My legs took me to where she was standing. I hugged her tightly as tears left my eyes, and we both cried as she hugged me back just as tightly.
It was the first time that I had seen Rosanna’s tears since the death of her uncle. I’d seen her with bloodshot eyes and reddish nose that spoke silently of sleepless nights and many tears shed, but she had never cried in front of me other than that time. Not when she learned about her siblings’ betrayal, nor when she saw them losing their heads for said betrayal.
Now, she cried, and she cried hard. Just as hard as she was hugging me.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she said, the sadness in her tone was heartbreaking. “Please, don’t mistake my tears for anything other than happy tears for you.”
“Never, Rosanna. Never,” I said, hugging her even tighter.
I knew they weren’t happy tears; they reeked of disappointment and longing. But I knew it didn’t mean Rosanna hated that I was pregnant and she wasn’t, yet. Rosanna would only ever wish me happiness, but her sadness and want were covering the joy she was feeling for me. And I understood. I really did.
Rosanna took a step back to look at my face. “You’ll give me your baby shower suit to wear, right?” she smiled, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
She was asking me if after I give birth, I would give her the silky baby shower dress to wear – as she had given me Janna’s ― so she would be the next to get pregnant, as the culture believed.
I shook my head, wiping her tears with my knuckles. “No, sister. I won’t have any need to.” I told her, “You’ll be pregnant long before my baby shower. I just know it.”
The truth was, I knew nothing. But I was convinced of one thing – I would pray for Rosanna daily, and I was sure that my prayers would be answered. God was merciful and had never failed me.
Whenever Mazen got up before me, which was normal, he woke me up by peppering kisses all over my face. It was my most favorite part about waking up, and the best part of my morning.
For the past few days, he’d added something new to his morning routine. He would kiss me all over my face, then expose my stomach and give it three light kisses along with a small rub.
He was kissing our baby.
Believe it or not, the feel of his lips over my stomach as he kissed the part of us that was inside me – our baby – was better than anything I’d ever experienced in my whole life. It was heartwarmingly beautiful.
This morning, when Mazen kissed the baby and me, I smiled sleepily at him, then dozed off for a few minutes. I wanted to steal just a few more moments before I had to get up and start my day.
A soft voice called me, “Your Majesty? Your Majesty?”
The voice was familiar, but it took me a few moments before I realized who it belonged to, and I was suddenly wide awake.
“Donia!” I got up with a big smile on my face, seeing her as she stood beside my bed, the never-ending blush present on her face and a smile decorating her lips.
I took her in a tight embrace. “Welcome back! I’ve missed you!” I said, absolutely glad to see her safe and sound. My heart was already swelling as the awful event that I’d witnessed at her wedding played itself back in my mind.
“Oh, thank you so much, Your Majesty. I’ve missed you too,” she said with a sweet smile.
“How are you? Are you okay? Are you happy?” I asked in one breath. I’d asked someone to give me updates on her, and they’d always said that she was okay, and that was about it.
“I’m really fine, Your Majesty. You’re very kind,” she said, her face going even redder than before. “I prepared the bathroom for your shower; the palace managers will be here in thirty minutes. Is there anything you’d like me to do before they arrive?”
For a moment, I didn’t know if I should ask her the million questions I had. It didn’t seem like it was the right time, and to be honest, I didn’t know where to start, so I decided to come up with something else.
“No, that will be all. Thank you,” I said, and before she left, I asked, “Do you eat lunch in here, or downstairs?” I had no idea if she preferred to join the staff in their dining room, or if she ate here in her own room. I hardly had lunch here myself.
“Uh, I eat lunch here, Your Majesty. Is there’s something you wish for me to do?” she asked.
“Yes, actually, Donia,” I said. “Would you wait for me at one p.m., so we can have lunch together?”
“Together?” She looked taken aback.
“Yes. I mean, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course, I don’t mind, Your Majesty. It is an honor.”
“Great. I can’t wait,” I told her. My smile camouflaged the nervousness I felt at the thought of what I wanted to talk to her about.
It was no surprise that I was feeling emotional as I sat with Donia and chatted a bit. I knew that the memory of what happened to me would kick in. I knew this conversation wouldn’t be a walk in the park, but I needed to understand things. Many things.
“I really liked your wedding ceremony – it was beautiful. I love to see and experience new things from different cultures. It was an amazing experience for me,” I told her with a smile, preparing her – and myself – for what I really wanted to discuss.
“Thank you, Your Majesty. It was an incredible honor that you were able to attend,” Donia said, beaming.
“It was my pleasure.” I kept the smile on. “There was only one thing that I didn’t like. It really devastates me to think about it.”
Donia’s smile fell. “Oh! I’m so sorry, Your Majesty. Was it the food? I knew they shouldn’t have served goat; you never finish it whenever we make it here. I was so upset to learn that you threw up right after.”
“No, no! Don’t be sorry, Donia. It wasn’t the food, really. The food was tasty,” I said, totally surprised that the vile way that she’d lost her virginity wasn’t the first thing that came to mind – maybe she didn’t think about it at all.
“What was it then, Your Majesty?” She looked completely clueless.
“Donia, after we ate, a gathering of women walked you to your tent. Then the next thing I saw was a man holding a white cloth with spots of blood on it. What was that?” Of course, I knew what it was, but I wanted to know how she felt about the tradition. I expected her to share her disgust.
I was mistaken. Highly mistaken.
Donia’s blush was darker than ever, and her gaze dropped to the floor. “It was my father. He was holding out his honor for the rest of the family and my husband to see.”
“Your father?” I asked with shock.
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
“Why do you call it ‘his honor’?”
“What else should I call it, Your Majesty?” she asked with a nervous laugh.
“It belongs to you. It’s your honor.” It wasn’t fair. It was like – she didn’t even know any better.
“I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but it belongs to my father and my family. I did my duty to protect their honor and gave it back to them on my wedding night,” she explained in a small voice, still looking down. It was as if she had memorized what to say and was repeating them without understanding what they meant. Maybe she didn’t even want to understand it.
It was sickening.
I realized that it was what she believed, and it wouldn’t be easy for her to tell differently. It saddened me, but I needed to talk to her more about it. Maybe I could understand.
“All right, Donia. I think I understand your point. It’s very honorable that you’d protect and save yourself until marriage. I did the same thing – for religious reasons.” I said, trying to find common ground. I was hoping she could be more open if I shared something of myself and my personal life with her. I doubted that religion alone was why she’d saved herself for her husband since she hadn’t mentioned it at all. “But I also believe that it should be shared with you and your spouse only, not a whole crowd. Don’t you agree?”
Even though I knew I was pushy, I wanted to know
her thoughts about it, if she’d hated it as much as I did, even if I was only a witness from afar. Heck, it had almost happened to me and to this day I couldn’t forget it. I was really amazed by how she was already over it – or maybe she wasn’t?
“Um … I, uh …” was all she said before going completely quiet, but it was all the answer I needed. I could see her real feelings written all over her soft features.
She hated it. She was suffering from it. There was no doubt.
“You can tell me, Donia. Don’t be afraid to speak your thoughts with me.” I touched her hand. She was fidgeting with a stray thread on her clothes while we talked, and I was sorry to feel how cold her hand was. She was very nervous.
“I’m – I’m so sorry, Your Majesty. I, uh, I can’t speak of such things. It’s not decent,” she apologized, her voice shaking.
The sadness I felt for this girl, and those like her was indescribable. She couldn’t even say what she was thinking or share her opinion on the matter that must have had hurt her deeply. She was struck by fear of her people.
“Donia, sweetie, I’m the Queen. I will protect you.” I tried one more time.
“No, you can’t!” she snapped, and I jerked back at the sound of her sweet voice suddenly being this choked and gruff. My hands moved unconsciously to cover my stomach as if I was protecting it from something.
My heart was hurting as I saw her terrified tears streaming down her delicate face, then a look of horror dominated her features as the realization of what she’d just done dawned on her.
“Oh, God! I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me, Your Majesty, I didn’t mean to,” she begged in Arabic. Her fingers tangled in a plea in front of her face.
“It’s okay, Donia,” I said softly, the look on my face was wiped clean of all of the surprise, disgust, sadness, and hurt that I was feeling. What kind of strong power had held that girl down to the point that she thought that talking about her feelings was a shame?
“I’m so sorry,” she said one more time.
“It’s really fine. Maybe we can talk later.” I offered her a small smile.
It seemed like I had a long road ahead to figure things out. I wanted to help those girls so much. I wanted it more than I could say, but it was evident that my help wasn’t welcomed.
How would I be able to help those who needed help but didn’t want it?
A new day has come; my vision was blurry, and I felt dizzy. I couldn’t bear hearing one more word from anyone. Everything was annoying me, even hearing myself breathe irritated me.
Squeezing my eyes tight, then reopening them, I tried to focus on the paper sitting on my desk. I’d read what was written at least four times and I still couldn’t understand a thing.
I was exhausted.
A knock on my office door felt as though someone was banging on my head, and the noise the door made as my guard opened it sounded like a monster hooking its fingers in my ears.
It took everything for me not to scream. I didn’t know if I could even bear the sound of my screaming. Ugh!
“His Majesty is here for a visit, Your Majesty,” Mo’taz announced.
“Let him in, please!” I said, holding back the ‘Duh!’ and the eye-roll, that would’ve been very rude.
Mazen came in, and I offered him a small smile. As sick as I was feeling, his handsomeness was something I couldn’t help but notice. He always looked perfect and seeing him brought pure joy.
“Give us some privacy, please,” he said to Manar, who looked at me as if asking whether she could stay. She always wanted to get things done as fast as possible, no matter what else was going on. I had imagined her giving me papers to sign and discussing projects with me while I was in labor. I wouldn’t put it past her to do precisely that.
I had few more papers to sign, but I gave her a look that said ‘Are you kidding me?’ that made her collect the documents and leave immediately.
“What a pleasant surprise!” I said, as I got up and met Mazen halfway. We hugged, and he kissed my hair.
“I needed to see you. I’m worried about you,” Mazen said as he brushed his thumbs over my cheeks.
“We have an official meeting at three,” I reminded him.
“I couldn’t wait that long. I told you, I’m worried.”
“I’m fine, angel. It’s just the morning sickness kicking my butt.” I rested my head on his chest and sighed.
“You should’ve stayed in bed today, you’re pushing yourself too hard,” Mazen said, smoothing my hair down.
“I can’t afford a day off; there are so many things I need to take care of.”
“I can never change your mind, can I, stubborn princess?” I could hear the smile in his voice, and it was comforting to me.
“No, Your Majesty,” I told him. “But our meeting is the last on my schedule for today, I promise.”
“We can always delay it.”
“No. I really need to finalize everything today,” I said, then bit my bottom lip. I hadn’t been feeling well for weeks thanks to the hormones having a wild party inside my body, but I knew that today was the worst because I was thoroughly nervous about the whole meeting.
My meeting was with Mazen; the man I was madly in love with, the man whose presence was my safety and peace. I wasn’t supposed to feel this nervous about sitting with him to discuss my ideas, but I really couldn’t help it. After all, it was something that nobody had ever dared to do before, for so many reasons. But, I hoped for the best.
“You still don’t want to tell me what the bill is about?” Mazen asked.
“You’ll know all about it in a few hours.”
“Why not just give me a glimpse so I’ll be ready?”
I sighed. “I’d prefer you to hear all about it from me, personally, and I hope we can finish discussing it in one sitting.”
“You know that’s not possible, princess. Especially if it’s a sensitive law you wish to change or create.”
“I do know that, but I can hope, right?” I chuckled nervously.
“Yes. Yes, you can. Hope is good.” Mazen smiled and placed one last kiss on my forehead before telling me he had to leave. “Promise me you’ll eat something.”
“Ugh!”
“Promise.” he insisted.
“I promise I will try.”
“Good enough. See you soon, princess.”
Minutes after he left, my nausea returned ― maybe worse than this morning. With some pep talk and salty crackers, I was able to pull myself together enough to get through the rest of my duties.
The main meeting was only a few hours away. I knew that no number of salty crackers would make me feel better or ready for it.
I watched Mazen’s face carefully as he read the papers, studying his reaction and every tiny muscle twitch in his features. I hoped I could figure out what he was thinking about the law that I am proposing, but he didn’t show any emotion. Nothing.
“There are two bills, Your Majesty,” Mazen said once he’d finished going through all of the papers, which I’d worked on for the past three months.
“That’s right, Your Majesty. One for a new law, and one to change an already existing one,” I said, attempting to sound as confident as possible. I hated that he was blocking me from knowing what he honestly felt with his poker face.
“Hmm…” was all he said. He leaned back against his armchair and let silence fill the space around us for a few minutes. He was deep in thought.
I understood that, I really did. What I proposed wasn’t something that anyone could readily agree to. I also couldn’t help feeling anxious as I waited for his next words.
“The papers are well-written with all of the details I need – you were very thorough, and I appreciate that. However, I’m afraid the Kingdom is not yet ready for such laws,” Mazen said in a calm voice. My heart sank.
“What? What are you saying, Mazen?”
I was shocked that he would take that position, and draw his conclusion so quickly. I couldn’t contro
l myself as I addressed him by his first name, instead of his royal title, in front of everyone in the room.
Mazen pressed his lips tightly, then looked at the clerk recording the minutes of our meeting. “Stop typing.”
I felt terrible for my slip, but I knew Mazen would understand. I was shocked to hear his quick decision.
“Everyone out. We’ll take a break,” Mazen said in a voice that echoed around the room. Everyone cleared the room, even the royal guards. I guess they caught on that Mazen wanted privacy.
Once we were alone, Mazen turned in his seat to face me – or rather moved closer to me. Disappointment wanted to override my hope, but I kept beating it down. I was sure that whatever objections Mazen had, I could convince him that my plans would work.
“Marie, I understand why you want to create this law. I really do. You had a terrible personal experience with Common Deflowering, and I know you sympathize with the victims. I know you want to stop it, but it won’t work. A law will only create a big mess that the Kingdom cannot afford.” Mazen tried to explain in his calm voice.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “What kind of a mess would this law make? I’m doing it to help people. You and I both know it has to be stopped – you called it ‘gang rape’! I don’t understand you, Mazen.”
“Ordering people to start obeying this law, and invoking a punishment for breaking it won’t stop it from happening, Marie. This is something that happens within families. The victim and the one who does it are related in most cases, with the order coming from the father of the victim, or her uncle, or grandfather. How many girls do you think will report their father?”
It was then that I started to see his point of view, but …
“There are a hundred ways we could ensure that it doesn’t happen and is reported if it couldn’t be stopped. We just have to make a start; we have to make the law. At least, we will know that we tried.” I refused to believe that making a law wouldn’t have any effect on the practice. They would have to think twice before going through it, I was positive.
Golden Chains (The Colorblind Trilogy Book 3) Page 11