I was grateful that there were carpets that could hide our footprints on the dusty floor.
It was terrifying to know that I would be locked in this room with dead bodies for God only knew how long, but the pain from my contractions kept me from dwelling on it.
What I could think about, though, was how I was missing out on the magical moments I would have normally been experiencing right now. Moments that would have been filled with my husband’s kindness and love.
The reality was that I was alone after a complete stranger, who was desperately trying to save my life, had locked me in a dark room with dead bodies as we awaited rescue.
“Breathe, princess.”
Mazen. Mazen’s voice in my head was the only thing grounding me. I imagined him holding my hand while I lay in a comfy bed in a room full of love and safety. “You’re doing well.”
His voice was the only comfort I felt as I went through one contraction after the other, contractions that grew stronger by the minute and seemed follow closely one after another. And just the thought of what that meant almost threw me into a panic attack.
“I love you.”
It was the only reason I struggled onward: Our love. Our love for each other, and our love for our baby.
As the pain became unbearable, I bit hard on my hand until I tasted blood, so scared that any noise I might make would be the last thing I ever did.
At some point, I started hearing gunshots, so many of them. I wanted to believe that it meant that Sheikh Qapeel had arrived with the Bedouins, but after all that, it was almost unbelievable to me that I would be saved. The dark, dark voices in my head told me that the shots meant that my enemies had found Bassel and were ending him.
The smell of death saturated the air, assaulting my nose and filling my lungs with its unwelcome stench. With it came the horrible feeling of sickness and the fear of the unknown.
The scenario of dead people surrounding me, and others struggling as they fought for their lives wasn't new to me, I'd seen it before. The only difference this time was that I wasn't a scared little girl anymore. No, I was a horrified, fully grown woman.
For the past few days, I trusted that everything would be okay in the end. It was the only thing that kept me going. I refused to let go. I refused to allow anxiety to start stabbing at my heart or hold my brain in its disgusting claws.
But right now, I didn't know how to be strong anymore. I didn't know how to keep it together while feeling this agonizing pain in my body, or this unbearable ache in my chest. Being here was much more than I could tolerate.
Screaming my heart out seemed like a pretty good idea. Something in me believed that it would give me some sort of relief. But I couldn't do that because I didn't know if it would mean my rescue, or if it would only bring unwanted attention to me. The kind of attention that I didn't want.
So, I held in my screams, but I couldn't keep my tears from flowing. They simply escaped, just like the blood that was now seeping out of my body. I had no control over either of them.
I wasn't mad at myself for crying, no. I was proud of the strength I'd shown since I was brought here. Mazen would be proud of me as well.
Mazen… My heart sank at the memory of the last time I'd seen him. My mind replayed the image of him, his head held high, and he stood tall, his features were colder than ice, and the look in his eyes was harder than stone.
I remembered the tears I'd shed as I watched him spitting orders and shouting commands. I remembered the struggle I felt to keep breathing as I heard him making threats and promising the unthinkable.
I also remembered calling to him, and him never answering me.
I remembered exactly when my heart broke. And I recalled promising myself that I’d never show weakness ever again.
But realizing what was happening now – I knew this was probably the end. There was no point in not showing weakness, no point in being strong; nor there was a point in keeping it together.
I screamed.
At the top of my lungs.
My scream declared all of what I was feeling during the past days – the hurt, the pain, the fear, the worry, the shame, and the broken heart.
All it earned me was a split second of relief. I knew very well that it could be heard beyond those doors. I knew it could be the cry of the prey, which made it easier for attackers to locate it.
It couldn't be undone, and I didn't have it in me to regret it. I was ready to meet my fate.
Throughout my life, praying was my safe spot. This was how I calmed my fears and shrugged away my doubts. My faith in God was how I was able to overcome every struggle I had.
I’d always believed that Mazen was the answer to my prayers, the one gift that God sent my way to soothe my sad and troubled heart. The gift for never having lost faith in God’s plans and I had faith that there was a reason for everything.
As I lay on the floor of a room that was darker and colder than a cemetery on a moonless night, all I could do was scream God’s name, beg him to help me, and to ease my pain. No smart words or organized prayers, only pleas.
I couldn’t hold my cross in my hand. I was too weak to even do that, but I kept my eyes on the one dangling from my wrist, as I lay on my side with my hands near my face. My old cross found a place as a charm in the bracelet my husband had given me last year.
I looked at the gold bracelet with longing and eyes full of tears. I saw happy memories in each one of the charms hanging from it: the black key, the lock shaped like a heart, Big Ben, the horse, the strawberry, the crown and … the baby bottle.
My tears flew, as I thought about the baby I might never meet. I didn’t know if any of us would survive this. Thinking of what I had been injected with earlier and how severely it could affect him made me groan in pain, pain that came right from my heart. Not only that, but as I thought about the medication that I needed and was denied, and the missed meals and water, I feared for the well-being of my son.
My heart was burning up inside of me.
The Snake’s words ran on repeat. Everything she’d said so far came true. She said that she could be convincing. She succeeded in making me talk when I was determined on never speaking a word to her. She told me that soon I would be screaming, and it was exactly what I was doing now with every new contraction.
It was utterly terrifying to imagine all of what she’d promised could become true. All of this time I didn’t want to believe her, but with everything happening around me, it seemed like she would do all of the unthinkable things that she’d talked about.
The pain was now like a sword covered with lava, lancing mercilessly through my body, stretching me, or more like splitting me in two. My screams couldn’t be counted.
My vision was too blurry, and my head was too foggy. The only things I could feel now were pain and fear. I was being tortured for all of the bad things I’d ever done my whole life. There was no place in my heart left for hope. All my thoughts were focused on how it would all go away if I were to meet my death this very minute. It felt too close, yet so far.
The door started shaking violently as someone tried to break it open. All I thought was – this is it. It’s all going to be over now.
The man who busted the door open was only a dark figure to me, although the room wasn’t as dark as the sun was starting to rise outside. I still couldn’t see clearly, everything was hazy, but that may have had to do with how I was feeling, and not how lit the room was.
“Your Majesty! Alhamdulilah!” the man said breathlessly. His tone was worried, and I wondered where I’d heard his voice before.
Blinking my tears away to clear my vision, I saw him as he put his gun back in its holster, and gasped when I saw his face.
“Faris!”
I prayed with my whole heart that I wasn’t imaging things, and The Prime Royal Guard was really here. I was so out of it that I didn’t know what was real and what was not.
“You’re going to be okay, Your Majesty,” he said, and seem
ed to look deeply into my eyes, probably trying to gauge how poor my condition was.
Wait …
“No, no. Mazen can’t be here! No, please! Take him and leave!”
Mazen couldn’t be in this danger zone where death was hovering all around. Gunshots and people shouting, groaning, and cursing were all that could be heard. Mazen couldn’t be here.
All of my thoughts of wanting him to come and save me were gone the second the reality of it hit me – he could be killed.
“I didn’t inform him. He’s not here.”
A surge of relief washed over me.
“You need to go,” I whispered. It was the last thing I imagined I would say, but it was the only thing I wanted him to do. “You need to protect Mazen.”
He wasn’t safe himself, as long as The Snake lived – Mazen wasn’t safe.
“But – I am protecting him,” he said, and he didn’t need to explain what he meant by that. I knew it already. Fawaz knew that if Mazen learned of my location, he would be here in a heartbeat, and it was too dangerous. I couldn’t be more thankful for Faris’ thoughtfulness, but my husband’s first royal guard had one more thing to say, “The King won’t survive for one day after you, Your Majesty.”
There was nothing I could say to that. Fawaz reminded me of exactly why I needed to fight, to keep the faith, to keep the hope. I needed to be here for Mazen, for our son, for our family. I needed to stay strong.
Just as Fawaz began to help me set up, a man ran into the room. I let out a terrified gasp as he raised his gun toward us, and was just a second away from pulling the trigger.
Thankfully, someone from outside the room was faster, and he shot him right in the head, but not before a bullet was released from the enemy’s gun, and hit the wall just an inch away from my head.
Although it seemed like nothing could surprise me at that moment, the last thing I had expected was to see my brother’s face in the doorway.
“Joseph?”
Is this at all real? Or am I being delusional?
“Marie!” he said as he hurried to where I was half-sitting “Oh, God!”
The worry in his eyes was totally unexpected, and told me exactly how much he truly loved me.
“Joseph!” I whispered in disbelief. Was he really here? Looking at me with tears filling his eyes? Tears for me?
“What have they done to you, baby sister?” he cried.
Baby sister. He called me ‘baby sister’. I am his baby sister. He loves me.
“God! No!”
Fawaz’s fury caught my attention, and I thought that our enemies were by the door, but it wasn’t an enemy. It was the love of my life.
“I knew you were following me, Joseph! But I didn’t think you’d act mindlessly and bring His Majesty along. God! Damn it!”
Fawaz cursed, not caring about the respect he should show the King; he only knew one thing – his King’s life was in danger.
But right at that moment, I couldn’t give one more second of attention to what Officer Faris was saying, nor to my brother whom I felt like I’d just gotten back after long years of absence. My only focus was on the one man I loved more than any and everything in the whole universe – Mazen.
He was frozen in place, not looking at Fawaz for one moment as he continued to rant at him for jeopardizing his life. His eyes were on me, and only me.
Mazen looked as miserable as I felt, broken-hearted, and wretched. His features cried pain, and it seemed like there was a war inside of his chest as he took in the sight of me.
His steps were heavy and slow, much slower than I wished for them to be. I wanted him here, right beside me, right this second. I wanted to embrace him. I wanted to be hugged by him. I needed to take in his scent and know that I was secure. I ached to hold him and never let go.
When he knelt in front of me, there were no words spoken by our lips, but our eyes said many. Our eyes were filled with so many emotions and silent pleas, they were crying in agony of our separation and apologizing for how long it had been since they last looked into each other.
The exchange was filled with love, but was also filled with fear.
Mazen touched my face with his fingertips, ever so tenderly as though he was afraid he’d hurt me, but still wanted to make sure that I was real, and right here in front of him.
“I th-thought I would never see you again,” I whispered, not caring the slightest about the gunfire I was hearing. It seemed like my world had stopped when my husband arrived at my side.
“Fear no more, my princess. I’ve got you. I’ll keep you safe,” Mazen promised in the most broken voice I’d ever heard coming out of him. It was choked, desperate, and held so much pain that it sounded heavier than mountains.
I knew very well that I’d missed Mazen more than words could ever tell, but I didn’t truly know how much it was until I heard his voice again. I could survive on his voice alone, literally.
In his arms, I inhaled deeply, recharging my strength ― which he once told me I got from myself, and not from him. But he didn’t know, he was north, my soul, and my heart. He was my everything.
It was only when he hugged me that my faith was restored, and my hope started rising again. Yes, I could survive this. Our love could survive this. Our family could survive this. We would be okay. I could hope.
I fisted his shirt as I felt the next contraction, the first one to happen in his presence. It was much more intense than the rest, but way less painful, and I couldn’t explain how that was even possible, but it was true. I knew it was because I finally got to feel him holding me through it.
It was something that I’d strongly craved, and it was finally coming true. Mazen was here, he was holding me.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” it was all he said while stroking my hair. I groaned in pain and pushed myself right into his chest. I wanted to ease his worry and tell him that I was perfectly fine even if it would be the biggest of lies, but I was too weak to even do that.
Gunshots blasted and bullets ricocheted in the room that we were in. I finally paid attention to what was going on around us. Fawaz stood tall as he fired one bullet after the other while using part of the half-broken door as a shield. At his feet were two men who were bleeding to death.
“We have to leave. Now!” he yelled, not looking at us as a bullet lodged itself in the door he was taking cover behind.
“Hang on tight,” Mazen said, and just as he was about to surround me with his arms, I heard a moan coming from a body that was right next to me.
“NO!” I cried out loud as I saw that it was Joseph. My brother was lying on his back, his shirt saturated with blood coming from a wound in the middle of his chest.
I crawled to get near to his head, wanting to look into his face and tell him to hang in there. It couldn’t be serious, right? He would survive, wouldn’t he?
Oh, God! Please! He has to.
“Marie!” he breathed out, and my tears flew as I saw the life draining from him ever so slowly. All I wanted was to tell him that he was going to be okay, but I was dumbstruck by the look of him as he struggled to catch his breath. “Th-the g-gun … it wa-s never loa-ded,” he choked out, blood seeping from the side of his mouth.
“No! No! Please! Don’t die on me. Everyone dies on me, Joseph. Please! No, no! NO!” I shouted, “JOSEPH!”
For a second, I didn’t even know what he meant, and it took me some time to figure out what he was referring to. The gun he used to force me into signing the wedding contract – it wasn’t loaded.
It was like I was in another world as I watched my brother struggle for his life, and my husband who kept pressing on his chest in a desperate effort to get him to breathe.
“Breathe! Breathe! You can’t fucking die. You can’t!” Mazen growled.
Of course, he couldn’t die. He had a little girl who barely knew her own name, who hardly knew him.
He couldn’t die. I had yet to tell him that I forgave him, that I knew he was desperate and only ma
de a very poor choice.
He couldn’t die. He still had a life waiting for him, and a wife who was yet to show him how much she truly loved him.
He couldn’t die.
Oh, God, please, no!
“We have to leave now!” Fawaz repeated as he reloaded his gun, “Your lives are in danger!”
When Mazen swept me up and carried me away from my brother, I didn’t care about the pain I felt in my back as my wounds were assaulted by the brief friction from his arm. I couldn’t think of anything other than how I wanted to push Mazen back to where my brother was lying, trying desperately to fight death. I knew that Mazen let go of him with a heavy heart, but I still couldn’t handle the idea of leaving him to die alone.
My tears flowed as I came to the conclusion that if we didn’t get out of there now, it would only mean more lives lost, one of them could be Mazen’s. I had to accept the fact that we needed to flee.
“Go! Go! Go! I’m covering your back,” Fawaz shouted as his gun continued to blaze, hurrying alongside us with his back facing our sides. The walls protected our other side.
Mazen got us down the stairs as fast as possible, the noise of gunshots was becoming unbearable. How much of The Snake’s gang was there? And how many men did we have now? I figured that Mazen literally had to escape from the royal guards; they would have never allowed him into this situation. Escaping from the Royal Guards only meant that we had fewer men than we should have, and it seemed that coming out of this mansion alive was close to impossible.
Officer Faris was on top of the stairs when we were at the bottom, he was trying to cover off the area as bullets flew from upstairs. But then we found ones that were coming from downstairs as well when we reached the bottom of the stairs on the second floor.
“Get down! Get down! Take cover!”
Mazen quickly put me down on the floor, in a cramped corner that wasn’t particularly useful as a shield, but good enough to hide half of our bodies. I thought that Mazen would stay down and keep holding me until Fawaz told us we were clear to go, but that wasn’t what he was thinking.
Golden Chains (The Colorblind Trilogy Book 3) Page 32