by Al K. Line
"But you were just a kid."
"They didn't care. They enjoyed it. I'm not a good man, Arthur. I did these things, killed so many I wouldn't know how to begin to tally up the pain I've caused. What they did to me and my family is no excuse. I should have let them kill me, or run away, done something, but I did as they wanted in the hope that one day I could get my sister and we could be free."
"I know the feeling. The numbers blur but the faces never do. I can see them all, all the men I've hurt and killed." One look at Ivan told me he was the same. This stuff never left you, however justified you believed you were at the time.
"Merrick's father died young, a simple stroke of all things, and the young son was in charge. Now was my chance, or so I believed, but he was worse than the father, much worse. He kept me closer than ever. After all, nobody knew the business better than us. We'd been schooled together, knew the business inside and out, and he was never the smartest of children. He relied on me so I helped him run things, did as he asked, knowing if something happened to him I'd never discover where my sister was."
"I get it. Your reality gets warped until you don't know what to do or how to act. You rely on what's familiar."
"Maybe, or maybe I was just a coward. Merrick hated me at times, resented me always. The disfigurement he suffered meant I was a constant reminder of what my sister had done, but he needed me. Without me his business would have failed. We built it together, he knew that."
"So why'd you agree to him being killed? Why'd you let the goons off him?"
"Because I knew I couldn't do it myself. Even then, even with the opportunity, I knew I wasn't capable, that then there would be no chance of ever getting the answers I needed. I can't tell you the number of times I thought of torturing him, of making him tell me where she was, and I came close so many times, but I knew him, I knew he'd never talk. He would laugh at me to the end, and then she would be lost forever."
I was sure where this was heading, but asked anyway. "And now you want me to find her?"
"This is why I took over and have been so ruthless with the business I inherited from Merrick. I shut down every seedy sex shop, every hint of trafficking, every brothel of ill repute, eliminated more men than sits comfortable and have done many terrible things these past weeks, all to maintain control and to know exactly what is happening. My influence has spread throughout the country and I have good relations with other bosses, but it means nothing. She isn't here, nowhere I can find her anyway. She could be anywhere, and I have no idea what she looks like. I cannot simply send out an order that she must be found and released, returned to her only family, as all I have is a name and I'm not so foolish as to believe she's been allowed to use her given name all these years."
"What about the vampires? Your new family?" It made more sense than ever why Ivan was so willing to be taken into the family. The vampires offered him something he had craved since a child. Family, acceptance, understanding, and power.
"I am so strong now it scares me, and we are growing as a family, but there are limits to all things. How would we go about finding her? Our skills mean nothing when we don't know where to start. I've followed every lead, have killed many men close to Merrick to get answers, but none of them knew anything."
I could only imagine what he'd done to get those answers once Merrick was dead. The dam that had held him back from acting had burst spectacularly and now I understood why he'd been so ruthless in cementing his hold on Merrick's business and expanding at such an insane rate.
"I need you to find her for me, Arthur. I know I'm running out of time, I can feel it. Merrick is dead, I am free, and yet I cannot locate her anywhere."
"I steal things and sell them," I protested. "I'm not a detective."
"Don't underestimate yourself. I've been watching you for many years and I know exactly what it is you do. You need the thrill, you crave it. What you steal is of little importance, what you need is the danger, the chase, the elevation of your senses once you're closing in. The high of victory and the scent of blood in your nostrils. You are more vampire than you could ever imagine, Arthur, and you can do it. You and Vicky, you find things that have been kept hidden for centuries, she with her technical skills, you with your magic and this strange knack you have for always coming out on top."
"Ha, I get bashed all the time and things hardly ever go to plan."
"Maybe, but you still find what you're looking for. I want you to find my sister."
"If I say no?"
"Will you?"
I thought for a while, or maybe I just stood there smoking and enjoying the peace. I knew my answer the moment he began his story. What kind of screwed up world would it be if I didn't help a homicidal shifter vampire who'd been responsible for resurrecting probably the strongest man on the planet? That wasn't the reason though.
It was family.
He'd lost his but there might still be a chance for him to get her back. I had no chance of ever revisiting my past and the horrors it held, and I was glad. But Ivan, he had a chance at a salvation of sorts.
"Okay, what's her name?"
Goodbye and Goodnight
We spoke for another good half hour, but there was little information he could give beyond his sister's name. Avisha Malak. Both Ivan's and Avisha's names meant "Gift from God," maybe because of their special gift tied to the moon, or maybe simply because their parents were proud.
Ivan gave me all the family history he could, but it meant nothing for the search. There were no other family members; his grandparents were dead and there had been no aunts, uncles, or cousins. His grandparents were of Russian and European descent, but he knew next to nothing of their lives, and I doubted it would play any role in finding his sister.
Certain things Ivan had let slip since the events surrounding Merrick's death became clear. He'd said he'd never been with another man or woman in the most intimate of ways, and now I understood why. The abuse his mother had suffered, and he'd witnessed, combined with the perversions inflicted by Merrick and his father meant he found it hard to feel love, or have much interest in the sexual side of his nature.
All he'd known was violence and that was linked to intimacy. Maybe once this was over he could find peace and love, or maybe not. But I owed him. I owed him for the life of my daughter, for him defending her against the ritual to raise the First from the ashes, and to keep her from being sullied as they took her blood.
Family. It was all about family.
He saved mine, now I had to do the same for him.
We went back inside and both got scolded by George and Vicky, and then Ivan joined us for a coffee while Vicky and I watched as he and George finished their game. It was close, but George won, although I think his heart wasn't in it by that point.
I then found myself in a bit of a quandary.
This man, this lycanthrope vampire, the deadliest man in the city bar Mikalus himself, had opened his heart and asked for help. Yet I still shrank from taking him home. After the day I'd had, moving the Gate, dealing with Cerberus, vowing to kill Nathan, and now he'd thrown a spanner in the works. I didn't want anyone to know where the new Gate was housed, and as much as I trusted him I felt uncomfortable divulging such a secret.
As he readied to leave he saved me the embarrassment, which embarrassed me further. "I have my car. I drove as I knew you were, ah, relocating the Gate." Ivan studied me and waited, interested to hear what I had to say.
"Yeah, it was time to get some secrecy back. Too many people knew where it was."
"I understand. Wise move, Arthur. It's always a good idea to maintain the upper hand. I'll drive home. I need to clear my head, find peace."
"Thanks, I appreciate it. And no offense?"
"None. We all do what we must to keep our family safe." That meant more than most could ever know coming from him. The things he'd done to keep his sister alive, maybe, were more than anyone could imagine.
Ivan put on his coat and said his farewells.
I walked him to the door and let him out. As the sensors kicked in, and the cobbled courtyard was bathed in light and Marjorie brayed her annoyance from the barn, I asked him a question.
"Can you go out in the daylight now? Does it hurt?"
"I can, but it's difficult. We Seconds are able to walk in the light for a short while, but it comes with terrible pain. Like you're frying from the inside. Apparently it gets worse over the years, as more of the original vampire takes hold, until one day all must be darkness."
"Well, you've got something to look forward to then," I said, smiling.
"I think I shall enjoy it. So much of this world is already lost to darkness, and I was consumed by it so very long ago. I've walked through my life in a dream of never-ending horror. There is more light to be found in this new darkness than there ever was in my old life. I welcome it. I embrace it."
"Until then get a good pair of sunglasses. Bye, Ivan. I'll do my best but no promises."
"That's all I ask." Ivan walked to the gate then paused. "One more thing."
"Being a bit dramatic aren't we?"
"I'm a vampire, it comes with the territory. If you find her, when you find her, tell her I always loved her and always will. No matter what has happened, tell her that. And please tell George and Sasha about this, they should know."
"You sure?"
"It may be dangerous. They need to have all the facts."
"Family, right?"
Ivan nodded. "Family."
He got in his car and drove away. Soon he was swallowed up by the night, but his heart and his mind had already been taken by something much darker long, long ago.
More Goodbyes
After Ivan left I filled in the girls on what he'd told me, trying not to get annoyed as they kept interrupting and crying. Vicky was, unsurprisingly, up for it, said she'd be ready in the morning once she'd taken the girls to school. With that she'd panicked, checked the time and realized they'd be back from their trip soon and she had to be home when they arrived. She didn't mention the Slug; things really were that bad.
I wondered if tonight would be the night when it all came to a head, but we'd had so many conversations about their marriage over the years that I knew it could just as likely go on for many more.
There were a few arguments, me trying to make Vicky understand that the world we were about to step into wasn't one of fun fights with wizards, elves, and vampires, it was with something much, much worse, and magnitudes darker. The seedy world of men and their inexhaustible, bottomless ability to be cruel.
She squared her shoulders, held my gaze, and said, "I'm coming."
"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you."
"What about Nathan?" asked George.
"He'll have to wait. This is more important."
"Dad, you're going soft in your old age."
"Maybe, or maybe I don't want to get on the wrong side of a vampire in charge of the underground."
"Big girl's blouse," said George, laughing and clearing away the Scrabble.
"Shut up." I moped about making coffee and after we'd finished I took Vicky home.
In the new pad in the city I sat her down and talked to her without George being present. Filling in some of the blanks I'd skirted over so George didn't get too upset. She'd had enough experience of bad men when she was a kid, so didn't need to hear all the gory details.
Vicky did. So we knew what we were up against, so she understood the dangers, that even if we found Avisha it probably wouldn't be pretty.
"That poor man. That poor girl." Vicky had a soft heart, I hoped it wouldn't lead to her downfall.
We pottered about in the new place, sorting the minimal items I'd brought from the old house, and then I gave her a set of strict, not to be broken instructions concerning how we used this new, top secret location.
She listened, she nodded, she promised, and then I drove her the rest of the way home. I used magic I didn't have spare to veil our leaving, the trip, the twists and turns and switchbacks taken to ensure nobody could trace the journey back. It was overkill, but I'd be damned if I let anyone find me so easily ever again.
Exhausted, running on empty, I dropped her off and promised to pick her up bright and early in the morning. We'd take the kids to school then be on our way.
Time to get busy.
The Quiet Times
The buzz of the deal was long gone, the high short-lived and bitter-sweet. Sure, I had the money, but I had no peace. Death, pain, emotional distress, stress, worry, confusion, that had been the business of the day.
My world was changing around me and I wasn't sure I could keep up. Ivan seemed on the level, and I'd try to help, but there was so much else happening plus innumerable unanswered questions.
I sat in the kitchen, George already asleep or playing games in her room, and tried to make sense of my life as it currently was. First priority was George, although I knew it often didn't appear so. She was safe, and it was harder for the bad guys to find us now the gate had been moved. Some still knew where we lived but it was better than it had been, and that was something.
Vicky was a wreck, close to the edge if not already sliding over it. She'd have to face her demons and make a decision, but even if she didn't I wished she'd start eating and take proper care of herself. She'd eaten dinner, and I hoped she kept it down and didn't freak about the food she'd consumed.
Sasha seemed fine although she always did.
But there were changes afoot and I hated not knowing exactly what was happening. Steve and his new role as broker was nagging at me, and I couldn't figure out why. I thought back on the day, on the deal, the book for the vamps. What had Ivan said? That it was a trial. Probably not of his doing. He knew what I did and what I was capable of, and no doubt the other vamps did too. Maybe to prove to Mikalus I was worth using for these kinds of jobs?
No, something else? Ivan was running the shifters, or some of them. He wasn't like them, couldn't change any time he liked, but he was a shifter nonetheless, and now he was powerful. Had he introduced himself, shown them who he was? It explained Steve being fine about dealing with the vampires. Was there an agreement between the two races?
It was worth thinking about, filing away for future reference. In my business it was all about who and what you knew. Information was often the currency of choice, and if you wanted to keep up and be in the game you had to stay on top of these things.
I couldn't keep my eyes open though, was beyond exhausted. Magic was gone, all that remained was a somewhat bewildered father trying to figure it all out, and a friend who worried for Vicky and her family problems. And much as I hated it, I worried for Ivan. Even though he was a bad man he was trying to put right Merrick's wrongs. I may have not liked how he went about it, but after hearing his story it all made sense in a twisted way.
Just like everyone else, he was trying his best, and he had one giant, stinking heap of shit to wade through to get there. He sought redemption, to clean up the city, be a part of something. I hoped it didn't blow up in his face.
The vampires were still consolidating and he was moving up the ranks—who knew what they had planned or how the future would play out once there were Seconds all over the world. I'd yet to see what they were capable of, but knew even before Mikalus' resurrection they had vast wealth and influence even with their then limited strength and numbers.
The future would be full of surprises.
But for now I needed one thing, but I knew it wouldn't come, not yet.
I cleaned my cup, wiped down the counters even though they were spotless, sprayed lemon-scented cleaner, buffed steel until it shone, then turned off the light to the kitchen. I mentally checked the wards for the house, and once satisfied nobody would come to do my little girl harm in the night I went up to the attic, the Quiet Place, and sat, letting universal energy pervade my system.
Magic came in the silence, the only thing I could truly trust, and slowly The Hat became a mighty wizard once more.
As if I would. As if I could. Magic was the only thing in my life that had kept me going, a constant companion through the darkness and the disappointment. I'd never leave her, nor she me.
Finally I collapsed, naked, onto the bed, the cool covers delightful against my warm skin. I lay there with my eyes open, staring at nothing, wondering if tomorrow would be the day I died and never came back.
I wasn't scared, part of me welcomed the peace it would bring, but I wanted more. I was a wildcat wizard, a gangster of ill-repute, yet a good guy too, sometimes. I wouldn't die, The Hat would live forever and grow a beard to rival all wizardly beards.
Plus, Death was probably pissed at me for making him look bad, so I'd stay alive, or die trying.
Walking the Donkey
I got about an hour, then tossed and turned for the remainder of the night, unable to switch off even after having found peace of a sorts. I lay there, listening to my house slowly wake, creaking and groaning as if stretching out to greet another beautiful day. And it would be a beautiful day. The summer this year seemed endless, clear skies by day and rain pit, pat, pattering against the roof and windows through the night, the morning dampness evaporating in a sparkle of loveliness as the sun rose high and strong over the English countryside. It was unnerving. This was England, summers were meant to be crap.
As the house warmed and I unfurled from my man cave, I brushed my teeth and showered again, fought with my beard and hair and finally admitted defeat, then dressed in a pair of my usual black combats with the special long pocket at my right thigh for my wand. I found a brown shirt in my wardrobe when I opened it, even though I'd been hunting high and low for it for years. Grace, my hat, settled on my head where she felt most at home and then I was ready to face the day.