Born To Love

by Leah Atwood

  Her jaw dropped. “You didn’t.”

  “Sadly, yes, but Scott wouldn’t have it. He followed me outside and gave me a verbal whipping.”

  “That says a lot about him.”

  “It did. I knew then he truly loved my sister, and I also realized that my sister was a grown woman and had to make her own choices. Her life wasn’t mine to live.”

  Jessa swallowed. “Just like Hunter and Trixie’s aren’t mine to live. As much as I want to protect them, they have to make their own mistakes.”

  “Trixie?”

  “Short for Beatrix, my youngest sister.” She cringed. “When I say my family fell apart, I wasn’t exaggerating. Trixie’s always been a bit of a wild card, but after Hunter’s arrest, she snapped. Most people would have taken it as a warning to their own behavior, but Trixie went the opposite way and fell deeper into it. Four months ago, she and my parents got into an argument, and none of us have seen her since.”

  His mind spun in circles. “Has anyone heard from her?”

  “She calls Phoebe and me every few weeks to let us know she’s safe, but she won’t tell us where she is or when she plans to come home.”

  The suspicion in Phoebe’s eyes the first time they’d met made sense now. “I wish I knew what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything, but I wanted you to know what you’re getting involved with if you’re going to be my friend.” She sighed. “My life is complicated, and my family’s hanging on by a thread.”

  His heart and brain screamed in conflict as he came to a crossroad in this burgeoning friendship. He wanted to be there for Jessa. He believed he would be.

  But there, hidden deep in his heart, pressed a nagging doubt.

  Did he have it in him?

  He’d stood by his siblings and Gran, hadn’t abandoned them in their times of need.

  But they were blood, Jessa wasn’t. Did that make a difference? He wished he could curse his parents for placing these insecurities on him. He hated being unsure of himself, especially over an important issue or person.

  He had to try. For his sake—and Jessa’s—he would put himself out there. He’d take the risk and be her support. His heart had jumped in too deep to wade out unscathed. He only prayed his selfish motives wouldn’t hurt Jessa in the process.

  Lifting his gaze, his eyes met hers, and he offered a smile full of the confidence he lacked inside. “If we only had friends with perfect lives and families, we’d all be lonely.”

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  “You’ve seen my family’s dysfunction.” He checked his watch, eager for his emotions to have a break. “Your parents will wonder where we’ve gone.”

  Jessa stood. “We should hurry. Ever since Trixie left, Mom gets nervous if Phoebe or I are even a minute late somewhere. I feel bad about not hearing her calls today, but I’m glad she knew I was there, even if the gossip is irritating.”

  “There’s a silver lining in everything.”

  It dawned on him that even Gran’s insistence on inviting his parents to their Jasper Lake weekend had a silver lining. That argument with his dad had led to a pleasant evening with Jessa and had been the catalyst for their relationship. Or whatever it was. He wasn’t completely willing to call it a relationship yet. For now, he’d settle for it being a friendship.

  Chapter Nine

  Jessa walked shoulder to shoulder with Landon to the lake. His fingers intertwined with hers and she memorized every sensation. Even through their gloves, his touch ignited sparks. More at peace than she’d been in months, she breathed in all the smells of the season—fir, holly, cinnamon, brown sugar, and burning wood blended together.

  If she could bottle the fragrance and market it, she’d named it after today’s event, a Lakeside Christmas, for that’s exactly what the smells encompassed. She could live to be one hundred years old and not separate a Lakeside Christmas in her memories from the sweet and savory aromas.

  Out of nowhere, Landon stepped aside, tugging her with him.

  She glanced around, searching for a reason why he’d moved off their path. “What happened?”

  His lips curled into an adorable half-grin. “I said your name three times, but you were completely lost in thought and didn’t hear me.”

  “Oh.” She leaned into his warmth. “I was thinking how much I love Christmas time here. Most people say Christmas in their hometown is magical, but here, it truly is.”

  “Don’t tell my family, but I agree. There’s a slower pace here that allows you to enjoy the holidays without losing your spirit in the frantic pace.”

  “Yes. I love it here.” Contentment filled her.

  Landon had nothing in common with Chris, the last man she’d dated. Unlike Chris, she could see Landon staying in Jasper Lake long-term—if they began a relationship and it progressed to that point. Landon had his baggage, but he was low maintenance, not requiring much to keep him happy, and he had integrity. It showed in his words, actions, and responses.

  She admired that quality, wished she could learn from him. The constant interruptions throughout the day had grated on her nerves, but if they bothered Landon, he never let it show. He took it all in stride, made pleasant conversation with each person he met.

  More so, his gentle demeanor attracted her. Despite her initial draw to him, she’d considered he might have a temper based on his attitude toward his parents, but she quickly discovered that was contrary to his personality. The real Landon was a lover, not a hater, but she suspected he hadn’t figured that out yet.

  They began to walk again, continuing a straight path until it broke into two paved paths in opposite directions.

  “Which way do we go?” He turned his head to the right, then the left.

  “The right. We’ll pass four docks, and my parents will be on the fifth.”

  “How far off the lake did you live as a child?”

  “About five miles. Remember the road you turned on to get to the cabin?” She waited for his nod. “If you take the first right instead of continuing, my parents live off that road.”

  “Did you ever wish you lived right on the water?”

  “I’m sure I had the fleeting thought at some point, but I loved living on the mountain.” Her mind traveled in time. “Our driveway made the perfect sledding hill. It had two curves to add to the excitement, and since we were the last house on the road, we didn’t have to worry about other cars coming.”

  “I loved sledding but haven’t been in years. Growing up, whenever we got a big snow, Granddad would take us to the local college.” His face became animated as he talked. “They allowed the community to sled down their huge hill, and it was a blast. Plus, we were almost guaranteed to run into friends, so that made it even better.”

  “The snow can be a pain, but I wouldn’t want to live somewhere without it.”

  “I don’t know.” He wrinkled his nose. “It’s pretty, but if I could live in a place with snow that magically never affected the roads, that would be even better.”

  She laughed. “If you find that place, let me know please.”

  Groups of people surrounded the lake, clogging the path, but Jessa led the way to where her parents waited. She couldn’t wait to see the numbers for today. By all appearances, this year had the biggest turnout in the event’s history. When the committee began planning for next year, they’d have to brainstorm how to accommodate the higher attendance.

  She made it to the dock with Landon besides her, thankful her parents had reserved the spot. Otherwise, they’d be crammed with no room to breathe. In the distance, she saw the boats lining up, their strings of lights and décor a blur for now.

  Landon slid his hand from hers and drew her dad into a conversation about the types of fishing available from the lake and nearby streams.

  Mom’s eyed appeared red-rimmed. “I thought you were coming after you finished with the restroom.”

  “We went to the bed and breakfast for a few minutes of privacy whi
le I told him about Hunter and Trixie.”

  “I was worried. I never know if you’ll up and leave town too.”

  Jessa’s heart split in half. She hated this shell of the strong, confident woman her mom had once been. “I’m not going anywhere. I love Jasper Lake and could never leave my family.”

  “Trixie said the same thing.” Her mom’s mouth trembled.

  “She also has an independent streak from here to the sun. I’m not Trixie, don’t worry. Neither is Phoebe.”

  “You are my good girls.”

  Uncomfortable, Jessa tried redirecting the conversation. “Did you find any good buys today?”

  “I bought a present for your dad.” A hint of a smile came to her mom’s eyes. “It’s a wooden rod holder with his name engraved. They’ll add the personalization this week, and I can pick it up next Saturday.”

  “He’ll love that.”

  “Did you see anything special?” For the time being, her mom had returned to normal—a word Jessa had learned to be completely subjective.

  “No. We spent a lot of time at the outdoor demonstrations since Landon had never seen them.” From the corner of her eye, she saw him still deep in conversation with her dad.

  “I like him. He’s respectful, considerate, and has honest eyes.” Mom nodded as she spoke. “I didn’t realize you were dating anyone.”

  “We’re not dating. He’s passed through a few times, and we’ve become friends.”

  “Please don’t hide information from me. I’ve had enough of that with Hunter and Trixie to last a lifetime.”

  Before the sullenness could return, Jessa rushed to console her. “I wouldn’t be opposed to something more with him, but as it stands, we’re only friends. If it progresses to more, I promise you’ll be the first to know.”

  Mom circled Jessa’s arm with hers. “It’s not easy watching my babies grow, but you’re the one I’ve worried about least. Even when you dated Chris, and I had a bad feeling about him, I knew you’d see through him soon enough. When I saw you with Landon, I thought, he’s the one.”

  Jessa’s heart leaped and did a somersault. Was Mom overly sentimental tonight or had she really sensed that? “We’ll see.”

  The flotilla began and voices around the lake hushed. Christmas music played from the boats—a mix of traditional hymns, classic carols, and contemporary remixes. An upbeat atmosphere fell over the area, and with a joyful heart, Jessa watched her mom smiling with genuine happiness.

  Too soon it ended, and her spirits fell. She delayed leaving the dock as long as possible, not wanting to face Landon leaving.

  Her dad laid a hand on Landon’s shoulder. “Why don’t you come to our house for a little while. We’d love to talk more.”

  Please say yes.

  Landon frowned. “I’d love to, but I need to get on the road. My niece has a Christmas program tomorrow, and I promised I’d be there. I don’t want to risk missing it.”

  She didn’t like his answer, but she had to respect it. His commitment to keeping a promise said a lot about his character. From the gleam in Dad’s eyes, she knew he saw it as well.

  “Maybe next time,” Mom suggested with an air of hope.

  “Definitely.” He shook both of her parents’ hands. “Thanks for inviting us to watch the flotilla with you. I enjoyed it.”

  Her parents left, the crowd dissipated, the temperature dropped again, and there was no reason to remain on the dock. Except for not wanting to leave.

  Landon reached for her hands and took them both in his. “I wish I didn’t have to head home.”

  “Me too.”

  “I’ll put in a request for all the runs that will bring me this way.”

  “You don’t have to do that.” She choked on unexpected emotions. “I wouldn’t object though.”

  He chuckled softly. “Maybe I can book a room with Mrs. Addy for a weekend or two in January, as well.”

  “That will get expensive.”

  “Worth every penny.” His voice dropped and turned husky. “I don’t want to only see you if I happen to be in the area.”

  She allowed him to pull her closer. “Then we’ll make arrangements.”

  “Soon.” His hand slid under her scarf and cradled the nape of her neck.

  “Very soon.” Her breaths came ragged, her heartbeat erratic with anticipation.

  His head lowered. “I can’t make promises … where this will lead.”

  The declaration zapped any romance from the moment. She’d expected a kiss and got a…she didn’t know what she’d call it, but she wouldn’t have her first kiss with him immediately following a statement like that. She didn’t give her kisses away cheaply.

  She pulled away, hurt and stunned.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” His face showed the same surprise she felt.

  “But you did, which means it’s there, floating around in your head.”

  “Can anyone make a promise like that, this early on?” He cringed, apparently realizing that was the wrong thing to say.

  “I never asked for a promise, Landon.” She blinked, trying to make sense of what had happened. “And I like you, but I won’t get involved with someone who goes into a relationship assuming it will fail.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” He blew out a breath, and along with it a puff of fog. “I’ve never had serious relationships because I don’t want to end up like my parents and abandon a family.”

  A wave of sympathy struck her, but it didn’t have enough strength to sway her. “You’re not your parents. They made poor decisions, but that doesn’t mean you have to follow in their footsteps.”

  “I don’t want to, but what if I can’t help it?”

  Her heart ached for him because he was completely serious. The despair in his voice told her he truly believed he was capable of leaving those he loved. It only proved he had too much integrity to do that, but until he recognized that, fear would rule his relationships. “Your brother and sister are married. Do you think they’d leave their family?”

  “No, but don’t you see? Those genes skipped over them, which makes my chances that much higher.”

  She pressed a gloved hand to his cheek. “Give yourself the credit you deserve and forgive your parents. Only then will you see the truth.”

  He took her hand off his cheek and kissed it. “I’ll walk you home.”

  Chapter Ten

  He didn’t like the man he saw in the mirror. A coward, afraid to face life. What happened to taking a risk? He’d thought he could, had convinced himself of it, but at the last second, he’d bailed.

  Wasn’t Jessa worth it?

  His words came back to haunt him. You’re worth it. He’d told her that minutes before dropping the bomb. She was worth dropping several hundred dollars for a weekend at Addy’s Bed and Breakfast just to be in Jasper Lake and spend time with her, but not worth overcoming his fears?

  Their conversations since that night struck him as peculiar. They talked and laughed, exactly as they had before. They acted like … friends. He hadn’t talked to her since Christmas Day—almost a week. Okay for friends, but … She hadn’t backed away from him, only the progression of their relationship.

  What did that translate to? How long could they maintain that farce?

  His bloodshot eyes stared at him, daring him to take action.

  “I don’t know what to do.” He slammed a fist on his dresser, taking out his frustration on the furniture.

  The calendar would change to a new year in twelve hours, and Landon didn’t want to ring it in like this. He didn’t want more of the same.

  He left his bedroom and grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter. Not giving it a second thought, he drove to Archer’s house. He needed brotherly advice.

  The radio broke into his attention. The DJ shared statistics about New Year’s Eve, starting with the average number of marriage proposals, and ended with the percentage of people who ring in the new year with a kiss.

 
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  Was the radio out to get him? He knew that wasn’t true, and it was hardly a coincidence the announcer shared those facts since they were common to the day, but it didn’t help his brooding mood. He’d have no one to kiss at midnight because he only wanted to kiss one person and he’d blown it with her.

  He pulled into Archer’s driveway, jumped out of the car, and marched to the door, knocked more frantically than the situation called for. “Archer, are you home?”

  Footsteps approached quickly, and Madison opened the door. Her face registered surprise, then concern. “Are you okay, Landon?”

  “I’m fine. Is my brother home?”

  “Yes, he’s in the basement.” Her gaze traveled over him. “Have you been drinking?”

  “You know I don’t drink.”

  “Okay.” She drew the word out, while still appraising him. “Come on in and have a seat in the living room. I’ll get Archer.”

  He walked inside and caught sight of himself in the foyer mirror. No wonder Madison eyed him strangely. He looked exactly as he had twenty minutes ago when he’d stared at his reflection. He’d rushed out of the house before changing out of his sweatpants and faded t-shirt, his hair pointing in every direction, and he wore no shoes.

  Of all things, how did he make it there and not realize he didn’t have shoes on? Further proof that he needed help and lots of it. He ran a hand through his hair, combing it the best he could. There wasn’t much he could do about the remainder of his appearance.

  Archer entered the room at a brisk walk. His face showed the same reaction as Madison’s. “Are you okay?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What’s going on?” Archer sat in the recliner.

  “I met someone.”

  Interest flared on Archer’s face, but he didn’t probe for details on the specific girl. “I can assume by your disheveled self that it’s not going so well?”

  “There’s a pretty good chance I blew it before it had a chance to take off.” He leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees. “I want to fix it, but I don’t know how.”