For what felt like eternity, I floated in that aesthetic light, devouring it with my senses, saturated in its wonder. There was nothing but God around me as I basked in perpetual delight – a new womb to replace my old dark husk in which I had been clueless of my existence. No words were spoken and no thoughts were exchanged. We had become one and the same, our souls inseparable and divinely interwoven by an unspoken agreement.
And then it was gone.
And I was alone again.
And all I cared about – all I desired, all my soul craved, was to feel that episode of complete euphoria once more.
I almost went into a frenzy of madness and despair, until a voice interrupted my descent.
“Open your eyes.”
The voice gave a command – and I obeyed desperately.
I opened my eyes, and I saw a man before me – no, not a man, for man did not yet exist – an angel. I gasped, thirsty for God’s quenching embrace, but the angel had no remorse for my agony.
“Open your eyes,” he said, “and try to get up.”
My wings were quivering and my mind was disoriented. I could barely see, and the little I could was too much to handle. There were too many colors and objects to focus on, and the angel before me was still trying to converse.
“You’re a mess,” he chuckled, placing both of his hands on my shoulders and forcing me to sit back down. “Maybe you’re not ready to get up just yet….I have to say, I’ve never seen an angel get this discombobulated from God’s presence. You can’t even concentrate.”
I took a gulp and waved my hands all around me in fly-swatting motions - vertigo manning the helm of my motor functions. Eventually, my hands brushed up against the fluffy grass beneath me – yes, it was fluffy - and I began to calm down, rubbing it between my fingers back and forth like I was moving a computer mouse, and discovering an interesting sensation when I swept my face across it.
By now I sensed that the angel had sat down beside me and I abruptly stopped my embarrassing episode. I lifted my head with eyes wide, swiveling back and forth, unsure if he was the only angel there, or if there were others near me, silently watching. With him being so close, it was hard to take in the area, but I couldn’t muster up the words to tell him to back away. In the end, I just thanked God he didn’t try to rub my back or touch me in any way to comfort me. I was having enough trouble reaching beyond the cloud of overstimulation to even hear his words.
“My name is Cadence,” he said soothingly. “Listen, I know what you’re going through. I was taken from God’s presence not too long ago myself. It’s not a…pleasant feeling, but I figure there has to be a reason for it. Not that I know what that is, so don’t bother asking, but - I decided one day, that if He loved me so much…He’ll be back for me. What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t worry. Save yourself the heartache and come to this conclusion: God will be back, and until then, you’ll have a number of friends here to help you.”
I didn’t thank him for his kind words. I couldn’t, for I was still too wrapped up in my own desires, and a peek beyond my eyelids was the equivalent of running on a field of land mines. But he stayed by my side, despite my miserable company, and waited silently for me to come around. I don’t know how long it took, but he never complained. He would simply look out at the galaxy before us and whistle, or copy my grass-brushing technique, laughing at me whenever I saw what he was doing and whipped my hand away, refusing to touch the grass again for three more seconds. Eventually, I came around enough that I felt comfortable engaging him in conversation, but by then, the others had arrived to see where Cadence had disappeared to. It was the first time I met Cadence’s friends: Alessa, Farah, and Marcus.
Marcus stood out the most, and my first impression of him was more of fear than awe. To this day, I remind myself the two should not be interchangeable if I want a mutual friendship with him, especially since his look hasn’t changed. His hair was cut low and spiky. His face was chiseled and rigid, complementing his gigantic size which was struggling not to explode through the armor he wore. His armor - a monstrosity bathed in crimson red, had silver streaks running across it like stripes on a zebra. Unlike the rest of us, he had no gauntlets or defensive artillery on his arms. His limbs protruded from his shoulders like elephant trunks, flexing and swaying with dominion, biceps almost as big as my head. His wings were folded behind him, but I could already tell they were as large as his arms were and looked just as heavy. How he could fly, was beyond me.
Farah was the exact opposite of Marcus. Small, petite, and muscleless, she wasn’t intimidating at all. She had dull green armor that looked like flimsy plastic, and it hugged her like it was a second layer of skin. Her long, lightning green hair veiled half of her tiny baby face, and her wings were like a dragonfly’s, translucent and blurry, producing a low hum that was barely audible. She was so tiny, I instantly knew I would remember her forever.
But it was Alessa, whose personality superseded them both, and I quickly realized she was not an angel to be taken lightly. When I met her, the first thing she did was grab Cadence by the side of his armor and practically lift him off the ground.
“Cadence, you can’t keep babying every single angel that lands here. They’ll get attached.”
“Like all of you?” Cadence snapped back, swiveling his head toward her like it was a weapon. “I don’t hear any complaining about how I helped each of you back then.” Alessa’s eyes widened in horror, but she easily let Cadence down, recollected herself and pointed a menacing finger at his forehead.
“Don’t patronize me, skeleton. You know full well that I adapted on my own. I wasn’t a child.”
“I realize that, but you still didn’t deny my company.”
“Just because you helped a couple of us out, it doesn’t mean you have to become a missionary and go on goodwill missions.”
“I’m not.”
“Then why do you have to console each one that appears?”
“I’m doing exactly what I’ve done from the start – being there for the new arrivals. Nothing more. I don’t see the problem. I never imposed myself on any of you, and I would have walked away if you had told me so, but no one ever did - because you needed the support. Imagine if I had left you alone. You would all be Absent right n…” His voice trailed off as he replayed a distant memory. “Never mind, it’s irrelevant. What’s important is we’re together. A lot of the angels who came before us…they don’t talk to each other like we do, and it affects them. We have to be different.”
“Be strong,” Marcus agreed in a deep, slow, resonating voice.
“Yes, Marcus,” Cadence replied, his attention not yet completely in the present. “We must.”
With Marcus’s words at the forefront, and the notion of strength reinforcing the group, I finally was cognizant enough to take a glance at the armor that provided me my angelic clothing. Each component shone with its own lightning blue tint, almost rippling in animation. The gauntlets on my wrists were solid krillic - a durable material that my database told me existed only in Heaven. They extended slightly over my knuckles to give my hands extra protection, and I could only wonder why they were designed for function and not fashion. When would I have to use a gauntlet? There was simply no real animosity where we were.
And if there was to be violence, I didn’t know how I would fare. My sad excuse for a breast plate was flimsy and thin in material, feeling more like fabric than krillic, diamond or gold…but I let this flaw go in order to examine the rest. There were barely any allotments on my legs, and even my forearms were naked. I couldn’t see my tern-like wings entirely, but I could tell there was a set of fore and back wings - very silky and lush, with many layers upon layers of featherweight material. They weren’t very big or wide in and of themselves, but they were a little more than half my body in volume.
I flittered my back wings over my fore wings, playing with their flexibility while the others waited for me to finish. I was having too much fun twisting my wings into knots and ro
lling them up like large towels, letting them explode open and snap at the air.
The group was so charmed by my display that they all laughed at my playfulness for over five minutes. At first, I was appalled, but when I realized they meant no harm, I laughed too. Reflecting back on that day, I realized it told me just how long they had gone without amusement. And I would find out why soon enough.
Nevertheless, from that moment on, I was a part of the group. And it didn’t matter that it had been Cadence’s sole decision to help me and accept me. They all treated me like I was a member.
The island was exciting at first - the panoramic galaxy making up the ceiling and our walls, the number of new angels to talk to and laugh with, the playing…and reminiscing about God. Because we needed nothing for survival per se, we used our stay on the island to wonder, or to talk about what new file we had pulled from our mental database – asking each other what a carrot was like since we had never seen or tasted one, or even knew if we had taste buds to begin with. In short, conversations usually got superfluous and out of hand, because there was no way we could come to a concrete conclusion for any of them. Yes, they were nothing but theories and hypotheses, but talking was all we had.
Most of our evidence-gathering sessions were about a shining city called Heaven. Ingrained in us were two major places: Heaven and Earth. No one debated against the weighing importance our mental database placed on Earth, but whenever we tried to study it, most lost interest, because we were under the impression that it was a distant concept. A place that would have great significance but was nowhere near our immediate future. Therefore, Heaven was the popular topic, for we saw images of angels, like us, flying to it. Maybe not in it, but definitely to it. The general consensus was that it was irrevocably a home for angels, and with nothing more than a small island to live on, we were eager to go there, especially with recent talk that if the current ratio of new angels to the island’s size continued, it would soon be crowded. But until we saw a way out, we abided, and waited in our holding area, hoping that one day, it would all be over.
“Where is God?!” the new angel cried again, and I came to. Cadence and Alessa both glanced at me and each other, smirking in unison at how easily we had become lost in our thoughts.
“I’m sorry,” I said to him. “You may not see Him for a little while, but He will be back.”
“When?” he whined, his body beginning to tremble in anxiety. I took both of my hands, and pressed down on his shoulders, forcing him to sit - the nostalgia hitting me like a sweet smelling savour.
“Soon enough,” I said, and Alessa snickered behind me. I could feel Cadence glare at her, even with my back turned.
“So should we ask him if Heaven exists?” Alessa offered, but I rolled my eyes and ignored her. “Calm down, Lysander. I was joking.”
“Let’s take him with us,” Cadence said, but the angel shook his head violently.
“NO!” he snapped at him. “I’m staying right here until God comes back!”
Cadence didn’t hesitate to plop down on the grass beside him, folding his arms over his legs.
“Cadence, c’mon,” Alessa whined, but she knew where the situation was heading.
“I said NO!” the angel cried once more. “I’m not leaving!”
“Then I will be here until either He shows, or you come with us,” Cadence stated adamantly, and I knew by the tone of his voice that his mind was made up. Alessa groaned a little to herself and started to protest, but she decided against it and immediately took flight, back to where Marcus and Farah were. Cadence didn’t bother saying goodbye as he began staring off into the distance. The new angel sulked and wept silently, knees on the ground and his face planted in his palms. It was a familiar sight I had no interest in reliving.
“Do you want me to stay?” I asked Cadence, who shook his head “no” and nodded toward the angel.
“It might be a while before he comes to terms with this,” he stated emotionlessly. “But I will be here for him, when that time comes.”
“There’s cosmic dust over in the northwest quadrant…turning into what I think will be a stellar nebula. I’m going to look at it for a little bit and then I’ll come join you both.”
“There’s no rush,” Cadence smiled toward me. “We have the time.”
“No argument there,” I said solemnly, and I spread my wings.
It took a heartbeat to get to my favorite spot on the island. I could have easily seen the cosmic dust from where Cadence and the new angel were, but honestly, I wanted to be alone, to contemplate why God gave us such a beautiful view, and not just blank walls. It had been a project of mine for months, and even with little progress, I was still habitually searching through the database for clues. Whenever I found some possible evidence, I matched them up to my own beliefs, seeing if there was harmony between the two, a little peace to ease the forlorn hope that God would soon return.
But it looked like I would have difficulty concentrating this time. Someone was already there, sitting exactly in my favorite spot. Since he had gotten there first, I didn’t make a fuss about it, but my face definitely twitched when I saw him…if that’s possible.
I gently floated down to where he sat and stood idly next to him, figuring that he wouldn’t mind if we watched together. It’s not like there was any privacy on the island, and I didn’t plan on talking. Besides, I had work to do, so where was the harm?
But after the silence ensued for hours, the lack of initial greetings was making the air awkward, and I soon found it strange that he didn’t even acknowledge my company. I looked down at him out of the corner of my eye and saw that he was staring at the cosmic dust like I had been, but with disturbing, listless eyes - his wings folded and tucked uncomfortably beneath his posterior. His face was worn, as if a shadow had been cast upon it from an upward angle and his jaw drooped like oatmeal coming off of a spoon. He didn’t look like he was interested at all in what he saw and I finally understood what he was. It was a little frightening to be so close.
But I got over it. Since I had already been standing next to him for a good couple of hours, I figured it wouldn’t be harmful to ask what he was engrossed in with such fervor, and while I was at it - see if he wouldn’t mind a partner. Whenever I asked Cadence to help in my investigation projects, he usually said he had more important things to think about. Alessa and Farah had found it boring the couple of times they had ventured to join my studies, and there was no point in explaining it to Marcus. The instructions usually took hours alone. So in short, I was more than willing to pick up an assistant. I had heard his kind were tapped into the database at all times, lost in the infinite surge of information. If I could bring his mind back to the present, he would make an excellent partner, and who knows? I may even make a friend.
I was just about to touch his shoulder when someone grabbed my arm, so fast, it was like it had been there all along. The imposing hand was strong and firm, squeezing my forearm to the point my eyes began darting back and forth, my body trembling, paralyzed under the pressure.
A being stood before me, but its physical characteristics were shrouded. It was like trying to describe someone while only being able to see out of your eyelashes. I knew someone was there, but that was the extent of my analysis.
“Do not touch him,” the being said in a deep, authoritative voice, squeezing extra hard to get the message across. “He is to learn this lesson on his own. He will come back in time.”
“What lesson?” I asked, my fear subsiding and my stupidity rising. I was acting like this being had not just half-crushed my arm.
“A lesson you have already learned, Lysander.”
I reached forward to grab the being but he was already behind me, like he was an extension of my own shadow. It was a dumb move, trying to touch him and confirm he was real, but I was so grateful to see a new, albeit scary authoritative presence speaking to me, I was past formalities. He was nothing like God, but he could have had some news on where I migh
t find Him.
“Where is God?” I asked, but he didn’t even attempt to answer my question.
“There is a purpose for this wait,” he said. “That wait is now over. You have learned the lesson.”
“I don’t understand. What did I learn?”
“You will realize it momentarily, but for now, prepare your mind. You are going to be taken to Heaven.”
CHAPTER 2: Sweet Sorrow
“In precisely one hour,” the being continued, “you will be brought to an angel named Raphael. He will guide you into the next stage of your development. Until then, you are not to speak of this appointment to anyone. They are to seek out the answers of their own volition. Now…are there any inquiries before I depart?”
“Why me?” I asked, very confused. “What about my friends? Are they going too?”
“If they have learned the lesson.”
“How will I know?”
“You won’t. Not until you arrive in Heaven.”
“What is this lesson you speak of? How could I have passed it when I have no clue what you’re talking about?”
“Do not worry, Lysander. All will be revealed in the end. You have one hour – starting now. Farewell.”
The being vanished and I was left alone with the creepy worn-out angel who seemed to have lost his mind. Whoever the mysterious being was, he was clear in his message – I was going to Heaven…but how could that be? I had gotten so used to being on the island…I had never thought about how it would feel to leave, especially without the group…one hour – how was that enough time to say good-bye without being able to say good-bye? And I had relied on Cadence for so long; I couldn’t bear the thought of venturing out on my own. Why did I deserve to make it into Heaven?
I wearily glanced down at the angel next to me, who was still in a daze, and wondered if he would still be in a stupor if he had heard the message I just received. He probably would be downright healed, for now I was being relieved from the very predicament that he and so many others suffered from. And I could have easily been in their number, if not for the group. If not for their love and assistance. How could I repay them? Perhaps if I stopped dwelling on the past, and all they had done for me - maybe leaving them would get easier. After all, it was Cadence who had brought me in, and not necessarily the others. Sure, he would miss me on some level, but the rest would move on. I was sure of it.
The Works of Julius St. Clair - 2017 Edition (Includes 3 full novels and more) Page 63