I want to. This needs to happen. I want to have a long life, helping the people as best I can. I’m just not sure how.”
“I’ll help you however I can.”
“Thank you. Now you really need to get some sleep.”
“Will you be here when I wake up?” His eyes are already closed, words slurring.
“I'll always be here.”
A smile flits across his lips, and then he's out.
I watch his chest rise and fall, wishing I could curl up next to him, but the bed isn't big enough. Plus he’d be killed for it. Seeing him is better than nothing.
I watch his chest rise and fall. I’m so grateful to have him here. To have him back at my side.
I'll make him my Head Advisor again as soon as I'm ready. In the meantime, Jem's temporarily filling in. She knows it's not permanent. Still, I trust her advice more than I did before, when she was a lady-in-waiting.
I close my own eyes, listening to the soft sound of Nash's breath. It's soothing—nice and gentle. I lean back in my chair, grip his good hand, and close my eyes. I could sleep like this for a little while. I have things to do, yes, but they'll wait.
Until one little thought hits me.
Daros's jewel was in Nash's room.
“Nash.” I nudge his shoulder. “Nash, wake up. I need to ask you something important.”
“Hmmm?”
“Did you see who took you when you were first kidnapped?”
“Mmm.”
He's not fully awake. I ask again.
“No. I didn't see them.” His words blend together. “They put something over my head, so I couldn't.”
“They? There was more than one?”
“Yeah.” He yawns. “Two of them wrestled me until they knocked me out. Before I went out, I heard a voice. It was familiar, but I couldn't quite place it.”
“Was it—” Do I have to say it? “Daros?”
His eyes flash open, fear shining in them. “It was.”