His eyes continued to delve into hers. ‘What plays on your mind so much that you can’t settle?’
She licked her dry lips. ‘Nothing.’
His brow lifted sceptically. ‘I want the truth, Natalie. You owe me that, don’t you think?’
‘I owe you nothing,’ she said, with a flash of her gaze.
His eyes tussled with hers. ‘If you won’t tell me then I’ll have to find someone who will,’ he said. ‘And I have a feeling it won’t take too much digging.’
Natalie swallowed in panic. If he went looking for answers it might stir up a press fest. She could just imagine the way the papers would run with it. She would have to relive every heartbreaking moment of that fateful trip. Her mother would be devastated to have her terrible loss splashed all over the headlines. Her father had managed to keep things quiet all those years ago, but it would be fair game now, in today’s tell-all climate.
And then there was Lachlan to consider.
How would he feel to have the world know he was nothing but a replacement child? That he had only been conceived to fill the shoes of the lost Armitage son and heir?
She ran her tongue over her lips, fighting for time, for strength, for courage. ‘I … I made a terrible mistake … a few years back …’ She bit down on her lip, not sure if she could go on.
‘Tell me about it, Natalie.’
Oh, dear God, could she tell him? How could she bear his shock and horror? Those tender looks he had been giving her lately would disappear. How she had missed those looks! He was the only person in the world who looked at her like that.
‘Tatty?’
It was the way he said his pet name for her. It was her undoing. How could one simple word dismantle all her defences like a row of dominoes pushed by a fingertip? It was as if he had the key to her heart.
He had always had it.
He hadn’t realised it the first time around, but now it was like the childhood game of hot and cold. He was getting warmer and warmer with every moment he spent with her.
Natalie slowly brought her gaze up to look at him head-on. This is it, she thought with a sinkhole of despair opening up inside her. This is the last time you will ever see him look at you like that. Remember it. Treasure it.
‘I killed my brother.’
A confused frown pulled at his forehead. ‘Your brother is fine, Natalie. He’s safe and sound in rehab.’
‘Not that brother,’ she said. ‘My baby brother, Liam. He drowned while we were holidaying in Spain … he was three years old.’
His frown was so deeply entrenched on his brow it looked as if it would become permanent. ‘How could that have been your fault?’ he asked.
‘I was supposed to be watching him,’ she said hollowly. ‘My mother had gone inside to lie down. My father was there with us by the pool, but then he said he had to make a really important business call. He was only gone five minutes. I was supposed to be watching Liam. I’d done it before. I was always looking out for him. But that day … I don’t know what happened. I think something or other distracted me for a moment. A bird, a flower, a butterfly—I don’t know what. When my father came back …’ She gave an agonised swallow as the memories came flooding back. ‘It was too late …’
‘Dear God! Why didn’t you tell me this five years ago?’ he asked. ‘You never mentioned a thing about having lost a brother. Why on earth didn’t you say something?’
‘It’s not something anyone in my family talks about. My father strictly forbade it. He thought it upset my mother too much. It was so long ago even the press have forgotten about it. Lachlan was the replacement child. As soon as he was born every photo, every bit of clothing or any toys that were Liam’s were destroyed or given away. It was as if he had never existed.’
Angelo took her by the upper arms, his hold firm—almost painfully so. ‘You were not to blame for Liam’s death,’ he said. ‘You were a baby yourself. Your parents were wrong to lay that guilt on you.’
She looked into his dark brown eyes and saw comfort and understanding, not blame and condemnation. It made her eyes water uncontrollably. The tears came up from a well deep inside her. There was nothing she could do to hold them back. They bubbled up and spilled over in a gushing torrent. She hurtled forward into the wall of his chest, sobbing brokenly as his arms came around her and held her close.
‘I tried to find him as soon as I noticed he wasn’t beside me,’ she said. ‘It was barely a few seconds before I realised he was gone. I looked and looked around the gardens by the pool, but I didn’t see him. He was at the bottom of the pool. I didn’t see him. I didn’t see him …’
‘My poor little Tatty,’ he soothed against her hair, rocking her gently with the shelter of his frame. ‘You were not to blame, cara. You were not to blame.’
Natalie cried until she was totally spent. She told him other things as she hiccupped her way through another round of sobs. She told him of how she had seen Liam’s tiny coffin being loaded on the plane. How the plane had hit some turbulence and how terrified she had been that his tiny body would be lost for ever. How she had sat in that wretched shuddering seat and wished she had been the one to drown. How her father had not said a word to her the whole way home. How her mother had sat in a blank state, drinking every drink the flight crew handed her.
She didn’t know how much time passed before she eased back out of his hold and looked up at him through reddened and sore eyes. ‘I must look a frightful mess,’ she said.
He looked down at her with one of his warm and tender looks. ‘I think you look beautiful.’
She felt a fresh wave of tears spouting like a fountain. ‘You see?’ she said as she brushed the back of her hand across her eyes. ‘This is why I never cry. It’s too damn hard to stop.’
He brushed the damp hair off her face, his gaze still meltingly soft. ‘You can cry all you want or need to, mia piccola,’ he said. ‘There’s nothing wrong with showing emotion. It’s a safety valve, si? It’s not good to suppress it for too long.’
She gave him a rueful look. ‘You always were far better at letting it all hang out than me,’ she said. ‘It used to scare me a bit … how incredibly passionate you were.’
He stroked her hair back from her face. ‘I seem to remember plenty of passion on your part too,’ he said.
‘Yes … well, you do seem to bring that out in me,’ she said.
His hands slid down to hers, his fingers warm and protective as they wrapped around hers. ‘I think it’s high time you were tucked up in bed, don’t you?’
Natalie shivered as his gaze communicated his desire for her. ‘You want to …?’
He scooped her up in his arms. ‘I want to,’ he said, and carried her indoors.
Angelo lay awake once Natalie had finally dozed off. It had taken a while. In the quiet period after they had made love she had told him how today was the actual anniversary of her baby brother’s death. It certainly explained her recent agitation and restlessness. He thought of her horrible nightmare the other night, how she had thrashed and turned and how worried he had been.
It all made sense now.
He still could not fathom why her parents had done such a heartless thing as to blame her for the tragic death of their little son. How could they have possibly expected a child of seven to be responsible enough to take care of a small child? It was unthinkably cruel to make her shoulder the blame. Why had they done it? What possible good did they think it would do to burden her with what was essentially their responsibility?
And where had the resort staff been?
Why hadn’t Adrian Armitage aimed his guilt-trip on them instead of his little daughter?
His gut churned with the anguish of what she must have faced. Why had she not told him before now? It hurt him to think she had kept that dark secret from him. He had loved her so passionately. He would have given her the world and yet she had not let him into her heart.
Until now.
But she hadn’t told him
because she had trusted him.
He had forced it out of her.
He picked up her left hand and rolled the pad of his thumb over the rings he had made her wear.
He had sought revenge, but it wasn’t as sweet as he had thought. He hadn’t had all the facts on the table. How differently would he have acted if he had known?
His insides clenched with guilt. He had railroaded her into marriage, not stopping to think of the reasons why she had balked at it in the first place. He had not taken the time to understand her, to find the truth about why she was so prickly and defensive. He had not made enough of an effort to get to know her beyond the physical. He had allowed his lust for her to colour everything else.
He had listened to those barefaced lies from her father. Listened and believed them. How could he ever make it up to her? How could he show her there was a way through this if only she trusted and leaned on him?
Or was it already too late to turn things around?
Angelo brought in a tray with coffee and rolls the next morning and set it down beside her. She opened her eyes and sat up, pushing her hair out of her face. ‘I don’t expect you to wait on me,’ she said.
‘It’s no bother,’ he said. ‘I was up anyway.’
She took the cup of coffee he had poured for her. ‘Thanks,’ she said after a little pause.
‘You’re welcome.’
‘I meant about last night,’ she said, biting her lip.
Angelo sat on the edge of the bed near her thighs and took one of her hands in his. ‘Would you have eventually told me, do you think?’
She lifted one shoulder up and down. ‘Maybe—’ She twisted her mouth. ‘Probably not.’
‘I’ve been thinking about your parents,’ he said. ‘I’d like to meet with them to talk through this.’
She pulled her hand out of his. ‘No.’
‘Natalie, this can’t go on—’
‘No.’ Her slate blue eyes collided with his. ‘I don’t want you to try and fix things. You can’t fix this.’
‘Look, I understand this is a painful thing for all of you, but it’s not fair that you’ve been carrying this guilt for so long,’ he said. ‘Your parents need to face up to their part in it.’
She put her coffee cup down with a splash of the liquid over the sides and slid out of the bed. She roughly wrapped herself in a robe and then turned and glared at him. ‘If you approach my parents I will never forgive you,’ she said. ‘My mother has enough to deal with. It will destroy her if this is dragged up again. She’s barely holding on as it is. And if this gets out in the press it will jeopardise Lachlan’s recovery for sure.’
‘I’m concerned about you—not your mother or brother,’ he said.
‘If you’re truly concerned about me then you’ll do what I ask.’
Angelo frowned. ‘Why are you so determined to take the rap for something that was clearly not your fault?’
‘It was my fault,’ she said. ‘I was supposed to be watching him.’
‘You were a child, Natalie,’ he said. ‘A child of seven should not be left in charge of a toddler—especially around water. How would you have got him out even if you had seen him in time?’
Her features gave a spasm of pain. ‘I would have jumped in and helped him.’
‘And very likely drowned as well,’ he said. ‘You were too young to do anything.’
‘I could’ve thrown him something to hold on to until help came,’ she said, her eyes glittering with unshed tears.
‘Cara,’ he said, taking a step towards her.
‘No,’ she said, holding him off with her hands held up like twin stop signs. ‘Don’t come near me.’
He ignored her and put his hands on her shoulders. She began to push against his chest but somehow as he pulled her closer and she gripped his shirt instead. He brought his head down to hers, taking his time to give her time to escape if she wanted to.
‘Don’t fight me, mia piccola,’ he said. ‘I’m not your enemy.’
‘I’m not fighting you,’ she said, her gaze locked on his mouth. ‘I’m fighting myself.’
He brushed her mouth with his thumb. ‘That’s what I thought.’
She gave him a rueful look. ‘I can’t seem to help myself.’
‘You know something?’ he said. ‘Nor can I.’ And then he covered her mouth with his.
CHAPTER NINE
A FEW days later Natalie was wandering around the renovation site of Angelo’s hotel development, taking copious notes and snapping photographs as she went along. It was a spectacular development—a wonderful and decadent mix between a boutique hotel and a luxury health spa. Gold and polished marble adorned every surface. Tall arched windows looked out over the sea, or lemon groves and steep hills beyond framed the view. She couldn’t believe he was giving her the work. It was a dream job. It would stretch her creatively, but it would springboard her to the heights of interior design.
‘Are you nearly done?’ Angelo asked as he joined her, after speaking to one of his foremen.
‘Are you kidding?’ she said. ‘I’ve barely started. This place is amazing. I have so many ideas my head is buzzing.’
He put a gentle hand on the nape of her neck, making an instant shiver course down her spine. ‘I don’t want you to work too hard,’ he said. ‘We’re supposed to be on honeymoon, remember?’
How could she forget? Her body was still humming with the aftershocks of his passionate possession first thing that morning.
Over the last few days Angelo had been incredibly tender with her. She was finding it harder and harder to keep her emotions in check. He was unravelling her bit by bit, taking down her defences with every kiss and caress. The same blistering passion was there, but with it was a new element that took their lovemaking to a different level—one she had not experienced with him before. She wasn’t ready to admit she loved him. Not even to herself. She knew she admired and respected him. She liked being with him and enjoyed being challenged by his quick intellect and razor-sharp wit.
But as for being in love … well, what was the point of even going there? She could not stay with him for ever. He had already told her what he wanted. He would not choose her over his desire for heirs.
‘You have a one-track mind, Angelo,’ she said in mock reproach.
He smiled a lazy smile and pressed a kiss to her bare shoulder. ‘Are you going to deny you weren’t just thinking about what we got up to this morning?’ he asked.
Her belly shifted like a drawer pulled out too quickly as she thought of how he had made her scream with pleasure. ‘Stop it,’ she said in an undertone. ‘The workmen will hear you.’
‘So what if they do?’ he said, nibbling on her earlobe. ‘I am a man in love with his wife. Am I not allowed to tell the world?’
Natalie stiffened and pulled away. ‘I think I’m just about done here,’ she said. ‘I can come back another time.’
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’
‘You’re shutting me out,’ he said. ‘I can see it in your face. It’s like a drawbridge suddenly comes up.’
‘You’re imagining it,’ she said, closing her notebook with a little snap.
‘I won’t let you do this, Tatty,’ he said. ‘I won’t let you pull away. That’s not how this relationship is going to work.’
She sent him a crystal-hard little glare. ‘How is this relationship going to work, Angelo?’ she asked. ‘You want what I can’t give you.’
‘Only because you’re determined to keep on punishing yourself,’ he said. ‘You want the same things I want. I know you do. Do you think I don’t know you by now? I saw the way you looked at that mother and baby when we had coffee in that café yesterday.’
Natalie gave one of her faux laughs. ‘I was looking at that mother in pity,’ she said. ‘Did you hear how loudly that brat was crying? It was disturbing everyone.’
‘I saw your eyes,’ he said. ‘I saw the longing.’
She turned and be
gan to stalk away. ‘I don’t have to listen to this.’
‘There we go,’ he said, with cutting sarcasm. ‘And right on schedule too. Your stock standard phrase makes yet another appearance. I’m sick to death of hearing it.’
She turned back and looked at him. ‘Then why don’t you send me on my way so you don’t have to listen to it any more?’ she asked.
His eyes wrestled with hers, dark and glittering with frustration and anger. ‘You’d like that, wouldn’t you?’ he said. ‘You’d like to be let off the emotional hook. But I’m not going to do it. You will be with me until the day I say you can finally go.’
‘I’m going back to the villa,’ she said with a veiled look. ‘That is if that’s all right with you?’
He sucked in a harsh breath and brushed past her. ‘Do what you like,’ he said, and left.
* * *
When Natalie came downstairs at the villa a couple of hours later Angelo was on the phone. He signalled for her to wait for him to finish. He was speaking to someone in rapid-fire Italian, his full-bodied accent reminding her all over again of how much she had always loved his voice. It was so rich and deep, so sexy and masculine it made the skin on her arms and legs tingle.
‘Sorry about that,’ he said, pocketing his phone. ‘I have a development in Malaysia that is proving a little troublesome. The staff member I sent over is unable to fix it. I have to go over and sort it out.’
She set her features stubbornly, mentally preparing for another battle of wills. ‘I hope you’re not expecting me to come with you,’ she said. ‘I have my own business interests to see to. I can’t be on holiday for ever.’
His expression was hard to read. ‘I have made arrangements for you to travel back to Edinburgh this evening,’ he said. ‘I will fly to Kuala Lumpur first thing tomorrow morning.’
The air dropped out of her self-righteous sails. She stood there feeling strangely abandoned, cast adrift and frightened. ‘I see …’
‘I’ll fly to London with you,’ he said. ‘I’m afraid I haven’t got time to do the Edinburgh leg, but one of my staff will go with you instead.’
Surrendering All but Her Heart Page 12