The Black Wolf's Captive (The Highland Wolf Series Book 1)

by Tessa Murran

  There was a sudden flash of black and a high yelping sound and Ailsa looked up to see Duncan above her on Ares, his sword bloody in his hand and a face wild with rage. Then he was off his horse and reaching a bloody hand toward her. The world turned dark as she fell back into the mud.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Duncan paced up and down outside the inn struggling with exhaustion and frustration. The acrid smoke from the chimney combined with old manure from the stables was pungent but he was oblivious to it. Having ridden furiously all day to reach Ailsa he had been horrified to find her in dire straits. A few moments later and he would have been standing over a corpse rather than cutting down the beast that threatened her. He felt sick to his stomach at what could have happened.

  She had wanted to run from him, run into the teeth of the wolves rather than remain with him. Could her hate be so fierce that it would drive her to her own destruction? Guilt gnawed at his conscience relentlessly and would give him no rest. The fault for all this misery was his alone. Jealousy and wounded pride had consumed the love he had for her and his anger at the thought of Ailsa with another man had swept away all they had started to build together. As her husband, he had sworn to protect her, in that he had failed miserably.

  Worst of all, what ravaged his thoughts and kept him from his sleep last night was the look of horror on her face when he had reached out for her. She had been terrified of him.

  Rory interrupted his dark thoughts, his voice concerned. ‘You must take some rest, Duncan.’

  ‘I cannot.’

  ‘She is sleeping peacefully man. She is safe now, thanks to you.’

  ‘Not safe from me.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Nothing, nothing at all.’ He stopped pacing and looked into the cold dawn which was turning the sky to a watery red and yellow on the horizon. It was so peaceful compared to the turmoil in his head. What on earth could he do now? For once in his life, he had no idea how to proceed. Rory stayed silent beside him; they had been friends long enough for him to know when to hold his tongue.

  ‘You and the men must return to Cailleach at once, she’s undefended and I would not have her so.’

  ‘Can we not stay a day and get some rest? One of the inn keep’s daughters is uncommonly pretty and has taken quite a shine to me. She has breasts a man could lose himself in and a lusty look in her eye…’

  ‘Do you never tire of chasing after women my friend?’

  ‘No, I am inexhaustible in that regard and this one I’ll have on her back in no time at all.’

  ‘It is unfortunate then that you have to forgo your pleasure and do your duty. You must leave for Cailleach now,’ Duncan replied firmly, a smile breaking out at the crestfallen look on Rory’s face. It broke the tension in him a little and he breathed in deeply, feeling his shoulders sag and his neck muscles unclench.

  Aye, very well and you, what will you do?’

  ‘I will join you once Ailsa is recovered. Why doesn’t she wake? I cannot stand out here all day waiting.’ Duncan started kicking the ground.

  ‘She fainted is all. She has some cuts and bruises but nothing serious. Let her rest awhile as her mind is hysterical after that terrible ordeal then, God willing, Ailsa will be herself again.’

  Duncan sighed heavily, tired to his bones, the sense of doom which had dogged his steps for weeks suddenly lying heavier upon him.

  ‘I’ll ready the men,’ said Rory turning to go.

  ‘Rory,’ Duncan called after him, ‘she was frightened of me. When I went to her I saw it in her face.’

  ‘No…no Duncan.’

  ‘Either way, I think she is lost to me. She neither wants nor trusts me and she never will.’

  ‘Look, Duncan, I never saw you back down from a fight in your life so don’t disappoint me, my friend, by starting now. Remember that you deserve happiness and that happiness is right there for the taking,’ said Rory, gesturing to the upper window where Ailsa slept away her horrors. ‘But you need to go gently not barge in and bark at her. Just try not to be your usual self.’

  ‘I’ll try Rory.’ Duncan threw his arms around his friend and they embraced roughly. ‘Thank you for all you have done for me. Take care on the road and forgive me for depriving you of the inn keep’s daughter.’

  ‘No matter, I may try and persuade her to come along with me for, unlike you, I can be completely irresistible when I turn my mind to it.’

  Duncan stood quietly for a while longer and then hearing voices from the inn gathered his courage and took the stairs to Ailsa’s room.

  Ailsa stirred from her troubled slumber to find herself lying in a dark and tatty room, roughly and sparsely furnished. Her thoughts seemed to whirl around and she could not focus them very well. She vaguely remembered running from the wolves and Duncan reaching for her. All she wanted to do was sleep and fall back into oblivion but she forced herself to sit up slowly. There were tentative birdcalls outside, the soft unravelling of silence as the world hung between night and day. All was so peaceful and yet the events of her life these past weeks had been anything but.

  The door creaked open slowly and then Duncan was in the room, his presence immediately filling it. He loomed over her at the end of the bed. She was not ready for the emotions surging through her at the sight of him. Relief and longing battled with fear and shame. She wanted to run into his arms and be comforted but could not bear the thought of rejections so clenched her hands together, staring helplessly down at the dirty broken fingernails and bloody scratches on them, where the moorland had torn at her in her scramble to escape the wolves. Her life must mean something if she was prepared to fight for it, a fight that would have ended in death were it not for Duncan.

  ‘Ailsa look at me.’ That smooth, calm voice pulled at her heart and she thought it would beat right out of her chest. A stab of longing went through her as she slowly raised her face to his. Dark shadows undercut his beautiful brown eyes and his jaw was tightly clenched. Ailsa realised he was trying to master his emotions.

  ‘Are you very angry with me?’ she said tremulously.

  ‘No I am not angry, I am ashamed.’ He started to speak and the words came out in a rush of feeling, his eyes never leaving her face. ‘I failed you Ailsa. I failed you in the worst possible way. I promised to protect you, asked you to put your trust in me and instead I drove you to run away.’ He clenched his fists into balls. ‘I am sorry for it. I am truly sorry. I know I dragged you kicking and screaming into this marriage, that you only had me in order to protect your brother. I have forced myself on you and I have never learnt how to curb my temper and my rough ways. Worse than this I let myself be led by my uncle’s poison and I did not see clearly what was right before me.’

  ‘The world is full of more worthy men than I, who could make you happy. And I would not bind you to me should you wish to be free. Go to Morag or one of your other sisters if you want and I swear I will relinquish all claim on you. I would do that for you though… in truth…Ailsa…my life is dust without you.’

  ‘Duncan...’

  ‘Stop Ailsa and let me say what I have to say. I must face my actions and be accountable for them. Forgive me, please, for not trusting you. I was angry about Hamish and indeed I have always been a jealous fool when I have seen you together. So my uncle’s words, well they seemed to confirm what I had feared all along, that you did not want me and you never would. It was torture to be around you feeling as I did so I have avoided you these past weeks and I have been cruel I know that now.’

  He began to pace up and down the room. ‘Have you any notion of how worried I was when I returned to Cailleach to find you gone? That you had run away from me.’

  Ailsa felt she had to say something, to stop him going on. ‘How did you find me?’

  ‘One of the men fell in a gully while hunting and broke his leg forcing us to return early to Cailleach. When I realised you had gone, search parties were sent out in all directions looking for you though I thought it
most likely you had gone to Morag. We encountered Fingal in the midst of the storm running riderless through the woods and I was beside myself thinking what could have happened to you. When we heard the howl of the wolves we followed it and lucky we did.’

  ‘Did…did anyone get hurt fighting off the wolves.’

  ‘No, I killed the one nearest you and the others ran away when we approached. I would have cut them all down if I had the chance.’ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘Ailsa, how could you go away from me like that?’

  ‘I had to. You were so cold and angry and you believed the lies about Hamish and I. He did kiss me in the chapel but I was appalled by it. I did not want it as my feelings for him have never gone beyond friendship and they never will. You do believe me?’

  Duncan let out a breath that he had been holding in. ‘Aye, I was a complete fool for thinking it and when I found you gone I realised that even if you did betray me it simply does not matter because I love you and I will never be able to stop loving you no matter what you do.’

  Ailsa looked away. ‘Oh Duncan,’ she gasped.

  ‘I have had time to come to my senses Ailsa, though I should kill that idiot for his impertinence.’

  ‘Please don’t. Hamish is conceited and foolish enough to think his pretty face means all the women in the Highlands are madly in love with him but he is not malicious, impertinent yes, but not malicious. In truth, he is still a boy and he won’t be back from Edinburgh any time soon, not until they have made a man of him.’

  ‘Which might take quite some time,’ said Duncan sarcastically.

  ‘You won’t kill him will you?’

  ‘No though I may thrash him to within an inch of his life should I ever set eyes on him again. I can forgive his desire for you a lot more easily now I realise it is not returned. In truth, I did find it hard to believe.’

  ‘And yet you did believe it. Why Duncan? Why did you not trust me?’

  ‘Because I do not believe you could truly want me. I am not easy to live with, I know that. I have tried to overcome the weight of circumstance pulling us down but since you ran away I now realise that it is futile. You are a strong person Ailsa, proud and loyal beyond anything, can you ever really love the man who has taken all from you, exiled your brother and forced you into his bed, a man who has blood on his hands. I fooled myself into thinking you could but I will fool myself no longer.’

  At these words, Ailsa looked away and started to cry, slow silent tears that dripped down her face and onto her clenched hands. The dank room seemed to close in on her. Her life seemed to close in on her. She looked up at his now stricken face.

  ‘There should only be truth between us now,’ he said gently.

  ‘Very well.’ She took a deep breath. ‘Duncan I have hated you and for some time I have had to force myself to be your wife.’ He flinched and Ailsa hated herself for her cruelty. ‘From the moment you marched into Cailleach pronouncing yourself laird I hated you and wanted you gone. When you forced me into marriage I hated you more.’

  Duncan gasped and with an anguished look on his face, he turned away from her.

  ‘I agreed to it for the sake of my brother and my clan. I wanted to reclaim my freedom, so I forced myself to play the tame wife so that you would not see my loathing for you.’

  ‘And when we lay together?’ he said scraping his hair off his face, ‘did you ever mean it when you clung to me and told me you wanted me or did you have to choke back your revulsion? Did you have to grit your teeth as I entered you? If that was the case you played your part well for I thought you wanted me as much as I have always wanted you, as I still want you. I really am the gullible fool,’ he said, desolation clouding his eyes.

  ‘You are wrong Duncan. I began by hating you but that changed. I saw how you were with my people and with your men. I saw your kindness, no matter how hard you try to hide it. I saw you treat men honourably, putting the good of the clan first. I started to care for you and I began to think you may have married me for something beyond power and wealth. I put faith in you in spite of all that stood between us.’

  Duncan strode over to the window, looking out over the fields with his back to her. His arm unconsciously rested on his sword hilt as if he could fight off his demons here in this room.

  ‘As for lying with you,’ Ailsa said softly ‘it is all I want and all I can think about since our wedding night and for that…for a long time, I have hated myself.’ She looked at his back. He had tensed at her words and was like a statue.

  ‘Then why did you leave me?’

  ‘It was so hard to leave you but your indifference to me was unbearable. I knew you would stay with me even if you found me distasteful, out of a sense of duty, a sense of honour and I didn’t want that. How could I want a life like that when I care for you and want you so badly? I cannot deny it no matter how hard I try. Have you not seen that? Do you really think I was playing my part that well?’

  Duncan did not move.

  ‘Please say something, Duncan. Please look at me.’ Her words were choking her. ‘It costs me something in pride to say this but I do want you. I need you, Duncan.’ Still, he said nothing. ‘Duncan, I love you, ’ she sobbed. ‘I really do love you.’

  He rushed over and took her into his arms, clutching her violently to him and letting her cry, great, tearing sobs. ‘Hush now, it’s alright. All will be well now,’ he said, stroking her hair.

  ‘Do you really love me?’ he asked as if not quite believing his good fortune.

  ‘Of course I do,’ she cried.

  ‘Then we will never be parted again.’

  When her river of tears had run itself dry and she had quietened in his arms, Duncan lay down on the bed beside her. He gently stroked her hair off her face, looking hungrily into her eyes. He could not get enough of staring at her as relief that she was beside him once more flooded through him. Ailsa gently pushed her hands into his hair and drew his face to hers. Her kiss was soft and slow and he savoured it as never before. There was a tight feeling in his chest and when he finally broke away she was smiling excitedly.

  She took a deep breath. ‘Duncan there is something else I have to tell you. I am with child.’

  He looked at her, stunned and unbelieving for a moment. ‘Are you certain?’

  ‘Yes, absolutely.’

  ‘How long?’ he said, incredulously.

  ‘About three months maybe. ‘Tis hard to tell with so much that has happened but already I am getting fat.’ With this she laid his hand on her belly; it felt warm and there was a slight roundness to it. ‘Your uncle will be overjoyed, Duncan.’

  ‘My uncle can go to the devil where he belongs. Come here.’ With that, he grabbed her and kissed her passionately. As happiness flooded through him he had a desperate desire to be inside her. His rough hands lifted her shift and roamed beneath it. Suddenly he stopped and pulled back from her.

  ‘No Ailsa I should not. Forgive me – you are too weak.’

  In response, she reached for him and kissed him again. He pulled back. ‘Is it safe for the bairn…is it permitted to…?’ he asked hesitantly.

  ‘Yes, yes it is permitted’ replied Ailsa smiling, pulling him down onto her.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Cailleach Castle – one year later

  The wind on the battlements was brisk and chill as evening drew in. She clutched Ilene tightly to her chest, snuggled deep within the furs, greedily sucking one fat thumb thrust into a pink rosebud of a mouth. As Ailsa rocked her back and forth the bairn’s lush black lashes sunk lower over heavy-lidded eyes as sleep claimed her. A gush of pure love came over her at the sight of that delicate, perfect face, cheeks like soft, pink cushions and tiny, translucent nails on stubby fingers. Ilene, her dark-eyed, black-haired daughter.

  Ailsa swore there was none of her in the child, she was all Duncan and he doted on her and she in turn, tiny though she was, could already bend him to her will in a way that Ailsa never could. She thought he would be disappoint
ed that she had not borne him a boy but he was besotted with his daughter, the delicate, flawless mirror of him.

  As her husband strode towards her, powerful, magnificent, she marvelled as to how she could have arrived at this happy place through all the pain and upheaval of the last few years. Duncan placed a gentle kiss on his daughter’s forehead.

  ‘Are you two not catching a chill up here in the wind?’

  ‘No we are warm enough,’ she said turning to look out at the vast grey mountains in the distance. Once, in the middle of her predicament, she had looked upon them and yearned to be free. Well, now she was, free of loneliness, free of uncertainty about the future, free to love and be loved in return.

  He put his arms around her, his cheek pressed to hers. They had reached a place where they didn’t always need words so they were quiet for a while. Duncan spoke softly into her ear.

  ‘Sometimes I think I love you more than I can bear,’ he said, squeezing her tightly.

  ‘You speak such nonsense,’ she said, laughing.

  ‘Don’t mock me for my foolishness, you know it’s true. Before you came along I think I was only living half a life.’

  ‘And now?’

  ‘I’m far luckier than I deserve to be.’

  He kissed her deeply, the babe warm between them and a new one already swelling Ailsa’s belly.

  *****

  About the Author

  Tessa Murran grew up in a mining community in the UK but currently lives a sun-soaked life of golden beaches and blue skies with a husband, a daughter and a fat, greedy dog at the edge of the Australian bush. In her normal life, she works in administration but now and then her dark Celtic soul whispers to her of rain-lashed moors, wind-swept peaks and forbidding castles. She loves to spend furtive evenings conjuring up dark-hearted romances, where brooding, glaring heroes fight to win the hearts of strong-willed, captivating heroines. A voracious reader of romance fiction since her early teens she also has a passion for history and delights in diving into the past where she has the power to create a world of intrigue and conflict at the turning points of history.