by Cindy Dees
“I was just trying to make polite conversation.”
“Don’t. If I want to trade pleasantries with diplomats, I’ll visit Washington.”
She crossed her arms and turned her back on him. Good. She looked irritated. But knowing her, she would try to make peace. She was too much the attaché to go for long without trying to fix the misunderstanding.
Sure enough, she turned back to face him. Her tone was soothing. “Dutch and Doc will be fine, Tom. They know what they’re doing and they have good covers.”
He glared at her. “Nothing’s fine in a scenario like this. It’s too damned unstable. I shouldn’t have put men in the field until after dark.”
He spun away and noticed Howdy and Mac staring at him. Hopefully, Annie wouldn’t see their expressions and catch on. He glared at his men until Tex whispered something to the others and they all turned away.
Annie tried again. He had to give her credit for persistence. “We agreed they would blend in with the civilians who’ll be moving around in daylight. Dutch’s press credentials fooled even me, and Doc looks and speaks like a native. You made the right decision.”
He whirled on her. “How would you know? You’ve never made a real combat decision in your life.”
She glared back at him, clearly stung. “Wanna bet?”
“You’ve spent your whole cushy career sipping cocktails by swimming pools and shmoozing generals. You haven’t faced a single life-or-death situation in your entire career. You wouldn’t know a tough call if it reached out and bit you in the butt.”
“You think I couldn’t make that kind of call?”
“I know you couldn’t. You don’t have the nerves for this kind of work.”
“I’m not the one checking my phone every five minutes.”
His gaze narrowed dangerously. “Don’t push me. I’m in no mood for games.”
She planted her fists solidly on her hips. “Neither am I. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t patronize me.”
Her hands balled into fists. Good. She probably needed to be a little more ticked off, though, to get to the point where she’d go through hell and high water to show him how wrong he was. He pushed another button. “Face it. You’d have died without me last night. Women can’t hack it in the field.”
“You’d have died without me three months ago!”
He snorted in disdain. “Look, I appreciate what you did to help me. But feeding me painkillers in a hospital and holing up in an apartment with me for a month does not make you a combat veteran. Hell, the night janitor at the embassy could’ve done what you did for me.”
Ahh. There it came. A flush of red creeping up her neck. She definitely didn’t like the janitor comparison. “Why, you sanctimonious…condescending…ungrateful…chauvinist…” she sputtered.
She apparently couldn’t think of a word foul enough for him.
“If it weren’t for my helping you, I could be sitting by a swimming pool sipping a cocktail with a general this very minute!” She’d found her voice again and was gathering steam fast. He leaned a hip against the windowsill to ride out the forthcoming explosion.
“I risked my entire crew to pull you and your guys out of the jungle. I got shot at saving your arrogant butt. I stayed until the rebels had missiles locked on me so you could get hoisted out of the jungle. I dodged radar sites and all but flew through the damn trees with a shot-up engine to get you back to a hospital. And you’re comparing me to a janitor?”
He went very still. She’d pulled him out of the jungle? She’d been the pilot who dragged him almost to his death? She’d been the pilot who decided to sacrifice him to save herself, her crew and his men?
He pushed away from the windowsill, his spine rigid. He spoke very, very calmly. “Would you repeat what you just said?”
“You heard me! Who do you think flew the helicopter that pulled you guys out of the jungle three months ago? When the regular Spec Ops pilot got sick, I was the American embassy’s only helicopter-rated air attaché. I had to step in and take the mission.”
Tex interjected from across the room. “I knew I recognized your voice from somewhere! You’re the lady captain I talked to on the radio. You ain’t kidding. That was a dicey piece of flying.”
Tom glared at him.
The Texan smiled back lazily and drawled, “I think you got her feathers where you wanted ’em, Hoss.”
“Stay out of this, Tex,” Tom snarled. He grabbed Annie’s arm, marched her out into the hallway and opened a random door to reveal a small empty office. He shoved her inside. This was one conversation they were going to continue in private.
“I’ve got to warn you, Annie. You’ve pushed me real close to the edge of violence, here.”
Trepidation glinted in her eyes, but she stuck her chin out defiantly.
“You flew that helicopter,” Tom growled.
“Yes.”
“You’re the pilot who bugged out while I was still hanging beneath your bird and dragged me damn near to my death.”
“That was me.”
His voice was low and deadly. “And when were you planning to share this little tidbit with me?”
Some of her bravado faded in the face of his cold fury. “Well, I was going to tell you before the Americans evacuated the embassy, but they left so unexpectedly I didn’t get a chance. And once they were gone, you were my only way out of Gavarone. I thought it might be best not to make you mad at me right then.”
“Oh, so you were planning to tell me someday?”
“Well, I was planning to at first. But then we started to get close to each other, and I decided there really was no need to upset you while you healed.”
“You didn’t think I’d be interested in the fact that you almost killed me?”
“I didn’t almost kill you. Well, I did, but I didn’t know you back then. You were just some nameless soldier hanging on a cable.”
“Why’d you do it? Why’d you leave me hanging?”
“We were taking ground fire, and our radar picked up a shoulder-held grenade launcher locked on us. The rebels got lock on and were going to fire at us. I either had to sacrifice you or get shot down and kill the rest of your team and my crew.”
His wrath abated momentarily at the sound logic of her decision, then flared anew. “Didn’t you think I would understand that? Why did you to lie to me?”
“I didn’t exactly lie to you. I just didn’t tell you everything.”
He glared at her, and she glared right back. “It wasn’t personal. A decision had to get made, so I made it.” She paced the cramped office.
“You and your men are always preaching about how you never leave anyone behind. About how you live or die together. I should have stayed and died with you and your men. I didn’t tell you about it because I knew you wouldn’t understand why I did it.”
“Just because we live to a higher code doesn’t mean we expect other people to do it.”
She stopped abruptly and spun to face him, a scowl on her face, her hands on her hips. “You think I can’t hack your ‘higher’ code of honor? It just so happens I can, Tom Foley. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I wanted you to respect me. I wanted to be someone who lived up to your damned code.”
He turned on his heel and stared blindly at the wall while he struggled with himself. He could forgive her just about anything but a lie. He smacked the wall with his open palm.
He knew he shouldn’t have let her inside his head or his heart! He’d seen the results of misplaced trust before. He’d known better. Damn her. Visions of a cat-eyed, black-haired beauty swirled through his mind’s eye, tangling with images of Annie writhing in pleasure beneath him. Flashes of Simon Pettigrew’s bloodied body mingled with memories of his own horrible ride through the jungle on the end of a cable. Annie’s cable. Her choice.
When he turned back to her, his face felt chiseled from granite. Granite that was cracking under the strain of holding back his emotions. “What else have you lied to me
about? Has everything that’s happened between us been a ploy to make sure I got you out of here in one piece?”
She stared at him in shock. “You know damned well I haven’t faked anything with you.”
“Do I?”
She stared him down defiantly. “You tell me.”
He closed his eyes for a pained moment. “That’s the problem with our code. We trust completely until you blow our trust, and then we distrust completely.”
A look of panic spread slowly across her face. The Special Forces commander within him noted that she was breathing too fast and way too shallow.
Everything they had between them was slipping away like sand between his fingers. How was he supposed to stand here and watch the death of the only real relationship he’d ever had? It was worse than that hellish ride underneath her helicopter.
From a distance he heard her say, “Okay, so I should have told you. I made a mistake. One mistake. Are you going to throw away everything we have because of that?”
“You lied. That’s what I can’t forgive. I don’t give a dam that you dragged me through the jungle and nearly killed me. That was just an operational necessity. You had a hard call to make and made it. But not telling me about it—that I’m having a hard time with.”
“I didn’t lie exactly. I just omitted telling you the truth.” She added, “And I get that an omission isn’t much better than a lie. But if you’re going to hate me, do it for accurate reasons.”
He gave her the only answer he could with his throat locked up the way it was. Silence.
In the face of his nonresponse, her anger seemed to fade. “I have never lied to you about anything else, and I swear…I swear…I’ll never lie to you about anything again.”
He couldn’t trust his voice to remain steady, so he took refuge in further silence.
Tears spilled over onto her cheeks and she didn’t bother wiping them away. “Can’t you forgive me a single mistake? Is your precious code so inflexible that one screw-up is the kiss of death? Are you telling me neither you nor any of your men have ever made an error?”
She didn’t get it. This wasn’t about mistakes or forgiveness. It was about trust. It was about loving a woman and being betrayed by her.
He tried to explain it to her in a way she would understand. “If I sent you out on a recon mission and asked what you saw when you were out there, I would base my decision to proceed on what you told me. I would have to have absolute faith that you’d tell me the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But I don’t know if I can do that with you anymore.”
“Well, of course you can—”
The door opened and Tex stuck his head around the jamb. “Sorry to interrupt folks, but Dutch and Doc just got back.”
Tom whirled and left the room. There was no more to say, anyway. She’d lied to him and he wouldn’t—couldn’t—forgive and forget it.
THE GOVERNMENT HAD RETAKEN the Old Town sector but had been stopped about two miles north of the brothel. They were going to have to cross the battle lines again tonight. She cringed at the thought of dodging more bullets and tanks, but she’d be damned if she was going to complain about it. Not after Tom’s insults about her not having the nerves to handle combat.
She would show him. There had to be a way to change his mind.
Why did she care what he thought, anyway? He was a first-class jerk. Except she understood his reaction. As an aircraft commander, she relied on her crewmembers to be honest, too. She also made life and death decisions based on what her crews told her.
Still, he could’ve forgiven her a single mistake. Everyone was entitled to one, weren’t they?
She was relieved when Doc wired her microphones and radios for her at sunset. She didn’t think she could’ve handled having Tom’s hands under her shirt and caressing her bare skin the way he had the first time he’d threaded all her gear through her clothing.
They waited until full dark to step outside, and again they spent time lurking on the bordello’s front porch while their eyes acclimated to the night.
And then it was time to move again.
Unlike last night the group stuck together. Howdy took the point, as usual, but he was always well within visual range of the group. They moved in quick spurts from shadow to shadow, doorway to doorway, their weapons drawn.
Fear rode Annie heavier than any pack of gear could have. Her stomach wobbled like Jell-O, and her knees weren’t much steadier. Every little noise or movement made her jump, and she flinched every time she stepped on a patch of gravel. Only her spitting fury at Tom kept her moving forward.
Their journey took on a surreal quality, like a scene in a movie scrolling past her. They’d been traveling for about an hour when they heard a quiet, distant rattling, like rain on a rooftop. The battle. Annie’s heart leaped into her throat.
The sounds of fighting grew clearer and steadily louder as they moved forward.
Suddenly Howdy gestured them to get down and then disappeared from sight himself. Tom grabbed Annie’s arm and jerked her down beside him in an alley. They waited motionless for an endless minute until they were sure they hadn’t been seen. Tom stood up, and Annie followed suit.
“Take this.” He shoved a pistol in her hand. She recognized the SIG-Sauer he’d shown her several days before.
“What am I supposed to do with it?” she whispered back.
His answer dripped with sarcasm. “Shoot it.”
She scowled at him. He’d been sharp and short-tempered with her ever since their argument in the brothel. And it was starting to get on her nerves. “And just who do you propose I shoot it at?”
“At whoever’s shooting at us.”
Shooting him was starting to sound pretty appealing.
“If we’re spotted, we all need to look armed and ready to respond with force. It’ll make you less of a target. Just do what I said and carry the damned gun.”
“Yes, sir!”
His hands shot out and grabbed her upper arms with frightening strength. He yanked her close to his nose. His eyes were dark and furious. “I do not have the time to deal with an attitude out of you, tonight. You do what I say when I say it and keep the crap to yourself. Got it?”
He was the one copping an attitude, but seeing as how they were in the middle of a war zone, and he was in command, she wasn’t going to argue the point. Not to mention she could get shot in the back as easily as he could.
The thought no sooner occurred to her than she dismissed it as preposterous. No matter how ticked off Tom was at her, he was honorable right down to his toes. She didn’t doubt for a second that he would die for her this very minute, regardless of how mad he was at her.
Her irritation subsided. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ll stay out of your way and follow orders.”
He gave her a surprised look and then a short nod. From her experience with men, that might be as close as he ever got to acknowledging her apology. She accepted it for the small victory that it was.
Howdy’s whispered voice interrupted her thoughts. “We’ve run up on the tail of an army patrol. They’re clearing buildings about three hundred meters in front of us.”
Tom murmured back, “Are they posting a tail-end Charlie to watch their six?”
“Nope.”
Tom muttered, “Idiots. Can we tag along behind them?”
“If we’re quiet, we…”
Howdy’s transmission stopped and Annie’s heart jumped in fear. The sound of a single shot rang out somewhere ahead of them.
Tom whispered, “Howdy?”
“Sniper. Aiming at our army patrol. Sorry ’bout that. Had to take him out,” Howdy answered casually.
“How much cover are these boys going to need?”
“Truckloads,” Howdy answered. “I could use another pair of eyeballs up here. These army troops are real green. They’re going to need a lot of help from us to stay alive.”
“Tex?” Tom murmured.
“On my way, boss.”
Annie wondered if the army patrol had any idea how many times they should have died over the course of the next hour. Probably not.
It was nearly midnight when the army patrol peeled off, leaving Annie and the others perched on the edge of the front lines. Howdy and Tex rejoined the group as they huddled behind a burned-out minivan.
“How’s it looking?” Tom asked.
Annie flinched. This was one of those moments he’d talked about earlier, where he was going to make life-and-death decisions based on what his guys told him.
Howdy and Tex exchanged glances, but it was Tex who answered. “We don’t see any way through the lines except brute force. I think we’re gonna have to shoot our way out of this one.”
“Damn.” Tom’s gaze flickered her way for the barest instant. He sighed. “Well, we’re in good shape for ammo as long as this doesn’t take more than about ten minutes.”
Tex drawled, “If we’re not through in three minutes, we ain’t gonna need more lead than that.”
“Howdy, go find us a good spot to punch through. The rest of you, lock and load.”
Annie watched on in disbelief as the men around her calmly prepared to engage in combat. It was really going to happen. She was about to land in the middle of a no-kidding firefight.
Tom pressed several clips for her pistol into her hand. “Take one shot at a time, nice and slow. Pick a target, let out a deep breath, aim and then pull smoothly through the trigger. Count to three before you pick another target. This isn’t a John Wayne movie. Accuracy counts over speed. Got it?”
“Got it.”
He asked her calmly, “Are you going to panic on me?”
She answered just as calmly. “In pilot training, the folks who panicked under pressure got washed out in a hurry. I’ll hold it together.” She would hold it together until this was all over. Then she’d go to pieces.