by Katy Kaylee
“I know- I knew it back then, too. I didn’t care, though- whatever happened at home, I had my cooking and my baking, and I had my goals. For the most part, I reached them. And, in a way, I’m grateful to Craig for not thinking I’m beautiful or exceptional or have a great personality or whatever. His cheating on me for all those years helped me divorce him faster. It still took three years, but when he finally showed up, it was pretty much case-shut.”
“You know- not to be a creep or anything- but the first time I jacked off was to you… that sounds way worse than it’s supposed to. I’m sorry.” Chuckling in discomfort as Gwen’s head shot up, her cheeks turning fire-engine red, I reached to run my hand through my hair. “Yeah… that was bad. Um- but, that’s the thing, though, too… You’ve always been beautiful to me even before I realized what that kind of beauty was. Especially that time I was over, and you were getting your mom’s opinion on which dress was better looking on you for the Winter Formal. I thought that the green one was the best- I remember, exactly, thinking that it made you look like a forest fairy- this was right after Lord of the Rings for me, so I was all into that fantasy stuff…”
“You remember that?” Nodding as my throat tightened in embarrassment, I inhaled deep and sharp while Gwen’s big, brown eyes bored holes into the side of my face. Shit- I can’t tell her to her face that I would hang out with Tom just to see her. Fuck.
“We’d been friends for a long time- long enough that I knew Thomas was a bit of a dick, and there were just times when I didn’t want to deal with it. That day, my parents were going to this recital thing for my sister, and your parents agreed to watch me. Thomas was being a little bitch about playing with a split screen, so we were taking turns. I remember hearing you guys talking about it, and you passed by his bedroom to get better light or something.” Yeah- great. That sounds plausible. It’s not a lie, at least. Even as relief sloshed in my chest, a cold sweat broke out on my back, and I flexed my toes in my sneakers. “This isn’t making it any better- okay. Ah- anyway- the point is that just because Craig didn’t see it, other people can.”
“Is that true, though? About the…” She trailed off, but I knew what Gwen wanted to ask, and I nodded firmly. “Why? Why me? Why not a teacher or something?”
My bark of laughter broke the tension in the air, and my car jerked when I accidentally stepped on the gas. Part of me couldn’t believe we were having this conversation, but another part of me was glad we were. At least Gwen and I had good communication. Covering my mouth with the back of my hand to hide my chuckle, I tore my gaze off the road to stare at her, flopping my head against the rest. Her face was beet red, now, and my arm reached out with a mind of its own to poke the tip of her little, narrow nose.
“Why would I jack off to a wrinkly, old witch that treated me like shit when I could picture you, the hot 18-year-old sister of my best friend?” The question earned me a surprised arch of her slender, manicured brows, and I rolled my head side to side as I fixed my gaze back on the road. “I never understood it- why, in high-school, all the slender, makeup-caked girls were the ones guys were after. The one and only time I had sex with one of those girls, she broke her wrist. Then, she had the nerve to tell me it was my fault. Hell- friggen’- no. Not.”
The click of Gwen’s seat beat jolted my heart, and alarm swept through me when she reached over the center console. My palm smashed against her face automatically, and adrenaline surged through me when she jerked back.
“No- I’m driving- put your damn seat belt back on. I’ve seen Gods of Americana, you know- that shit’s dangerous.” Her bedazzled expression tugged down the exhaled sharply as I put both my hands back on the wheel. “Put your seatbelt on.”
“Pull over, then.” Grinding my teeth together at Gwen’s demand, I silently debated what the actual fuck I was doing telling her ‘no’. She’d just taken off her seatbelt like that, so suddenly, that it freaked the fuck out of me. I flexed my fingers hard on the wheel, scanning the street for anywhere to park into. Hehe- park into. Classic.
“Right there-“ Flicking on my blinker to slowly turn into the abandoned parking lot of a night club, the hairs on my body stood up from the eager excitement in Gwen’s voice.
Gwen
“Sit that wonderful pussy right on my cock, Gwen-“ Smashing my mouth on Ryan’s as he circled my aching clit furiously, I whimpered when he tangled his tongue around mine. My folds quivered when he spread them, swiping the head of his cock against my entrance, and I fisted his shirt at the shoulders. Sliding down to gorge myself on him, I gasped as he stretched my walls, and he grabbed my ass with greedy fingers to squeeze hard.
“Yeah-h-h…” Moaning as my clit buried in his neat curls, I rolled my hips as cold, euphoric prickles swept up my torso. Ryan swallowed my harsh breaths, spreading my ass cheeks, and I shuffled to get my knees in the right place. My jeans stuck around my shoes, hanging down over his shins, but neither he nor I worried about it. Deepening our kiss, I relished his rampant enthusiasm as he thrust up with a groan of his own.
“Fuck- give me those juicy tits, baby…” Bracing my palms on the ceiling of his car, I threw my head back to moan as I bounced on Ryan’s cock. Dragging up my shirt, he kneaded my breasts with a hungry groan, and I arched as need seared down my spine. My nipples throbbed, tightening into stiff peaks when he pulled down my bra, and I panted harshly.
His cock caressed my quivering walls, hips jerking against mine, and I clamped down on him as my orgasm welled against my abdomen. Pleasure surged through my thighs, rubbed raw against the waistline of his jeans, and I gave a strangled moan as he sucked my nipple between his teeth. Nibbling and suckling, he pinched and pulled the other peak, and I trembled as shocks shot through me.
“Oh-h- god- I’m gunna cum- I’m- I-“ Ryan squished my breasts together to kiss and lick as he thrust up, and I rocked as pressure built behind my eyes. Panting harshly, I held myself high as he took control, and a small smile tilted my lips. Against my ankles, his knees spread as he braced himself, and he put his seat back to grip my hips.
“Fu-u-uck yes-s-s…!” Hard and jerking, Ryan’s thrust sent me into a whole new part of space as resounding claps bounced off the fogging windows. “Do it- do it, baby- fuck- cum all over my fucking cock-“
Spasming around his rod, I whimpered chokingly as my mouth dried, and the orgasm that ripped through me made me see stars. Ryan growled gutturally, his thumb flying to my clit to rub viciously, and I jerked as my rapture heightened. My entire body throbbed, and he pinched my clit to roll the sensitive bead between callused fingers. Liquid dribbled down my thighs, and my lungs screamed for air as I crumpled from the force of my climax.
Grinding my forehead into Ryan’s thick pectoral muscle, I rolled and tilted my hips furiously as his thin, short nails dug into my ass. Cries of pleasure escaped me when I finally managed a shallow gasp, and he wrapped his arm around my head. Riding him with all the fury of a woman scorned, my tears dampened his shirt as I reveled in everything he gave me.
And the physical pleasure was at the bottom of the list.
“Keep cumming- don’t stop now… oh- fuck-“ A long finger slipped between my ass cheeks, and my fingers flew to Ryan’s hair to get better leverage. Redoubling my efforts, I ground my teeth as he circled my puckered hole ever so gently. Clamping down on his cock, I popped my lower back in silent urging, and his heart hammered against my forehead.
“It’s so good- it’s so good- I- I c-“ My sobs of utter euphoria became manic when Ryan worked his finger into my back entrance. Wiggling and curling, he stroked my button to send me into a fit of violent spasms. His free palm cracked against my ass cheek, only adding to the maelstrom that imploded inside me.
How cliché.
Time stopped, and my eyes boggled as I arched sharply from the prickles that raced up my spine. My senses faded in the wake of such powerful waves, and I undulated around Ryan’s cock as he ground his hips against mine. Reaching deep but not painfully so, his length
throbbed and rippled, and his finger in my ass caressed my button.
Our intense bout was over too quickly, and I sunk into Ryan’s chest as every ounce of energy I had seeped away. Trembling uncontrollably, I gasped for air beyond the dense lump in my throat, and cotton invaded my mouth and thickened my tongue. My heart ached from beating so hard, and my stiff fingers couldn’t untangle themselves from his hair.
A clammy, twitchy palm cupped the back of my head, and a rasp of a sob burst from my throat. If Ryan recognized the sound, he didn’t tense; he only drew back his finger from my back entrance to rub my butt cheeks soothingly. Squeezing my eyes shut didn’t help their leaking, and hard, gut-wrenching cries escaped my mouth. Sluggishly, my mind puttered into working order, but it only managed to produce a single thought before shutting down again.
This is what it feels like when someone wants me. I’d never had sex with anyone but Craig, and it wasn’t like this- it wasn’t at all, even remotely, anything like this. It was a chore- it wasn’t memorable- it wasn’t something I liked doing or wanted to do. It wasn’t beautiful…
But Ryan- Ryan made it beautiful. And it wasn’t like he loved me, either- imagine what it would be like then, Gwen…
“It’s okay- I won’t look…” The deep, hoarse mumble made my already unstable breath hitch, and Ryan kissed my crown before stretching himself out. “I won’t look.”
Those three words were more profound than anything physical we’d done, and my cries started in earnest. My mind went from down to fourth gear in an instant, and all the thoughts I’d blocked out came rushing in to beat against my eye sockets.
I was 30 years old and only just realizing what sex is when it’s not used against me.
Now that I had something to compare it to, everything I’d been through had an even worse meaning. Ryan only wanted me because it was exciting, but he was so, incredibly, careful to make sure that he didn’t make me feel used. We were essentially strangers, but he cared more about me than Craig had at the peak of our relationship.
Craig probably never cared about me at all; I was just weak, with low enough self-esteem that he could control me with ease. I justified going to San Francisco because of the culinary school, but I stayed there so I wouldn’t have to do the walk of shame for 2,000 miles.
Nothing mattered anymore, though- not that it had before, at least. Craig was doing to some poor girl what he did to me, and he’d never try to contact me again. He’d never try to get me back; he’d just move onto the next one.
And Ryan! Ryan- Ryan- Ryan- he was setting the standards far too high! How was I supposed to move on when I ‘discovered I’m a strong, independent woman that don’t need no man’…?
How was I supposed to stop this when it’s exactly what I’ve been craving for so long?
Propping myself on weak arms, I sniffled hard as I glanced up, and I blinked back my tears to find Ryan doing exactly what he said he would. He tilted his head as far back as possible, and, even then, had closed his eyes. Sitting up heavily, I gulped harshly, and my hands trembled violently as they reached up. His own tightened against my back, but he didn’t resist when I cupped his ticking jaw.
Stormy, roiling eyes narrowed into fine points as they scanned my face, and I inhaled a shuddering hiccup of a breath. Drawing Ryan’s lips to mine, I hesitated for a long moment, but he didn’t so much as blink. My nose ran, but my mouth was so dry that my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. His hand slid up my back to caress my cheek, and he closed the short distance between us to kiss me.
The tenderness behind Ryan’s mouth calmed my intense emotions the longer we kissed, but it was chaste. No tongue- no movement at all; our kiss was just a frozen connection that I clung to desperately. I didn’t blink, and neither did he, and I was the one that pulled back when a loud voice in my head shouted at me not to.
“Why don’t I take you home, Gwen. You came all over my clothes, and it’s too frigid out not to change.” There wasn’t the slightest hint of pride of victory or accomplishment in Ryan’s softened voice, and he thumbed my eyelashes gingerly. “It’s not like we were going to meet up with anyone. We were just going to check them out. We can always do it another time.”
Ryan
Dropping heavily onto the sofa, I propped my feet up and cracked my water bottle open as a massive sigh deflated my chest. My entire body ached, and I turned on the television to flip absently through the channels.
“Where were you yesterday, man? I thought we were going to Esther’s house for her birthday, but you never showed.” Groaning as I flung my head back, I watched Tommy walk past me upside down, and irritation burrowed deep into my gut. “I tried calling you. Esther was really miffed- she told everyone you’d be there, and then you weren’t.”
“Okay- firstly, Tom- Esther and I have known each other since 9th grade. There’s no reason for that ‘my friend’s a celebrity, I can hook you up’ shit, okay? It’s not my fault she embarrassed herself. And secondly- I was doing what you told Gwen you would do, but you constantly flake on. She’s got a ton of shit in her garage, and no one is helping her move it- she’s been here for weeks. It’s fucking January, and she’s still unpacking.” Tommy had the decency to look guilty, at least, and I took a swig of my water bottle to cool down the anger simmering in my blood. “Also, I needed to go to the gym. Lyle is supposed to call me sometime in the next two weeks about my shooting schedule, and I slacked off a little, recently.”
“You don’t have to do that, you know-“ Scoffing before Tom could even finish trying to justify himself, I cast him a nasty glare. He was a kid in an adult body- the baby of the family, never having to take responsibility for anything.
“Why- because Gwen can just ask her family for help? Uh- hello- did she not do that? She asked you because she wants to spend time with you, Tommy, and you blow her off every single time. I get it- I really do. When we were 12 and 13, she was working all the time and never had time for you- boohoo.” Thomas was insanely jealous of Gwen, and he’d always been. Even when we were younger, he hated that he wasn’t the eldest- the pride and joy- the one everyone had their hopes up for. I might be head over heels for her, but he was still my best friend, and I knew him extraordinarily well… although, sometimes, I wish I didn’t.
“Why are you always defending her, huh?” Prickles raced down my spine at the accusatory tone, and my eyelid twitched as I tore my gaze off the tv. Tommy frowned ugly, his gaze filled with envy, and I sat up to prop my elbows on my knees. Circling my water bottle just to keep my hands busy, I carefully chose my response in a way that might just get through his thick-ass skull.
“Tommy, I’m not defending Gwen. She wasn’t a good sister. I’m not trying to convince you otherwise. I’m saying- she wants to try to fix your relationship, but you keep chickening out.” Watching Tom closely, I pursed my lips thinly and cleared my throat as his frown deepened. “If you don’t want to try with her, tell her. Don’t say you’ll do it, then skip out. It’ll only make things worse. You’re my best friend, man, and I’ll have your back, but not if you’re in the wrong.”
“How am I in the wrong for not wanting to be around her when she’s always treated me like a bug- like dirt?” God, he’s so dense. “Gwen told me all the damn time that she didn’t have time to play or help with my homework or whatever, but now, I’m the asshole for doing the same? I’m not saying it’s karma or anything, but what you give is what you get. I spent years being compared to her, and I’m fucking sick of it.”
“Dude, what have you done to prove anyone wrong in comparing you, though? You’ve never had a job, and- yeah, you did a few semesters at the community college, but that didn’t do anything but get you some debt you need your dad to pay off. You live in someone else’s apartment, and your greatest achievement was being dubbed ‘Most Likely to Stick a Straw Up Your Nose’ in kindergarten.” That seemed to get Thomas’ attention, and I blew out a hot breath as he slumped back in the recliner. “If you want to prove to Gwen that you’
re not a bug or dirt or whatever, lying to her and making her feel alone isn’t going to do that. Go back to college- get a good degree in computer science and go be a space rocket designer or something. You’re not stupid, Tommy, man… you just need a good kick in the ass to get going.”
“Yeah- and whose fault is that…?” I beat back the urge to rip my fucking hair out at Tommy’s grumble, and he crossed his arms over his chest to groan exasperatedly. “I hate that she’s back. I feel like I’m 12 all over again!”
“Okay- you know what, Tommy? I’m not discussing this anymore. I’m trying to help you, but you clearly don’t give a fuck about anything I have to say. You just want someone to agree with you, and I won’t.” For a second, I considered getting up before I realized this was my god damn apartment. Frowning as Tom sighed sharply, I drew my brows together before opening my mouth. “I’m going to be shooting soon, and I don’t want you living here while I’m in California if you can’t prove to me that you can take responsibility for your damned actions.”
“Are you fucking serious, Ryan?” Flinging forward, Tommy’s shoes hit the floor hard, and I nodded firmly. The outrage in his eyes didn’t bother me in the least, and I took a deep swing from my bottle while he opened and closed his mouth dumbly. A twinge of regret pierced my chest, but I brushed it away; it wasn’t like I particularly wanted Tom to be a bum all his life.
“Yes. I’ve been telling you for years to get a job- to do something with your life- and you never do. I let you stay here for free because we’re best friends, and I don’t mind doing that at all, but you can’t just sit in here for five months straight, alone, stewing about how much you hate your sister. That’s not healthy.” For once, Tom looked like he was really considering my words, and I nearly choked when he slowly sat back in the recliner. I’d never seen such a consternated look on his face, and his eyes even lost focus as he thought- maybe harder than he ever had. Leaning back on the sofa, I crossed my knees as silence reigned, and my gaze flickered to the television.