by Katy Kaylee
“He does make me happy, even though we had to hide it.”
“I understand why you did, so I am not upset with you. Either of you,” Willow said.
“That’s very gracious of you, Will.”
She smiled briefly and glanced out the window.
“So, we’re okay, right? You’re really not upset or anything?” I asked carefully.
“Why would I be upset? My dad looks happy for the first time since he and my mom split up. He’s never smiled like that at anyone before,, not even me.”
“He doesn’t love you any less, you know.”
“I know. Besides, that’s a different kind of love,” Willow said.
The wisdom and understanding from this nine-year-old girl was astonishing, and she possessed more maturity than most adult I knew. I was grateful that she wasn't upset with me, or Dillon, but I didn't expect her to be happy that we were together. I knew she adored me as her nanny, but now I was dating her father. Would she still adore me then? What if, by some miracle I managed to marry Dillon? Would she still be happy to have me as her father’s wife?
I didn't want toast her that right now,; it would just conjure up feelings and a situation that hadn’t even happened yet. Besides, there was no guarantee that I was going to marry him, or anything like that. Our relationships, even though it had subtly started three years ago, was nowhere near the stage of talking about the future. We were just enjoying the now.
Or at least I was.
“Are you going to take me home, or are we going to sit here the whole day while you recover from the shock of me dropping that bomb on your head?” Willow asked sassily.
I chuckled, shook my head and drove back onto the road. “You’re a sassy one, Willow Marsh.”
“I know, she answered nonchalantly. “So, are you going to be my new mother?”
My eyes widened again, but I knew that I needed to focus on the road and try not to drive into the rear-end of the car infant of me, no matter how shocking Willow’s questions were.
“Well, that’s really hard to say right now, because your dad and I haven’t been together for that long,” I answered.
“I wouldn’t mind. You’re a great nanny, and you’ll be an even greater mom,” she said and glanced at me.
Without warning, tears formed in my eyes, but I urged myself not to burst out into tears. “That’s so nice of you to day, Willow. Thank you,” I said instead.
“You are still a little young for my dad,” she said with a cringe, but it soon faded as she glanced at me with an amused smile, “but I guess I can overlook that if he could.”
I chuckled and nodded gratefully. “I am so happy to hear that.”
“Let’s not let Daddy think he’s completely off the hook, though,” Willow said with a slight grin.
“Really? You want to do that to your dad?” I asked.
“Yes. He withheld information from me, which is just as bad as telling a lie, so he needs to be punished, even if it’s just a little.”
“But I’m off the hook, right?” I asked and glanced at her.
“Sort of.”
“Only sort of? What can I do to make it up to you?” I asked and placed my hand dramatically on my chest. “I will literally do anything.”
“Let’s not get too drastic. A strawberry and banana shake will do just fine.”
“Done,” I said with a smirk.
I loved this kid.
I drove up the driveway and parked inside the garage, beside Dillon’s Jaguar and we quietly went into the house. Willow went directly upstairs to put her backpack in her room, while I headed to the kitchen for something cold to drink. I grabbed a water from the fridge and as I closed it, Dillon entered from outside and glanced at me with a smile.
“Hey,” he said as he approached me.
“She knows,” I said simply and he froze on the spot.
“What?” he asked in disbelief.
“She knows, about us,” I repeat.
“Oh, god. Is she pissed? Did she cry?” he stuttered and narrowed his eyes at me. “Did you cry?”
“No, neither of us cried,” I scoffed. “There was some screaming and honking though.”
“Honking?” he asked. “Please explain to me what that means?”
“I think you should talk to your daughter about this,” I said and raised my hands up in defeat.
“I agree with Malia, Daddy,” Willow said, suddenly behind us and I stepped away from Dillon.
“Honey,” he said as he sunk down onto his knees, holding his hands out in front of me. “I know that you must feel hurt that we didn’t tell you about the two of us. I am so sorry that we didn’t tell you, we just wanted-”
“Daddy,” Willow said and the motion of her hand silenced Dillon instantly.
It was strange to see him on his knees in front of Willow, and I simply watched the two of them. I felt a little evil as Willow and I had made him believe that she was upset, but it was all in good fun.
“You do know that you told me that a lie of omission is still a lie, right?” she asked him.
“Yes, I know, baby, and I have absolutely no excuse, but Malia and I wanted to keep it quiet for a little while, until we figured everything out for ourselves.”
“Figure what out? Whether you really liked each other?” Willow asked.
“Yes, exactly.”
“But she’s so much younger than you,” she said in disgust, and it made me chuckle. Willow shot a brief glance at me and I winked at her. A smiled formed on her lips and she chuckled. “It’s okay, Daddy.”
“Wait. What?”
“I was just pretending to be upset. I just wanted to see how you’d react,” she answered.
“That’s kind of mean,” he said.
“Well, it was kind of mean not to tell me that you and Malia are together, so I guess we’re even,” she shrugged.
“Fair enough,” he scoffed and glanced at me.
I shrugged my shoulders and leaned against the counter.
“So, you’re not upset that Malia and I are dating?” Dillon asked.
“Are you kidding? This is the best news I’ve heard all day, and that means a lot, because I don’t have school for three whole months from today,” Willow answered. “Malia said you were afraid to tell me. Is that true?”
“A little,” Dillon admitted.
“Why? I can’t tell you what to do, Daddy, or who you should go out with,” she said.
“But I will always consult you in everything, you know that.”
“As long as you’re happy, Daddy, then I am happy,” Willow said and put her arms around Dillon’s shoulders. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, my girl,” he said and hugged her tight.
For a moment I felt a little redundant, but I enjoyed the little father-daughter tenderness which unfolded in front of me. It was too heartwarming to interrupt.
Willow pulled out of Dillon’s embrace and glanced at him. “I am glad that you picked Malia to be your girlfriend, Daddy.”
Dillon glanced at me before he turned back to Willow. “Is that so?” he asked and Willow nodded. “And why is that?”
“She’s funny, and smart, and fun. She makes the best milkshakes, gives the best hugs and tells the best stories,” Willow answered. “Basically she is just the best.”
I placed my hand against my heart and cocked my head, watching them talking about me. I always knew that Willow adored me, but hearing her say those things about me was the best feeling in the whole world. My heart melted in my chest and practically dripped on the tiles at my feet.
“Yes, she is,” Dillon said with a smile and brushed her hair off her face. “And so are you.”
“In a different way, obviously,” she said with a smile.
“I love you, and don’t you dare forget that,” he said to her, glancing directly at her.
“I won’t, I promise,” she nodded and hugged him again.
Dillon
Dillon
&nb
sp; Usually I had everything figured out and there was little room for surprises, but the way Willow had reacted upon finding out that Malia and I were dating completely blew me away. My nine-year-old daughter handled it with so much grace and understanding and maturity, and I couldn’t believe it. Most people didn’t possess those traits well into adulthood and I felt like the luckiest man in the world to have such an amazing daughter.
We had the best dinner, talking and laughing around the table as we used to do before all the awkwardness had taken over. It was like old times, but only better. Seeing Willow and Malia interact with one another had changed a little, and it seemed as though there was a little shift in power. Willow now treated Malia more like an adult than a nanny, and I appreciated that. Sure, Malia was still her nanny but she was also my girlfriend and needed to be treated with the necessary respect.
Of course, Malia insisted that she be treated the same, but Willow knew her place. Malia wasn’t just her friend now, she was also an adult, and Willow knew this.
The evening was very enjoyable as well; we watched a movie in the cinema room, and ended up having a popcorn fight, which was much more fun than I thought it would be. We ended up making such a mess that I actually felt sorry for the cleaning lady who had to clean up the popcorn from the carpets. It looked as though the cinema had been hit by a violent snow storm, but it was so much fun.
After the three of us got cleaned up, bathing and showering individually of course, I went to Willow’s bedroom to tuck her in. I sat down on the edge of the bed and glanced down at the pink flamingos on her bedding.
“Daddy?” she asked in a hushed tone.
“Yes, baby?”
“Do you think we could go somewhere nice?”
“Like a vacation?” I asked.
“Yes. You’re always saying how stressed you are from work. I think you need a vacation, some time away,” she answered.
“That sounds really nice,” I said and leaned in to kiss her on her forehead. “I promise we’ll go somewhere nice before school starts.
“And Malia will come too, right?” she asked.
“Of course,” I answered.
“Are you and Malia going to get married?” Willow asked.
“I don’t know, Honey. It’s way too early to tell,” I said with a frown.
“That’s exactly what she said when I asked her.”
“Right,” I whispered.
It was a good thing that we were on the same page, because if we weren’t, then I would be a little freaked out. I wasn't really sure whether I would ever get married again, but I guessed that only time would tell. Maybe my feeling for Malia would develop into a strong love and I’d want to get married to her. Or maybe it wouldn’t and we’d go our separate ways. Either way I’d need a new nanny for Willow. If Malia and I were dating, and in a serious relationship, I wouldn’t want her to still look after Willow the way she did, right? She wouldn’t be employed by me and she could do whatever she wanted. I’d hate to lose her as a nanny, and I was sure that Willow would say the same.
Maybe I was just overthinking this whole scenario. Maybe I should just chill the fuck out and take it one day at a time.
“Is Malia going to stay in your room now?” Willow asked, whirling me back to the present moment and I glanced at her.
“No, she’ll still be in her own room, like always.”
“But after you get married she will.”
“Yes, because that’s how it works,” I said, feeling like the biggest hypocrite in the world. Here I was telling my daughter that a man and a woman can only sleep in the same room after they’re married, while I was screwing her nanny in the pool house, or the sauna. Technically it wasn’t in the house, since Malia and I had decided not to have sex while Willow was in the house. The poorhouse and the sauna became out nightly visit spots.
Of course I wasn’t going to share those details with Willow, as I wasn’t ready to have the sex and intimacy talk with my nine-year-old. It was much too soon.
“Thank you, Daddy,” she whispered sleepily.
“For what?” I asked as I tucked the blanket in around her.
“For starting off the summer in the funnest and bestest way,” she answered.
I leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “It is my pleasure, princess.”
“Night, Daddy,” she whispered before closing her eyes sleepily.
“Night, my beautiful girl,” I whispered and watched her as she drifted into a peaceful sleep.
I sat there watching her for a while, immersed in her dreams, and was captivated by the calm and serenity she exuded.
I quietly stood from the edge of the bed, left her room and left the door slightly ajar, allowing a little bit of the light from the backyard, which shone in through the window on the opposite side of the hallway, to shine in. Ever since she was four, she had been very afraid of the dark, and it escalated into a full-blown phobia after Jade moved out. The psychologist I had taken Willow to, said that it was a manifestation of the trauma she had gone through, feeling that the dark symbolized being left behind.
Over time her fear of the dark had started to get better, and she wouldn’t openly admit that she was still afraid, but I knew that it still triggered her a little, hence why I left the door open. Of course I didn't want her to feel like there was something wrong with being afraid of the dark. We’re all afraid of something, and there was no shame in that.
My biggest fear at the moment?
Losing my daughter, but that was probably most parents’s biggest fear.
I quietly proceeded down the hallway and noticed Malia’s light was still on. I approached it and saw her sitting on her bed, her headphones on her head, listening to music. She didn't see me, but then again, I made no attempt to make an entrance or make my presence known. I simply watched her as she tapped her foot to the beat of the song she listened to. She was clearly enthralled with the music and seeing her like that stirred up all kinds of emotions inside me.
She suddenly opened her eyes and glanced directly at me. I smiled an apologetic smile as she slid the headphone off her head.
“Were you spying on me?” she asked and cocked her head.
“No,” I scoffed. “Why would I do that?”
She chuckled and patted the empty space on her bed. “Come sit with me.”
“Okay,” I said and approached her bed. I sat down on it and glanced at her. A sweet vanilla smell lingered in the air and her skin glowed in the ambient light. It was till surreal to think that she was my girlfriend, although technically I hadn’t asked her to be. Maybe I should ask her.
“Are you okay?” she asked and I looked at her.
“Yes. I’m fine. I was just talking to Willow before she went to sleep,” I answered.
“And?”
“She’s surprisingly fine with everything. I can’t believe actually believe it," I said. "Not that you're a bad choice or anything. After what happened with her mom, things were just difficult."
"I understand. I've been with you two long enough to know that it wasn't easy, on either of you."
I took her hand in mine, her warm skin enveloping me like a comfortable blanket. "Thank you for being so understanding and so patient with the two of us. You have no idea how much it means to us."
"God, you're going to make me cry," she chuckled.
"Please don't. I'm still a guy and we don't handle tears very well," I mockingly begged.
"Don't worry. I won't go there," she promised, "but since we're being sweet and sappy, let me give it a go."
"Okay," I said with a smile.
"I know that it's a bit of a big deal if our relationship gets out, especially for you with your ex-wife and everything that goes along with being Dillon Marsh, but I am pretty sure that whatever comes our way, we can deal with together, right?" she asked and glanced at me, her big blue eyes sparkling.
"Right," I whispered.
A happy smile formed on her lips and she leaned forward, kissing me slowly
. Her lips were soft against mine and I could easily just fade into her, melting away at her touch. Our lips parted slightly and I sighed. "There's something I want to ask you."
She placed her hand on my chest and whispered, "We've been over this, Dillon. We agreed not in the house, especially not while Willow is inside. I don't want her to be traumatized by the sounds, or think that we're trying to murder one another."
"That wasn't what I was going to ask," I whispered.
"Oh, sorry. What were you going to ask?" she cringed.
"I just wanted to ask you," I whispered and tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, "whether you'd like to be my girlfriend?"
"Like exclusively?" she asked.
"I guess so," I stuttered, "I don't really know what that means. Is that what it's called nowadays?"
She giggled and nodded. "You're not that old."
"Well, things have changed a lot since I was a teenager," I shrugged.
She giggled again and touched my chin. "I would definitely like to be your girlfriend."
A goofy grin formed on my lips and she kissed my again.
It literally felt like my heart swelled up as I walked back to my room and I realized that I hadn't been as happy as I was right now. It was definitely a long time coming, but I deserved to be happy. After enduring such a lousy time being married to Jade, I deserved someone like Malia, despite the age difference.
My dating life after Jade had been non-existent and I had never truly thought I would find someone who would see me for who I was and not for how much money I made, where I lived and what car I drove. I wanted someone who would see me for me, who would notice when I was tired, moody or just needed to talk. I wanted someone who knew me better than I knew myself, and Malia was that person. She had been with us for three years, she knew my schedule, she knew the lifestyle, and she knew me. She knew it didn't take any sugar in my coffee, only on cereal. She knew my favorite music, and made sure that after a long day at the office to play it softly in the background. She knew my weakness was donuts and she knew when it was time to step away from an argument, not that we had many of those. It was a strange feeling as it occurred to me what a long way we had come. When I first met her, and her first few weeks here, I thought that she was a little naive in the things she did, but she complimented Willow in such a unique and positive way, that I was amazed. Malia was the reason why Willow loved music, as she would blast music from the sound system and just dance like a crazy person, like there was no-one watching, even though there were. She didn't once make Willow feel like she was just a little kid who needed to be taken care of. Of course, she did at times, but Malia took a step back, allowing Willow to grow in her own way, but still being there every step of the way.