by Katy Kaylee
“Mom and Dad aren’t here, Tommy, and you need to leave before you make a fool of me.” Her irritated snarl surprised me, and she shoved her finger in Tom’s chest as he stared, shocked and slack-jawed. “You didn’t want anything to do with me, remember? You chose not to answer my calls, and you bailed on me all those times before finally deciding to just tell me to fuck off. Well, guess what, Tommy- I didn’t invite you for a damn reason, okay? Now, you need to leave.”
“Wow- okay. No need to be a bitch about it. I thought you’d appreciate the support.” Scoffing while I remained silent, an observer, Gwen glanced beyond me to make sure no one heard her, and her voice dropped dangerously. If Thomas realized in that moment that he was the one being a fucking dick, he didn’t let it show as he clenched his hands by his sides.
“You don’t really think I believe you’re here to support me? Really, Thomas? You’re here for a free meal, to meet influential people- there’s some ulterior motive that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with your selfish ass. You can’t just decide now that you want to pretend to try to fix things, okay? Don’t ever come here- in fact, I’m putting you on the black list. I don’t have time for this, and I don’t care about your feelings. Now, leave.” Thomas opened his mouth, his brows rising high above his reddening face, but Gwen beat him to the punch. Watching all of this, I knew that my best friend expected me to defend him, but I couldn’t.
Not because I was fucking his sister, but because he was wrong.
“No- no, Tommy. You can’t get over the fact that I didn’t want to spend time with you when we were younger? You get uncomfortable being around me? That’s perfectly a-oh-fucking-kay with me. I don’t have the time or the energy to deal with you and your childishness. And- let’s not forget that you accused me to my face of getting pregnant on purpose just to steal attention from the fact that you got a job. Woohoo! You got a job! Welcome to the real world, Tommy, where people get their first job at 18, not fucking 25. If you don’t get out, I have three cops in here right now that I can ask to escort you off my property.”
He turned around and stormed off, my best friend, and I reached to rub the back of my neck as I rocked on my heels. Taking a few stabilizing breaths, Gwen smoothed her shirt and ran her other hand through her hair while I tried to think of something to say.
“Yeah… that was bad… ah- but, at least it wasn’t too embarrassing.” Cringing at the hard glare Gwen shot me, I licked my lips heavily with a shake of my head. “Right- I’ll walk you back out.”
“Thanks.” Rolling my jaw at the curt response, I did as I promised before making my way back to my table. Part of me wondered if Thomas was so deluded that he thought he’d be allowed because Gwen’s parents had invited him. They hadn’t even shown up, and there was no way he didn’t know it.
Another part of me wondered if Thomas showed up just to be an asshole.
A third part of me wondered if he was telling the truth, and he wanted to provide support whilst also getting a free meal.
Or, maybe, it all those things. I was rarely at my apartment for more than a few hours, lately, but we needed to sit down and have a serious discussion.
But not right now. Right now… I’m going to enjoy my lasagna.
Ryan
“Thomas, who the fuck do you think you are, huh?” Stalking over to Thomas to push his chest, I positively fumed at the sight of his stupid, surprised expression. “What fucking right do you have to show up like that and make a scene, huh? Do you even know how many important people were there for Gwen’s restaurant? Do you understand what they would say if they saw you two arguing?”
“Man, what’s your problem? I left like she wanted me to-“
“You shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Fuck- Tommy, you can’t just try to rebuild that bridge because it’s convenient for you. And, of all fucking times, you chose such an important day-“ Pursing my lips tightly, I stepped back to heave a hot breath through my nose, and Thomas’ eyes flashed with guilt. “You know, these past few months, I feel like Gwen is more my best friend than you. All you do is complain or try to drag me out or make a fucking fool of yourself. I want you to move out.”
“What? Dude, we’ve been friends since we were 4 years old-“ Holding my hand up, my body fraught with tension, and Thomas bit down on his bottom lip hard. My heart ached, but there were better things I could do with my time than try and fail to get him to grow up.
“That’s the thing, though, Tommy. You’ve been my best friend, but how good a friend are you, really? You’ve been hung up on shit that doesn’t really matter, and what’s worse is that you know it doesn’t matter. You can’t keep blaming other people about living their lives. Believe it or not, but you’re not the center of everyone else’s universe. You got a job, and you’ve kept that job, and that’s great- I’m not saying it’s not. Gwen had a point, though. You should’ve gotten that job when it was first presented to you almost a decade ago, but you didn’t because of some stupid, petty reason.” I felt like I was a broken record playing, but, this time, I was going to stand by my decision. “You’ve been working for months, and you haven’t had to pay for anything but your food and whatever else you wanted. So, you should have enough money saved up to get your own place. It can be here- or it can be somewhere else. But you need to get out by July. That’s generously a month and a half away.”
“If you think I’m such a shit friend, why did you put up with me all this time? You’re a fucking hypocrite, Ryan- telling me to man up about Gwen and not doing it yourself.” Bitterness dribbled from Thomas tone like acid, and I frowned as he scoffed loudly. Taking a shallow, stabilizing breath, I shoved my hands into my jean pockets to stop myself from popping him in the mouth. I’d never really had a friend as close as Thomas, but spending so much time with Gwen made me realize a few important things.
“Thomas, I never not wanted to be your friend. I don’t want to end our friendship. I don’t think you’re a shitty friend, either. I just don’t think you’re as good a friend as you can be if you’d just let all that shit you keep building up go. I like spending time with you, and I like going out with you- and I like that we live together… but I don’t like listening to you trash someone for something that happened 20 years ago. I don’t like watching you get plastered even though you told me it’d be a bro night. And I especially can’t stand it when you blame me for being a pussy for not indulging you in shit you should’ve gotten over when we were teens. There’s only so much I can take, and that shit at the restaurant was the last straw. You literally try to drag people down to your level instead of rising up above them, Tommy, and I can’t stop thinking- when are you gunna try that shit with me?” Carefully keeping my irritation from my voice, I held Thomas’ gaze to really drive my point home. It hurt, telling him that I was at the end of my rope, but he needed to realize that this wasn’t sustainable. His face paled some, and he raked his hand through his hair as I sighed heavily.
“That’s what this is about, Tom. When are you gunna hate me for being an actor and having bigger and better opportunities? When are you gunna stand there and tell me that you’re miserable, and it’s my fault- when it’s really just you? Would you even be able to tell me to my face, or would it just fester until you were so bitter about our relative positions in life that something bad happened?” Licking my lips heavily, I shook my head as Tommy tensed, and his eyes narrowed into fine points. “What you did the other day was low, Tom- even for you. You can’t begrudge people for their success when you don’t try for your own. My agent wants me to audition for a huge, starring role- right next to Bruce Willis. I won’t be around to make you feel like you have substance, so you have to do it yourself.”
“… Do you really think I’d ever feel that way about you, Ryan?” The low, cautious question jerked my head in a nod, and Thomas covered his mouth to hide his frown. Blood beat against my ear drums, but it was about time I did what was best for me. If Tommy was holding me back, he need
ed to go; and, hopefully, this time that notion would get through to him.
“You did it to your own sister, man… and I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve it to an extent, but she’s still your sister. She’s been through shit that you will never understand, and she had to focus on herself and her future. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, man. You’ve had 12 years to try to fix this, though, and you never did. What does that say about you? When, since she moved back, did we have a conversation where you didn’t mention her?” That seemed to get through to Thomas, and he gasped as his pupils blew wide. Cracking a small, grim smile, I shrugged absently as he tore his eyes off me to stare at some distant point on the floor. “I’m not saying you should turn around and lovey up to her or anything, but if you’re going to not have any relationship with her, you need to stick by it. You’re my best friend, but that was really fucked up, Tom.”
“Y- yeah…” Hiding my surprise when Thomas actually agreed with me, I slumped a little as some of the thickness in the kitchen dissipated. Leaning on the counter, he rubbed his jaw and neck furiously under furrowed brows, and relief surged through me. “Mom said she was going to be a little late, but that she’d be there when I got out for lunch… I wasn’t going to go, but Dad texted and said he wouldn’t make it. Then, I stood outside for a little while until Mom texted me that she wasn’t going to go, either. I thought… I don’t know why- I thought that my showing up would be better than no one.”
“You should’ve told Gwen that rather than call her a bitch.” Huffing a hallow laugh, Tommy only grunted in acknowledgment, and I fished my phone out of my back pocket to check the time. “You want to come with me to check with my agency?”
“Sure. And- Ryan-“ Glancing over at the call, I arched a brow when Tom faltered before sucking up a huge breath. “I’m sorry, man.”
“I accept. Small steps, man.” I was more than content with his apology, and he smiled small as I snatched my keys off the little, circular table. My heart beat easier, and I patted my back pocket for my wallet before speaking up over my shoulder. “Speaking of, how much have you saved up since you started working?”
“All of it, mostly. Honestly… it- it feels good- I never realized until now how much it sucks not to have money of my own.” The sheepish confession earned Tommy a chuckle, and we left my apartment on better footing than when we’d entered. “So- but- seriously, Ryan? Bruce Willis?”
“Yeah- it’s a rogue cop movie- go figure…” Taking the stairs leisurely, I rolled my eyes slightly, and a strange feeling swept through me. “I hope I get it. That’s why I’m going today- the producer came out here to watch me audition.”
When was the last time I spent time with someone other than Gwen and our baby? I dreaded being with Thomas- for obvious reasons- but who else could I turn to that wasn’t Gwen? My parents went back to Florida, and not once did either of them mention her pregnancy. I knew my mom felt awful about the whole thing in the airport parking lot, but there was no way she missed it.
With my parents gone back down south, who else could I hang out with that wasn’t Thomas? I really had very few friends that I wanted to spend time with because they fawned over me. They weren’t even friends- they were fans.
Talk about pathetic.
Gwen
Groaning loudly as I gingerly lowered myself into the bath tub, I was once again reminded of the benefits of living in a house and not an apartment. The porcelain tub was big and deep, and I could stretch out my legs without my feet pressing against the other end. Hot water eased the soreness of my muscles, and I closed my eyes to savor the feeling of floating in bliss.
Rubbing my bump, a small smile tilted my lips when my baby squirmed inside me. The movement was almost constant, only ceasing when I went to sleep, and I didn’t let guilt trample this moment alone with him. Ryan was all about our baby; I didn’t begrudge him for being so involved, but…
“Okay… maybe I’d like a little more time to myself…” Mumbling softly, I pursed my lips thinly as I stared into the abyss behind my eyelids. I’d spent four months alone with this baby, so I couldn’t tell him that he needed to un-staple his face from my bump. He was always around, though, and I knew I’d regret wishing he’d leave me alone for a day.
I wasn’t sure how much time past before a rustling downstairs popped open my eyes, and Ryan’s faint curse soon followed. The water was warm, now, and I lifted my hand out of the water to find my fingers pruning. Heaving a content sigh, I carefully stood up, but the sound of liquid sloshing must’ve alerted him to me.
“Don’t come downstairs!” Smiling at the slight panic in his tone, I stepped out of the tub to grab my towel off the bar. The bathroom door was open, and I paused when the faint sound of glass shattering surged up the stairs. “Fuck- everything’s fine! I got this! Just stay up there!”
“What are you doing?” Wrapping my towel around myself, I stepped carefully towards the sink, and I caught my reflection’s gaze. Reaching up to caress the wrinkles around my eyes and mouth, I pursed my lips thin. Opening the cabinet, I grabbed my face wash before Ryan answered from downstairs.
“It’s a surprise. Just- stay upstairs. I’ll come get you.” My smile widened as I braced my arms on the sides of the sink. “Don’t you trust me? You always like my surprises.”
“… Should I put clothes on, or is this surprise just going to make them fly off?” Excitement and expectation warmed my chest, and Ryan’s laugh tickled my ears. Leaning back to scratch the underside of my breast absently, I popped the top of my face wash with a pleasantness tingling my fingertips.
“Ah- no, probably not.” I washed my face slowly as Ryan gave up all pretense of trying to be quiet, and my mind whirred with scenarios. Twisting the faucet on, I rinsed before I heard him coming up the stairs, and he poked his head into the bathroom with a wry smile. “Sorry- I didn’t mean to interrupt your bath, Gwen.”
“I was going to get out, anyway. So- what’s this surprise?” Drying my face, I giggled when Ryan held out his hand, and his eyes scanned me from top to bottom. My fingers slid along his warm palm, and I stepped out of the bathroom to dig my toes into the carpeted hallway. Thrill labored my breaths, and my heart thudded hard in its cage as he led me towards the stairs.
“It’s a couple of things, actually. I hung out with Thomas again today, and he didn’t mention you at all. I think that’s a step up- that’s twice now that he’s been actively trying to have a substantial conversation.” My brows lifted at that, and my smile turned tender as Ryan glanced over his shoulder with pride in his eye. “I think that talk the week before last really got through to him.”
“Good- he’s got a good friend in you, Ryan.”
“The other thing- you know how I went to audition for that Bruce Willis movie…? Well- I got it.” Nearly flying off my face, my eyebrow hairs stood up as my smile widened, but Ryan whipped around to hold up his free hand. “Also- that third thing… I know it’s a little late- but… Happy Dwynwen Day.”
“Happy what?” Prickles raced down my spine, and my brain worked frantically to try to figure out exactly what Dwynwen Day was. Ryan turned beet red, and he chuckled awkwardly as we moved towards the stairs. My eyes flew to the living room, just beyond the spokes, to widen in shock. “What’s going on?”
“Uh- well, it’s hard to really explain it since I Americanized the fuck out of this…” The guilt in his tone was overshadowed by sheepishness, and I tightened my grip on his hand as we reached the bottom of the stairs. A bottle of sparkling grape juice sat on my coffee table next to two glasses, and two, little, lavender candles on either side. In front of the display was a rather large, flat box, and I couldn’t tear my eyes off it as Ryan sat me down on the sofa. “I honestly felt a little bad because I didn’t really read up on it- but, anyway. It’s like Valentine’s Day for the Welsh. I thought we could celebrate it since Valentine’s Day was kinda a mess.”
“What? Read up on what?” Ryan burned up to his ears, and he rocked ba
ck to cover the top half of his face at my confusion. “I don’t understand- Valentine’s Day wasn’t a mess, Ryan- I don’t even think I can pronounce this…”
“Okay- forget that, then. I just thought we could have a second Valentine’s Day because- for no particular reason, I guess. Close your eyes.” My eyelids fluttered automatically, and I rolled my lips between my teeth as Ryan released my hand. Blood pounded in my ears, and he heaved a breath overly loud to tighten my throat. “I suck ass at this, but I wanted to do it myself.”
“How long did you plan this?”
“Uh- a few days, maybe… I was going to wait for your birthday, but we’ve already screwed up Christmas, Tax Day, and Valentine’s Day, so I thought ‘why wait?’.” Giggling nervously, I tensed when Ryan set the long, light box on my lap, and the tension was palpable in the air. “Open your eyes.”
“Oh-“ My eyes widened, heart stuttering, and my breath caught as tears clung to my eyelashes to obscure my vision. Sitting in the box, on a cushion, was a really badly carved spoon, and I reached to touch it with trembling fingers. The wheel was easily made out, but the entire thing was wonky; honestly, it looked unfinished, and I didn’t even know what it was.
“I read on Wikipedia that the wheel represents support, and the lock is for security-“ Blinking hard as Ryan pointed these things out that looked nothing like he’d described, I clenched my jaw as my chest tightened. “In my defense, I had never done anything like this before, and I think it came out pretty good. It’s called a lovespoon, and it’s a tradition in Wales and Norway and some other places.”
“It’s be- beautiful, Ryan…” Peering down through my tears, I reached the bottom of the handle, and the ladle part of the piece was so much smaller than it should be. Sniffling hard, I cried a laugh as I traced the deep, almost triangular shape. “It’s amazing.”