by Volley, Rue
From the Author…
As always, huge thank yous to my publisher, and one of my closest friends, S.J. Davis. To my husband, Von, who is a true inspiration and support to me and to all of my friends and fans that made it possible for me to become a full time author. You know that I adore all of you.
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No Regret
Kim McNiel
Chapter One
Everyone in the office is giddy and overjoyed with excitement as they exchange gifts, kiss under the mistletoe, and sing Jingle Bells. Their holiday spirit is making me sick to my stomach and I can’t take it. Almost bursting in tears, I run for the bathroom. Me and Christmas clash like oil and water, we share a hate-hate connection after last year’s Christmas. It was a complete and utter disaster.
Ryan and I were engaged. Everything was in perfect harmony in my world and our relationship was stronger than it had ever been. I loved him and he loved me. He was a great man, the perfect gentleman, and he treated me like royalty. Ryan had proposed to me a week before Christmas and things were finally perfect in my life. I had a great job that blended so perfectly with my great future as Ryan’s wife.
The annual Christmas office party was all set and once it was over, he and I were to spend what would have been the first of our many Christmas’ together. I arrived at the party, showing off my beautiful engagement ring to a few friends who worked in other departments. I was one hundred percent happy, content, and fulfilled. Everything was perfect.
Everyone there was so excited for me, but they all insisted that I should blow off the party and get home to my future husband and make happy memories. I couldn’t have agreed more and took them up on it immediately. After making my rounds and saying all of my holiday greetings and goodbyes to everyone, I left out, headed back home to the little apartment Ryan and I had been sharing for the six months prior to our engagement. I had this night all planned out, including the perfect little sexy outfit to make our first Christmas together unforgettable.
Ryan would be so surprised, he wasn’t expecting me until midnight. Excited, I unlocked the door and snuck in quietly, and tiptoed down the hallway to our bedroom. The light was shining under the door and sounds from the TV were coming from within the room. I heard Ryan laugh, he must have been on his computer talking to friends or on the phone. I loved his laugh. Ryan stayed home from the party because he’d had a really long and hard day at work trying to wrap up for the holiday week off, and our upcoming wedding on New Year’s Day. He was just too worn out and too tired to come to the party, so I fulfilled my secretarial duties and went without him to make my appearance.
Our night was going to be special. With my hand on the doorknob, I turned it and opened the door with a huge grin on my face.
“Surprise baby,” I lowered my voice. I didn’t want to scare him half to death.
The bag with my new outfit dropped to the floor. Tears immediately formed in my eyes, blurring my vision. What I saw was not what I would have ever imagined or ever want to witness ever again, not in a million years.
Ryan was in our bed, sheets partially over his legs. I shook my head side to side to clear my vision. Ryan was completely naked and not alone. A blonde was on top of him, wearing nothing more than a red Santa hat, and a little holiday bell necklace that jingled every time she pressed her body down onto him.
At a loss for words, not sure if I was going to pass out, I grabbed the door jam. The woman who saddled across my fiancé like a brahma bull, started to buck her hips and sway her body against his, all the while his hands grabbed and clawed down her back, leaving red marks. She threw her head back and bit into her bottom lip, as he delivered his final thrust into her. Ryan let out a long groan, and she opened her eyes and saw me. She didn’t look away or break eye contact, instead she grinned. Ryan’s moans of pleasure and breaths of ecstasy echoed through the room, our bedroom.
When Ryan opened his eyes, he spotted me. He quickly tried to hide the look of rapture and intoxication that spread over his face, he pushed her off of him. The chick was so bold that she took her time as she climbed out of my bed, not even trying to cover herself. At least Ryan jumped up and wrapped the sheet around him.
Under any normal circumstance, her voice box would have been shredded from her throat, but instead, total and utter confusion overcame me. The pain was too much to bear and the anger was just overwhelming. I had to get out of there. I shook my head in disbelief and ran down the hall. Ryan followed behind me, calling my name. I turned my head just in time to see him almost trip on the sheet, I wish he had. Tears leaked down my cheeks and I gasped for air, trying not to hyperventilate.
“Gabby, wait, please let me explain. It’s not what you think, I mean it was, but she doesn’t mean anything. It was just once, baby, please. I’m so sorry. Gabby wait, I love you.” He spat lies like a demon.
“Fuck you.” I took the ring from my finger, tossed it at him and ran out of the apartment door, practically diving into my car.
My hands shook so bad that I could hardly get the key in the ignition. Everything inside squeezed me tight like a boa constrictor. My stomach wanted to crawl out through my mouth, my eyes wanted to yo-yo out of my head, and my lungs wanted to explode. I wanted to throw the car in drive and run through the apartment, or wrap and duct tape him into that sheet and beat him senseless with a cast iron skillet. Instead, I threw it in reverse, backed out. The tires squealed out of the apartment parking lot, as I tore out for the only place I could think of to go. My office party, back to Amanda, my best friend.
The whole scene played through my mind like a cheap middle of the night TV porn show, as I sped to the office. My brain kept clicking rewind, over and over, all I could see was him thrusting up into her and her grinding down on him. I skid into the parking lot and left the car running, as I went running into the office. I needed to get to the bathroom before I puked all over the floor. I knew I was going to be sick and hurried as fast as I could. Amanda, spotted me and ran in after me, knowing something was horribly wrong with me.
“What? Gabby, what the hell is going on?” She was frantic, her breaths began to gasp from running after me. She was terrified for me.
My head attempted a nod before I lunged into a stall, and began hurling in the toilet. Once finished, I curled up on the side of the stall, and sat on the cold bathroom floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my head into them. Amanda beat on the door, over and over, so I finally reached around and unlocked the twist lock. She opened the door and bent down behind me. She wrapped her arms around me, and started rocking back and forth, with me cradled in her arms.
“What is going on honey? You have to tell me,” she pleaded and rubbed against my shoulder.
“He-um-Ryan, he was...” It’s all I could get out before I felt sick again and pulled loose from her to hug the toilet.
She left the stall and I heard the water running. Amanda returned to me with a cold, wet paper towel. She placed it on my forehead and hugged me again. Finally, with the comfort of her arms around me, babying me like I was a little child, I spoke.
“Amanda.” I burst into tears. “Ryan, he was with someone else. He’s been cheating on me,” I sob out.
“What? No way, he loves you. You must be mistaken, Gabby.” She stroked my hair.
“I’m not. I saw it with my own eyes. I walked in on them.”
“He’s a dead man,” she growls.
“Amanda, I was so excited to surprise him. I went home early from the party and this-this woman was on top of him. Ryan was in total heaven, it was written across his face. The worst part is that when she turned and saw me, she fucking smiled about the whole thing. I swear to God, I’m going to kill her one day.” I t
ried to scoot away from Amanda to see her face.
“Oh my God. Oh honey, I am so sorry. What are you going to do, Gab?”
“Spend my life in prison after I murder her and castrate him. I threw his ring at him and left. It’s over. I may not be the most beautiful or perfect person in the world, but I did not deserve this. I didn’t do anything, but love and trust him, Amanda.” I leaned into her, sobbing. “I’m also not a complete idiot and I know that once a cheater, always a cheater. I can’t and won’t ever work this through with him, in fact I never want to see him again, not ever.”
Amanda helped me get to my feet and I went to the basin to wash off my face and try to regain some sort of composure. All I wanted to do was crawl in a hole and just die.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. Merry fucking Christmas to me, huh?”
So therein lies the reason that I don’t do holidays and why I’m back in the same bathroom, just a year later.
Chapter Two
Amanda’s been watching me all afternoon, she knows this is a hard time of year for me. After she sees me leave my desk from all the festivities going on around me, she follows me into the ladies room.
“You okay, chica?” she asks, pulling out her lipstick from her purse.
“No. I think if I see another happy and cheerful person today, I’m going to yank the tinsel off the Christmas tree and fucking choke someone with it.”
She laughs at me. “It’s been a year Gabby, it’s time to move on already.”
“I know and I have, but it doesn’t mean I forgot about last year either.” I take a deep breath to stop the tears from spilling out like a fountain.
I never saw Ryan again, not since that night and never want to. Once he was out of the apartment he let Amanda know, and I returned. She was the best friend ever and took me into her home, rocking me to sleep and listening to me cry for weeks. The woman is the greatest gift I’ve ever had in my life.
“Gab’s, this year is different. Look sweetie, you’ve definitely been through the ringer over the last year, but you are a drop dead gorgeous woman and you need to get back on the horse already. Any man would be happy to have you.” She blots her lips on a paper towel, removing the access lipstick.
“Thanks, but I’m just not ready for all that. The last thing I need is to be involved with a man that could break my heart again, it’s just not worth the risk.” I tilt my head to the side.
“A-hem, bullshit.” She coughs. “Okay, come on now, you know better than that. Take our new hottie boss, Trey. I know you’ve noticed him, geez who hasn’t? You’d have to be dead not too He just went through a really nasty divorce they say, same situation with his ex-wife I heard. You two could probably both stand getting laid. I know personally, I’d like to strip him out of that three piece suit. Besides, I see that look on your face, peeking out from behind those glasses you insist on wearing.”
“What look?” I smile at her, she always knows how to cheer me up. “But he’s the new boss for God’s sake, like that would ever work. The man doesn’t even know I even exist.” I run my hands through my hair before clipping it back up.
“If you’d let him, he could.”
“He is lick-a-licious, isn’t he?” I start cracking up. I love her.
“There’s my naughty girl, yes he is. Seriously, I know you’ve been questioning yourself since Ryan, but I want you to know that you are beautiful and you have everything to offer a man. You’re smart, dedicated, and honest. Plus you have that little wild streak in you, and guys love that shit. You just have to give someone a chance at some point, not every man is out to hurt you. The only reason Trey hasn’t noticed you is because you hide and he’s just been too busy getting settled in. He’ll definitely take notice, especially after tonight. Young lady, you are to be at my place by six and that’s an order, not a request.” She gives me a wink, locks her elbow in mine and we walk back out into the office area.
“You know, I’ve never even had a conversation with him really? He just barks a couple orders or leaves notes, then runs off to do something else. I’m not sure I’m his type Amanda, seriously. He’s got that whole sophisticated thing going on, that’s not exactly me you know.”
“Just be at my place please.” She walks off towards her desk.
The company Christmas party is at Trey’s house tonight and it’s pretty much a mandatory requirement, even though the memo swears it’s not. I’m just in a total bah-humbug mood and not looking forward to any of it.
I’ve been with the company for the last four years and though it’s not my dream job of the world, it pays the bills quite nicely and has become like a home to me. Hamilton and Hamilton is a fairly large commercial construction company in the Houston area. We do all kinds of contracts, hospitals, along with buildings downtown, and a few school districts. My job is doing the takes by figuring the measurements on the blue prints and placing my part on the bid.
Trey came to our company two weeks ago, he bought us out. He came in as a take charge kind of man and kind of took over, not letting us sort out the old contracts before he added new ones, so everything is kind of a jumbled wreck. I’m just waiting to be called into his office for it, since I’m the one who organizes everything.
“Ms. Long, can I see you for a minute?” That didn’t take long.
I stand and face Trey. “Yes sir?” My glasses slip down on my nose, so I look over the top rim at him.
“My office, please.” He turns and walks towards the door.
I slide my chair under my desk and follow him. The man seriously pulls off dressing to a tee, even in a suit. He stands with the doorway open, and I push past him. Oh God, he smells good, like sandalwood. I try to contain myself, this is going to be hard.
“Not now Ms. Long, but once we return from the holidays, we need to go over the accounts. I know it’s been extremely hectic since I arrived here. I’m aware there were already previous accounts and I brought in new ones as well. We need to get them sorted, especially the one for Creekwood Manor school district. I believe were on stage two in the development, right?” He flips through several folders on his desk, taking one in his hand, opening it.
“Yes, sir. I’ve been getting figures together and they’re almost complete for the next phase. I plan on working through the final figures tomorrow. I can email you the bid.”
“No need. Wait, tomorrow is Christmas day.” He looks up from the folder. “I don’t want you working on a holiday, it is bad enough that I had everyone stay for half a day today. I’d like you to relax and take the day for your family.” He continues looking at me.
“There is no family, so it’s no trouble. I’ll get it done for you.” I finger a loose curl that falls free from my hair clip.
“I’m very sorry, I didn’t know and just assumed.” He sets the folder back on the desk.
“It’s fine. Okay sir, I’ll see you tonight at the party.” I need to get away from him, I can’t think clear being this close to him, his smell is intoxicating.
“Yes, right. I’m sure I’ll see you at some point, but in case I happen to miss you, have a wonderful holiday. We’ll talk after the holidays.”
Pushing my glasses back over the little knot in my nose, I exit his office, grabbing my things to leave for the day. I’m so glad I have several days to clear my head, I’m not in a good place. Emotions are running high, and I’m fighting depression big time. I just need to get to Amanda’s tonight and get through this whole Christmas thing, then I can lay around my apartment in pj’s, all alone with my tunes and figure out how to wrap up this phase in the contract.
***
Practically skidding to a screeching halt in front of Amanda’s house, I slam the car in park and look at the clock. Shit, she’s going to ream me. Amanda opens the door and walks out.
“You are late, missy!” She smiles and meets me halfway down the sidewalk.
“Sorry, I tried to get here sooner. You know I’m not looking forward to this tonight, and I had to p
ractically bribe myself with several glasses of wine and chocolates.” I laugh. “So, think you could you give a girl a break, please? I’m having a hard time.” I beg.
“Yeah, yeah.” She takes my hand and we walk inside. “Okay, come into my room. Where’s the dress?”
“Crap, see what I mean? It’s out in the car, my nerves are shot. I honestly don’t know if I can do this, I’m going to look so silly, like I don’t know how to dress myself or something. You know how uncomfortable I am in a dress and heels.” I bite the inside of my cheek.
“You’ll look perfect, Gabby. You’ve gotten so used to running around in jeans and a t-shirt that you’ve forgotten how beautifully you clean up. It’s time to remember that and to show everyone. I’ll go get your dress.” The front door slams on her way out.
“I’m so excited about this, Gab.” She walks back in, yelling her way through the hallway as she enters the room. She hands me the dress, and strolls over to her dresser, lighting up a cigarette.
I step into her dressing area in front of the vanity and slip the dress on over my head. I suck my breath in, as I slide up the side zipper. It runs from below the knee up to the underarm. I smooth the dress out over my body and turn to look in the mirror from all angles I look horrible in this, ugh!
“Help,” I call out to Amanda. “I look a mess.”
She walks through the louvered doors into her dressing room. The picture reflecting from the mirror is classic. My black framed glasses tilt down on my nose and my hair’s wrapped in a make shift bun fastened with a hair clip. This combo mixed with wearing something only a super model needs be wearing is downright comical.
“Oh my fucking God woman! You are gorgeous.” She laughs and gives me a hug.
“Um…yeah right!” I turn to face her with my arms held out.
“You honestly don’t see it do you? What exactly do you see in the mirror when you look?”