by Alexis Bass
At dinner, I walk up to the table where Anastasia sits with Theo and Ariel, and while Ariel sizes me up, Anastasia slides over, starts talking at me a million miles a minute, telling me that she’s changed her mind about being called the Red Scare. And just like that, I’m eating dinner across from Theo Mahoney and only a table away from where Jasper gathers with his friends before he disappears for the evening.
Seven Months Later
There are some things that are too complicated to understand unless you know the whole of it. The entirety. What came before and what comes after. The broken-down parts, each piece making both the foundation and the destruction. A moment-by-moment recount until the abhorrent conclusion.
I can read my father’s face right now—sad and broken, but hopeful, even if slightly weathered. He’s thinking that what’s been done can never be undone. He’s wondering how he’ll explain it to himself. He’s running through all the possible ways this backfired on him so badly, counting the ways everything’s already been ruined.
He comes to the right conclusion, though.
After we cut over toward the other side of Cashmere, and start moving straight on toward the water, he wipes his hand over his face, taking extra care in rubbing his eyes. He rotates his shoulders. He looks out the window at the tall trees sliding past him under the sky full the of clouds. He clears his throat. And then he turns to me.
“What do you want to talk about, Collins?” he says.
I lean back, resting my head against the seat, finally relaxed.
Some things are very simple.
SEPTEMBER
Seven
“Slow down, Collins, jeez,” Anastasia calls to me as we walk the forest trail that leads to the beach down below.
“Keep up,” I say again for the millionth time. They don’t listen to me and make no effort to match my pace.
“Would you relax? We have plenty of time before the tide comes in,” Ariel says. Ariel’s personality is best described as wry. She has a low tolerance for, well, anything in large doses, really—too much laughter, too much emotion, too much nostalgia. She’s a third year from Hanalei. She’s on the swim team with Anastasia, which is how they became fast friends, as Theo calls them. I wonder how he describes my new but consistent friendship with Anastasia. Fast, sure. Calculated, definitely.
“Collins is so excited.” Theo laughs. “It’s like she’s never seen the ocean before.” They do this often, talk about me, not to me, when they’re right in front of me. They do it to each other, too, like it’s a way for them to do what Anastasia loves best—discussing people behind their backs—except out in the open, face-to-face, and under the safe umbrella of friendship.
“Excuse me, I’m not like the three of you. I’ve never lived on the West Coast before. I almost never get to see the Pacific Ocean.” The last time was when I went to Oahu with my dad. I was thirteen.
“It’s only the ocean,” Ariel says. Rich, coming from her.
The four of us trudge over the hard dirt path that cuts through the forest. It’s early enough that it’s still cool outside, especially under the shade of the towering pine and redwood trees surrounding us.
We’re not allowed to go to the beach by ourselves, and when we do get the opportunity to go, there’s a time limit. Once the tide comes up, the beach disappears almost entirely. The water creeps up all the way to the tree line, where the forest starts. We work hard during the week, between our classes and homework and required readings and clubs and sports; even the weekends are full. Today is a real live holiday—Labor Day—and the opportunity to see the beach excited me as much as sleeping until noon excited Elena.
Anastasia, Ariel, Theo, and I finally reach the part of the trail that turns steep, steering us down to the beach, but there are students in front of us who are taking their sweet time, and there’s not enough room on the path to pass them.
“You’re like that driver who goes way over the speed limit and weaves lanes to pass everyone and then gets stuck at the red light with everyone else, anyway,” Ariel tells me.
We emerge onto the beach and are hit immediately with a gust of wind and a chilly mist. I look out at the waves in the distance, the way the water is both dark and clear. This close, the waves are loud.
“Worth all the stress?” Theo asks. He laughs when I nod.
“Let’s sit over there,” Ariel says, pointing to the side of the beach opposite from where the chaperones have set up their canopy.
I scan the shore until I find him standing with his feet in the water. He’s wearing a backward hat and swim trunks, and he’s tossing a football with the two friends I’ve noticed him with the most. Stewart Laing and Daiki Nakamura. They’re both fourth years who play lacrosse with Jasper. Stewart is stocky with thick hair so blond it’s nearly white. Daiki is tall and lean like Jasper. He has dark hair and brown eyes and, to be blunt, he might be the most attractive person I’ve ever seen. I know from hearing others talk, because Daiki is definitely the kind of beautiful boy that everyone talks about, that he is not only super sweet but also has a very, very serious girlfriend back home in San Jose, who he somehow manages to see at least once a month. Daiki is forget-your-own-name-good-looking, and I’m grateful that Jasper Mahoney is not Daiki Nakamura; otherwise, this ploy would be entirely out of my control.
“Hello? Over here, Collins.” Anastasia calls to me from a few feet away, in the direction the three of them have started walking.
Oops. I jog to catch up.
“Get ahold of yourself,” Theo says under his breath, wearing a teasing smile as he falls into step with me.
The four of us spread out our beach towels on the sand. We’re positioned a few feet from where the tide is reaching. Theo and Anastasia are in the middle, Ariel and I flank them on either side. We shed our clothes so we’re in our bathing suits, and we lather ourselves in sunscreen. The sun is still playing peekaboo with us from behind a stubborn cloud.
“What if it rains?” Anastasia says. This is something she tends to do, point out a worst-case scenario.
“It’s not going to rain,” Ariel says, rolling her eyes.
Theo laughs and says, “So what if it does?” I’ve heard him say this to Anastasia on more than one occasion, and I think this is a testament to how deeply he understands her—he knows that she needs to hear a response akin to “So what? It will be okay,” instead of being told how unlikely it is that her worry will come to fruition.
I scoot to the edge of my towel, sitting with my knees bent and my feet in the sand.
“Joyce’s suit is so tacky,” Anastasia says.
“Her style as usual. She’s always a walking designer label,” Ariel says.
“And here you both noticed her, so everything’s going according to her plan.” Theo picks up a handful of sand and lets it run through his fingers. “Hey, Anastasia, remember your suit two years ago at that Fourth of July party in Martha’s Vineyard?”
The three of them start laughing.
“Untangle me, untangle me!” Ariel flails as she mimics Anastasia in this particular memory.
Anastasia says, “Shut up! It was not that funny!” But she is laughing, too.
Theo leans my way. “So her suit looked like bondage—something ridiculous her mother bought her in Saint-Tropez.” He launches into the rest of the tale about how Anastasia got stuck in her swimming suit, and somehow this segues into a chronicle of the best parties they’ve ever attended at Martha’s Vineyard. I think part of the reason they don’t mind me hanging out with them is that when they reminisce, they get an excuse to tell their stories to someone who’s never heard them before. It makes me miss Cadence and Meghan from back home, and I wish I had a reason to talk about them. When I told them I was enrolling at Rutherford, they couldn’t understand why I’d want to go, and I didn’t know how to explain it to them, not when there was so much I’d have to omit. It made a distance between us even before I left, like they could tell I was keeping something from them, a part
of me closed off.
“Heads up!” someone calls, and a football flies at us. Theo reaches out his arm and catches it.
“Nice one, Theo. You’re making us look bad.” The owner of the ball is Sebastian Guerrero. Aside from being a known playboy, Sebastian also has a reputation for being shameless.
“What do you want, Sebastian?” Theo asks, making no attempt to hand the ball back.
Sebastian laughs. “Just enjoying a day on the beach. If only that cloud would move.”
“You could’ve walked up to us like a normal person if you wanted to talk to us. You didn’t need to endanger our safety as an excuse,” Ariel says. Anastasia nods.
“I like to make an entrance,” Sebastian says.
“Nice tan lines,” Ariel says.
He looks himself up and down. His eyes stop on the dark lines around the front of his legs, where the skin is noticeably lighter. A shin guard tan. “What can I say? This is the price of playing soccer in São Paulo for the last half of the summer.”
“I love it there so much,” Anastasia says.
“Have you been?” Sebastian first looks at Ariel, who shakes her head, then at Theo—same response. He stops on me next. “Hey, you’re new—Collins Pruitt, right?”
This is the first time Sebastian’s spoken to me since I arrived, but I’ve heard about how he’s enchanting—hypnotizing, even. And it’s not only because he’s what my friends from back home would refer to as a stone-cold fox. It’s that when he looks at you, he really looks at you.
“That’s me,” I say. He smiles.
“So how do you like it here so far, Collins Pruitt?” He’s got his eyes locked on me as though I’m the most entrancing girl on the planet.
“Are you going to keep calling her by her full name like that?” Ariel says.
His eyes still don’t waver from mine. “Maybe. Depending on if Collins Pruitt likes it or not.”
Blast my mouth, my smile is so big. Ariel and Anastasia are probably immune to this kind of blatant flirting, and they probably know exactly how to hold themselves together when others are there to witness it. But I do not have that kind of control. It’s so flattering, not only that someone I find handsome would want to flirt with me in the first place but that he is doing it so openly, so publicly.
“What’s your impression of Rutherford?” he says again, lowering his voice as though that makes the conversation qualify as being only between us.
I shrug. This seems like a better move than actually speaking.
“Some things will have to remain a mystery, I guess. For now. You’re not off the hook yet, Collins Pruitt.”
Theo tosses the ball at him to dismiss him. Sebastian takes the hint. He smiles and waves at us as he takes a few steps backward, watching us—watching me—before he turns and starts running toward the group he was playing catch with. He never makes it, though; Joyce intercepts him.
“Well, don’t they look chummy,” Anastasia says, nodding toward Sebastian and Joyce. Joyce, for whatever reason, is on her hit list this morning.
“Must be that killer bathing suit.” Theo puts his hands up in surrender, already anticipating how this comment is going to annoy Anastasia.
“Did you hear her father was caught with a prostitute over the summer?” Anastasia says. “Her mother is divorcing him. Ruby told me, but it was, like, in the regular news, too. Her father’s East Coast–famous.”
“What happens to his company if this is what’s in the news, I wonder,” Theo says.
“He’s ruined for life,” Anastasia says.
“He’ll probably have to appoint someone else as CEO, take a back seat for a while,” I say.
“That’s what your dad would do?” Theo asks. “For the companies he manages?”
I nod.
“Whatever,” Anastasia says, “Joyce’s mom is going to take him for all he’s worth to keep that designer swimwear lifestyle. Joyce is out there laughing and flirting like nothing is wrong.”
“Lay off her for a while, will you?” Theo says.
We watch as Sebastian and Joyce splash each other in the surf.
“Sebastian likes shiny objects, but he bores quickly,” Anastasia says.
“He is a shiny object,” Theo says. “You’d never go back for seconds?”
“Don’t you mean fourths?” Anastasia says.
It takes me a moment to realize Anastasia and Theo are talking to Ariel, because Ariel doesn’t answer right away. Like she’s considering this.
Finally, she says, “I have zero interest in dating him ever again.”
“You dated him three times?” I ask. “Like you were his girlfriend on three different occasions?”
“Why do you sound surprised?” Ariel says.
“I thought everyone was too busy studying to date,” I say.
The three of them laugh.
“We date how anyone dates. I sneak around at Rutherford as much as I do at home,” Ariel says.
“Ariel went out with Sebastian once when we were first years, once when we were second years, and the last time was over the summer,” Anastasia explains to me.
“Why don’t I remember the third time?” Theo says.
Anastasia puts her hand over his—they do this sometimes, like, by way of their hands touching, they are transferring knowledge.
“You were having your own romance with Roman at the same time. You were muy ocupado.”
“Ah, Roman.” Theo sighs. “Sad to leave that one.”
“But long distance isn’t really your style, and you’re almost never in Spain.” Anastasia and Theo nod at each other.
“She’s not his type,” Ariel says, still watching Sebastian and Joyce.
We all stare as he takes Joyce’s hand and pulls her, Fendi swimsuit and all, farther out into the water, until they are in up to their belly buttons. Sebastian’s hands are hidden under the water, but unmistakably, they are resting on Joyce’s hips. Mr. Locke blows his whistle and signals for them to come back to shore, and I’m not sure if it’s because of the placement of Sebastian’s hands or because they went too far out in the water, something we’ve been warned not to do.
For the next hour, we’re surrounded by people stopping by our towels to talk. Because of Theo, we’re a social sun, everyone in his orbit. Anastasia loves it, Ariel tolerates it. The collection of people who come over to see Theo doesn’t include his brother, so after a while, I’m annoyed by it. I secretly wish that Sebastian would make another visit. But he seems otherwise engaged with Joyce.
Jasper and his friends take a few breaks, but they mostly spend the day throwing around that football.
I watch as Stewart instructs Jasper and Daiki on where to run, and backs up as they take off, falling down in the sand as he throws the ball and Jasper and Daiki both race down the beach. Jasper is able to launch himself higher in the air and is the one to catch it. He holds the ball up, victorious.
“He’s going to be sorry,” Theo says. He was watching, too. “He hurt his ankle two years ago and his coach is always on him about not reinjuring it.”
When Jasper stands up, he hops twice on his right foot, like he might’ve landed wrong on the other foot. He shakes it off and walks normally again, but Theo still says, “He needs to tape that if he’s going to play in the game next week,” and gets up to check on him.
“What a good brother,” Anastasia says.
Stewart and Daiki walk toward him also. But when Stewart sees Theo, his eyes tick over to where Theo was running from. His gaze lands on Anastasia and, as I’ve witnessed a few times during dinner and in the hallways, it lingers.
“Does Stewart Laing always stare at you like that?” I say.
Their heads snap in Stewart’s direction.
“Probably,” Anastasia says.
“Seems right,” Ariel adds.
“Have you ever gone out with him?”
“Not yet.” Anastasia laughs. She shrugs. “He’s cute and nice. But Theo isn’t really a fan.”
“He does,” Ariel says. “He doesn’t like him well enough for Anastasia to date him. Which makes me think Anastasia should absolutely date him.”
Interesting. If Anastasia dated Stewart, it would give me an excuse to interact with Jasper.
“If you’re into him, nothing should stop you,” I say, adding, “He’s really handsome.”
“Stewart is pretty hot,” Anastasia muses. It’s working. Behold the power of suggestion. “His parents have three houses in Europe and two yachts,” she adds—revealing maybe the real reason his odds are tipping in her favor. “He speaks several languages and sometimes it will randomly come out during conversation.”
“Wow, impressive,” I say—because I will encourage this however I can.
We look over at them, where Theo is down on the ground, inspecting Jasper’s foot as Jasper seems to be shaking his head, telling him not to worry.
“Maybe we should see if he’s okay.”
“Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Anastasia smiles at me.
“You did your overview with Jasper, right?” Ariel says.
“Yes.” The two of them exchange a glance. “What?” I say. It’s peculiar how much it gets brought up—it was only an overview.
“We’re not supposed to tell,” Ariel says.
“Oh, come on,” Anastasia says. “We can tell Collins. Besides, she should know. At least half of it.”
“Theo’s going to kill you.”
“Tell me what?”
“The last time Jasper was in an overview, he hooked up,” Ariel says quickly—like she’s trying to beat Anastasia to it.
“Oh. Okay.” I think of how cold he was with me during our overview; how completely uninterested he was in making our interaction anything more than transactional.
“I thought only fourth years could lead overviews.” But maybe they make exceptions for Jasper and his advanced brain.
“That’s why it’s a secret,” Anastasia says. “The girl he hooked up with was a fourth year, and he was a second year. And wait until you hear—”