by Desiree Hart
"I know." I knew that I didn't dare tell him about my confrontation with Debbie. "My Mom wanted me to ask you if you want to go hunting with my Dad and Adam this weekend."
"I'd love to!" he exclaimed.
On Saturday morning, I took the kids and went to spend the day with Mom. I hadn't done that in a long time, and I thought it would be nice to do it again. It was a sunny day but quite cool, so I put jackets on both kids.
"Well, hello there, dear," Mom said when she saw us. "What a lovely surprise!"
"I can count to twenty now, Grandma," said Sage. "Wanna hear me?"
"Of course, sweetheart." I took the kids into the house and started to take their jackets off them, but Mom stopped me.
"I was thinking that, since the men are gone for the day, perhaps we could go to the mall," she suggested. "There's supposed to be some good sales going on."
"I wanna ride the merry-go-round!" Sage crowed.
Nobody ever had to tell me twice when there were sales going on at the mall, as I was a shopaholic extraordinaire. We arrived to find that the largest store, which was at the mall's entrance, had just received a new shipment of winter clothing. I bought shirts and jog suits for both kids and a couple of sweaters for myself. On the way out of that store, we walked past the section with the newborn clothes, and my mind immediately turned to Tina. Idly I wondered whether she was shopping for baby clothes that day.
We came to the indoor carousel, which we let both kids ride, and then we looked around in both book stores and the music store. Then it was on to the hobby store, the toy store, and the dollar store, where I bought toys for the kids and some small household items.
By then it was lunchtime, so we ate at the food court and then went back to my Mom's house. That afternoon, Sage and Meadow took naps while Mom and I baked pies in the kitchen and chatted together. It was the first time we'd done that since I was a teenager, and it was a very special time for us. Mom asked how I really felt about Mischa.
"Since he came back into my life, I've come to really care for him a lot," I told her. "It really hurt me when he had the fling with Tina, but I know that everyone makes mistakes, so I was wiling to forgive him. But now that Tina's pregnant...if there's any chance at all that it might be Mischa's, I just don't know how I can stand the thought of him having a child with another woman."
"Yet he was readily able to accept the fact that you'd had children with another man," Mom pointed out.
"But that's different!" I protested. "I was married to Jeff, and besides, I had no idea I'd ever see Mischa again."
"Well, you have to remember that, regardless of the circumstances, the child is completely innocent," Mom said. "If it does turn out to be Mischa's, I hope you'll be able to accept it, as he's accepted your children."
Just then we heard the sound of my Dad's truck outside and knew that the guys had returned.
Eager to find out how successful the hunting trip had been, I dashed outside to find all three of them grinning triumphantly as they emerged from the truck. "Adam killed a deer!" Dad told me.
"Wow! Really?" I looked at my younger brother, whose beaming face told me it was true.
"We'll eat well tonight," Mischa said. He and Dad and Adam spent most of the afternoon skinning the deer and cutting the meat up into portions. Mom cooked some of it up with onions for dinner and made vegetables and baked potatoes to go with it, and then of course there were the pies Mom and I had made for dessert. One was sweet potato and the other was pecan. I don't care much for deer meat myself, but I ate it anyway because I didn't want to hurt Adam's feelings.
"Have you ever killed a deer before?" I asked Mischa as we were eating.
"Oh, yes," he told me. "My father started taking me hunting when I was twelve or thirteen. Mostly it was birds and other small animals, but there was an occasional deer as well."
I gave Sage a little bite of the deer meat to see if he'd like it. He grimaced and shook his head, so I heated up the frozen meal I'd brought along for him just in case.
I was happy to see that Mischa liked both pies. He asked if Mom or I had made them, and I told him that I'd helped her make them.
"You're a wonderful cook," he told me.
"Thank you," I replied. "I haven't cooked an entire meal for you yet, have I?"
"No, you haven't," he told me.
"I'll cook one just for us and the kids on the next day we both have off," I decided. "What's your favorite meal?"
"I haven't had Chicken Kiev in a long time, but anything you want to make is fine with me."
We stayed at my parents' house until it was almost dark, and then I said good-bye to Mischa. Dad had picked him up at his apartment that morning, so he didn't have his car with him. "Can you come by for a little while, after I put the kids to bed?" I asked hopefully.
He shook his head. "I'm sorry, Trace," he told me. "I'm just too tired from hunting. We'll do it soon though, OK?" He touched my chin and kissed my lips.
I swallowed my disappointment and took Sage and Meadow home alone. I put their pajamas on them and put them to bed, then sat in bed reading a romance novel until I got sleepy.
The next day, Mischa and I were eating lunch across from one another in the cafeteria when I saw Debbie. Her eyes met mine, and she mouthed the word 'yes' at me. I almost choked on my food.
"Tracy! What is it?" Mischa asked me.
My eyes filled with tears as I shook my head. "I have to go now," I said, leaving my half-eaten lunch sitting on the table and dashing out of the cafeteria.
I rushed into the nurse's lounge to see that, to my relief, it was vacant. I knew that I had to collect myself before I could return to work. Could Debbie be telling the truth? Could she be lying about Mischa being Tina's baby's father just to hurt me? Did she even know herself who Tina's baby's father was?
Mischa had told me he'd used a condom with Tina, and I believed him. I knew that there was a small chance that the condom had failed, and if that were the case, then Mischa may well be Tina's baby's father. However, as I'd chosen to forgive Mischa for his affair with Tina, we would share the possible consequences of that indiscretion together.
With the issue now resolved, I continued the day's work as usual and then left to go home. Mischa caught up with me in the parking lot as I was headed for my car.
"Tracy! What happened at lunch?"
"I...I just had a bad morning today, Mischa. They brought in this little girl who'd been electrocuted and lost both her arms." It was true. The little girl had been about a year or two younger than Sage, and both her arms had been shriveled and black. They'd looked just like chicken drumsticks that had been burned to a crisp. I'd known right away that there was no way they could be saved. I'd had to assist with the operation. It had been one of the most heartbreaking cases I'd ever encountered in my career, and I knew I'd never forget it.
"But you were as cheerful as usual when I first met up with you," Mischa pointed out. "You didn't change until about halfway through lunch."
I sighed. He'd seen through my white lie. "I saw Debbie," I admitted.
"Has she been harassing you, Tracy? Because if she has, I'll put an end to it right away."
"No, she hasn't been harassing me, but she told me...she told me...never mind."
"Something about me?"
"She told me you were Tina's baby's father."
Mischa sighed deeply.
"Even if it's true, Mischa, I decided...I still want to be with you."
By now we'd reached my car. He held his arms out to me, and I went into them. He held me tightly, and I rested my head on his shoulder. "I love you, Trace," he told me.
"I...I love you too, Mischa." My heart was pounding in my ears. It was the first time he'd ever said those words to me.
"Whatever happens, it'll be all right. We'll work something out."
Chapter 7
I went to the library to look at recipe books. I had to find the perfect Chicken Kiev r
ecipe for when Mischa came over for dinner. At last I found one that I thought looked authentic enough and went to the supermarket to buy the ingredients.
Adam was working that day, stocking shelves. "So you're gonna make dinner for your boyfriend?" he teased me.
"I'm gonna make dinner for Mischa," I replied. He rubbed his fingers together and made kissing noises. I ignored him.
On the day Mischa was due to come over, I spent almost the entire day in the kitchen, trying to make sure that everything was just right. When it got close to dinner time, I dressed Sage and Meadow in their nicest clothes.
"How come we have to get dressed up if we're not going anywhere?" asked Sage.
"It's a special night," I told him. "Mischa's coming over for dinner."
"What's so special about that? Mischa's been over here before."
"Not for dinner."
"What are we having?"
"I'm making something called Chicken Kiev for me and Mischa and chicken nuggets for your and Meadow."
At last the meal was finished, and all that was left was to wait for Mischa to arrive.
The time we'd agreed upon came and passed. I'd left the food on low heat so that it wouldn't get cold if he arrived a little late, but I began to worry that it might dry out. I'd been waiting for fifteen minutes when the telephone rang. It was Mischa.
"Trace? Hey, babe, I'm really sorry, but I'm afraid I'm gonna be a little late. I blew a tire and just got done changing it. I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Well, thanks for calling to let me know," I said, relief flooding through me. "I'll see you when you get here!"
The kids were really starving, so I went ahead and fed them. They were just finishing up when Mischa arrived. "I'm really sorry about being late," he said. "This is for you." He handed me a red rose.
"It's beautiful!" I said. "Thanks!" I got a vase for the rose.
"Mischa!" Sage exclaimed happily.
"Hey there, buddy!" Mischa grinned and ruffled his hair. "How have you been?" He turned to Meadow. "Hey, beautiful girl!" Meadow grinned.
I served the Chicken Kiev, and Mischa told me it was perfect.
"It's the first time I've ever made it," I told him. "I looked and looked for just the right recipe."
"It tastes just like my Mom's," he replied, chuckling. "Have you noticed that the past few times we've gotten together have been to eat? I was thinking that maybe next time we could do something else for a change. Do you like to go ice skating?"
"Actually, I've never been," I confessed. "But I used to love to go roller skating when I was a teenager!"
"It's pretty much the same, only on blades instead of wheels." He grinned. "How about I take you next time we both have the day off?"
"That would be great!" I replied. "I'm sure my Mom wouldn't mind watching the kids."
After we finished eating and cleaned up, we took the kids to the park. I pushed Meadow on a swing while Mischa played with Sage on the slide. While we were there, I met up with a girl I remembered from high school named Erica, who was there with a man and three children.
"This is my husband Yuri, and these are our children, Toni, Sonya, and Mason," she told me. Toni and Sonya were preteens, and Mason looked to be slightly younger than Sage.
"This is Mischa, and my children's names are Sage and Meadow," I told Erica.
Yuri and Mischa immediately started chatting enthusiastically with one another in Russian. Erica and I watched the younger children at play. "He's thrilled to have found someone from his own country to talk to," she told me. "He gets lonely sometimes."
"I'm sure Mischa does too," I replied. To be honest, I hadn't really thought about it.
"So how long have you guys been married?" Erica asked.
"Actually, we're not." I felt a bit awkward. "Sage and Meadow's father was a man named Jeff. He died when Meadow was three months old."
"That's terrible!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry!"
"It's all right," I said. "He was an abusive drunk, anyway."
"How did you end up with someone like that?"
"I was young and naive and didn't know any better. Plus he was so charming that he fooled me. I'll sure never make that mistake again."
"So how did you meet Mischa?"
"He's a security guard at the hospital where I work. He saved me from being mugged one day, and things just went from there."
"How romantic!" said Erica.
Mischa and I ended up spending the entire day together. We ate leftovers and then watched television until it was time to put the children to bed.
"Thank you so much for having me over," Mischa said as he prepared to leave. "I had a wonderful time."
"Thanks for coming over," I replied. "We enjoyed having you." I was a little disappointed that he hadn't offered to stay until after the children were in bed so that we could have had some time together alone, but I didn't say anything.
I wondered whether or not he'd kiss me with the kids watching. He gave me a chaste peck on the lips.
I put the children to bed right after he left. "Mama, is Mischa gonna be my new Daddy?" Sage asked me as I tucked him in.
"I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, but for now, he's just a good friend," I replied.
"Do you like him better than my old Daddy?" Boy, did he ask some tough questions!
"I loved your old Daddy, Sage," I told my son. "But he had some very serious problems. That's why he died when he did."
"Is Mischa like my old Daddy?"
"No, he isn't, thank goodness. He's a completely different kind of man." I finished tucking him in and went to turn the light out.
"Mommy?"
"What is it, sweetie?"
"I want Mischa to be my new Daddy."
"Maybe he will be, some day."
✽✽✽
As I'd predicted, Mom agreed to watch Sage and Meadow so that Mischa and I could go ice skating together. "You are coming over for Thanksgiving, aren't you?" she asked. With a start, I realized that it was now less than two weeks away. "Mischa's welcome to come too, of course."
"I'm sure he'll want to," I replied. "He doesn't have any family here."
On the way to the ice skating rink, I happened to think of Lisa. Since Mischa and I had gotten back together, I'd hardly heard from her at all. I assumed that she was busy dating Chris and that was why she hadn't been in touch as much, but I missed her.
As it turned out, I'd completely lost my touch and had to start all over again with learning to skate. Luckily, Mischa was patient with me. I told him about the Thanksgiving invitation from Mom.
"Sure, I'd love to spend Thanksgiving with your family," he said.
I also mentioned Lisa to him. "It's been such a long time since I talked to her," I said. "I know she's been really busy with her new boyfriend, but I'd really love to get together with her again."
"Perhaps we could double date sometime," Mischa suggested.
"What a great idea!" I exclaimed.
Chapter 8
I
called Lisa that night after I'd put the kids to bed. "Hey, girlfriend!" she exclaimed. "How the heck have you been? It's been ages, hasn't it?"
"Ages and ages," I agreed. "How's it going with Chris?"
"It's going great with Chris!" She giggled. "I slept with him for the first time just a couple of weeks ago."
"Oh, did you?" No wonder I hadn't heard from her in so long! I felt a surge of envy course through me.
"He'd taken me to dinner and a movie, and when we got back to my place, I invited him in for a couple of drinks," she told me. "We were sitting on the sofa listening to a Boyz II Men CD and making out. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, all our clothes were off and we were in my bed."
"You did use protection, didn't you?"
"Of course we did, silly! What do you think?" She giggled. "So, how are things going with Mischa?"
"All right. He went hunting with m
y Dad and Adam last weekend. Adam killed a deer, and my Mom cooked it for dinner. He took me ice skating this morning."
"So have you...you know..."
"Not yet. We want to wait until the time is just right." A vision of Debbie mouthing the word 'yes' to me in the hospital cafeteria sprang to mind, and I desperately tried to squash it.
"Well, don't wait too long. You don't want to lose him."
"He's the one who keeps putting it off. He got burned the last time, so he's scared."
"Are you sure that isn't just an excuse?" she asked softly.
I thought of Mischa's idea about double dating with her and Chris but decided that I wasn't in the mood for it now. She'd planted some serious doubts in my mind, doubts that I couldn't just casually dismiss.
I had to work the following day. I'd been on shift for less than an hour when a critically injured young man was brought into the emergency room. He couldn't have been older than twenty-five at the very most. I was still quite shaken about it when I met Mischa for lunch that day. He could tell right away that I was upset about something.
"What's wrong, Trace?" he asked anxiously.
"They brought in this guy with a broken neck this morning," I told him. "He probably won't make it, but if he does, he'll be paralyzed from the neck down for the rest of his life. One of the emergency room techs knows him. He said the guy was supposed to get married in just three days."
Mischa frowned. "Gosh, that's awfully sad."
"His fiancee must be devastated," I remarked.
"I'm sure she is." Mischa looked thoughtful. "My grandparents were married for sixty years," he told me. "Sixty years. That's a long time. My grandfather died in bed at home. He asked my grandmother to fetch a glass of water for him, and when she came back, he was gone."
"So they didn't really get to say good-bye."
"They both knew it was the end. They'd already said everything they needed to say to each other, so there was no unfinished business."
We ate in silence for awhile. "It would be wonderful to have a love that lasted a lifetime like that," I finally said.