by Katy Kaylee
“… I didn’t know that’s what she was doing, Eric…” Only speaking up once we were safely in the guest bedroom, Delainne clenched her hands by her sides with white-knuckle tightness. Her voice wobbled, and I sucked up a loud, sharp breath through flared nostrils. “I wouldn’t have let her if I knew.”
“It’s… I- honestly, I’m at a loss.” Delainne was fully clothed underneath the swathes of paper towels, and I sat on the foot of the perfectly made bed to sigh heavily. “I never thought she’d like you so much. I never thought she’d take you so seriously.”
Mine was a pitiful excuse, but it was the only one I had. Ever so carefully, Delainne wiggled out of her makeshift dress, and I stared at the small space between my boots. My uniform collar threatened to choke me, and I roughly unfastened the top buttons before she spoke up.
“What should we do? I mean- just because Greg hasn’t been around doesn’t mean he isn’t still looking for me, and I won’t put Maggie in danger. It’s bad enough that she thinks we’re in a relationship, and she knows we went to the wedding together- what if-“
“I’ll deal with Greg when the time comes, Delainne. I know what he looks like- I haven’t seen him around, so maybe he gave up when you quit your job. Hopefully, he thinks you’re in the wind again. I don’t know, but it’s not really a priority for me in this moment.” Out of the top of my vision, the pile of paper towels grew until Delainne stepped out of it, and I rubbed my jaw hard. “Maybe- maybe we should be in a relationship- a real one… for Maggie’s sake, and for our own.”
Her eyes bored holes into my crown, and I rubbed my mouth and jaw as my mind viciously puttered into action.
“I mean, what are we doing, anyway? You sleep here- and we fuck almost every night. I enjoy fucking you, and you do, too. You’re with Maggie all damn day, every day. When I asked you to do the wedding with me, I didn’t even think she’d get involved at all. It was a performance to get my mom off my back- at least, that’s what it was supposed to be when I thought it up.” Tension thrummed through my shoulders and buzzed down my spine, and I reached to swipe the back of my neck. The more my word vomit spewed, the more it just made sense to me to actually date Delainne, and I flexed my feet in my boots. “I mean- she likes you, and I don’t think you really understand how much that realization is hitting me. Maggie hates everyone that I try to get to watch her, but not you.”
“… Eric, it was one thing lying to your mother… but I can’t- I can’t do that to Maggie, and you know it.” Frustration bubbled up my throat at Delainne’s calm tone, and I finally lifted my head to catch her gaze. She jutted her chin out, fists propped on her hips and a fierceness causing her eyes to glow. “I’m not stringing her along while we try to sort this out. I did my part-“
“What do you think a relationship is, Delainne?” Jumping up, my muscles locked in stone when I was a little louder than I should’ve been, and Delainne’s eyes widened. Unease flittered across her expression, but she didn’t back down. Glaring hotly, I knew that I didn’t intimidate her physically; it was my question that disquieted her. “You’ve never had one- you said it yourself. You didn’t think anyone was worth your time. So- am I worth your time?”
“You know you are.” The nasty snarl filled with disgust that punched me square in the chest, and it filled Delainne’s reddening features. “That’s the problem.”
For the first time, it really clicked in my brain that Delainne wasn’t just a virgin- she’d never done anything romantic. With her personal drive- and her fuckboy step-brother- she’d probably never been out on even a casual date before. I’d bet money in that instant that she’d never been so much as in the same room with a man she had romantic feelings for.
Maybe, she’d never had those feelings at all. Maybe, she was terrified of those feelings.
“… Are you fighting because of me?” The soft, tentative question snapped me out of my daze, and my gaze whipped over to find Maggie hovering in the doorway. Inhaling sharply through flared nostrils, I strode over to pick up my daughter and hold her to my side. The frustration that boiled my blood cooled at the uncertainty on her pudgy face, and I shook my head with a slight, strained smile.
“No, honey. We were just arguing about adult stuff. It’s not about you.” Clear as day, skepticism shimmered in Maggie’s eyes, and I tore mine away to gaze at Delainne. “Let’s go out for dinner tonight- how ‘bout it? I’m starving, and I bet making that dress took a long time.”
“Adult stuff… like getting married?” Sometimes, I didn’t like how damn perceptive Maggie was, and I stifled a sigh of exasperation. Turning back to her, I nodded firmly, and she furrowed her eyes atop a deep frown.
“Maggie, honey, we’re not getting married. Like Delainne said- it takes a long time. Uncle Teagen and Auntie Casey have been together since you were born, and they just got married a few days ago.”
“You know, too, Maggie…” Speaking up gently, Delainne lost her puff, and Maggie rested her head on my shoulder to lock her ankles against my opposite side. “If we got married right now, we could go to Disney World, and you’d be too small for some of the rides. It’s not as much fun if you can’t go on the rides, right?”
Delainne’s approach seemed to wiggle a little better than mine into my daughter’s brain, and her frown morphed into a scowl. She’d always been self-conscious about her height and weight; for a six-year-old, it was a tough thing to feel, and I hated that I couldn’t do anything for her. After all, it was a direct result of the same issue that caused Sasha to die before they could even get her onto an operating table.
“I do want to go on all the rides, I guess.”
Delainne
Licking my lips heavily, I twisted to glance over my shoulder at Maggie and fought a frown. She sat quiet, staring out the window, as she fiddled with the straps of her car-seat. The atmosphere was too depressing and stressful for a little girl, and guilt held my heart in a vice.
“Uh- you know, Maggie, I’ve never been to any of the restaurants in this city. Are there any ones you like the most?” Maggie turned to stare right at me, and I knew that I didn’t sound nearly as chipper as I wanted to. Guilt ate at my gut, and even the idea of food churned my stomach dangerously. She had an expression that screamed ‘I know what you’re doing’, and I twisted a little sharper before speaking up again. “Are there any questions you want to ask me?”
“Delainne-“ Eric tried to interject, but I shot him a pensive look as he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. Constantly, he went on about how smart and intuitive Maggie was, and he knew just as well as I did that we couldn’t hide this from her. Turning my attention back to the little girl seated directly behind him, I nodded encouragingly as she puffed out her lips thoughtfully.
“If you don’t want to get married, does that mean you won’t teach me how to do a backflip on the trampoline?” Maggie’s tone was as surprising as it was disheartening- like her question was just an attempt to test waters. Shuffling to twist even sharper, I shook my head, but she didn’t give me a chance to open my mouth. “I’ll have two moms if you and Dad get married. We can go ask my mom- she won’t mind. Grams says that my mom is in Heaven watching me, so she knows I like you.”
My brows threatened to fly off my face that the nonchalance that drenched Maggie’s voice, but she only watched me expectantly. For such a small-looking girl, she thought about some big things. Pursing my lips tightly, I wondered how much of Eric’s ‘we’re not getting married’ speech actually trickled into that fast-moving brain of hers.
“I think Sasha would be very happy that you like Delainne so much, Maggie -” Spoiling the silence, Eric struggled not to grimace out of the corner of my eye, and blood rushed to my face. Twisting back to peer out the windshield, I twiddled my thumbs in my lap as his sigh filled the cabin. “However, we don’t have any plans to get married. She’s just helping us by watching you when I’m at work. Sometimes, we’ll go out and do things- like we’re doing right now, right? We’re goi
ng bowling, and it was a nice idea to invite Delainne because it’ll be more fun.”
“I’ve never been bowling, so I’ll need you to teach me how to do it, Maggie.” Relief slumped my shoulders as the conversation ebbed away on a wave of pins and needles, and a loud clap echoed through the car from the back seat. Twisting back, I blushed furiously at the gob smacked expression Maggie wore. “My dad worked a lot- kind of like your dad. He let me work with him during the summers.”
“Is your dad, like, Daddy’s boss? Was working fun? I want to go to work with him, but Daddy’s boss always says ‘no’.” Smiling when she pouted thickly, I shook my head before turning forward again. My mind flew back to that period of awkwardness directly following my dad’s marriage to my step-mother. Greg went to summer camp, so it was usually just Lana and I, and I got very uncomfortable very fast.
“It was fun for me, yeah. I liked it a lot, and I miss him sometimes… but- you know, I don’t think it’ll be as fun as bowling.” A pang tore through my chest, and I shook my head hard against the terrible emotions clinging to my ribs. I didn’t tell my dad that I was leaving- that Greg had tried to barge into my apartment and assault me. There wasn’t any time, and the longer I went without contacting my father, the harder it became. “Uh, so, I was wondering- if you want to learn how to do a backflip, maybe we can go see if you can get into a gymnastics’ program. That’s how I learned to do a backflip.”
That set Maggie off on an excited tangent that filled the car and pushed out everything else. Staring out the windshield at the day that had only just begun to shift to evening, I gnawed absently on my bottom lip.
My dad- he’d enrolled me in so many programs after my mom died that I had initially thought it was because he couldn’t stand to look at me anymore. I looked so much like her, and he’d taken her death so hard even though we knew it’d been coming for a long time. Gymnastics was fun enough, and I was good at it, but it wasn’t the only thing I’d learned in those miserable, four years. That time haunted me with crystal clarity; I’d taken up three foreign languages, and my father took me on trips abroad every summer, all summer.
“Delainne, you okay?” Blinking hard at the call, my gaze flew to Eric before I realized we’d parked, and I nodded. Warmth blossomed in my chest at the concern in his eyes, and he pursed his lips tightly. “Let’s have fun, okay?”
“Yes. We’re going to have a lot of fun.” Pushing away my past in favor of the present, I glanced over my shoulder as Maggie unbuckled herself. “You ready, Maggie?”
The bowling alley was nice, situated inside a huge warehouse with enough room for a bar, a large seating area, and an arcade. The lanes sat between it all, and nervousness and excitement swirled in my chest. Holding Maggie’s hand on the way to the shoe counter, prickles shot up my arm and into my chest at how surreal this was.
I’d never, ever thought that this day would turn out the way it did.
Taking the lane assigned to us, Maggie, Eric and I changed shoes and picked out balls, and I nearly dropped the first one I picked up. Maggie’s giggling burned my face, and I shot her a playful glare as I carefully set the weighted ball back on the rack.
“Okay- so, do you want to use gutter rails, Delainne?” Heat billowed up my neck at the tease in Eric’s tone as he poised over the podium, and I held my ball tightly this time. My voice failed me, and Maggie patted my side when all I could do was nod dumbly.
“It’s okay, Delainne. I use the rails, too.” Embarrassment flooded my chest even as I smiled down at her, and she grinned back with a twinkle in her bright, brown eyes. “I get to go first, so you can watch me.”
“You can go last, Delainne- sound good?” Programming our lane expertly, Eric rolled his shoulders as I set my moderately heavy ball on the deposit. Sitting to watch them from behind the safety line, I clasped my hands tightly and burn the clamminess away with friction.
Eric was such a good father- he was such a good man- and I pursed my lips to hold back a sigh of content. His broad shoulders strained against his t-shirt as he knelt down, and the thick ropes of muscles wrapped around his arm flexed as he rubbed Maggie’s back. Everywhere he went, he drew eyes, but I was the only one that got to see that he was just as attractive inside as he was outside.
He nodded to his daughter, and the fine hairs on my back stood up when Eric strode over to drop down heavily next to me. So close that his body heat seeped through my jeans and blouse, he leaned over to nudge me with his elbow, and my ears burned.
“I’m sorry about earlier. I never realized that everything was new to you, Delainne.” Deepening from his obvious regret, Eric’s tone rippled across my face and neck, and I rolled my lips between my teeth. A few feet away, Maggie moved with an ease of practice to send the ball hurtling towards the pins, and my heart leaped into my throat in expectation. “I didn’t mean to be inconsiderate of your feelings about me.”
“Can we just… not talk about it right now, Eric? I already feel bad enough that Maggie heard us fighting. I don’t want to ruin this, too.” Anxiety tightened my gut and my voice, and I winced when the ball hit the pins with a loud, abrasive crack. Six of the pins went down hard, but the distraction only worked so much with Eric so close. “We’ll talk about it later, okay?”
“Next time, be prepared, alright? Because it won’t be an argument- it’ll be a discussion.” With that firm, ominous declaration, Eric pushed himself up as Maggie let her second ball fly, and I held my own hands in a vice. How was I supposed to prepare for a conversation like that? The question had no answer that I could find, and I forcefully threw back my shoulders and straightened my spine.
Delainne
“So, what should we make for dinner tonight?” Posing my question as I hoisted Maggie into the cart bed, affection burrowed deep in my chest at her extremely serious expression. I had a few ideas, but she was the one with the final say.
Even if that final say typically involved hotdogs and mac-n-cheese, and I had to steer her away from it. This time, though, she thought about it long and hard, and I started the push the cart towards the vegetables before she spoke up.
“Dad says that Tony likes steak because he’s a barbarian.” A laugh burst from my throat at that, and Maggie grinned happily as she folded her legs underneath her. “We can do that, right?”
“Of course, we can. You know, I also like steak a lot- does that make me a barbarian?” Giggling wildly as she shook her head, Maggie looked around excitedly as we walked leisurely through the grocery store. The place was close enough to Eric’s house that we could walk, and we’d brought an insolated bag that she sat on. Early morning was definitely the best time to go shopping; there were only elderly people around us, and the place was quiet.
“Tony and my dad have been friends for a long time. Every time he comes back, he brings me a present. My dad says that Tony is a better uncle than Uncle Martin because Uncle Martin doesn’t know when to shut up.” Bopping my head and humming as we neared the potatoes, I listened as Maggie relayed to me everything she’d ever eavesdropped on. She talked, and talked, and talked, and not once did she ask for my input. Holding the Russet potatoes in her lap, she pet the bag like it was a cat as she regaled me with stories about Tony and how ‘awesome’ he was.
Eric was excited, and he’d also given me the rundown of his relationship with Tony. They’d served together three times, and they were very close as a result. When Sasha died, Tony was the one that suggested Eric be stationed here. Tony was the one that Eric called when things were bad.
As much as Maggie talked about Uncle Martin, I got the feeling that she didn’t like him; she was just trying to find out why she didn’t like him. Tony, on the other hand, she was clearly very fond of even though they spent a fraction of time together by comparison.
“Daddy says that when Tony decides to come back for good, he can live with us. The last time he was here, he gave me ice cream for breakfast while my dad was at work, and it was supposed to be a secret… but you know, now,
so don’t tell Daddy.” Snatching a bag of carrots off the refrigerated shelf, I nodded firmly as the mental image brought a smile to my face. In the cart, Maggie twisted around, scrunching up her face when she didn’t see what she expected. “Can we get corn, too?”
“Of course, Maggie. I was just about to get over that way.” Expectation radiated from her little body, and I took this moment of silence with relief. Things had calmed down considerably since the night we went bowling, and Maggie had stopped talking about her mother or marriage. We’d started looking for gymnastics programs for her, but almost everything was full- which we’d expected, but it was a bit of a letdown.
Still, it didn’t stop her from using the living room as a practice space.
Slowly, I pushed Maggie around the store to get the things we needed, and she piped up every so often. We went down the cake aisle for a box of brownie mix and chocolate frosting. The trip took less than 20 minutes before we were in line behind an elderly woman, and I idled as she was rung up.
This is so much better than what I was doing before. Working at a place I didn’t like- constantly looking over my shoulder- being alone- my life had been dismal since I stepped off that bus. The knowledge that Greg was in town always lingered in the back of my mind, but I still felt safe. Eric would drop everything to help me, just as he promised he would when we were in his hotel room.
“… Maybe, Tony might get you a present, too- it’s not fair. You live with us, so you should get something.” Her thoughtfulness filled my heart, and I leaned on the front of the carriage to caress Maggie’s cheek. The older lady in front of us smiled a wrinkly smile, and Maggie blushed brightly and ducked her head. Untamable curls bounced around to hide her flaming cheeks, and my own grin widened.
A soft tap on my shoulder popped my bubble, and I twisted only to be speared by dread. There, only two feet away, was Greg, and my eyes widened in horror as the cool temperature of the store became frigid. He smiled tenderly, dark eyes twinkling when mine met them, and tension locked my muscles as some circuit in my brain misfired.