by M. D. Grimm
I slouched and sighed heavily. “I know.”
“Want some advice?”
“No. Go ahead.”
Olyvre patted my hand. “Let him yell at you. Let him unleash that anger. Just let him. Not only did you hurt him emotionally, you probably wounded his ego, as well. Reverse your positions, what would you feel if your mate did that to you?”
I groaned loudly and my head fell forward, thunking on the table. “You’re not helping.”
“I am helping you.” He patted my head. “Like you helped me with that crystal.”
I lifted my head and eyed him. “You won’t let me ever forget that, will you?”
He smiled, unrepentant. “Not a chance.”
I had bought him a new pair of trousers and a tunic. I thought we were even. “Not even if it was for your own good?”
“Is that what you were doing with Aishe? For his own good?”
I scowled, fisted my hands. “You wouldn’t understand. No non-mage does.”
Olyvre raised an eyebrow. “Don’t say that to him. You might get a broken nose.”
My anger flared. Then it fizzled. “I deserve worse.”
Olyvre watched me for a time before his expression softened, and his hand lightly encircled my wrist. “Talk to me.”
I stared at my hands. “To think of him in harm sucks the air right out of me. I can’t breathe, Ollie. I can’t freaking breathe. To have him harmed by mages? I want to kill them all. I would kill them all to protect him, if I had to. If Elorn hadn’t killed Dyrc, I would have.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” I met his eyes. “You don’t know me. Not all of me. I killed Lazur. I’d have no qualms killing Dyrc, after a good torture.”
Olyvre’s hand trembled but he didn’t remove it. His gaze hardened.
“I have a monster inside me,” I said, whispering. “I always have. With Aishe, it mostly sleeps, content. Then situations like this occur and it’s unleashed. I would kill for him, Ollie. I would kill because of him. He doesn’t get that. Not really. Or he just doesn’t want to get it. I don’t know. I try to be good, but I’m not. I spoke the truth to the council during the inquiry. I may not be a villain, but I am a dark mage. I want to be the best mate I can for him but there will be times I have to get my hands dirty.”
“I’m sure he’d rather get his hands dirty with you, then be shuffled away.”
I closed my eyes. “I know.”
Silence fell between us. The couple of other patrons were scattered around the room, and the only sounds were shuffling feet, scraping utensils, the occasional burp.
Finally, Olyvre said he had to leave. “You should come by to see us. I know Lyli would be overjoyed to see you and Aishe.”
I nodded. “I will. Eventually.” A thought struck me and I voiced it. “Have you ever thought to invoke krattyie?”
Olyvre frowned at the mention of the spirit entities often invoked to protect property. “Why would I? I’m not a bladesmith or a blacksmith. I’m also not a merchant. Just a farmer.”
“They also protect the property owners, not just the property.”
“Again, why would I—” His eyes widened. “Oh.”
“I don’t think you’re in danger,” I said quickly. “Elorn’s done and though he might have followers, they’ll be running for cover, deep underground. You should think about it. I can even do the invocation for you, since it’s a bit involved, if I remember correctly. As long as you treat krattyie with respect and dignity, they’ll do anything for you. They’re not bad with children, either.”
He considered my suggestion and then slowly nodded. “If you say it’s a good idea, who am I to argue?”
My brow rose.
“What?” Olyvre shrugged. “You’re the mage in the family, aren’t you?”
I smiled slightly. “Yeah, I am.” This short conversation also let me know the boygles I sent to protect Olyvre hadn’t been detected. They’d followed my orders to the letter. I expected nothing less. “I’ll come by soon, then. Maybe in a couple weeks. Set it up.”
“I’ll expect you then.” He stood and nearly undid me by kissing the top of my head. I looked up at my older brother.
A moment of doubt had me saying, “Ollie, if I told you to stay away from me, for your own good....”
“I’d say get your head out of your ass,” Olyvre said. “Stop the self-pity and stop the self-loathing. Look beyond yourself. Accept the love of others because they want to give it to you. Whether you deserve it or not, accept it as a favor to them. You should know better than anyone that love makes fools of us all.”
I could only stare at him. Something in my eyes had his expression softening again.
“Yeah, me, too,” he said. Then he left, striding out of the inn.
I looked back down at the table. We basically said we loved each other. Somehow he’d seen it in my eyes and he responded in kind. He was right, I didn’t deserve the ones who loved me. Yet fighting them only led to anger. Accept them, he said. I would try.
I stood heavily and climbed the stairs, heading for my room. I could travel home, though I wasn’t ready to face Aishe, yet. I took the coward’s way out. Tomorrow morning would be soon enough. I’d face him fresh in the morning and let him yell at me. I’d let him hit me, if needed. He would let his anger out and then we’d talk. We always talked. I didn’t expect forgiveness, and I would try to make amends. Whatever he wanted, I would try to give.
I entered the room, closed the door, and turned toward the bed to find a very unwelcome visitor. Suvar stood from where he’d been sitting on the edge of the bed. The move was bold and it was obvious why he was here. I’d wanted him as a tool, and now I wondered if that was possible. I had no interest in him at all. My heart and body belonged to Aishe, and only him.
“What are you doing here?” I growled.
Suvar kept his hands locked behind his back and gave me a sultry smile. “You know why I’m here, Lord Morgorth. I wish to seal our partnership.”
He took a step toward me. When I didn’t move, he took another. The single lit candle reflected off his eyes, showing his need. I wasn’t fooled. He wanted my power. He wanted what I represented.
“Our partnership isn’t physical, Suvar. I thought I made that clear this morning.” I stepped past him, circled. He turned with me, looking amused.
“After your show of might today, how could I not want you?”
I frowned. “My show of might?”
“You proved the Council of Mages is flawed! You showed them to be no better than any other mage. Elorn is proof that corruption is rampant, and that the older mages get, the more prone they are to become obsessive. Then they are dangerous to everyone. How can we follow laws when one of the lawmakers themselves breaks them?”
I’d often thought the very same thing, but I didn’t say that.
“Now is our chance, Morgorth.” He stepped closer, his hands now at his sides. He said my name as if savoring it, trying to seduce me.
I held up a hand as he was about to embrace me. “Keep your distance. I have no desire for you.”
“You will.” Suvar took my hand, brought it to his lips.
I yanked it away and took a step back. “You misunderstand this partnership, Suvar. You will never have me.”
Suvar’s seductive smile vanished in a snap. He frowned. “Don’t tell me you’re actually in love with that unworthy dialen! What is he compared to what I can offer? With your powers combined with mine, we can rule the world. We can bring order, and remove those that only wish to corrupt. Let me tell you my plan.”
I stared at him. He was buying his own horseshit. “You’re right, Suvar. The elders aren’t better than any other mage. Elorn was corrupt and obsessive. It’s foolish to follow those who don’t follow their own rules. Yet you seem to have overlooked the fact that Elorn was captured. He was thrown into the dungeon, his hands bound. He will be executed for his crimes, just like any other mage would.”
“But—”
“And beyond that,” I said, not giving him a chance to speak, “is the fact the Mother created mages to live alongside all her other children. If anyone has claim to ruling this world, it’s the payshthas. They were the first of her intelligent children. They are the most powerful. But do you see them trying to dominate the world? No. What of the wichtln or the truls? The morag or the dialen? The flayn and gVattaren? Mages are the youngest, and we are born of seelas. Seelas rule large kingdoms and submit others to their rule. We, as mages, must evolve past our brethren.”
Suvar clenched his hands into fists, fury written over his face. “You say we must evolve past our need to dominate. But what of your own domination, Dark Mage of the East? You are overlord of Happy Valley and control wichtln and truls!”
“Control?” I said, scoffing at his words. “The wichtln and truls serve me because they want to do so. I respect and admire them and treat them as a commander would his soldiers. They are not my slaves, you idiot. And Happy Valley? I protect that place and every single soul who lives in it.”
My relationship with Happy Valley had changed drastically since I first claimed that territory as my own. I don’t know when I finally realized it, and maybe it was because of Aishe, maybe because of Puejuek, or, perhaps, it was because I’d finally stopped denying that I wanted to belong somewhere. I wanted a real home, somewhere that would accept me. I wasn’t so very different from the wichtln or truls. They were hated and feared. I knew what that was like.
“The Mother is the one true ruler of this world, Suvar.” My utter contempt for him had my magick rising near the surface. He would see my glowing eyes. “Do you know who you sound like with all your talk of ruling, domination, and reforming the world to your own design? Drasyln.”
Insult twisted his expression.
“You also sound like Kayl,” I said. “You even remind me of my father. Do you know what they have in common? I defeated them. Why do you think that is? If I was so bent on remaking the world, why would I defeat those who wanted to do it?”
“Competition,” he said. His voice lowered and trembled with anger. “I thought you destroyed them because of the competition. That’s why I came to you. I wanted to show you what an ally I can be. But now I know you are just a coward.”
“Coward?” In an instant my hand lashed out, and I thought a clear word. Suvar slammed against the wall, his hands trapped behind his back. His eyes widened as I stepped closer, holding the spell. His feet didn’t touch the floor.
Deluded fools who thought ruling the world was such a good idea were the most dangerous of all.
“A good friend of mine is a payshtha,” I said, my voice gaining volume. “I command wichtln and truls and boygles. I defeat sorcerers and those mad enough to attempt to wield a stone of power. I exposed an elder for the snake he was, and I once defeated a revenai, opening a rift to Underworld and shoving his ass back through it.” I gripped Suvar’s collar, our faces close, holding his gaze. He looked at me with a mixture of anger and awe. “I even killed my own father. The monster of my nightmares. Does that make me a coward?”
Suvar couldn’t seem to find his words. He swallowed hard.
“Of the two of us, who’s the unworthy one?” I said. “I have no need of you. You’re arrogant and reckless and of no help to me. Stay away from me and mine, and I won’t have to destroy you, as well.”
I released the spell and he dropped to the floor. I stepped back. He got to his feet, humiliation reddening his cheeks.
“You love him,” Suvar said, accusingly. “You love that pathetic dialen.”
I raised an eyebrow, outwardly calm despite my roiling insides. “The pathetic one here is you.”
“You’ll regret this.”
“Should I kill you now?” I raised a hand.
Suvar flinched and then teleported. I lowered my hand and stood still in the silence. He could never be my tool. He would never have stayed at arms’ length. Now I had a new enemy to worry about. Despite what I said, I did see him as a threat, and it wasn’t my first choice to let him go. However, with all the mages still nearby fixing the Tower, it would have been utterly foolish and suicidal to kill him. I’d watch him, maybe tell Master Ulezander about him. But that was for tomorrow.
I sat on the bed. Then fell backward. I doubted I would sleep. I wondered if Aishe slept.
Chapter Ten
Aishe
Wyn is being his usual, energetic self at the dinner table. Amyla and Fray join in and Eulun scowls as usual. Mae and Pae look on with resignation at the antics of my siblings. I hardly pay attention. How can I when my mind is entirely focused on Morgorth? Even as I think about him, my heart jumps, and I look around, wondering where he’s gone. The moon is half hidden by clouds and a few stars glimmer in the ceaseless black of night. A gentle wind stirs the leaves and branches sway from its passing. It is so peaceful and calm here. A good place for a camp. Large poles stick out of the ground, fire burning at the top to illuminate the area. I have an intense urge to cuddle with Morgorth.
I can’t help but smile every time I think about him, look at him. And every time I hold his hand, I imagine leaning up and kissing him. He is so troubled, so dark, but I see his heart, the good in him, even if it’s covered with darkness and pain. He is so gentle with me, so careful. I mean something to him. I can see that as well.
My gift to see a creature for what they truly are has been useful numerous times. I see Morgorth and I like what I see. Mae and Pae approve of him, as well.
Excusing myself from the table, I decide to look for him. Where can he have gone? He shouldn’t go off alone! Even if he is powerful, the evil mage hunting for us, for him, could strike any time. Perhaps he’s doing magick! I quicken my steps, doubling my efforts to find him. I love watching him perform magick. He’s beautiful with the amber glow of his eyes, the shining white of his skin. Remembering sends shivers of excitement racing through my body, and my smile widens. He protected me from Drasyln, he promised he will always protect me. I trust him without hesitation. Despite his darkness, the pain I see under the hard shell, he’s loyal and loving. I just need to convince him he can trust me, he can love me. I will never betray him.
Walking to the boundaries of my tribe’s camp, I look around. I don’t see him. I squint my eyes, trying to see into the darkness beyond the fire poles. I try to contain my worry, and don’t succeed. Twisting my hands together, a harsh wind picks up, mercilessly rocking the branches and causing the flames to sputter. I shiver. It shouldn’t be so cold in spring. A feeling of dread creeps up my spine.
“Morgorth!” No answer. I try again.
Then I hear a blast coming from behind. I spin around in time to see a fireball race down and plunge into the heart of the camp. Where my tribe still eats supper. Heart in my throat, I cry out wordlessly and race back. Another fireball plunges down, and screams of agony echo through the night, the only sound I can hear. The second blast knocks me off my feet and I fall hard. Pain sparks through me but I ignore it. Gaining my feet, I ran faster.
“Mae! Pae!” I race pass flaming tents, the heat alive and clawing, trying to consume me along with the parchment and wood.
“Eulun! Amyla!” I scream names, pumping my legs hard and fast. Smoke chokes me, burns my eyes. I cough and stagger. Then I can only stop dead the moment I enter the focal point of the attack. Charred bodies are scattered everywhere, some only pieces, some unrecognizable. The ground is scorched, and the tables are bonfires, the ferocious flames illuminating the ruin, dancing light and shadow over the horrid vision.
I cover my mouth in horror and agony indescribable. Faces of those I know and love swim before my eyes. I stagger back, whimpering. My feet connect with something and I trip, falling backward. Sitting up, seeing what tripped me, I scream.
My father stares back at me with lifeless eyes, his large body half burned, his hair still smoking. He’s not alone. My mother is right beside him, still smoking, her eyes burned out of her sockets. I th
en realize my brothers and sister form a circle around me, their bodies decimated, their lives snuffed out in a blink.
“No. Nonononono!” I cover my ears, shut my eyes, but there is no way to deny what I’m seeing or smelling or hearing.
This isn’t right. This isn’t right. This doesn’t make sense. How can...?
I open my eyes. A familiar figure stands among the ruins. As the smoke parts, I see the back of Morgorth. More whimpers escape me as I crawl through the muck and the dead to reach him. I can only think that he will protect me, he will stop this from happening. It must be Draslyn. Somehow, she must have found us. He will stop her. He will make everything better.
As I reach him, he turns. My blood grows cold. His eyes are amber and his skin is glowing, but there is nothing behind those eyes. They are cold, emotionless, loveless. They aren’t the eyes of one I love. What has happened to him?
I reverse my momentum and scramble back. He smiles. It is the most sinister and evil look I have ever seen.
“M-Morgorth?” I say, my voice dry as a desert, smoke clogging my throat. My eyes burn and tear as smoke and grief attack me. By the Hunter, the smell of death permeates the area around us. It makes me sick to my stomach.
“Silly dialen,” he says. His voice sounds coldly amused. “You let me in. All of you let me in. Now I can take the ruby and rule the world.”
“B-but you... No. You can’t!”
He chuckles and crouches, looking me in the eyes. I don’t see him. I realize then I have never seen him, not for the monster he really is.
“You didn’t really think I cared about you, did you? Why would I, a dark mage, care about a stupid tribe of dialen? Or one clumsy, inept, waste of air everyone knows you are?” He scoffs and straightens. “You simpleton. You’re nothing. You’ll always be nothing. Well, for as long as I let you live, that is.”
My heart breaks. I can actually hear it crack, then shatter into a million sharp pieces. My vision blurs as tears burn in my eyes, race down my cheeks. My tribe lies dead around me, and Morgorth stands smirking at me, the cause of all my pain and suffering. He rolls up his sleeves, the light of the fires glancing off his scars. He lifts his arms, hands pointed at me.