“How did you meet her?” I asked pensively, when he was heavily engrossed in his painting.
He didn’t answer me, so I asked again. Then he peered over the canvas at me, with eyes smoldering with a pain I had seen more often than I could count.
“She was Judith’s maid,” was all he said, then went back to painting without another word. He concentrated heavily, and for some time I believed he wasn’t satisfied with his work.
“I don’t know . . .” he continued to mumble under his breath. Maybe he wanted her image on the canvas instead of mine and didn’t like what was coming of the portrait. I felt almost sorry for him as he appeared to struggle to find the connection between his hands, his eyes, my image, and the haunting image of Vivienne that he must have kept vivid in his mind.
The hours passed, and I grew tired of sitting still. My neck was beginning to tighten, and I was bored, until Richard stopped and asked me to change position. “I would like you to undress for me. I want to finish you in the nude.”
“I won’t do that,” I answered, afraid of the mere thought of it. I never wanted a man to see me undressed again. To my deep regret, I had undressed for Warren, to tease him and taunt him into desiring me. He took advantage of my youth. He had realized that I was naïve and abused me in a way that left me emotionally scarred. And, of course, I couldn’t shed my clothing and allow Richard to see the wounds - the evidence of the brutal whipping by my cruel grandmother.
Richard again tried to convince me that he was a professional and that he saw the naked body as a work of art, not as a sexual object, though adding, “Except when I am not standing behind an easel. Then, Lillian, I am a man like any other.”
“I can’t,” I cried in dismay, attempting to contain my tears. Richard stood before me and placed his hands on my shoulders, looking down at me square in the eyes. He asked, “Don’t you trust me?”
I hesitated, choking back my sobs. I tried to pull away, but he brought me into his embrace and hushed me as a loving father would. “Tell me what has happened. I am your friend, your confidant. Let me help you,” Richard whispered in my ear as he stroked my long hair.
“Not now, please, Richard,” I implored.
“All right, all right. Not today,” he agreed for my sake, then tenderly kissed away my tears and pulled back.
I was shaken and distressed, and when Richard left to do some business for a few hours, I hurried to down some brandy, which eased my anxiety, helped me relax, and made me forget all the terror, which although I tried to fight it off, I continuously suffered.
While Richard was gone, as night approached once again, I was drunk, wandering throughout the enormous city mansion. The rooms were not locked. Apparently, there was nothing Richard wanted to keep secret and locked away, unlike at Sutton Hall, where every room contained shocking secrets.
I took my time exploring all the luxurious unoccupied rooms on every floor, opening drawers, pulling out items of clothing, and then carelessly shoving them back in. Then, in one drawer, a drawer in a dresser in Richard’s own room, I found dozens of photographs. They were of pictures of summer days at a lake. Richard was dressed as dapper as ever, rowing Judith in a boat as she sat like a queen, with a fancy parasol shielding her from the blazing sun.
I held the photograph in my hands, laughing to myself, remembering the days Heath would row Ayden and me out to school. There was nothing notable about those days. They were harsh times, the weather problematic, the seas rough, the wind bitter, especially in the winter months. I remembered how cold it was, but I would have given anything to be back there, to have my youth returned, or never stolen away.
I was about to put the photographs away, amused with seeing Richard in such an uncharacteristic pose - he must have broken a sweat rowing her around - when I was startled with Edgar’s sudden appearance.
“How dare you snoop through Mr. Parker’s belongings!” he bellowed, and quickly rushed over and grabbed hold of my arm.
My heart was in my throat, as I feared his anger. His large eyes were bulging, and the vein in his neck looked as if it was about to pop.
“Please stop; you're hurting me!” I cried. As I tried to free myself from his grip, absolute panic seized me. I recalled Warren grabbing me, wanting to kill me. That is when I pushed him into the path of an oncoming wagon and saved myself. His death was my only means of escape.
“I knew when I first laid eyes on you that you were a good-for-nothing tramp, just like all the women Mr. Parker brings into this house,” Edgar said through clenched teeth. His face was only an inch from mine, and it was red - blood red.
“Let me go!” I screamed.
“Women like you take advantage of men like Mr. Parker. He never learns,” he sneered. He shoved me down onto the bed and began to tear off my dress. I screamed out in fear and tried desperately to squirm out from under him.
“I will teach you a lesson, so you will remember never to . . .”
“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?” Richard yelled from where he stood in the doorway.
Edgar fell off the bed and hurriedly tucked in his shirt as I jumped up and ran to Richard, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.
“She was going through your belongings; she was stealing from you, Mr. Parker,” Edgar stammered to explain.
Richard’s eyes were full of rage. He approached Edgar and abruptly grabbed hold of his collar.
“Sir, please, it was her fault. She tried to seduce me. She began undressing for me so I wouldn’t tell you what she had done!”
“That’s not true!” I sobbed.
Richard didn’t waste another moment. He lifted Edgar off the floor and pushed him forward, leading him out of the room. When they were in the hall, he ordered, “Pack up your things, Edgar. Your services are no longer needed.”
“Mrs. Parker won’t permit this,” he shot back.
“My wife has no say in the matter.”
Edgar gave me a look of disgust, and hurried off. When the elevator doors closed, Richard came to me and demanded an explanation. “Did you do as he suggested?”
“No, no, Richard. I admit I was looking around, bored. But I would never . . .” I stopped, and full of shame, I placed my hands over my face to hide my tears.
“It’s all over now. Edgar will no longer be a threat to you,” Richard said with little sympathy. He brought my hands down roughly to make me face him. “But I am not pleased that you went snooping through my room.”
“I’m sorry,” I replied flatly.
“Go to sleep. We have a full day ahead tomorrow,” Richard said, and he went to make certain Edgar was packing up his belongings.
I tossed and turned all night as another summer storm rolled across the vast metropolis. The thunder shook the house and sent me under my covers, praying the night would come to a quick and peaceful ending. While my eyes were sealed shut, I recalled what Edgar had attempted to do and was sickened at the thought of what could have happened. If Richard hadn’t walked in, I would have been violated once again. How can any man be trusted? I wondered, as the light from the new day gradually filled my room. I eased out of bed, grateful to have braved another storm. I knew for certain I would have to be more careful than ever sailing through the occasional storms of life and must avoid danger at all costs.
“It is a lovely day for travel,” Richard declared, taking in a long, deep breath of the cool, dewy summer morning air as we headed out of the city and up north along the Hudson River.
I sat awkwardly beside him while he gazed out from the coach at the beautiful day, thinking he still must be angry with me. It was my fault he lost his butler. If I hadn’t snooped around, Edgar would still have his position. I believed that when Judith heard, she would dislike me even more.
Richard mentioned nothing of the previous night. He rested most of the way. I believed he had been gone all night, for he was wearing the same attire as the day before and smelt of stale cigars and worn ladies’ perfume.
When we arrived at t
he summer estate many hours later, I was relieved to get out and stretch my cramped legs. That was when I slowly gazed around, once again in awe of what great wealth could obtain.
The colossal castle-style mansion was built of sand-colored granite, and presented pinnacled roofs, peaked windows, soaring towers and turrets, all surrounded by broad, sweeping, emerald green lawns that stopped at the edge of the sparkling river. Nearly every window of the grandiose mansion faced the mountains with a magnificent view.
“This, my dear Lillian, is where the upper crust of New York wine and dine, play games, and have unlimited fun all summer long,” Richard remarked, as he took hold of my arm and led me along the wide, thick, perfectly manicured grounds, past several large fountains and marble pavilions, to where there was a small group of guests playing badminton. The only person I recognized was Judith. She was conversing with a young woman who was holding a racket in one hand and a drink in the other.
When Judith noticed our approach, she excused herself and casually strolled over. The group abruptly ended the badminton game and stared over at us with questioning eyes. From what I immediately gathered, no one knew that Richard was bringing a guest - me.
Richard placed a quick kiss on his wife’s cheek and announced, “We are here to join the festivities.”
“May I have a word with you, Richard?” Judith asked, ignoring me.
Richard waited for her to speak, with an obliging smile on his face, until her expression turned full of exasperation. Richard let go of my arm and said in a smooth, husky voice, “Certainly, my darling,” then went off with her, leaving me standing on the lawn, awkward, alone, and out of place.
Within a moment, a summer storm came upon us and the skies opened up, allowing the wind and rain to batter against me as I stood helplessly becoming drenched. The guests scattered for shelter, and fortunately, one kind woman came and ushered me inside. “This way,” she shouted over the thunder, and grabbed hold of my hand. Once we were safely inside the castle-like manor, as we shook the rain off our soaked dresses, the young woman turned to me, and from the expression on her face, I could see that she knew who I was. “I see you have decided to stay on with my sister and Richard.”
This woman was no doubt Rachael - Judith’s sister from Savannah. She knew why I was in New York in Richard’s care. The confident look in her eyes told me she knew of the events that had unfolded between Warren and me.
Instantly, I began to shake, not from the cold dampness of the rain that penetrated my dress all the way down to my skin, but from knowing my journey home could suddenly end with the actions of this one person. I didn’t know if she would promote my welfare, as Richard had. Maybe she whisked me inside, out of the rain, only to trap me and tell me she would immediately turn me in to the local constable, who would then turn me over to the authorities in Georgia, where they would no doubt lock me up, try me for murder, and hang me. My pleas of innocence would certainly go unheard, because I could never reveal the circumstances that led up to Warren’s brutal death.
I was whisked up to a guest room where a fire blazed in the hearth, taking the chill from the stormy afternoon. Rachael went to her closet, picked out a beautiful rose-colored tea gown, and laid it out on the luxurious bed. I wasn’t sure what to do or what to say. My mind scrambled with thoughts of a confession. Then visions of my beloved lighthouse and the people who filled my heart came to me, and I bit my tongue. I would let her do all the talking.
Rachael stripped her layers of wet clothing off right in front of me, until she was down to only her corset. Then she stepped before the oval mirror that sat atop a large antique dresser and began to let her hair down. Still waiting for her opinion of me, I eased myself next to the fire and warmed my hands over the flames. She turned around, smiled, and said, “Get out of those wet clothes and into one of my dresses. Then we shall go downstairs and join the others for afternoon tea.”
Her voice was soft and melodious, unlike Judith’s gruff, unfriendly tone. Rachael was slim and curvy, her hair a silky, rich, deep brown. Rachael thought correctly that we were near the same size, and the dress fit perfectly.
“There, I’ll bet you feel better now,” she said, after I finished dressing with her assistance. “You can keep that dress. I have dozens and dozens like it that I never wear. And the corset fits; you fill it out as well as I do.”
She maintained a pleasant smile on her ivory-tinted face, and her coffee-brown eyes lit up with a twinkle that could only come from natural energy.
Before she showed me out, I stopped and hesitated.
“It’s all right. You’re safe here,” Rachael said with a light breath. “Enjoy the adventure.”
“But . . .”
She locked the door, then came and held me by the shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. Though we had just met, she stared through me as if she had known me all my life. The intensity of her gaze gave me goose bumps. She felt my trembling.
“If you’re smart like I think you are, you will keep quiet. There are only two people here who know what happened, and we plan to keep the scandal swept under the carpet. It would be wise for you to do the same. In fact, you should forget you ever knew Warren Stone. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to get on with your life,” she said, then let go of me and motioned for me to follow her.
What? What did she know? My voice screamed within. Did she know Warren was my father? No, there was no way. She could have only speculated that I was his adolescent lover and that I had killed him because he had abused me in some way. I prayed she wouldn’t suspect what he had really done. The shame I carried, the shame I tried to keep locked away deep within, left my stomach in a giant knot, my heart racing, and my face as white as any ghost.
Richard noticed immediately when we arrived downstairs in time for the women to sit and have tea, while the men took off to the billiard room. He pulled me aside, as Judith ignored me and walked ahead to where the other women were seated in the drawing room, sipping tea from beautiful, delicate English bone china cups.
“I calmed Judith down,” Richard whispered. “Though I think it’s only temporary. Just keep a fair distance.”
“I don’t want to be here, Richard. Please, can’t we go back to the city?” I implored.
Richard placed his fingers under my chin and lifted my face up to his, and gave me one of his reassuring smiles. “You're safe here. You are safer here than anywhere. Remember that,” he said, then placed a quick kiss on my cheek. “I will see to all of your troubles.”
Without another word, he left me alone again to face the Van Dorn sisters - Judith, Rachael, and Anna.
* * *
Chapter Four
Lose direction
The women sat close on the sofa, nibbling on egg and cucumber sandwiches and shortbread. They discussed everything from modern fashion to their most recent travels. Rachael was ebullient and led most of the topics, while Judith ate and ate and ate. That kept her quiet and she seemed uninterested in the conversation. Anna appeared to be the oldest sister, yet I noticed she was the only woman not wearing a wedding band. A spinster, I assumed.
Mrs. Betsy Van Dorn joined her daughters shortly after the tea was poured and sat amongst her girls. She was a lovely older woman, who reminded me of Opal’s mother, whom I had met years before. Rachael was nearest to my age, and I wondered what her husband was like.
I blended in with the rose-colored settee I sat upon, and didn’t take a small, delicate sandwich when it was offered. I did have a cup of blended tea and slowly sipped away, content just watching. I was the first one to notice a man standing in the archway leading to the room, and he tipped his hat my way after his eyes lingered on me for a few moments. Then Rachael spotted him and insisted he leave us girls be. “Sterling, you go on and join up with the men. Stop eavesdropping!”
Sterling snickered and adjusted his hat. “Just need to know how much money my darling wife has been spending. Darned if she ever tells me the truth.”
The women all laughed, all except Judith. She sat and kept her gaze on Sterling, a man just as fine looking as Richard, with features so much the same that he could have been his twin brother. Later on that evening, as the men stood near to one another, it was obvious they were indeed related. Twin brothers, just as I had speculated. Sterling had a charisma that made every woman giggle and blush, and he flirted constantly. It didn’t seem to faze Rachael, for his eyes most often gazed upon her with unreserved admiration. They were playful and immodest in their affection toward one another, which I could see troubled Judith, was envied by Anna, and displeased Betsy.
“You two stop acting like children!” Betsy Van Dorn, seated at the dining room table, said sharply.
Up until this point, I had managed to avoid conversation, confrontation, and disapproval by staying subdued and to myself. I had done what Richard asked, and not burdened his wife, who always looked unhappy in my presence. She was able to avoid me by ignoring me altogether, at least up until Sterling brought me into the discussion. Then I sank in my seat as all eyes fell upon me.
“I see my older brother by ten minutes has taken on a new victim,” he announced with boisterous laughter. He had been drinking all evening, along with Rachael, and the two of them were making an appalling scene.
Judith threw me a look of scrutiny, apparently to see if indeed I was a victim or was voluntarily a participant in this peculiar exchange. She, of all people, must have been aware of her husband’s eye for beauty. That’s all he seemed to live for. I sensed sketching exquisite women made Richard feel alive, and that he had found a new way to breathe through me.
Judith, on the other hand, was no beauty. And for a brief moment, I found myself feeling power I had never felt before. Someone was actually jealous of me! She must have been! As much as I hated yearning masculine eyes upon me, I actually liked that Richard’s wife was evidently intimidated by me. In addition, I wondered how, since Judith appeared to have Richard walking on a tight leash, he had managed to get what he wanted - me.
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