by Katy Kaylee
Hindsight is a bitch. All of those warning signs and red flags flashed behind my lids when I blinked, and my chest tightened. Craig- Craig- Craig- why had I made a mistake as bad as Craig? Why was I foolish enough to think that we could be that couple that married right out of high-school and stayed together forever?
Most importantly, I think- why didn’t I listen to my mom? That was my biggest mistake, because everything she’d predicted had come true. I lost everything; even the parts of me that Craig had no business stealing, he had.
“Hey, Gwen.” Blinking hard at the deep, cautious tone, I glanced up from the edge of the island with narrowed eyes. Deep dimples cut into sharp cheeks, and I searched and searched my memories only to come up empty as to who held those steely, gray eyes. “You don’t seem like you’re enjoying your own party, hiding in here.”
“I’m admiring my own food… not that anyone’s eating it.” Grumbling around the rim of my glass, my lip twitched when the man smirked, and his muscular arms flexed as he shoved his hands into his jean pockets. He’s pretty. I wonder if I’m related to him somehow… that’d be a shame.
That was a problem, being the oldest by a good chunk. I didn’t care back then about my cousins, so I could barely recognize them, now. Tearing my eyes off him, my frown darkened at the thought, and I almost forgot he was there. Propping himself next to me, he nudged me with his elbow, and tension zinged through me as he spoke up quietly.
“I don’t blame them. Everyone knows not to touch works of art… though, I’ve broken that rule a few times.” Roiling eyes met mine, and fire licked my cheeks before the nameless man spoke up again, a playful smirk gracing his lips. “So, you really don’t remember me? That’s a shame.”
“To be honest… I don’t recognize half the people here. Sad, isn’t it?” Taking another sip of my water, I watched over the rim of the glass as he shook his head.
“It’d be sad if I was related to you, but I’m not. Allow me to refresh your memory, then.” A strange sense of relief swept through me, and I perked up as he stepped away from the counter. “T-“
“Ryan, dude- what are you doing in here when the party’s out there?” Shock tightened my chest, and my eyes widened as a guilty, slightly annoyed look flashed across Ryan’s face. Sauntering over, my little brother flung his arm over my shoulders, and a small oompf escaped me as I stared dumbly between the two. “Let me tell you, Gwenny- I am so glad you’re back. I always hated that dick, Craig-”
“Tom!” The hard snap that whipped over my head made my brother tense against my side, and I rolled my lips between my teeth. Sending me an apologetic glance, Ryan grabbed Thomas’ arm to haul him out of the kitchen. Watching them disappear beyond a wall, I crossed my arms tight over my chest as memories flooded my mind’s eye.
Ryan- the last time I’d seen him, he was 14 years old; his voice squeaked constantly, and his limbs were too long for his body. He hadn’t started to get taller, then, and he was super self-conscious about his gangly stature.
Obviously, that’d all changed- I mean, of course it would. He’s… what- 25, now?
Dumping my glass in the sink, I made my way back into the living room to catch sight of him scowling at my brother. They were the same age, Ryan and Thomas, and I leaned on the doorframe to scan him through narrowed eyes. Lean, dense muscles roped around his arms, and his shirt strained against his chest when he ran his hand through his hair. Whatever he said was too soft for me to hear across the room, and I sucked in a sharp breath when his gaze flickered to mine.
“Gwen, honey…” The call broke our connection, and my eyes flew to my mom as she wobbled towards me on her cane. Her smile was bright, her wrinkles deep and face glowing with happiness, and she pulled me into a hug. “I’m so happy you’re back home… not why or how, but just that you are.”
“Thanks, Mom- I’m glad I’m back, too.” The automatic response earned me a hard look, and I blushed furiously as I rubbed my tongue against the roof of my mouth. “Ah- you know… thank you for not telling me ‘I told you so’… I should’ve listened to you about Craig. I’m glad I went to San Francisco, but marrying him was a mistake that you warned me not to make.”
“I would never say that, Gwendolyn.” The flames creeping up my neck intensified when my mom used my full first name; even now, at 30 years old, it was a little embarrassing, and she smiled to show off her dentures. “It’s not your job to listen to me, honey- it’s your job to acknowledge when I’m right. Craig was an alright man, but he wasn’t marriage material. He had such… lofty ambitions…”
“Yeah… I’m lucky, I guess, in that sense. It’s not like he was controlling or abusive or anything- he just expected a lot. In that way, I supposed I’m grateful to him. Things could’ve gone a lot worse for me in the divorce, and I didn’t have to share the money I got from selling my restaurant, which made things so much easier.” Even as the lie rolled off my tongue, my mom clearly didn’t believe me, but she let it slide with a pat on my shoulder. “Um- I’ve actually been thinking of restarting. It’s December, so it’s a great time to have the time to get ready for spring and summer, and statistically speaking- if I get a good place, the foot traffic along will be better than it was in San Fran.”
“You can do anything you want to, Gwen. As your father says- your life doesn’t really start until 35.” Chuckling at those wise words, I nodded, and my mom gave me one, final, pat before stepping back. “Speaking of- where is that old fool?”
“I think he’s in the basement helping Taylor set up the entertainment stuff… I may or may not have splurged a little on, like, a man cave or whatever it’d be called for myself. Do you want something to eat? I made this steak wrap thing, and it was a huge hit at my restaurant.” Agreeing easily, my mother swept past me into the kitchen, and I glanced over my shoulder briefly. Ryan and my brother were both gone, and disappointment stabbed my chest.
I would’ve liked to look at him some more.
Gwen
Panting softly, I bit down on my bottom lip as cold prickles climbed up my spine. A bed I’d never slept in before was silent against my rhythm, but the sounds coming from my cell phone commanded all of my attention. Between my legs, a random pillow warmed from friction, and goosebumps washed my skin.
Watching porn wasn’t anything to get excited about, but I hadn’t had sex in over a year. Closing my eyes, I let the moans and grunts fill my head, and my core tightened as I shamelessly humped my pillow. Dull pleasure rippled through me, and I reached down with stiff fingers under my panties. Wetness coated my fingertips as they parted my folds, and I shuffled onto my knees to bury my moan in the mattress.
My toes curled when I slid two digits into my channel, and I gasped and shuddered from the tingling sensation. Tilting and rolling my hips, I spread my thighs wider, and my mouth dried from my harsh breaths.
Propping myself on a weak arm, I clenched my jaw against the pleasure that built up against my eyes. Forcing my eyelids apart, a violent shiver lodged between my shoulder blades, and my gaze wandered for a fraction of a second.
But it was a fraction of a second too long, and I tensed as my heart stuttered in surprise. My pupils blew, lungs locking, and frigid shards stuck in my chest when I met Ryan’s eyes. He wasn’t even trying to hide behind my bedroom door- didn’t try to mask the desire rampaging in his cloudy orbs- and my brain came to a screeching halt.
“Sorry- I wanted to know if you needed help cleaning up after everyone left.” His rasp tickled my ears, and Ryan sort of floated towards me- like an angel. Quivering as waves of powerful self-consciousness slammed into me, I opened my mouth only to find that I had nothing to say. Stopping with his knees against the side of my bed, he never dropped my gaze even as he did what I couldn’t and spoke up. “I didn’t mean to watch… you’re just so beautiful…”
“B- beautiful?” He was so infuriatingly confident that if he was uncomfortable, I couldn’t tell, and I barked out a laugh of disbelief. “Hardly. You don’t have to lie
to try to make me feel better.”
“You know-“ Gasping when Ryan put his knee on the mattress’ fresh sheets, my brain suddenly kicked in. Covering myself with my abused pillow, I scooted up to the top of my bed, but still, his eyes never left mine. They blazed with need and truth, and a whimper clogged my throat. “The problem with thin girls is that when you fuck them, you’re always afraid their skin will come right off their bones.”
My heart rate went wild at that strangely erotic, strangely creepy rationale, and Ryan grabbed my pillow to tug ever so gently. The fabric of the casing rubbed my arms and shins raw as it slid away, and he climbed onto my bed fully to toss it to the floor.
“What are you doing?” The dumb question earned me a slick smirk, and a shrill squeal ripped from my throat when he grappled my ankles. Pulling me back into the middle of my king-sized bed, Ryan trapped me with a hand on either side of my head. Not daring to breathe, I trembled under the euphoria of his sheer self-assurance- like he was hoping this might happen and had prepared for it.
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m gunna kiss you and then finger you, Gwen.” His blatant answer rocked me to my core, and I clenched as he worked his knee between my knees. “Maybe I’ll eat you out- maybe I’ll even get the privilege to fuck you- I don’t know. It all depends on what you want.”
“Privilege?” Arching a brow at the disbelief thickening my tone, Ryan balanced on one hand as the other crept south, and my brain struggled to catch up to the situation.
“Yeah- of course. What did you think- that I’d make you do it yourself? No- no way. You deserve more than that.” Leaning down to kiss my chin, he spread my legs with his hips, and I sputtered stupidly. Arching reflexively into Ryan’s hard chest, I palmed his biceps only to shiver when they flexed. “Tell me to leave, and I will, Gwen.”
I knew that I needed to say that one word, but it stuck in my throat as Ryan ducked into my neck. The coarse fabric of his shirt rubbed my nipples, and I gasped when he nibbled my skin delicately. His hand crept further south, and my hips tilted up eagerly as my brain misfired. Rather than doubt and denial, it released need and abandon, and my nails dug into his arms.
Thick, callused fingers traversed the rolls of my imperfect body, and I panted harshly as Ryan kissed and suckled down my neck. My breasts ached, but my heart ached fiercer as he licked just above it with all of his tongue. Jerking outward, my knees gave a faint crack, and I lifted my head to watch him slurp up my nipple just as he caressed my clit outside my panties.
“Oh-h… yeah-h-…” The guttural, pleased moan that escaped me bounced off the ceiling, and Ryan nibbled the pert bud leisurely. Rolling my hips against his hand, my thighs clung to his waist, and he wasted no time peeling back my panties. Expectation surged through me with a ferociousness that boiled my blood, and I whimpered a greedy sound.
Switching to my right nipple, Ryan sucked hard as his fingertips breached my entrance, and I squeezed my eyelids shut to relish the sensation. It’d been so long that I wasn’t sure how long I could last anymore, and the twist and curl of his fingers was almost alien.
But it was good- it was so good…
“Cum- cum as much as you can, Gwen-“ My harsh breath hitched at the demand, and I moaned as Ryan went knuckle-deep into my channel. Wiggling his fingers to stretch and caress my walls, coaxing the quivering flesh into weak undulations. Pumping his hand harder, faster, he gazed intently at my face, and flames licked my cheeks as the coil in my abdomen tightened.
“Y- yes- yes- I’m c- I’m cumming…” Arching sharply as rapture flooded my veins, I clenched my jaw and tightened around Ryan’s digits as he twisted and flexed. His pleased groan caressed my brain, and pressure released from behind my eyes to create a dense fog. Thumbing my clit to intensify the sensation, he ducked to kiss and suck my neck, and his harsh breaths rolled down the valley between my breasts. Grinding his front against mine, he rode my orgasm as far as he could, and black spots assaulted my vision when it finally came to an end.
“So damn beautiful…” His mumble reverberated off my collar bone, and I shivered as Ryan slipped his fingers out of me. Brushing his lips over my sweat-tinged skin, he rubbed against me with gentle rocks, and my lungs burned for air. “You feel a little better?”
“…Yes.” There was no point in lying, my fogged mind realized, and I licked my lips heavily before Ryan pushed himself up. His eyes gleamed with accomplishment, and his sigh tingled the bridge of my nose as reality wiggled into my ears. “B- but… you need to leave, now, Ryan…”
This time, my gut tightened with anxiety, not excitement, and I rolled my lips between my teeth. For a long moment, Ryan stared at me, and freezing cold air attacked me when he sat up on his knees. My heart squeezed from the conflict when he stuck his soiled fingers in his mouth, and he hummed softly. Once again, his gaze didn’t waver in the slightest, and I held my breath until he spoke up softly.
“Okay. I’ll leave, Gwen.” Surprise filled my lungs as I sucked in a sharp breath, and he climbed backwards to roll his broad shoulders. His expression never changed- he was satisfied, as if bringing me pleasure brought him some sort of triumph. “If you ever want to talk, I’ll leave my number downstairs, okay?”
“W- wait-“ Sitting up quickly, I frowned under tightly knit brows as Ryan sent me a quizzical expression. He didn’t flaunt what he’d done, and I opened my mouth only to falter for a hard, few heart beats. “You don’t-… you don’t want me to-“
“To suck my cock?” Finishing my question when I trailed off dumbly, Ryan reached to rub the back of his neck as I nodded. Embarrassment clung to my ribs, but I refused to look away as his eyes darkened thoughtfully. “I mean- of course, I do. That’s not the point, though, Gwen. This isn’t an exchange. I don’t expect anything. But- anyway, I’ll lock the door on my way out.”
“By the way-“ Stopping at the door to twist to face me, Ryan’s dimples appeared as he flashed me a wry smile. “If I did expect anything, it’d just be to do it again. Next time, I want to find out if your lips taste as delicious as your cum.”
My hand flew to my mouth, and his smile widened before he disappeared down the hall and towards the stairs. His steps echoed overly loud in my empty house, and I flung myself onto my side to curl up tightly.
“Oh, my God…” Groaning into my knees, I scrunched up my face as realization slammed against the backs of my eyes. Ryan was my little brother’s best friend, and Thomas was incredibly territorial about his friends.
But Ryan obviously didn’t care about social boundaries; that I was six years older, that I wasn’t model quality, was of no consequence to him. Next time…
Gwen
Licking my lips heavily, I set my perfectly cooked piece of salmon on the plate ever so gently, and accomplishment budded in my chest. Even when my entire life was falling apart, my cooking was beautiful and refined- and delicious, of course. Straightening to stare at the pretty plates, I nodded to myself as I clapped my palms together, and a pleased smile stretched my lips.
“Those look amazing.” Jumping at the unexpected compliment, I whirled around with a gasp, but my lungs didn’t stay empty for long. Sucking in a sharp breath, my mouth thinned as Thomas smirked wryly, and he stepped into the kitchen with a dismissive wave. “Sorry- it’s true, though. Ah- I brought Ryan. I hope you don’t mind, Gwenny.”
I hate that nickname. Cringing automatically, I stiffened with a frown and shot a weak glare at my brother. Memories flashed in my inner eye, but Ryan, in the present, was all I could see when he emerged from behind the foyer to the living room. My frown deepened as my heart did a little flip, and I crossed my arms over my chest before frantically finding something to say.
“You know, no offense- but this was for you and me, not you, me, and your friend, Thomas. I only made enough for the both of us.” The lie rolled off my tongue sharply, but Thomas only rolled his eyes as he sauntered towards me. Pulling me into a hug, his smile warmed, and I huffed softly. “Fine- I guess it’s a good thing it
came in a three-pack.”
“Atta’ girl, Gwenny- I know you always buy more than you need. It’ll be great! I gotta use your restroom, though. I’ll be right back.” Disappearing as soon as he’d appeared, my little brother left me to simmer as I picked my pan out of the dish drain. He always took liberties like this, even when he was little- it frustrated me to no end… especially that time when he was 12 and brought all of his little friends to my 18th birthday party.
Oh-h-h I was so mad. At least my dad took care of it, but the initial damage had been great. Even now, 17 years later, I held it against Thomas, and I’d never let it die.
“Just so you know…” The deep voice rolled down my spine, and I twisted to catch Ryan lean casually on the door frame with a slightly sour expression. “Tom didn’t tell me I wasn’t welcome when he invited me. I wouldn’t have agreed.”
“It’s not a big deal… I’m surprised he even showed up, honestly. I was half expecting him to bail on me. He’s so uncomfortable being around me.” Turning back to my pan, I flicked on the burner as I spoke, but a hard chest against my back froze my body. Ryan placed the most chaste kiss on my cheek even as his hips squished me against the oven door, and a gasp erupted from my throat. Gripping the handle digging into my flab, I clenched my jaw against the residual tingling that tightened my core.
“It’s because you’re successful and beautiful, and he’s a jobless loser living on my couch with an athlete’s foot problem.” Long, callused fingers wrapped around mine, and I hissed a breath when Ryan’s hot breath swept down the front of my shirt. “I’m going to savor every single bit of you I can get between my teeth.”