by Volley, Rue
Tim couldn't complain about her work, or her attitude. She smiled at the customers and traded snappy one-liners, as usual. Not one person had complained, but she couldn't shake the feeling that they could all see right through her. She wished she were so transparent to herself.
She knew she was feeling guilty, and she missed Nicky, and she was pissed at him. On top of it all, she was feeling lonely and disconnected from everything. Acknowledging the problems, and finding a way to remedy them, were two entirely different things. There was more to it. She couldn't put her finger on what it was. Until she could dig the missing link out of her psyche, she knew the depression would hold her captive. There was no Christmas miracle that could free her.
The bar was packed, now, for the Christmas Eve party. Locals Tasha had never met before had crammed into the bar with the regulars, to raise a glass in the spirit of the season. Even the teatotalers were there, with glasses of warm apple cider or mugs of hot chocolate. According to Meriel, most of the population of the town, and the surrounding villages, was here tonight. Tim's proposal would have quite the audience. He'd been jumpy all week, but today he was a complete wreck. Tasha had finally shooed him upstairs, an hour ago, to pull himself together. Since then she'd been running the bar in addition to working the tables. If Tim didn't come back down soon, she was going to send a bunch of the men after him.
Anticipation was making a lot of people giddy. Tasha was amazed that Tracey didn't know what was coming. After all, Tim had told nearly everyone else in town. Every time Sam came through the kitchen door with a basket of fries or wings, half the heads in the room damned-near spun right off their shoulders!
Finally! Sam waved at her from the doorway and she knew Tim was ready. She waved down Meriel, who signalled the musician of the night. The timing was perfect. He picked up the microphone and tapped it to get everyone's attention. Silence descended immediately.
"I'm going to play a special request, right now, and I need all you folks here near the stage to give me a hand. Earlier tonight, the fantastic staff here cleared some space for dancing. Now it's got a little cozy since then, so if everyone could just squeeze back a little, I'll play something nice for dancing."
He really hadn't needed to make the full announcement. Before he'd started the second sentence, the dancing area was clear. No one cared about the odd elbow to the ribs or crushed toe, as long as they had a good view. Tracey had been directed to a seat on the edge of the dance floor at the start of the night, which was perfect. When everyone moved back, she had clear access to the dance floor, but she was blocked from seeing what was going on behind her. Tim had to run a gauntlet of back-slapping and handshaking to get to where she was sitting. When he slipped into place behind Tracey, Tasha saw him do one last check of his pockets, complete with one heart-dropping moment when it appeared he'd forgotten which pocket the ring was in. He found it, smiled, and nodded at the fellow on the stage. The music started and it was all Tasha could do to hold back the tears. Tim had chosen Brook Benton's song You're All I Want For Christmas. It was an old-fashioned song, and it was perfect. Meriel was crying buckets before Tim tapped Tracey on the shoulder and ushered her out onto the floor.
They danced beautifully together, and Tracey wore a grin a mile wide. After the first minute or so, she said something to Tim and then gestured at a couple to join them. She looked perplexed when they waved her off with mile-wide grins of their own. She tried another couple and they shook their heads and flapped their hands at her to enjoy Tim's company. Now she was beginning to suspect something. She gave Tim a sideways mock-scowl, and opened her mouth to say something, but just then the final chorus started. As the singer sang, "please want me, too", Tim let her go and dropped to one knee. Her hands flew up to cover her mouth and tears welled up in her eyes, while a cheer went up from the crowd.
No one heard exactly what Tim said to Tracey, but everyone saw her nod her acceptance. She was unable to speak through her tears. Everyone cheered again as Tim slipped the ring on her finger and danced a silly little jig. Everyone but Tasha Hollister.
Tears were running down Tasha's face, two mascara-black streams that she didn't bother to wipe away. She was extremely happy for the two people before her, but that wasn't all of it. While Tim danced his silly celebratory steps, clarity had come along and kicked her in the heart. She was in love! She'd fallen in love with Nicky, and it had happened all the way back when he'd done his own silly little jig. She'd been in love with him all along, and she'd fought and denied it every step of the way. Unfortunately, she'd won, and that meant she'd lost the best thing to ever happen to her.
"Time to get that star on the tree!" Tim's voice blasting through the speakers shocked her out of the pit of self-pity she was plummeting into. "Tasha, will you do the honors?"
Meriel slipped up beside her and handed her a travel-pack of tissues. "Your makeup is a mess! Quick, before they spot you!" she hissed.
Tasha nodded her thanks to her and cleaned herself. Just in time. Tim came barrelling at her through the crowd, took her by the arm, and practically dragged her to the Christmas tree. Tim turned her back to the stage and a small ladder appeared between her and the tree. Still a little shaky, she took a deep breathe to steady herself just as the musician struck up another oldie, "Blue Christmas".
Great, nothing like a lonely-heart song for the lonely heart. She sighed and climbed up the ladder. She reached back for Tim to hand her the star, and nearly fell off the ladder when Nicky's voice washed over her, singing the Christmas carol with all his soul.
He placed the star in her hand and stepped into her line of sight, before she could turn. He was wearing a full Santa suit. She laughed, even as the tears came again. The crowd cheered. He stopped singing and held out his arms. Tasha leapt off the ladder into them, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. Tracey caught the forgotten star, and set it on top of the tree while they kissed.
There was more cheering, but Tasha barely noticed. Nicky pulled his mouth away to search her eyes. "I can't promise no strings, Natasha, but if you give me a chance, I'll make them into an instrument worth playing."
She laughed again. Tasha was ready to tie herself up in any strings he offered.
Secret Santa
Riley Steel
To friendship,
To Rue and Sarah
With love.
XX
I groaned as my alarm shrieked and I threw my arm out in its general direction, fumbling aimlessly until I found the off button. I resisted the temptation to fall back asleep, instead stretching, enjoying my large queen-size bed, empty but for me.
I wiped the sleep from my eyes and swung my legs out, onto the floor and sat up. A glance in my bedside mirror told me what I suspected. My wavy long brown hair was standing out at all angels from my head and I hadn’t quite wiped all of yesterdays mascara away. I looked like some kind of half-asleep, disgruntled panda. A shower and strong coffee was most definitely needed.
I stayed in the shower a little longer than usual, turning the heat up and using a strong mint shower gel that woke me up and left my skin all tingly and then I wrapped a towel around myself. I padded back through to my bedroom to get ready for work. I glanced at the letter that arrived for me the day before. I recognised my mother’s neat, precise handwriting and sighed. Why couldn’t she learn to send email I thought absentmindedly? I reached for the letter and decided to read it while I loaded up my coffee machine.
Jenny,
I hope you are alright my love, I was worried and just wanted to let you know that there are plenty fish in the sea. I have to admit that even I was shocked at what Alan did, but life goes on. Your father and I have been speaking and if you want to come back home for a while that would be fine. He’s away playing golf at the moment. Think about it, you need time to adjust and you didn’t even have any time off work after he left. Please Jenny, think about it, it will put my mind at rest.
Mum x
I shudder
ed. Move back home? The very thought. I loved my mum to bits and we were more like best friends but at twenty five years old there was no way I was going down that road again.
She was of course referring to my ex fiancé. Alan and I had been together since… well forever. We’d gone to the same school and began dating when we were about fourteen. We’d never broken up and people used to say we were the original sweethearts. Underneath that perfect persona Alan had been leading a double life. I didn’t know until some council estate trollop had turned up at our apartment with a screaming brat claiming that Alan was the father. He didn’t deny it and in fact blamed my drive to climb the ladder at work as the root cause of his wanderings. He wanted a family I wanted a career first, family later, maybe.
He moved out and in with her that very day and I’d been sort of numb ever since. I hadn’t cried, I hadn’t even been angry. I was coming to realise that we’d become more like brother and sister apart from occasional missionary fuck thrown in.
I was lost, but it was a good lost. I was young and I wanted to get on as quickly as possible. I just didn’t quite know how.
I put the letter in the drawer, drained my coffee and went to dress.
Thirty minutes later I was ready. I worked for quite a large, well known newspaper. I was one of the many many editors and occasionally got to interview subjects for the odd piece as well. I loved my job and there’s not many people can say that. It paid well and even though my boss was a bit of a hard bastard, as long as I hit my deadlines he pretty much stayed off my case.
I doubled checked I’d unplugged my straighteners, grabbed my car keys and headed out the door. My little VW beetle was waiting in my parking space of the apartment and I sighed at how pretty she was. Metallic purple with cream leather seats inside, she had been my one big indulgence in life. I’d bought her last week using our ‘no longer needed’ wedding fund. Alan had gone mad, I’d been extremely pleased about that. I smiled at the thought of his face when I’d told him.
I got to the office with time to spare, grabbed a coffee from the kitchen which was built for our floor. My good friend Mayline was just stirring a boat load of sugar into hers.
“Morning.” she said enthusiastically. “Did you have a good night’s sleep?”
“So so, I’m still getting used to the apartment being empty. Maybe I need to get a cat.”
We took a seat at the little table for chat before going to our desks.
“No, Jenny you need to get yourself out there.”
“Out there?” I said raising an eyebrow wondering where ‘out there’ could possibly be.
“Yes! You’ve never even dated, your totally missing something great.”
I smiled as she flicked her blond hair and began telling me the benefits of dating. It seemed like such a hassle to me.
“Oh, they are doing the Secret Santa draw today!” She added.
“Already, that came round quick.” I said dryly.
“Oh come it’s like three weeks to the office party, we need to shop, get dresses and look fabulous.”
“Really? I mean why May, who exactly is gonna be at this party that is worth dressing up for? We got Mike the copy boy, Dave on sports articles and Charles.” I shuddered slightly as I said his name.
Charles was our boss. When I’d first started the job four years previous I had looked at him in awe. He was tall, obviously worked out and he was good, no great looking. A head of thick sandy coloured hair and a strong masculine face he was what most women would drool after. After a few weeks and several boughts of being close to tears I realised he was an utter ass-hat.
He was always bossy, grumpy and demanding and frequently shouted at people openly and embarrassingly on the office floor. I’d sort of gotten used to him because other than that my job was ace. He rarely had cause to shout at me so we sort of avoided each other.
Speak of the devil…
“Are you two going to sit there all day, we got the Jefferson article deadline for ten o clock, desks, now.” Charles had popped his head round the door and filled the door.
I took a slow deliberate drink of my coffee looking him in the eye. He raised an eyebrow slightly, teetering on the edge of saying something else. I calmly rose tipped the remainder of my coffee in the sink and rinsed my cup. Mayline had legged it before he’d finished speaking.
I walked passed him slowly, very surprised that I wasn’t getting bawled out and went to my desk. I guess the new me, the me without Alan had a little more backbone. I got my work done on time and popped the disc on his desk at ten minutes to ten.
“You double checked it?” He said not looking up.
“Triple checked.” I said confidently.
“Good, hand those out will you and get these edited by five.”
He gave me a disk and then pointed to a bag on the floor. It was the Secret Santas.
“Sure.” I said, grabbing them and left.
When I got back to my desk I slipped the disk in my computer and to my dismay saw that he’d given me several articles to edit. There was no way to get them done properly by five. I began to walk around the office getting everyone to pick an envelope out of the sack. We had about thirty people on our floor and most were friendly enough. The company was on five floors so the Christmas party was always a big deal and they always hired a Santa to deliver our Secret Santa presents. When the envelopes were handed out I looked at the last one at the bottom of the sack left for me. Great.
I sat back at my desk and pulled up the first article to edit. Oh the joys, spring bulbs, when to plant them and how to give them the best start? It was going to be a long day.
I worked through lunch and my two breaks but at ten to five I handed Charles a disk with everything done.
“Triple checked?” He said seriously.
“Are you serious?” I said in disbelief.
“Of course. It’s what you usually do is it not.”
“Well yes, however I don’t usually get lumbered with ten articles in one day.”
“Give them another once over.” He said.
“Am I getting paid overtime?”
“Nope.”
“Well I’m not staying then.” I said firmly.
“Oh really?” He said with a smirk.
“Yes,” I felt colour rushing to my cheeks. “If you want stuff triple checked as usual don’t overload me. I got them done I went over everything and I hadn’t missed anything the first time so you have them now or ill do them tomorrow.”
“You’ll do them now or you are fired.”
Damn it. I looked at him. What a cunt. He was deadly serious too. He held the disc out and I grabbed it, spinning on my heels and walked out, slamming the door as I went.
I was hyperventilating when I made it back to my desk. I’d just stood up to my boss and that felt good to anyone. Okay it hadn’t gotten me anywhere and I was probably in for a shitty time at work now. I didn’t care, I’d accumulated enough experience to land me a job with a better newspaper. I guess I’d stuck with it so long because everyone apart from him, was lovely. May came over with her coat on and handbag over her shoulder.
“Hey girl, you wanna grab something to eat?”
I grumbled something unrepeatable under my breath.
“I have to stay and go over these articles again.” I said loading up Word.
“What? You are kidding right. Was that what the door slamming was about?”
“Yup, he threatened to fire me if I didn’t get it done.”
“Jesus I knew he was a twat but hell, what did you do to rattle his cage?”
“Fuck knows but I’m gonna be here at least another two hours, let’s eat tomorrow.”
“Sure, text me when you are finished.”
I nodded and started.
I didn’t see Charles as I worked, he stayed in his office and when I finished I walked into his office, put the disc on the desk and walked out without saying anything. I grabbed my bag from my desk and my secret Santa Envelope and
headed out the nearly empty building.
I arrived home just before eight and was half glad that it was quite near to bed time and I wouldn’t have to idle the time away. I texted May, ate a sandwich and watched some telly. The apartment felt lonely. I definitely needed a cat.
The next day the routine was the same but I was running early so I treated myself to a drive thru Starbucks. I reached into my bag for my purse and pulled out my Santa envelope with it. I paid the lady and waited for my skinny latte. I decided to find out which poor sucker was getting a twenty pound next voucher from me this year.
I stared in disbelief at the name on the slip of paper then I groaned, loudly.
Charles Mcdonnell.
Great, I mean just great. Stupid, stupid stupid.
“Your coffee miss?” The server said from the widow. I took it and put it in the cup holder. What the frigg was I going to buy that fucker. Did they sell manners?
May sat in the works kitchen when I arrived and I joined her slurping my coffee.
“You look tired Jenny.” She said with concern.
“I dunno why, I mean I was in bed for ten o clock, I’m such a rebel.”
“That was awful what he did.”
“Alan?” I groaned, not wanting to maul over shit again.
“No, I mean Charles.” She whispered.
“Oh god, I’m so over that, look May if he gets his fucking kicks making me stay back and threatening me then good for him. I’ve got other shit at the moment to sort out. I need to see if the bank will give me a mortgage to buy Alan out of his half of the apartment. I don’t want to sell it, it’s me, I decorated it, furnished it.”
“You are doing well you know?”
“Ye everyone keeps telling me.”