“It’s just Simon coming back to scare you again. Let’s go,” she said, grabbing my hand. We took off running back to the cabins.
Around trees, over logs, we ran as fast as we could without tripping and falling. “Hurry!”
Twigs and pine needles latched onto the bottom of my dress. I increased my pace until I could run no more. I stopped, out of breath, and fell to the ground. And that’s when Curtis P. Boyd snatched hold of me.
“Get yourself up!” he commanded. “Your mother has ordered you back.”
“My mother?”
“You mean her stepmother,” Hattie interjected.
Without warning, Curtis P. Boyd reached over and grabbed Hattie by the hair and said through gritted teeth, “Get back to your quarters.”
Hattie obeyed reluctantly. When she was out of sight, ordered me to do the same, though he escorted me the entire way.
“You will not play with the slave children anymore!” Eugenia ordered when I entered the suite she shared with Daddy.
Curtis P. Boyd stood blocking the doorway as she calmly but resolutely continued her list of rules.
Eugenia sat dignified, her back as straight and stiff as if a thick plank was shoved up under her dress, sipping on a hot cup of tea beside the dormant fireplace. On the end table next to her sat a weathered Bible.
“You will not set foot near the slave quarters again. You will not, under any circumstances, play with those children.” She emphasized the words those children, as if they were vile.
“You will stay inside, studying either your school work or the Bible. You will stay in your room at all times unless it is time to dine.”
Stunned, I tried to speak in my defense, to convince her that playing with Hattie and the others was just fun - harmless fun.
“I know Simon scares me sometimes, but it is all in fun. I really didn’t mind the snake trick,” I began, until she rose and stepped closer to me. I instinctively stopped talking and swallowed hard as her fiery eyes narrowed down onto me.
“You listen to me, Amelia. You stay away from Hattie, Simon, Mammy, and the others. You especially stay away from that unholy mulatto baby of Abigail’s.”
“Jacob Thomas?” I uttered. “Jacob Thomas is unholy?”
Eugenia’s face was blazing with anger, and she began to pace back and forth.
“Men, Amelia, can’t control their lust, even when sin and the devil himself stare them straight in the face.” She shot Curtis P. Boyd a look of disgust. Then she turned to me.
“You know what lust is, don’t you?”
I shook my head no.
Eugenia smiled contemptuously, then leaned down to me while staring me straight in the eyes and said, “Lust is what you crave between your legs.”
I gasped and felt flushed.
“Every time you feel that sensation, that urge and yearning, know it is caused by the devil, and that you are full of sin.”
Eugenia motioned for Curtis P. Boyd to step in. “Take her to her room and see to it that Mlle. Duval washes the filth off her.
“And afterward, you sit and read the Bible. Fill yourself with the word of God, Amelia, and save yourself from the devil.”
Curtis P. Boyd rushed me along and all the while, as we hurried through the dim halls and back to my wing of Sutton Hall, I tried to erase from my mind everything Eugenia had just said to me. Jacob Thomas was an innocent, angelic baby, just like Jesus himself. There could be nothing unholy about him, I told myself. Nothing!
As if Mlle. Duval was personally instructed to remove any layers of sin that might have attempted to seep into my body, she scrubbed my soft skin with a scrub brush so vigorously that I began to bleed.
“You’re hurting me!” I cried while sitting in the tepid water of the bath tub brought up into my bedroom.
My complaints and cries didn’t stop her, and she continued to scrub me from head to toe. It was only when every inch of my body was rubbed raw that she pulled me out, had me dry off, and dressed me for bed.
While I listened to Beatrice and Violet giggle as they played in their room down the hall, I lay in bed succumbed to a restless night of physical and emotional torment that would become almost as predictable as the sun rising each day.
~ ~ ~
~ Seven ~
Daddy returned from his trip, and when he finally came to see me, as I was banished to my room after breakfast as punishment for what Eugenia called disobedience, I broke out in tears.
“There, there Amelia, did you miss me that terribly?” he crooned. “Don’t you like the doll I brought you? She had the most beautiful blonde hair and dazzling blue eyes. I was certain you would like her.”
I looked up at him and hoped he would see my scabbed face. My heart sank when he smiled and kissed my cheek, and then put me aside.
“Perry is coming for supper. Myrna isn’t well. She is expecting another child, so she won’t be dining with us. Dry your tears, and put on a pretty dress.”
After he left without really looking at me, I, having been unable to confess all that Eugenia was doing to me, fell back into bed with the new doll he’d brought back for me. Indeed, she was the prettiest doll I had ever owned. Her hair was silky soft and the color of gleaming gold. Her features were fine and delicate, and her glass eyes sparkled. Her lips were painted rosy red. Her dress was bright yellow and most fashionable, and she wore suitable undergarments as well.
Normally I didn’t name my dolls, but I felt this one needed a name. A name for the doll who would become a new friend for me, because Hattie was being taken away and I felt more alone than ever. This doll I could tell my secrets to, my fears and my hopes, and I just knew she would listen.
I went to my armoire, took out my journal, and scanned back pages and pages. I had been writing in it for years now. I recalled a young woman I’d seen only once. She was in the mercantile with her handsome husband, looking at some lovely red fabric. Daddy was placing an order with the owner of the mercantile, and I had been peering up at the shelf of dolls when I couldn’t help but notice the woman. She was strikingly beautiful, and I remember as soon as we returned home writing down in my book the name I’d heard her husband call her - Lillian. I wished I had that name, for it was so pretty, and I wished I had her thick, gold hair and would someday acquire her shapely figure - the kind that made all the men in the store stare at her in awe, mouths agape, eyes locked onto her, even Daddy’s. Her husband’s expressions were cloaked with jealousy. I named my doll after her.
“You are my best friend because I am not allow to be with Hattie,” I said to the doll, who when I looked into the glass of her eyes, seemed responsive.
“And though I intend to steal away to see Hattie every chance I get, I know I can share everything with you, even things I might be too embarrassed to tell anyone else. Even Hattie.”
Long-winded, boring, stuffy suppers were what I least looked forward to. As I sat and ate, I kept my mind occupied with thoughts of the real Lillian. I wondered where she lived, if she was happy. I bet she was. After all, she was so beautiful. Daddy had always told me I was beautiful, and when I looked in the mirror, especially lately, I could see some signs of the beauty coming out - a real mature beauty that only a few women possessed. And when Perry Montgomery glanced over to me on occasion, I swore he saw it too. Before, I was eager for him to see me that way, to gaze at me from afar. Now, however, I was not only eager, but frightened, after what Eugenia had said to me. Was I truly full of sin, when every time this handsome man’s eyes fell onto me I felt heated, flushed, and tingling all over, I wondered?
I was uncomfortable with the thoughts running through my mind and ate as quickly as I could without being reprimanded and then asked to be excused.
Eugenia scowled inconspicuously as Daddy happily granted my request.
I stepped outside to get some air, though the heat of the hot summer early evening offered no relief. In the distance, I could hear the children playing and the slaves singing. I wanted so much to sit with Mammy and wat
ch her rock Jacob Thomas as she sang gospels with her sisters. It wasn’t to be, however. I sadly sat down on the steps to the gallery and sulked. Fireflies signaled on and off in front of me, and I was surrounded by a symphony of night creature activity. Over in the woods, raccoons hunted, bats flew overhead in search of insects to eat, and owls hooted. The crickets were deafening and drowned out the footsteps behind me. If it wasn’t for the distinct smell of his pipe tobacco, I wouldn’t have known he was there, leaning up against the thick, white column, staring deeply at me.
I quickly stood.
“I didn’t mean to startle you, Amelia,” Perry Montgomery said, then took a long drag of his pipe.
“I wasn’t startled,” I replied nervously.
“Enjoying the night air?” he asked in a soft voice.
I nodded.
He continued to stare at me, and I stood looking down, with my hands behind my back, nervously wringing them together.
“It’s strange isn’t it?”
“What is strange?” I asked, and looked up.
“You and I are related now.”
“I suppose so.”
“I was honestly surprised when your father asked for my aunt Eugenia’s hand in marriage,” he said and sauntered over to where I stood. “After all, she isn’t exactly the kind of woman that most men desire, especially a man like your father.”
I took a long-needed breath and again shifted my eyes down to the floor. I was so nervous around him. My heart raced as he stepped only a few inches from me.
I had known Perry Montgomery nearly all my life. I was certain he knew nothing of my infatuation with him, which had grown over the years.
As he continued to move in and lock his eyes onto me, I suddenly felt exposed, frightened, and unable to breathe.
“You are a remarkable young lady and have captured my attention. I see the way you look at me. I have noticed you becoming a woman,” he said, leaning in so his words were a mere whisper for only me to hear. “Do you realize that you have the ability to crush a man’s heart with your stunning looks alone?” His eyes were half closed and relaxed. Behind the scent of pipe smoke, I could smell the distinct scent of brandy.
I was frozen with fear and fascination at the same time. Here was the man I had worshiped from afar, dreamed of kissing, coming close to me and whispering how I had captured his attention.
My mind scrambled to put it all into place and make sense of what was happening. Was this just a dream, my mind questioned, or was Perry Montgomery really inching closer, so close his hot breath was hitting my already flushed cheek?
“Do you know how dangerous men are, Amelia?” he asked me with a serious, glazed look. “Men are like fire. What burns inside cannot always be contained.”
“Mr. Montgomery,” I stammered. “I really should be getting back inside,” I blurted out, with my heart racing so fast I thought I just might faint. As fascinated as I was with his undivided attention, the fear of what he was saying took hold of me, and instinctively I felt the need to flee.
I turned to go, but he quickly reached out and pulled me against him.
“If I wasn’t a married man, I would stop at nothing to have you,” he murmured. “You are years beyond your age and you are going to break men’s hearts. You have that power.”
I awkwardly eased myself away and escaped to my room, flustered, my mind spinning with confusion. When I sat down, finally catching my breath, I turned to Lillian.
“Am I really what he said? Do I have what it takes to break men’s hearts?” I asked aloud, as if she could really answer me.
I tried to sleep that night, and all I could see was the vision of the devil himself in my mind. He was pointing at me, beckoning me to come stand by him, as Eugenia chanted over and over, “I told you, Amelia, you’re full of sin!”
Sometime during the night I woke up in a pool of sweat, cramping and in so much agony I could only lie there and moan. The sheets of my bed were soaked from my waist down, and when I finally had the strength to move through the pain, I lit the lamp next to my bed. The terrified howl that came from me ripped through the mansion, sending everyone running into my room.
Mlle. Duval was the first to arrive, immediately followed by Violet, then Beatrice. Seconds later, Daddy bolted in, and Eugenia was only steps behind.
Everyone stood there speechless as I sat, pitiful in my own blood. Then, as if a spell was lifted, Mlle. Duval quickly pushed everyone out, including Eugenia.
The girls snickered under their breath while being ushered away, and Eugenia just shook her head in customary disapproval. Daddy was pale and sickened and looked at me as if I were a complete stranger.
“Mlle. Duval, what is wrong with me?” I groaned. “Can you help me? Am I doing to die?”
All the while, as she stripped me of my blood-soaked bed clothing, I thought I was truly going to die. I must have sinned after all. My desire for Perry Montgomery was exposed, and I was going straight to hell.
Without comment or explanation of what was happening or why, Mlle. Duval cleaned me, took out fresh clothing, and stuffed a rag between my legs. I was in so much pain that I fell onto the bed and groaned, almost wishing I would die, just so the pain would stop.
Eugenia returned after I was dressed and immediately dismissed Mlle. Duval. The sun was just about to crest the horizon, and the plantation activities were just getting underway. Eugenia insisted that I rise when she came in.
“I can’t,” I groaned, tossing and turning on the bed.
“It’s Sunday. Get up and prepare for church!”
I continued to groan and grasp my stomach.
“Today of all days you must go to church and pray. Now that you have had your first bleed, you need his salvation before the devil claims you.”
“You mean I am not going to die?” I cried out with hope.
“Not today,” she said and she yanked the covers off me. “But if you go near to a man now and let him touch you, any man other than your father, the spawn of the devil will grow inside you, and that’s when you will be taken to hell. That spawn will grow inside you, an evil, horned child, and while you’re giving birth to it, it will kill you,” she spat. “Every month that you bleed is your warning. It is a warning to let you know that sin is all around.”
“This will happen every month!”
“Pray to God, pray for your soul.”
I sat stunned and petrified as she waited for me to rise.
“Take heed, Amelia. Remember this day. Every man wants to put that seed in you now, and if you let that happen, you will burn in hell.”
I couldn’t look at anyone at breakfast. They all ignored me, even Daddy.
When we arrived at church, I entered the pew and fell to my knees and prayed not to let the devil take me. And when services started, I stayed at the end of the pew, away from Perry Montgomery…far away from him.
On occasion, when I looked to Eugenia, she nodded reassuringly at me, indicating I was honoring God by fearing the devil. My fear was evident. I was pale, overcome with pain, and consumed with fright.
Daddy only turned to me once. When we all stood to sing I remained silent, and he appeared puzzled. Then, I watched as his eyes scanned over me, and he nodded to himself. Then he shifted his eyes back onto the hymn book.
It was obvious I was no longer his little girl. I believed he wanted nothing to do with me. From that day on, it was as if I was a stranger to him. No longer did he come to, kiss me good night, and cradle me in his arms.
That evening, when Daddy, Eugenia, and the girls had retired for the night, I stole away and crept out to the cabins. I needed Mammy more than ever.
Some of the slaves were still outside finishing up their chores, preparing for the short night of rest before they had to rise and get out in the fields to pick the cotton. The ones not picking cotton or plowing were spinning, working in the stables, and caring for the farm animals, while others served Daddy and Eugenia in the mansion. Mammy tirelessly tended to
the vegetable gardens and did all the washing and cooking for the slaves, with the assistance of a few of the eldest slave daughters.
I wasn’t used to seeing Mammy so exhausted, worn, and drained. No longer did she wear fancy store-bought dresses, smell like sweet perfume, and have an exuberant glow on her pretty face. Now she possessed only drab work dresses that were permeated with the sweat of a hard day’s work. Her face was pale, her eyes sunken in.
“Come in, child,” she whispered when she noticed me standing in the doorway. “Come in before Mr. Boyd sees you there.”
Hattie was fast asleep, with a cloth over her brow.
“Is Hattie with fever again?” I asked, as she pulled Jacob Thomas from her breast, then buttoned up her blouse.
Mammy nodded and sighed.
I gazed down at the baby.
“You want to hold him?”
He was wide awake, his big eyes scanning the room inquisitively.
I opened my arms and carefully cradled him.
Mammy sat back in her rocker and contently watched as I pulled the baby against my face. His skin was soft and warm, like a baby doll come to life.
“He is so precious, Mammy,” I declared and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. I remembered what Eugenia told me about how Jacob Thomas was unholy. While gazing down at him, studying his delicate features, and staring into his eyes, I became frightened at how much Eugenia hated this innocent baby.
“All God’s children is precious,” she said with a weary smile. “Now, Miss Amelia, you must be going. If Mr. Boyd catches you here, don’t know what will happen.”
I reluctantly handed Jacob Thomas back to her. “But, Mammy, I am so lonely without you.”
Mammy nodded in agreement and quickly brushed away the tears that cascaded down her face.
“It ain’t easy for you, I know this. There ain’t much anyone can do but accept.”
“You want me to accept Eugenia as my momma or those nasty girls as my sisters!” I cried.
Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy Page 7