by RR Haywood
‘With what?’
‘With getting an erection.’
‘Eh? My erections are fine.’
‘Then why did you ask?’
Fuck me. Only here would catch that snippet of conversation between two people that hardly know each other yet feel absolutely no sense of shame in discussing such a thing.
Blowers comes down. Clarence goes up. Paula steps outside and tries lighting the end of her pen with a lighter.
‘BLOWERS,’ Clarence bellows, no doubt backing out the bathroom while wafting the air under his nose and trying to kick the dead badger back into the pipes.
‘PROBABLY ME,’ Blinky shouts from the kitchen. ‘I HAD A BIG SHIT.’
‘Coffee in here, Mr Howie.’
That’ll do for me. I start in that direction to see Kyle surrounded by about a hundred mugs. Blowers follows me in. Blinky is already there stuffing a bread roll in her mouth.
‘So I could have had sex with April then,’ Cookey says, still following Marcy about as they come into the kitchen.
‘Er,’ she stops to think, ‘yeah probably,’ she says with a shrug.
‘Not a cook,’ I cough into my hand while looking at Kyle. ‘Sorry, had something in my throat…might need someone holding two pistols to come and get it out…’
‘Two pistols?’ Cookey asks.
‘Yeah, someone with two pistols that isn’t a cook,’ Blowers says.
‘Who’s that then?’
‘You dumb twat.’
‘Dave has two pistols…’
‘Not Dave,’ Blowers says.
‘Mo? He’s got two pistols.’
‘Not Mo,’ Blowers says.
‘Fuck knows what you’re on about then.’
‘Kyle you bloody idiot.’
‘What about him?’
‘Fuck me backwards,’ Blowers says. ‘He was holding two pistols.’
‘Was he? Where?’
‘In his hands you…fuck’s sake…seriously, Cookey?’ Blowers gives up, shaking his head and looking away.
‘Coffee,’ Kyle says, pushing one of the hundred cups towards me.
‘Ta. Back to being a cook then.’
‘That I am.’
‘Where did you learn to shoot?’
‘Drink your coffee before it gets cold now.’
‘Dave said firing two pistols is really difficult.’
‘Did I?’
‘Fuck it…how did you get behind me?’
‘I walked, Mr Howie.’
‘Is firing two pistols difficult?’
‘Yes, Mr Howie.’
‘Dave said firing two pistols is difficult.’
‘Coffee, Dave?’ Kyle asks, sliding a cup towards him.
‘Howie? We really need to go shopping,’ Paula shouts from the front room.
‘Supply run,’ me, Blowers, Cookey and Clarence all say the same time.
‘Whatever,’ she adds, walking into the kitchen. ‘We need tops, trousers, socks, pants, knickers, bras…’
‘Coffee, Paula?’
‘Thanks.’
‘Did he fire the pistols together at the same time or one after the other?’
‘Dunno, Dave. I was with you in the Saxon.’
‘Can zombies grow beards?’ Cookey asks.
‘What?’ Marcy asks, turning to blink at him as Kyle hands her a cup of coffee.
‘Can zombies grow beards?’
‘How would I know that?’ Marcy asks.
‘Do your legs need shaving?’
‘What right now?’
‘No I mean generally…’
‘Yes I’m still shaving my legs.’
‘Cool. I can grow a beard then.’
‘Firing two pistols is difficult unless the person is ambidextrous.’
‘Wish I could grow a beard,’ Blinky says.
‘You’d look good with a beard,’ Cookey says.
‘Fact,’ she says. ‘I should be a man but I don’t like cocks…I’ll stay a woman.’
‘Zombies can grow beards,’ Cookey tells Blowers.
‘Yeah?’
‘And get erections.’
‘You’d know,’ Blowers says.
‘I would…’ Cookey says proudly then frowns quickly as Blowers starts grinning. ‘No…I meant you would…you’d know.’
I chuckle at the expression on his face and glance over to see Heather and Paco stood outside the back door. I head over and spot Maddox and Reginald deep in conversation at the patio table. Reginald says something. Maddox shakes his head, leans back in his chair then abruptly stands up before marching over to me.
‘I want answers,’ he says firmly.
‘I want a day off…or at least a…’
‘He won’t tell me anything,’ Maddox snaps, coming to a stop in front of me. I lift an eyebrow and sip my coffee at the petulant tone that he realises he just used. He stiffens, stands straighter and visibly alters his manner by composing his features and bearing. ‘I think, given the circumstances, that I am entitled to know what…’
‘Nope,’ I cut him off, knowing Heather is standing only a few feet away.
‘Howie…’
‘MR HOWIE,’ Dave bellows from the kitchen.
Maddox hides the wince, draws breath and once again composes himself. ‘Mr Howie, it is not…’
‘Nope,’ I cut him off again.
‘Is this because of Lani?’ he asks politely.
‘Nope.’
‘Is this because I locked you in that room with dog shit?’
‘Nope.’
He shakes his head as though to invoke a greater reply from me.
I shrug and sip my coffee. ‘You asked Reggie?’
‘He did, Mr Howie,’ Reginald says from the table.
‘What did you tell him?’ I ask, glancing over to Reggie.
‘I said it would be a strategic and tactical mistake to impart any further information at this time.’
‘What he said,’ I say, motioning towards Reggie with my coffee mug.
‘If I am immune then…’
‘Not if, Maddox,’ I say, cutting him off again.
‘If I am immune then I have a right to know exactly what that means.’
‘You have no rights,’ I say mildly. ‘This is greater than any of us, Maddox. It’s bigger than all of us. If Reggie says he can’t explain then that’s the answer. None of have asked him and we won’t until he is ready and you know why? Because whatever we know the infection will know if we turn and that is the tactical…’
‘I understand that…’
‘Then why ask, mate?’
He thinks to say something but stops himself. The battle in his face keeps replaying. His intelligence is clear, his bravery is staggering but unfortunately, his ego is bigger than both.
‘What now?’ he asks instead, which was the question I suspected he would ask. Now comes the really difficult bit.
‘You are coming with us again,’ I say to him.
He shows no reaction but looks at me for several long seconds and within that gaze I know he understands why. He is holding a grudge right now. I know that and he knows that. So there is no way I will leave him behind with Lilly. He also knows I don’t trust him. He also knows I won’t kill him in cold blood but that Dave will. So that leaves two options really. I can either exile him and make him leave, but again, he knows I won’t do that in case the grudge grows and festers. So the only option left is for him to stay with us. He inclines his head and takes a deep breath.
‘You know why,’ I say quietly.
He doesn’t reply but gives a tiny nod of his head.
‘Go see Lenski. Do what you need to do but be back here in one hour.’ He moves off towards the door. ‘Maddox…you fought well today…’
I don’t get to finish the sentence before he walks off through the kitchen that falls to an awkward silence. Everyone watches him as he heads down the hallway and out the front door.
‘He coming with us again?’ Clarence asks, looming in the d
oorway that connects to the dining room.
‘Aye,’ I say quietly and notice the looks between Blowers, Cookey and Mo. ‘Do I need to explain?’
‘No, Boss,’ Blowers says quickly.
‘Cookey?’ I ask.
‘Lilly?’ Cookey asks, his voice low and thankfully serious for once.
I nod, ‘yep, he stays with us. Go a bit easier on him. We’ll be moving out in one hour.’
‘We’re not staying.’
‘Huh?’ I turn back to see Heather staring at me.
‘I said we’re not staying,’ she says bluntly.
‘Okay, can we talk about it?’ I ask politely.
‘No.’
‘Right, er…’
‘We went through the towns you destroyed,’ she says.
‘What towns?’
‘Day before yesterday.’
‘Oh right, yeah that was when Reggie realised we were being played.’
‘Played?’ she recoils in disgust and looks over at Reginald. ‘This is a game to you.’
‘No I meant…’
‘The other player yeah? I saw those towns. I saw the people in them…I saw Subi, Rajesh and Amna in that shop…’
‘Tesco? Yeah Dave did that before I arrived.’
‘Why don’t you stop and get the people out? Why don’t you go from town to town and get people to come here? Why don’t you put signs up? Posters? Why don’t you look for survivors or give out weapons or tell them how to barricade and defend themselves? Why don’t you open lines of communication and organise more people into fighting back? All you do is drive about and kill them…here and there…a few at a time…’
‘Christ,’ I mutter and drop my gaze down from the truthful sting in her words that suddenly makes everything she said so obvious. The kitchen falls quiet. Everyone listening intently. ‘That’s er…that’s a good point…’
‘How many did you kill in that square?’
‘Few thousand…Reggie thinks it was about ten thousand.’
‘We were in the buildings opposite,’ she says, still staring hard at me with emotion trembling in her voice that makes Paco stiffen . ‘You didn’t stop. You didn’t call out. You didn’t shout for survivors to come now and go with you…we had to run after you through the countryside to find the fort…’
‘I’m sorry…’
‘A child died…’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘No no no,’ Marcy snaps, striding out through the door to stare at Heather. ‘You have no idea what they’ve had to do…’
‘They didn’t stop…’
‘Why didn’t you call out? Why didn’t other survivors call out? How is that our fault?’
‘You should have stopped. You don’t see what you leave behind…’
‘No we don’t,’ Marcy fires back. ‘They see what’s in front of them…and I’ll tell you this right now. If they hadn’t have done what they had none of the people in that fort would be here now. They’ve killed tens of thousands…maybe hundreds of thousands…look what just happened outside.’
‘No,’ Heather says, taking her turn to stay simple and all the more blunt for it. She shakes her head and steps back as though disgusted at us. ‘Put posters up. Put signs up. Tell people they can come here…’
‘Have you done that?’ Marcy asks so quickly it makes Heather flinch and stop mid-sentence. ‘Have you? What have you done? You got six children here and that’s fucking awesome but what else did you do?’
‘Enough,’ I say quietly.
‘Pick up a gun, Heather,’ Marcy says, clearly furious. ‘Pick up a gun, go kill a few thousand then come back and criticise…’
‘Can you go back inside please,’ I say to Marcy.
‘Marcy, come in,’ Paula calls out.
‘And those towns…’ Marcy says, ignoring me and Paula, ‘now don’t have hundreds of infected in them…they have corpses which don’t bite…’
Heather blinks and looks away. Her cheeks blushing but I can’t tell if it’s shame, anger or a mixture of both. I nod at Marcy to go inside and get a glare in response. Please I mouth. She tuts, gives me another glare and walks off to stand with her arms folded just inside the door.
‘Paco can fight,’ I say after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence. ‘We need that…’
‘He needs to recover,’ she replies without looking at me.
‘Heather…this only happened twenty days ago. Fuck me, I was working in that Tesco you were in. Marcy was a waitress. Paula was an accountant. Reginald was…I don’t know what the fuck Reginald was but the point is…’
‘I know. I get it,’ she cuts across me again which makes Marcy bristle inside the door.
‘You’re one of us,’ I say quietly. ‘You have what we have.’
‘I’m not one of you.’
‘We met a scientist that was there when this virus thing was developed. He died but Reggie has his records. There is a list…a list of people with immunity. Maddox is on that list. We’re not. I bet you’re not either.’
‘Heather is not on the list,’ Reginald says from the patio table.
‘There you go,’ I say.
‘What?’ Heather asks, looking up sharply. ‘I heard what you said to that man…Maddox? He’s on the list. I’m not. Who cares? What difference does it make? We can’t get infected…’
‘Um,’ I say, wincing.
‘I think the issue here,’ Reginald says quickly, rising from the table and casting me a warning look. ‘Is that we are somehow connected and…’
‘We’re not staying.’
‘Heather, may I speak?’ Reginald asks.
‘Don’t bother. We’re not staying here. Can I see the children?’
‘Yeah sure,’ I reply. ‘Come and go as you want but listen, Paco is…’
‘Paco needs to heal.’
‘Yep, okay you said that but he just lifted a fat fucker above his head and last night he was throwing other fat fuckers through a hedge…we need that.’
‘No.’
‘Maybe he wants to stay…’
‘What?’ she flares at me, fury etched on her face. ‘He doesn’t know what he wants. I have to wipe his arse for him. He has no mind to know anything and you think it’s okay to make him fight because he’s strong?’
‘Fuck’s sake. I didn’t mean it like that.’
‘He will heal. He will get better and if…if he wants to fight then that’s his choice.’
‘That’s fine,’ Paula says, coming out from the door to stand next to me. ‘That’s totally fine. Whatever you want we will do.’
Heather nods, just once and in that movement I can see how hard it is for her to talk to people.
‘Listen,’ Paula says then tuts with a smile as Heather bristles at being told to listen. ‘Hang on, don’t fire off yet. Let Blowers show you how to use a rifle and pistol okay? We’ll give you weapons and ammunition so…you know…that helps doesn’t it? Blowers? You okay with that?’
‘Yeah course,’ he calls out from the kitchen.
‘Okay,’ Paula smiles at her then up at Paco.
‘I’ve got another idea,’ I say. ‘Reggie? That list of people…’
Now Reggie takes his turn to look guarded and suspicious. He even pulls his notepads and papers towards him across the table as though worried I’ll make a desperate lunge for them.
‘Fuck’s sake,’ I groan. ‘Pack it in right now. Heather, we’re not deviant bastards doing er…doing devious things and Reggie stop hiding those pads.’
‘I’m not,’ he says while frantically shoving the books into his bag.
‘Heather got six kids safely through utter chaos. The people on that list should be here. Heather, if we give you the list can you find them and get them here?’
‘What?’ Reginald says, aghast.
‘What?’ Heather says, aghast.
‘Ooh,’ Paula says in admiration, turning the corners of her mouth down while looking at me. ‘Good idea that.’
‘Was wa
sn’t it.’
‘No,’ Reginald says.
‘No,’ Heather says.
‘Why not?’ I say to both of them.
‘We cannot allow a list of that importance to simply be taken away and…’ Reginald blusters.
‘Copy it. Charlie and the others will help,’ I say.
‘But. Mr Howie. That list is of supreme importance.’
‘Yes it is, mate. It is for the people on it too and Heather was right. We should be doing something except we can’t do it cos we’re busy killing ‘em. So Heather and Paco can do it. Right?’
‘But…’ Reggie says.
‘Heather’s already proven she can move about with relative ease,’ I look at her and see the cogs turning in her head. ‘Do it quietly. Sneak about, find who you can and get them here. If they don’t want to come then tell them what they are…and while you’re at it you can tell others about the fort too. Actually, fuck it. Reggie, get that list copied…focus on the people closest to here. Heather, to be honest I ain’t asking. You were right. We need to do more so step up and do it.’
‘Could split the list and give some to Maddox,’ Paula says quietly, dipping her head in towards my shoulder so her voice doesn’t carry. ‘He’s more than capable.’
‘He needs to stay with us,’ I reply.
Thirteen
He walks down the road to the beach. His head high. His emotions masked. Nerves and tension in the air. The people still shaken and scared from the attack. Everyone looking towards the last house as the traveller men use the plant machinery to stack the bodies further down the shore. More men work to pile wood into the mound of corpses ready to set it alight.
Maddox walks on. His rifle held in one hand. A pistol on his hip. His bag on his back. He scans round noticing how people avert their eyes, dropping heads or simply looking away. A few stare with barely concealed dislike. A few more with open hatred.
People need someone to blame for what happened. He carries that blame and knows he has fault within the mess but he still stares back with defiance and an almost open challenge in his eyes. They look away, but then he is armed with an assault rifle and pistol and his clothes are stained from the battle.
Thoughts whirl in his mind. He is immune. He is on the list. He has natural immunity to the infection. Darius is dead. Sierra is dead. Zayden, Liam and so many more. Those left are acting the same as the others and distancing themselves from him. They’ve sniffed the wind and know they are being scrutinised and watched for every move. Now they work. Now they smile and wear clothes that aren’t just black.