Diedrich rubbed her arms in a comforting motion as he had done earlier on the bench beside the garden. “It is sorry I am to tell you this, my Liebchen. I would have rather cut off my own arm than tell you.” He shook his head, which hung in sorrow. “But I did not want you to hear of it from anyone else, even your own parents.”
Regina struggled to assimilate what he had told her. Herr Rothhaus must despise her. Though Diedrich had not used those exact words, Regina could surmise nothing less. Otherwise, Herr Rothhaus would not have vowed never again to step foot in her home. The ramifications of what this could mean to her and Diedrich and their future plans together hit Regina with the same force as if someone had struck her in the stomach with a wooden club.
Her head began to spin again. As if the shocking news about being adopted wasn’t enough to discover in one day, now she must face another soul-jarring disclosure. Dear Lord, how much more can I bear? She now understood how Job in the scriptures must have felt. Suddenly a new thought struck, and with it, a new terror that grabbed her in its bloody, gnashing teeth. Her heart—no, her whole insides—felt as if they were crumpling in on themselves. Her lungs seized, and she struggled for breath. Diedrich had brought her here to tell her he no longer wanted to marry her. Herr Rothhaus was his father. Of course Diedrich would choose him over her. With her whole body trembling, she managed to muster enough breath to say, “So you do not want to marry me now.” Her words came out in a desolate tone with no hint of a question. She hated the tears streaming down her face.
Diedrich’s eyes widened. “Nein.” He shook his head. “I mean ja.” He slipped his arms around her waist and drew her closer to him. A tender expression softened the drawn lines in his stricken face. “I love you, Regina. I will always love you. And I want you to be my wife. You are mein Liebchen,” he whispered, “mein Liebling, mein Schätzchen.” His voice broke slightly over the last word. But Regina thought he uttered the endearment with a touch less conviction than he had six weeks ago when he first said those words to her.
A fresh deluge of tears cascaded down her face. “But your Vater will never sanction our marriage now.”
Diedrich winced as if she had struck him. The muscles of his jaw moved then set in a look of determination. “Regina, my Vater is a gut man. All my life, I have known him as a kind and just man who tries to live as our Lord would wish. I am sure when he has had time to think on it—to pray on it—he will repent of his harsh words.” He heaved a deep sigh. “But for now, I must gather his things and take them to him, for he insists he will live now in the new house, apart from your family.”
With that, he turned Gypsy around and headed back home. They rode in grim silence until Diedrich reined the pony to a stop between the house and barn. He handed Regina the reins then cupped her face in his hands and pressed a tender kiss on her lips. Though his eyes looked sad, he gave her a brave smile. “Do not worry, Liebchen. Gott is stronger than any problem. If we pray, I am sure He will hear our prayers and have mercy on us and change Vater’s heart.”
Regina tried to answer his smile, but her lips refused to support it. She watched him jump to the ground, and her heart quaked. As much as she wanted to believe him, she couldn’t help wondering if perhaps this was God’s way of telling her and Diedrich that He did not want them to marry.
Chapter 19
H onour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.’”
At the words from Exodus uttered in Pastor Sauer’s resonant voice, the urge to emit a bitter laugh gripped Regina. The biblical edict seemed an impossible one for both her and Diedrich to keep. But laughing aloud in church and embarrassing her parents and Diedrich would not improve her plight. So she sat quietly, her head down and her hands folded in her lap while the silent misery that had held sway over her entire household these past nine days once again engulfed her.
Herr Rothhaus’s stunning proclamation had shattered not only Regina’s and Diedrich’s happiness, but Regina’s parents’ serenity as well. Mama wept almost daily now, blaming herself for ever having disclosed the truth of Regina’s parentage. Frustrated at his inability to soothe Mama, Papa seemed to stay in a nearly perpetual state of anger. Enraged that Herr Rothhaus considered him a liar and a sneak, Papa insisted that Diedrich keep his word and marry Regina. And though Diedrich’s firm assurance that he had no plans to break his promise to Regina had somewhat appeased Papa, Papa’s stormy mood remained.
And caught squarely in the center were Regina and Diedrich. Despite Diedrich’s belief that his father’s hard stance would soon soften, Herr Rothhaus showed no sign of moving in that direction. If anything, he seemed even more staunchly opposed to Diedrich and Regina marrying. As the days passed, Regina’s hope of the man’s attitude changing dwindled, especially since he refused to discuss the matter with either Papa, Diedrich, or even Pastor Sauer.
Morning sunlight streamed through one of the church’s open windows and angled warmly across Regina’s face. But neither the sun’s rays nor the happy chirping of the robin perched on the windowsill could brighten her mood. The future that had once looked so sunny had now turned bleak. The commandment the pastor had read struck her as almost mocking. All her life she had tried diligently to keep God’s commandments. Even when she and Diedrich had plotted together to avoid matrimony, they had not disrespected their parents. Instead, they had hoped to gradually—and respectfully—change their parents’ minds. Ironically, now that they loved one another and wanted to marry, she could see no way for them to avoid breaking the commandment Pastor Sauer had just read.
Her gaze drifted to her left and the men’s side of the sanctuary, and her heart ripped anew. Diedrich sat with his head bowed and his arms resting on his knees. As painful as Herr Rothhaus’s rejection was for Regina and her family, she couldn’t begin to imagine the agony it inflicted upon Diedrich. Her heart swelled at her darling’s unwavering devotion to her. But his decision to defy his father and not cancel their wedding plans had come at a terrible cost to him. And it had proved a bittersweet victory for Regina. Daily she saw the toll that decision took on the man she loved. Though he kept up a brave face, she watched him grow sullen and gaunt. Not a day passed that he didn’t assert his love for her, but rarely did she see him smile now. It was as if Herr Rothhaus had ripped a hole in his son’s soul, and each day a little more of Diedrich’s joy seeped out.
Guilt saturated Regina’s heart. She had caused this rift between Diedrich and his father. If Diedrich sinned by defying his father’s wishes, didn’t Regina sin as well by allowing him to do so? But whether or not Diedrich saw his defiance of his father as a sin, Regina knew his honor would never let him break off their engagement. But if she broke it off, wouldn’t she dishonor Papa as well as break her heart and Diedrich’s in the bargain? A greater question loomed. Did she even have the courage to break her engagement and send away the man she loved?
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Anna Rieckers exchanging smiling glances across the aisle with her intended, August Entebrock. To her shame, Regina experienced a stab of jealousy. She’d learned of her friend’s engagement only minutes after Diedrich told her that his father had forbidden their marriage. Hearing Anna bubble with excitement about her engagement had driven Regina’s hurt even deeper. She had tried hard to set her own heartache aside and rejoice with her friend but had ended up weeping in Anna’s arms and spilling the whole awful story to her. And Anna had comforted her, faithfully following the apostle Paul’s charge to “weep with them that weep.” Sadly, Regina knew that her own concerns had prevented her from living up to the other part of the scripture and rejoicing with Anna as wholeheartedly as she should have.
More guilt. How many sins had Regina committed over the past two weeks? She didn’t want to consider the number. Dear Lord, forgive my transgressions . But would He forgive her if she purposely continued to sin and to cause Diedrich to sin as well?
Despair settled over her like a
dank fog. Dear Lord, show me the way. Tell me what I should do .
“‘And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.’” Pastor Sauer’s voice filtered into Regina’s silent prayer. The words of the scripture echoed in her ears, and her heart throbbed with a painful ache. She’d asked for God’s direction. And though she may not like the answer, He had given it. Now she just needed the courage to see it through.
The rest of the service passed as in a fog for Regina, the pastor’s voice melding with the drone of the honeybees that buzzed around the hollyhocks blooming outside the church’s open windows. At last the pastor invoked the benediction, and the congregation filed out of the church—the men first, followed by the women.
Regina’s heart felt like a lump of lead in the center of her chest. Though everything in her screamed against it, she knew what she had to do.
Following Mama outside, Regina mumbled an absent pleasantry as she passed Pastor Sauer at the door. While Mama went to talk with Frau Rieckers, who seemed well recovered from her bout of ague, Regina glanced around the crowded churchyard for Diedrich. She saw no reason to prolong the misery. Like the time last month when she got the splinters in her hands, the ones she and Mama pulled out quickly hurt much less than those they had to extract slowly. As Mama had said, “Better short pain than long pain.” The same wisdom applied now.
Her gaze roved over the crowd milling about the churchyard. At last she spied Diedrich, and her heart clenched. He and Papa stood together talking with Herr Entebrock and Herr Rieckers and their sons. Regina knew that Papa’s encouragement had meant a lot to Diedrich in the wake of his own father’s rejection. And Papa had taken Diedrich to his heart as a son in a way he never had with Sophie’s husband, Ezra, or Elsie’s William. Papa would doubtless take the news of the broken engagement as hard as Diedrich would.
Regina’s grip on her resolve slipped, and she swallowed hard. Drawing a fortifying breath, she started to take a step toward the men when someone grasped her arm.
“Regina.” Anna’s blue eyes were round, her face full of urgency. “I was hoping I would get a chance to talk with you.” Tugging on Regina’s arm, she pulled her to the side of the church. “I thought I should tell you. August said that Diedrich’s father has been working this week on their farm.” Glancing down at the ankle-deep grass as their feet, she caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “I thought … if you would like … I could ask August to talk to his Vater. Maybe Herr Entebrock could intercede—”
“No.” Though her heart crimped at her friend’s eagerness to help, Regina shook her head. She gave Anna’s hand a quick squeeze. “I appreciate you trying to help, Anna, but I do not think such a plan would be wise—or necessary.”
Anna gave a frustrated huff. “But you said Herr Rothhaus will not talk to your Vater or Pastor Sauer, or even to Diedrich as long as the two of you are promised.” Her shoulders rose and fell with her sigh. “I know you said Diedrich still wants to marry you despite his father’s objection.” She frowned. “But you are so sad, and it is not right that you should be sad planning your wedding. We must do something to change Herr Rothhaus’s mind so he will give you and Diedrich his blessing. Then you can be as happy planning your wedding as I am planning mine.” Then her honey-colored brows slipped together and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What do you mean by ‘not necessary’?”
Regina sighed. She’d told Anna everything else. She might as well tell her what she had decided to do. Bracing for the negative response she knew was coming, she blurted, “I’m going to break my engagement to Diedrich.”
Anna’s eyes popped to the size of tea saucers; then her face crumpled in a pained look. “But why, Regina?” She held out her hands palms up. “All you’ve talked about since the Tanners’ barn raising is how much you love Diedrich and how you can hardly wait to marry him.” The disappointment in Anna’s anguished tone smote Regina with remorse. “We promised each other we would have both our weddings in September. You and Diedrich will stand up for me and August; then August and I will stand up for you and Diedrich.” It hurt Regina to disappoint her friend, but she might as well get used to the reaction. Telling Mama and Papa would be no easier. Yet as much as she dreaded telling her parents, that trepidation paled compared to the notion of telling Diedrich. Her heart quaked at the thought.
Regina clasped Anna’s hands. “Didn’t you hear Pastor Sauer? If Diedrich and I marry against his father’s will, are we not dishonoring him?” The weight of her sorrow pulled her head down like an iron yoke. “I cannot make Diedrich sin by disobeying his father.”
Anger flashed in Anna’s eyes, and she snatched her hands from Regina’s. “Are you daft, Regina? Don’t be foolish. It is Diedrich’s father who is wrong, not you or Diedrich. Didn’t you hear Pastor Sauer read Colossians 3:21? ‘Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.’” Crossing her arms over her chest, she snorted. “I’d say that fits exactly what Herr Rothhaus has done.”
Regina couldn’t help a grin. She hadn’t expected to get a double sermon this morning. And though it warmed her heart to see her good friend’s willingness to leap to her defense with such fierce abandon, she couldn’t entirely agree. “One sin does not cancel out another, Anna. Besides, how can Diedrich change his father’s mind if Herr Rothhaus will not talk to him? And Herr Rothhaus will not talk to Diedrich as long as Diedrich and I are promised.”
Sniffing back tears, she gave Anna a hug. “Diedrich still loves me, Anna, and I love him. Gott willing, our engagement will not stay broken long, and he will be my Verlobter again soon.” She forced a smile. “Diedrich assures me that after his Vater has had sufficient time to think about it, he will repent. Just pray he is right and that Gott will help Diedrich change his Vater’s heart.” Anna opened her mouth as if to make another objection, but Regina held up her hand and Anna closed her mouth. “I know what I am doing is right, Anna. If it is Gott’s will, we will both have our September weddings.”
Giving a nod of surrender, Anna swiped at a tear meandering down her cheek. At the same moment, Regina glanced over Anna’s shoulder to see a smiling August Entebrock walking toward them. Stepping away from Anna, she grinned and whispered, “Dry your eyes. August is coming.”
To her credit, Regina felt only joy and not a speck of jealousy as she watched Anna and her tall, blond Verlobten walk hand in hand toward Anna’s mother.
“They make a nice-looking Paare , do they not, mein Liebchen? Almost as nice looking as us.” At Diedrich’s soft voice and the touch of his hand on her back, Regina jerked.
“Ja. Almost.” Her heart turning cartwheels, she pivoted to face him. Somehow she managed to muster a decent smile but wished her voice didn’t sound so breathless. It was the first time since his father had disowned him that she’d heard even a hint of a tease in Diedrich’s voice, and it did her heart good.
He slipped his arm around her waist, and from force of habit, she leaned into his embrace. Would the change in their formal relationship affect their familiar one? She prayed it wouldn’t, but feared there was no way it could not. He began to guide her toward the wagon. “August tells me that he and Anna are planning a September wedding as well.” His voice, which had begun on a light tone, ended on a sad one. Had August also mentioned to Diedrich that his father was working on the Entebrock farm?
Stopping, she swiveled to face him. She might as well pull out the emotional splinter now. “Diedrich, there is something I need to talk with you about.”
“Oh, there you two are.” Mama bustled up and took hold of Regina’s arm. “I would love to visit more, but we have that turkey Vater killed yesterday roasting in the oven. We must get home soon to see to it, or it will be as dry and tough as leather.”
Instead of annoyance, Regina felt a rush of relief at the intrusion. She couldn’t break her engagement to Diedrich with Mama, Papa, and half of St. John’s congregation looking on. She needed time alone with him to fully explain her reasoning. Perha
ps they could find a private moment together after dinner.
As they headed down the road toward home in the wagon, talk turned to the upcoming threshing of the wheat crops around Sauers and Dudleytown. Every summer the community came together, everyone helping each other harvest their wheat crop. And with the new threshing machine Herr Entebrock bought this spring, the work should go even quicker this year. In exchange for help harvesting his own wheat crop, he had promised the use of his machine to his neighbors as well.
Regina loved threshing time. It was like a big party that moved from farm to farm and went on for a month or more. The women of the community gathered in the kitchen of the host farm and put together fantastic meals for their men, who labored long hours in the fields. She especially enjoyed when everyone came to her family’s farm. Would she and Diedrich ever host a threshing at their own home? Her heart pinched at the thought. Not unless God changed Herr Rothhaus’s heart and mind. And at this point, it was beginning to look like it might take a miracle.
Sitting beside her, Diedrich absently laced his fingers with Regina’s as he talked with Papa. His thumb gently caressed the back of her hand, sending pleasant tingles up her arm. Her heart throbbed painfully. She fought the urge to cling to him and weep. They loved each other. It was not fair that she must let him go to have any chance of their gaining his father’s blessing. She prayed she wouldn’t have to let him go forever.
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