by Desiree Hart
Swiftly Dr. Brown made the next two incisions, the one through the layer of muscles and then the one through the uterine wall, and the next thing I knew, I was staring at the white amniotic sac. Dr. Brown punctured it and then reached inside for the baby. Mesmerized, I stared as he pulled the tiny, blue-tinged body out and laid it on the table. I saw that it was a boy.
I cut his umbilical cord, and he began to wave his little arms and kick his little feet and let out a tiny sound like the mewing of a kitten. He opened his eyes, and I saw that they were dark blue. In spite of myself, I felt the same tug at my heart strings that I always felt at the sight of a newborn.
I cleaned him up and then placed him on the scale. Five pounds, four ounces. Such a tiny little guy. And just as sweet as he could be.
Tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn't help it.
I put a diaper on him and dressed him in a white onesie and put a tiny hat on his head, then wrapped him tightly in a blanket. It was the smallest size onesie we had, and yet it still seemed much too big for him.
Dr. Brown had turned his attention to Tina, whose bleeding was now under control, and I pushed the newborn in his warmer to the hospital nursery. His tiny face haunted me for the rest of my shift, and even after it had ended and I was on my way home.
"All right, Trace. What is it?" Mischa asked me at the dinner table that night.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You've looked like you were a thousand miles away all evening." He frowned. "Did something happen at work today?"
I nodded. "Tina's baby was born."
His bottom jaw dropped. "Really?"
"She came into the emergency room with a placental abruption, and Dr. Brown had to do an emergency C-section on her. He weighs just five pounds, four ounces. You ought to see him, Mischa. He's absolutely perfect!"
"So she had a boy," he said softly. I saw a longing in his eyes that I'd never seen there before, and I felt a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach.
We didn't say a word to one another for the rest of that evening. I'd never felt so alone since Mischa had left me for Tina the previous fall.
The next day at work, I was walking past the hospital nursery when I saw to my surprise that Mischa was there, staring in through the window. Silently I went to stand beside him, and right away my eyes fell on the crib labeled 'Stillman, baby boy.'
"How long have you been here?" I asked.
Startled, Mischa jumped. "Oh, hi, Tracy," he said. "He's beautiful, isn't he?"
I looked into his eyes and realized that they were the saddest I'd ever seen them.
Chapter 17
S
age's four-year-old kindergarten held a little ceremony for the students who were 'graduating' up to five-year-old kindergarten. As we entered the cafeteria where the event was being held, I noticed right away that Robin and Brian were there. Robin smiled and waved us over.
"Hey, girl!" she exclaimed. "Long time, no see. How have you been?"
"Great!" I told her. "This is my husband, Mischa."
"Wow, so you're married now! Congratulations!"
"Thanks. We did it on Valentine's Day."
"How romantic! Brian and I just found out that Camryn's gonna have a new baby brother or sister soon!"
"That's great!" I said, glancing at Mischa, whose face bore a winsome smile. I knew that he was thinking about Tina's baby, and that thought put a knife through my heart.
Sage's little ceremony was cute, especially when the little boy who was singing the alphabet song got confused and sang 'Y and Z' instead of 'W,X,' and afterwards there was refreshments and mingling.
"So, what do you do?" Brian asked Mischa.
"I just got on with the police force," Mischa replied. "Before that, I was a security guard at the hospital where Tracy works. How about you?"
"I'm a butcher at the supermarket," Brian told him.
"Do you know Adam Bradley?" I asked.
"He's a good friend of mine," Brian replied.
"He's my brother," I said.
"Have you met this girl he's dating now yet? He seems to be really crazy about her. Talks about her all the time."
"She came over for Easter dinner." I didn't add that Jill was also my best friend's half sister.
✽✽✽
Sage's fifth birthday was in the middle of June, and we planned a party for him at the pizza place with the arcade. I invited Camryn, his cousins Rachel and Daniel, the Shikov children, and several others. Fortunately, Mischa and I were both able to get the day off, so we loaded the kids into the car and drove to the restaurant. Sage was so excited that he did a little dance in the parking lot before we went in.
Adam arrived with Jill. "I'm this many old now!" Sage told them, holding up five fingers.
"Wow, you're getting to be a big boy!" Jill exclaimed.
"I'm gonna be in kindergarten next year," Sage told her.
Robin arrived looking slightly pale, with Camryn in tow. "How are you?" I asked her.
"I'm having a little trouble with morning sickness, but other than that, I'm fine," she told me.
"I can sympathize," I replied. "I got a lot sicker with Meadow than I did with Sage, but I've always heard that you get sicker with girls than with boys."
"I think for me it's about the same as last time, so I must be having another girl," she said.
Patty came with Rachel and Daniel. "They've both grown so much," she said when she saw Sage and Meadow. "Jeff would have been so proud of them." I didn't say anything because I didn't want to spoil Sage's special day.
Our waitress, a teenage girl named Ashley, arrived then to take our order. She was just bringing our pizzas to the table when Erica hurriedly dashed in with Toni, Sonya, and Mason. "Sorry I'm late," she said. "Sonya couldn't decide what dress to wear, Yuri smashed his thumb with the hammer, and then I couldn't find my car keys. It was just one thing right after another for us this morning."
"That's all right," I told her. "I'm just glad you could make it."
Several minutes of mayhem followed as the kids grabbed for the kind of pizza they wanted. I knew that Meadow probably wouldn't eat much pizza, so I'd brought along some macaroni and cheese for her. We were about halfway through the meal when Sonya started crying.
"What is it, sweetie?" asked Erica.
"My tooth really hurts, Mommy!" Sonya wailed.
"Well..." Erica looked undecided.
"If you want to take Sonya to the dentist, I can take care of Toni and Mason until you get back," I offered.
"I'll see if Yuri's home," Erica decided. "If he is, could you please just keep an eye on them until he can get here?"
"Sure, no problem."
"Thanks so much!"
"Anytime," I replied.
She left with Sonya, and Yuri arrived about twenty minutes later. I noticed that his thumb was heavily bandaged. "Are the kids all right?" he asked me.
"They're both fine," I told him.
"Thanks so much for watching them," he said.
"It was no problem at all," I replied.
Yuri's eyes met Mischa's, and soon the two of them were busily chatting away in Russian. Ashley brought Sage's birthday cake with its five candles to the table. She lit them, and Sage blew them out and everybody sang 'Happy Birthday' to him.
After that Sage opened his presents, and then the party degenerated into a frenzy of eating cake and running around playing and making noise. Meadow got cranky and fell asleep in Mischa's arms. Eventually the excitement dwindled down and the children and their parents began to leave one by one.
"Thanks again for watching the kids," Yuri said as he left with Toni and Mason.
"Glad to do it," I told him.
Meadow was still fast asleep, and even Sage was getting cranky, so I gathered up all the presents and leftover food and we headed out to the car. When we got home, I hurriedly stripped both kids and put them into the tub and washed all the pizza sauce and cake ic
ing off them. They were both asleep soon afterwards.
"Looks like its just you and me now." Mischa grinned at me. He made us a couple of white Russians and we drank them while watching an erotic movie. Soon we were making out very heavily. Mischa removed my shirt and bra and suckled my nipples until they were hard and aching.
"Do you want it?" He grinned mischievously at me.
"Oh God, yes!" I moaned.
"Then beg me for it," he ordered.
"Please, Mischa." I felt tears come to my eyes.
"I never could resist you when you look at me that way," he murmured. Ever so slowly, he removed the rest of my clothing. I was writhing and moaning impatiently by the time he finally parted my legs and began to lightly finger my slick folds, then applied his tongue and lips to my most intimate parts.
I came almost as soon as his tongue hit my most sensitive spot, and I arched my back as I bit down on my bottom lip to keep from crying out his name and awakening the kids.
I lay back on the sofa, and he entered me. "Mischa!" I protested.
"Oh, yeah." Suddenly remembering that he'd forgotten the condom, he dashed into the bedroom, and I followed. Within moments we were on the bed, making love vigorously.
Sometime before dawn, I returned to the living room and gathered up our discarded clothing before the kids could awaken and and find it.
✽✽✽
On the fourth of July we went downtown to watch the fireworks. We were sitting on the curb watching people walk past when suddenly a stroller appeared and I saw that it was being pushed by Tina, and that Debbie and her daughter were with her.
"Baby!" Meadow crowed at the sight of the sleeping infant, and before I could stop her, she'd ran up to the stroller and stood gazing at Tina's son.
✽✽✽
"No! Meadow, come back!" I exclaimed, but before I could reach her, Mischa's long legs already had. Quickly he scooped her up and carried her back to where we were sitting.
"Baby?" Meadow primped up and looked as if she were about to cry.
"I know, sweetie, but it isn't our baby," I gently told her.
"Tell you what," said Mischa. "Tomorrow I'll take you shopping, and you can pick out whatever baby you want."
Meadow grinned, and I looked gratefully at my husband. I knew that she already had plenty of dolls, but if it would make her happy again, I was all for it.
The fireworks didn't end until late at night, and the traffic on the way home was terrible. After we finally got there, Mischa and I were too tired to do anything but tumble into bed and fall right to sleep.
Meadow's second birthday was a couple of weeks later. Since she was still so young, we just had a small party and invited a few close family members. I bought her a cake with Minnie Mouse decorations and got vanilla ice cream to go with it and, since it was a nice day, we all ate outside. I dressed Meadow up in her sailor dress with lacy white socks and red patent leather shoes, and Mischa took lots of photographs.
Several weeks after Meadow's birthday, I was fast asleep when I heard Mischa come into the bedroom and switched on the bedside lamp. One look at his face and I knew that something terrible had happened. "What happened?" I asked.
"I just worked a horrible accident." He sat on the side of the bed and began to take his shoes and socks off. "Head-on collision between a Toyota and a Dodge truck. Poor little car was crumpled up just like an accordion."
"Oh my God!" I exclaimed. "Was the driver killed?"
"Life flight flew her to the hospital," he told me. "They doubt she'll make it."
I could see in his eyes that there was even more to the story. "And?"
"And..." He sighed heavily. "She's someone we know."
"Who is she?"
"Tina."
✽✽✽
She was still alive and hooked up to life support when I went in to work the afternoon shift the next day. She lay in bed in a full body cast, pale and perfectly still. The only sound in the room was the beeping of the equipment.
"You should have seen her when they brought her in last night." I turned to see Mitzi standing beside me. "She was bleeding all over the place! We had to give her four units of O negative."
"Mischa worked the accident she was in," I told her. "He said the baby wasn't with her."
"Oh, she has a baby?" Mitzi sounded surprised.
"A little boy only a couple of months old," I replied.
"How sad!" Mitzi exclaimed. "They don't think she's gonna make it, you know. They're trying to get all her family together."
As I stood listening to the hiss of the ventilator and watching Tina's chest move up and down, memories of the previous fall came rushing back to me. I thought about the night I'd overheard Tina and Debbie talking about what had happened to Mischa, how angry I'd felt, the fight I'd had with her, how badly I'd wished I had a weapon with me at the time. The idea of dashing into the room and unplugging all the life support equipment overwhelmed me, but just as quickly, I pushed it away. I knew that I'd never get away with it, and my children needed me with them, not rotting in some jail cell.
As I went about my tasks, I pushed Tina to the back of my mind, and when I left the hospital that night, she was still clinging to life. Mischa was awake when I got home, sitting in the recliner with his arms behind his head, obviously deep in thought. "Is she still alive?" he asked me.
"Just barely."
"I've been thinking," he said. "If she dies, what will happen to her baby?"
"I'm sure one of her family members will take him in, or he'll go into foster care."
"But what about his father?"
I was puzzled. "What do you mean? He'll be school age by the time his father gets out of prison."
"If that guy's really his father."
I felt a cold chill creep up my spine. I knew exactly what he was talking about but didn't want to admit it. "But you told me you used a condom with her!"
"Condoms aren't one hundred percent effective," he reminded me. "There could have been a tiny rip or hole in it, and if so, that might have been enough to get her pregnant. If that baby's really mine, then I'm responsible for him."
I felt my heart sink as I slumped onto the sofa. A moment later, I felt Mischa's arms around me but angrily shrugged them away. "I'm so sorry, Trace," he said. "But you know as well as I do that it's only the right thing to do."
"But what will we tell the children?"
"We'll just tell them that they have a new baby brother and that he's coming to live with us."
"But we don't even have enough room for a third child!"
"Sure we do. We could put the crib in our bedroom for now, and then when he's older, we can move a toddler bed into Sage's room."
"Sounds like you can't wait to have him here." I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice.
"This is a really big if, Tracy. Chances are the DNA won't even be a match."
"You mean you're planning to have your DNA tested?"
"Of course! How else would I find out?"
✽✽✽
Mischa went to the lab to have the testing done on his next day off. He wanted me to go with him, but I refused. In fact, we had a huge fight the night before.
"How can you expect me to just cheerfully agree to raising that woman's child as my own?" I spat.
"Am I not raising your two children as my own?" he retorted.
"That's different!"
"How is it different?"
"It just is, that's all!"
"I don't see any difference."
He left for the lab the next day without saying good-bye. We didn't say much to one another for a couple of days, and then on the third day, he came to me and put his arms around me, and this time, I didn't resist him. "Let's not be mad anymore, OK?"
"Yeah." I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. "When I took you back after the affair with Tina, I knew this was a possibility. I just never imagined that it would happen this way."
"Yeah, me neither." He chuckled. "I'll admit that was probably the biggest mistake of my life. but that little baby is completely innocent. He deserves a real home with people who love him."
That statement made me think. Could I ever love Mischa's child by another woman? I remembered helping with the delivery, how I'd felt when I'd looked into the infant's smoky blue eyes. It had reminded me of how I'd looked into Sage's eyes the first time I'd seen him. I also thought about how good Mischa had always been to Sage and Meadow. He really had treated them as if they were his own.
I didn't have to think about it for very long.
The next day, I was setting the table for dinner when Mischa walked in. The expression on his face told me nothing at all. "The lab just called with the results of the DNA test," he told me.
"And?" I waited breathlessly for his response.
"It wasn't a match. I'm not the father."
"Oh." Waves of relief washed over me. So I wasn't going to be raising Tina's son, after all. At the same time, I felt a twinge of regret mingled with concern. I couldn't help but hope that the baby would end up being raised in a loving home.
"Are you disappointed?" I asked Mischa.
"To be honest, yeah, I am, just a little bit," he admitted. "Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't love Sage and Meadow; I do, with all my heart. It's just that..."
"You want a baby of your own."
"Well, yeah." He came to me and put his arms around me. "What do you say, Trace? I know we were talking about waiting a year or two..."
"Well, until Meadow's out of diapers, at least. Potty training's coming along, slowly but surely, but we've still got a ways to go."
"Yeah." He kissed me lightly on the forehead. "Well, just think about it, OK?"
Tina's condition remained unchanged. One day her nephew, Chris, came in to visit her, alone. "Where's Natalie?" I asked him.
"I'm not seeing her anymore," he told me. "That didn't last very long. To tell you the truth, I still have feelings for Lisa. I'd love to be back in touch with her, but I just feel kind of awkward about calling her, since...you know."