by J. C. Hart
The goddess sighed. "Then you will fail, and we will all be destroyed, your people with wither and die, and I will follow." Serafina raised her face and stared into Vana’s eyes. "You could save us all if you would only let us in."
The words bubbled in her throat, but she couldn’t speak them. But if I let them in they can fail me too. If I let them in I’m not really safe. If I don’t do it myself, it might never get done. They will let me down, they will leave, they will die, and it will be my fault.
Instead, she cried, the tears pouring down her face. She couldn’t swallow them back, couldn’t ignore the open wound in her chest. She had pushed everyone away since the day the Asakan invaders first came, back when she was a child. When her parents had been killed, when her friends had been killed or taken—how many were still living within the city? How many were lost to them forever?
She felt warm arms embrace her and startled, thinking it was the goddess, fearing she would be burned, but it was just Carmel, holding her from behind, holding her tighter than she had been held in years. The woman’s heat sunk into Vana’s skin, all the way to her bones and she wept and wept until her eyes swelled shut.
9
In the morning the stark light woke her, breaking through the leaves as though its sole intent was to bring her to consciousness. The smell of roasting goat hit her nostrils and her stomach groaned. Carmel sat on the other side of the fire, turning the spit.
"Good morning, child. I hope you slept well."
"I'm no child, you know that. I am a mother."
"A mother who lost her parents as a child and needs more comfort than she has let on to anyone."
Vana turned away, unwilling to concede the truth of Carmel’s words.
"I'll be there for you. I will do anything to help you get your daughter back and find your way home to the ones who remain, the ones who love you." Carmel moved around the fire, bringing a chunk of meat with her. "If you'll let me."
Their knees grazed, and that was all it took for Vana to melt toward the older woman, to let her fold her in her arms and stroke her hair and shush away the tears.
When she finished crying, she wiped her eyes dry and reached for the meat. It was still warm, juicy when she bit into it. A little gamey, but that was goat. "Thank you." Her voice croaked as she spoke, and Carmel handed her a canteen.
"You deserve kindness, Vana. Whether you believe it or not."
Vana sipped the water, savoring the sweet taste of it. She finally broke the silence. "Do you think there is anything I could have done? To save them—any of them."
Carmel squeezed her again. "No, child. Nothing. Sometimes that is the way. But this time? This time we can do something—we are doing something. Have faith in me, and our goddess. She wants this too, and she will give us her help when we need it."
Perhaps Carmel was right, and having even one person tell her she couldn’t have changed what happened was enough to heal a small portion of the wound inside her, enough to get her off the ground and moving again. "Do we have a plan?" she asked, deferring to Carmel.
"They will be almost to the city now. But they must pass through the ruins of our one true city. If we hurry, we might catch them where we can sneak up on them from behind the remains."
"We truly had a city once?" Vana had never seen it herself, never been far beyond their village and hunting grounds.
"We did, and it was beautiful. Perhaps one day we will build again, something permanent." Carmel sighed, her eyes unfocusing. "But for now, we need to return the children and bring Serafina to power once more. Come, we must get moving."
Carmel set a quick but steady pace, leading the way confidently. Vana followed, enjoying that right now she was not the one responsible. It had been her burden, and now she could share the load. It gave her more peace than she could have imagined.
Soon, the bridge to the city loomed before them. Vana had stood at the base of the tree bridge which spanned the river to Serafina’s mountain, back near their village, but she had never crossed. This would be her first ever bridge. It was made of rock, solid as the earth beneath their feet. Carmel moved across and Vana paused for only a moment before she followed, keeping her eyes averted from the water rushing below.
Once on the other side, Carmel led them off the main path. They traveled alongside it under the shadow of the trees though these were sparser than on the other side and soon wild grasses Vana had never seen appeared.
And there, not so very far in front of them, was the group of invaders. And the children.
Vana reached out and tugged on Carmel’s cloak, suddenly frightened. The last time she had approached she’d been fuelled by the focus on the purple mushroom, but now she had nothing to keep her confident.
"What if we fail?"
Carmel shook her head and reached for Vana’s hand, tugging her along behind. Vana kept silent though the questions swirled in her mind. Carmel halted and Vana smacked into the back of her. "Have you got your blade, child?" Carmel asked.
Vana reached for it wordlessly. "I’m ready."
"I’ll go first and use my powers to separate the priestess and as many of her men as I can, you deal with the others, and take the children."
Vana took a trembling breath. "I'm ready."
Carmel moved away, darting through the debris, folding herself into shadows in a way no crone should be able to. Vana gave her a small head start and then followed, not wanting to lose sight or lose her way.
And then they were upon the other group. She could see her daughter’s hair, Loren’s son, and the others. So small, their little legs obviously tired, faces worn and weary. She yearned to run to them now and fold them all in her embrace, but it wasn’t time. Vana dropped to her knees and crawled across the broken earth until she was so close she could smell them. Chunks of rubble dug into her palms but she didn’t care, she never took her eyes off the children, the sight of them like water to the parched.
She willed Aida to glance at her, but the girl stumbled on until she froze, a cry Vana knew too well expelling from her lungs. Vana looked ahead to see a wall of orange and red flame spreading through the invaders, taking a few of them into the next life as it tore across the ground. It took her back to the night the children were stolen, though this came from Carmel, not from the All Mother’s priestess.
Vana didn’t wait for another sign. She pushed to her feet and charged straight for the closest invader, her knife at the ready. She pounced on him from behind, slicing the blade across his throat as she would any wild beast. He fell, crushing her beneath him, but she kicked him off, careful not to wound herself in the process. The man holding the children's ropes turned. He drew his sword, unflustered by the death of his comrades. He wore a helm that covered most of his face, but Vana could see his lip turn up in disgust.
She smeared the blood from her victim across her chest, daring him to approach. He charged, intent on using his brute force, but she dropped low and cut upwards as he lunged at where she had been a moment ago. The knife sliced through his pants and blood streamed from the wound. He stumbled to his knees and dropped his weapon, clutching at his thigh. Vana crawled to him, hoping to finish him easily, but he backhanded her. Her side scraped against the ground where she landed. She bit down on her cry, used the pain to fuel her.
He reached for his sword. Stupid man. He could have crushed the life out of her with one hand but instead, he wanted his weapon. His mistake. Vana lunged, this time stabbing him up under his ribs, hitting his organs. His fingers twitched, his sword fell away.
Breath coming hard, Vana turned to look at the children.
Their eyes were wide with fright, mouths hanging ajar. Aida paused a moment at the back of the children then tried to pull away and come to her. Vana struggled to her feet, exhaustion hitting her as she looked at the two bodies on the ground. Only two? Hadn’t there been more?
"Mother! Untie us." Aida’s voice cut through her fog and Vana moved again, using her blood slick knife to cut through
their bindings. Aida leaped at her, hugging her tightly. "I never thought I would see you again. I can’t believe you found us."
"Of course I came," Vana said, her voice soft and hoarse. She drew back and looked at the children. "I came for all of you." They swarmed around her, reaching out to touch her clothes as if she were their goddess.
Carmel. Vana had forgotten her and what lay on the other side of the flames. All she could hear was the fire, and the children, their greedy hands seeking for purchase on her.
"Wait. Children, I need you all to listen." She raised her arms, palms out. "I must help Carmel, but you need to run. Run back the way you came, get to the woods. Aida, can you lead them?"
Aida shook her head, her long black plait shivering over her shoulder. "I will not leave you, not now." She turned and scanned the group. "Christoph, you take them. Get them under cover and we'll be with you soon." Aida knelt down and thumbed a little boy’s chin. "Be a good boy, go."
Vana waited as the children moved away, feeling a pang of sorrow at how much Aida seemed to have aged. She was only fourteen, but she seemed more mature now, more in control than Vana felt.
The sound of flames died down, revealing Carmel and the priestess facing each other. The other invaders were gone, or dead, or turned into small piles of ash on the ground that gently dispersed on the wind. Vana held her arm out, motioning Aida behind her, but the girl reached to pick up a fallen warrior’s sword and stood strong beside her.
"Stay safe," Vana uttered, fear gnawed at her belly. She was so close to rescuing her child, and yet there Aida was, trying to be strong and brave. Like her mother.
They moved toward Carmel, stepping over the corpse of one of the fallen. Vana moved ahead, putting herself between the priestess and her child. She watched as the two other woman battled, energy simmering off them, their focus pure.
Aida screamed, and Vana whirled to find her on the ground. The man she had thought was dead had pulled the girl down and thrust his sword into her belly. Aida went limp and slipped from his arms. Vana wasted no time in swinging her weapon, splitting a gash into his face so wide that he looked like he had a crooked grin. She raised it again, hacking at an artery, and then she kicked his corpse away from her daughter.
She still had a pulse, so there was hope. But she needed help.
10
Carmel and the priestess focused on each other. The Asakan words coming out thick and harsh, they raked against Vana’s ears. She approached carefully as the women circled each other, and then the All Mother’s priestess pushed Carmel to the ground and straddled her. Vana leaped, shoving her blade into the priestess’ side and she toppled off, her staff still standing. Vana fell to her knees beside Carmel, only then realizing that the tip of the staff was really a spear and it was buried in Carmel’s chest.
"Carmel." Too nervous to touch the spear, Vana's hands wavered in mid-air.
"Pull it out," Carmel whispered. "We must tend to your daughter."
"Are you sure? I don’t have the skills to help you, you might…" She had seen wounds like this before in animals, she knew Carmel might die. She might be imbued with the power of the goddess, but she was still mortal.
"Don't worry about me, child. I can feel the goddess close, she has shown me the way. This, I must do."
Vana stood, placed a foot on Carmel’s torso. She paused, hands on the shaft, and when Carmel nodded, Vana gripped and pulled. The flesh caught on the spear tip, and she had to use all her strength to drag it out. Finally, she tossed it aside and pressed her palms to the wound. Blood seeped through her fingers, but Carmel pushed her away.
"It's okay," she said. "Help me up."
Vana did as she was told, regretting the times she had shunned Carmel, ignored her wisdom. Tears burned at her eyes aa she thought about how she may never have a chance to make up for that.
They crossed the short distance to Aida, who lay unmoving, the ragged rise and fall of her chest the only sign of life.
Carmel stumbled, sank to her knees, her hands touching the skin of Aida’s face.
"What happened?"
"She was stabbed. I thought he was already dead, I didn’t know…" Vana knelt, taking Aida’s cooling hand. "Can you help her?"
"I must." Carmel nodded, as if to herself, and then lay on the ground beside the girl, her crease-lined fingers linking with Aida’s smooth ones.
"What are you doing?" Vana asked again. The older woman had closed her eyes, but her lips opened and a soft sigh emerged.
"Your daughter must carry on for me. The goddess calls us both."
"What do you mean?" Vana reached across her daughter’s body and grabbed Carmel’s arm. She tried to shake it, to take her fingers from Aida’s, but it was like the two were joined. "Carmel, you come back right now. Carmel! What are you doing to her?" Vana’s shaking grew more frantic until a thud of energy pushed her away from the bodies. She scrambled forward, trying to reach Aida, but an invisible barrier separated them. "NO!"
Vana thumped on the vacant air as the heat increased, making her slide away, her only recourse to focus on what was happening within. All she could hope was that Carmel would do as she said and save Aida. She let her arms drop and resigned herself to waiting, only then thinking about the fallen priestess.
She scanned the ground, but the priestess was gone, only her spear remained, still lying where Vana had tossed it. She ran to it, scooping it up as she peered into the distance. The horrible woman might be anywhere. Hiding behind some rubble, waiting for a moment of weakness. Though she had been wounded, and Vana could see blood spilled on the ground, trailing away from them. She gripped the spear for comfort and returned to her daughter’s side. If the priestess came, she would be prepared; right now her daughter needed her.
Vana stood watch for what felt like an age before anything happened. But slowly the invisible bubble surrounding the two forms filled with orange-tinged smoke. Vana peered closer to see that it was sliding out from between Carmel’s lips, swirling in the air, and with each small inhalation, Aida was taking it into herself. A chill ran down Vana’s spine and she pressed her hands to the firm air, wishing she could break through the bubble.
Aida would be saved, but she was also being changed. Even as she watched, the girl’s hair color was lightening, strands changing to a fiery red and her skin began to shimmer with the same radiance Carmel had. Or used to have. Her skin was dulling, and as Aida took deeper breaths, Carmel’s grew shallower.
"No, no!" Vana shook her head, searching for some way to contact the goddess and tell her that this was not okay. She wanted them both to live, not this. Carmel had already sacrificed so much, and this wasn’t fair.
Vana swung the spear at the invisible dome, but all it did was slam against the side and bounce off. She screamed and sank to her knees, tears slipping down her face.
"Why? Why are you doing this? Serafina, she is your child, we all are, why can’t you save them both?"
A flutter of warmth pushed the tendrils of hair off her face and dried her tears.
"All things change, death is not the end for Carmel, and Aida will have a new beginning."
"But you’re taking her away from me! You said you loved us, you said you would help get her back, and now…"
"I will make her more than she was, and I will keep her safe."
"I don’t want her safe, and I don’t want her more—she was perfect the way she was. She was enough."
"You are all enough, but sometimes one must step forward and accept a greater destiny. She will be the one who keeps you safe, who brings your people to a place of freedom."
"And she will bring you to power again as well, will she not?" Vana couldn’t keep the bitter tone from her voice. Everything came at a cost, and she felt foolish to believe the goddess really loved them, wanted the best for them.
But she was being selfish… It was this, or losing her daughter, and she knew she would have made the same choice if given an option. It was a small price to pay. Still,
she remained quiet, and soon the warmth passed, and the goddess spoke no more.
It was darkening when she heard a gasp. She’d nodded off, the spear tip planted in the ground, and her face pressed against the wooden shaft. Vana shot forward, the barrier gone, and her hands came to rest on Aida’s chest.
"My darling, are you okay?" She brushed the girl’s dark red hair from her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"Mother? I feel… different." Aida gasped again, her eyes widening. "I can feel the goddess." Aida sat and glanced down at her hands, spreading her fingers wide as if discovering them for the first time. "What happened?"
Vana pursed her lips, unsure what to say. Clearly, the only option was the truth. Serafina would tell her eventually. "You were hurt. Badly. It was… When I heard you cry out I thought all of this had been for nothing. That I’d done everything I could to find you only to watch you die." Vana squeezed Aida’s hand, tears slipping down her face. "Carmel gave her life so the goddess would save you. How do you feel?"
"I feel amazing, mother. Amazing." Aida got to her feet and held a hand out for Vana to take. Her skin was warm to the touch, countering the chill that had come with the falling night. "We must go home. There is so much to do." Aida stepped forward, her hand still in Vana’s, but Vana was rooted to the spot.
It felt too hard to make that step, to know that while she was returning the children to her people, her own daughter was returning altered. She had known nothing would be the same, but this hadn’t been one of the many outcomes her imagination had spun.
Aida turned, a gentle smile on her lips. "Come on, Mother. The children will be worried."
"They will," she replied, letting Aida pull her on. But she thought the children could be no more worried than she was. "Wait, what about Carmel? We should try to take her with us."
Aida laughed, the soft tinkle of it making Vana’s skin tingle. "No, she is with the goddess already, besides, there is nothing left to take."