Then there was the persistent voice urging me to seek what I was rightfully owed, and make people pay for their cruel lies. As much as my heart told me to turn and walk away, go to the train station, and finally make my way home, my head wouldn’t hear of it. My suffering came with a vindictive price and all those who crossed my path would have to pay. All of you who hurt me will pay for what you’ve done to me! Why am I the only one who is left to suffer?
With fierce determination, I marched inside and straight up to the second floor where Bart was sitting at the desk counting his precious money.
“You should knock before you enter a room. Have you no manners?” he barked. I slammed the door closed, startling him.
“I came for what is mine,” I spat.
“What is yours?” he asked, his mocking tone me.
I rushed over and grabbed his piles of money and threw it all up in the air, then shouted, “This is what I’m entitled to!”
He scrambled to pick up the bills scattered all over the floor, and I stood over him. Once he had scooped it all up and placed safely back on the desk, he spun around and laid a stinging slap to my face that sent me hurling onto the bed. From there, he grabbed my wrists, and shook me violently. “I’ve had enough of you and your lover! Richard has been nothing but a financial burden, always demanding more and more money.” He said this through clenched, hideous, crooked yellow teeth. “You were worth it in the beginning, but now look at you!”
Bart released me and I scurried across the bed to get away from him. “You have wasted yourself on booze and drugs; you can’t remember your lines, you’ve lost your singing voice, and you look haggard all the time. You’re not worth paying a penny for!”
Frightened, I bolted off the bed and ran for the door as his scornful glare followed me.
“Get out and don’t come back! Stay out of my theater, you good-for-nothing tramp!” he yelled, his shrill voice trailing all the way outside until I was far away from the hotel, crying and running down the empty, dark city streets until I finally reached the train station, falling, then picking myself up again.
* * *
Chapter Twelve
Nowhere left to turn
Life seemed to have strangely catapulted me back in time, and I found myself wandering wide-eyed through the small, empty train station. I had been there before, more than a year ago and found it hard to imagine all I had been through since I found Richard at the ticket booth purchasing a ticket for me to come join him and Judith in New York City. He claimed I was being sought after by the constable, and if I didn’t go with him, I would surely be thrown in jail, accused of murdering Warren Stone and then sentenced to death - a noose would be thrown around my neck and I would be hung in the town square, in front of hundreds of witnesses.
Little did I realize it was all a ploy to win my affections, take advantage of my gullibility, and have me bail him out of his own personal debt. It was all an act, the script written long before I agreed to Richard’s plan.
I shook my head from the disbelieving, miserable thoughts and focused on the task ahead of me. My plan was to go to Ned Griffin and agree to be in his show. How easily I could convince him to have me stay with him in his posh city apartment, where this time the cards would be in my hands. It was I who would control all the events that would soon unfold. The power was all mine, and I had to use it all to my advantage. I was going to make Richard jealous both by creating immense financial wealth for Ned, his enemy, and by allowing Ned to become my lover. Knowing Richard - jealousy, rage, and punishment weren’t going to be difficult to achieve.
All the way back to New York, I was in great agony. Chills ran through my body like a bitter January night as I sweated out every drop of water my body possessed. I tossed and turned in my berth, shaking uncontrollably and moaning, all while fighting back the demons of my own mind that called out with sinister laughter for me to jump off the train. I hallucinated - thought my evil grandmother was after me, along with Warren. I swore they shouted for my arrest, and I feared their voices were real.
There were some kind people on the train who asked if I needed a doctor, and I barked them away. I was restless and anxiety-ridden, and found myself greatly craving the drug that I had no more of. I knew, however, that I could no longer use it. Somehow, I needed to find the mental strength to see me through my worst days and nights, just so I could focus on my revenge.
When I finally arrived in New York City, I was exceedingly weak, had lost weight, and was so sick I didn’t remember how I made my way to Ned’s theater. I didn’t recall how I arrived at his apartment, or when he put me in his bed where he slept beside me. The next few days, I was so out of sorts that I needed Ned to explain to me exactly what happened.
He slipped out of bed and made me a small bowl of soup, then sat back down on the edge beside me. Vague images of Ned and me becoming lovers haunted me, but I remained calm and in sight of my goals. It was a part of my plan, I told myself. I needed to use everything - including my body, to take the necessary steps to hurt Richard.
“You arrived at the theater, thin and frail. Your face was pale, gaunt, and the minute you found me on stage during rehearsals, you collapsed in my arms. I brought you here to my apartment to recover from your ordeal. I don’t know exactly what happened between you and Richard. All I know is that he is in debt up to his eyeballs and trying to get a production going.”
“What about the magazine, his illustrator position?” I asked and then took a spoonful of the warm soup he had kindly prepared for me.
“Fired. He stole thousands of dollars from Mr. Hudson. His wife managed to bail him out of jail, and he is awaiting trial. In the meantime, Richard is doing whatever it takes to gain back some wealth, for his wife and the rest of the Van Dorns have now turned their backs on him. And I can’t blame them,” Ned said, running his hands through his hair, then smiled down to me. “I’m pleased you came to me. In fact, I knew in my heart you would someday. We are meant to be together you and me. I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on you. You won’t regret your decision. That I promise you.”
Oh, I would not look back and regret one single moment that led Richard to jail, the gutter, or straight to hell. That’s where he belonged - in hell with Warren Stone.
Shortly thereafter, I was well enough to begin, not as the lead role in Ned’s great burlesque production that put Bart’s to shame, but with a small part in the chorus line until I was well enough to take Leigh Lane’s part. She was a moderate success and had won the role soon after I rejected it. She was obviously dismayed when I showed up.
“She’s an amateur compared to you. Her beauty and talent don’t compare to yours. Just be patient, and in a few weeks, when you gain some weight back - enough to fill out your costume with eye-popping allure that will bring in our most wealthy patrons, then you will claim the lead role as your own.”
It left me discontented, but I was going to be patient and follow along without protest. This was a very grown-up game I was playing, and jumping out into the spotlight would only hurt my strategy.
The actors who worked for Ned were much more renowned for lack of humility and the show was so much more risqué! Without the white powder to ease my nerves and numb the shame at being on stage in costumes that barely covered my breasts, it wasn’t easy for me. It was only the memories of Richard’s betrayal that kept me from running off stage. I didn’t once let Ned see how miserable I truly was, how the show exhausted me. He never knew when we were in bed, as he loved me with intense desire, that I was plotting such wickedness that only someone with the blood of Warren Stone could conspire.
I didn’t enjoy the romantic dinners he made for us or the fancy restaurants where we dined at with his wealthy friends, although I pretended to. Ned, who was thrilled that I was his exclusive lover, didn’t notice how I scanned every street we walked along and every public place we entered, looking for Richard. When we shopped, he asked me to find things that appealed to me to redecorate his
“bachelor” apartment to create a more pleasing atmosphere for me; he didn’t realize that I just chose furniture and paintings, rugs and drapes to which I gave no thought or interest. I couldn’t wait for the moment when fate and good fortune would finally come my way, and we would bump into Richard. We were bound to run into him somewhere in the city. I thought about him constantly. Where are you, Richard? Show your face; stop hiding from me. Come out, come out, wherever you are!
It didn’t happen, not once throughout the cold, blustery winter months. Ned and I were everywhere. At every upscale party, I was certain Richard would make an appearance. Though he was not well liked any longer, I had heard the rumors of his comeback, the talk of his show being successful. Ned loved to talk about Richard and relished in his future demise.
“There is no possibility of his production becoming a success. No one likes him. Closing day will come shortly after his opening. Then he will be thrown in jail where he belongs,” he commented one night after we had just returned from the night’s performance. In my mind I agreed, but insisted for the sake of remaining anonymous with my feelings for Richard that he not talk about him in my presence.
“I know you despise that man. I’m sorry for bringing his name up in our home,” Ned said and nuzzled his lips against my neck. “I wished you had never fallen for such a conniving man such as Richard Parker. But that is all in the past now; we can move on and only look ahead.”
We had been lovers and companions for several months, and as much as he pampered me, worshipped me, and proclaimed we would someday marry, I managed to keep myself from any emotional attachment, which left Ned needing and longing for me even more. It wasn’t easy balancing my plan to take Richard down and have Ned believe I was in love with him. I put forth my best acting abilities, shut my mind off to all reality, and pretended that Ned was some mysterious prince who had saved me from all the evils of the world when he loved me.
When spring finally arrived to chase away winter, it was announced all over town that Richard’s show was finally going to open. He had revamped an old abandoned theater and spent money no one knew came from where. The whole city was excited to see if he could pull it all off and save himself from jail.
The night of his opening, Ned closed his theater, knowing everyone would show up ten blocks over at Richard’s theater. “No use performing if no one is in the audience,” Ned told his actors, and he gave us all the night off.
“Are we going too, Ned?” I coolly asked. I didn’t want to seem anxious; in fact, I wanted him to believe I didn’t want to go. I succeeded.
“My sweet girl, I wouldn’t make you do such a thing. I know how he hurt you. I’m certain you never want to see the likes of him again,” he said softly, caressing my cheek. How tender and considerate Ned was. I planned to use that to my advantage.
“I think we should. We need to see our competition,” I said.
Ned appeared skeptical, and not to make him suspicious, I smiled and added, “Don’t you want to see him flop?”
Ned’s brows rose at the alluring idea, but he announced he had other plans instead.
“I have a surprise for you.”
“Oh?”
“I have made plans for us to travel upstate, to a beautiful place that overlooks a spectacular, serene lake near a picturesque waterfall. It’s a lovely time of year - the flowers are beginning to bloom, the trees are coming alive. Let’s go away for a few days, get out of the city, and be alone - just you and me.”
How long I had waited for a man to love me the way Ned did. He doted on me, wanted me with him day and night, and talked of marrying me. Now he wanted to take me on a romantic getaway, and I could only think of Richard and getting even.
Ned noticed my distant gaze and took hold of my chin. He made me look up into his yearning eyes. “What are you thinking of? Could it be the same thing as I?” he murmured, then tenderly kissed me.
He was taken aback when I pulled away slightly. I realized I let my guard down - not playing my part well. So I smiled, cupped my hands around his face, and agreed to go away with him.
Early the next morning, after reading Richard’s rave reviews in the newspaper, we set out for our trip. Ned had his assistant, George Furgs, take over for him while we were gone. Because I hadn’t yet taken the star role, I could take leave. Ned promised as soon as we returned, because I looked so healthy again and my voice had recovered, Leigh Lang would become my understudy.
The ride reminded me of journeys up north to the estate with Richard, and as the landscape passed slowly by, I thought of nothing but him. Ned was talking, but my mind was elsewhere . . . on years past, on the estate, Rachael, and Sterling. Then briefly, my mind wandered to Heath. I wondered if he and Sarah had married.
When I didn’t respond to a question I didn’t hear, he became concerned and slightly frustrated. “You’re thinking of him, aren’t you?”
My heart skipped a beat. Was it that obvious? I worried. Could Ned see into the thoughts I tried desperately to keep to myself. But if he had, then he would realize how much I loathed Richard, I reassured myself.
“I just hope he won’t be the fierce competition everyone is saying,” I replied, hoping he wouldn’t read more into my melancholy mood.
He pulled me closer against him as the carriage flew over the awful bumpy roads, and he placed a kiss on the top of my head. “Don’t you worry, my sweet girl. When we return with you as the star, we will blow his show out of the water.”
I was ready for the challenge, for my name to be in the headlines to capture Richard’s attention and make him regret the day he had let me go. I would not rest or think of anything else until it happened.
The first hotel was just a halfway point to our final destination. We slept like logs, drained and achy from the long, dusty road.
We woke early, ate, and began the final leg of the journey to a mystery location. Ned had a smug smile on his face as we made our way into the small, sleepy town of Ithaca, New York. Ned had obviously been there before. He had an air of confidence about him as he led me down a few quaint tree-lined streets with our suitcases in each hand, until he stopped before a large four-story rooming house. There was a white painted sign out front on the sparse lawn that simply read, “The Inn,” and a smaller sign hanging by two hooks under that read, No Rooms.
“There are no rooms available here,” I said, looking around and wondering where we would find another place to rest for the night. I was hungry and grouchy and wasn’t up to the ordeal of searching for another rooming house.
“Let me handle this,” he said confidently and insisted I follow him up onto the front porch.
There were two porch swings, one on each end, which I thought looked very homey and inviting. The double dark cherry front doors held two oval panes of etched glass, and I could vaguely make out the shape of a thin framed woman coming to the door to see who was knocking at such a late hour, even after the sign said, No Rooms.
I stood a step back from Ned and waited for her to shoo us away. I was surprised when she threw her slender arms wide for Ned to give her a welcoming embrace. “Ned, you didn’t send word you were arriving!” the silver-haired elderly woman cried, then moved aside to allow us in. Then she followed behind me and called out for someone named Norman. “Come see who wants a room!”
“Hush up, old woman or you’ll wake the whole town,” Norman barked as he came out from a room adjacent to the narrow, dimly-lit foyer.
Ned's father was a tall, lean man with gray hair beginning to show at his temples. The rest of his thick hair was still very dark like Ned's. His eyes scanned his son, and then slowly he revealed a scowl. Ned didn't appear surprised; in fact, he welcomed his father’s animosity.
"Sorry to drop in without prior notice, Father," he said with a chuckle in his voice.
As pleased as Mrs. Griffin was to see her son, it was entirely the opposite for Ned’s father. Without another word, Mr. Norman Griffin muttered something under his breath I couldn't h
ear and disappeared into one of the back rooms.
Ned shrugged his shoulders and turned to his elderly mother. She appeared years older than his father. I thought the relationship seemed odd right from the start. Then again, it couldn't have been any odder than my parents’ marriage.
"Ma, this is my new love, Lillian, the girl I wrote you all about," he said with a beaming smile.
She peered closely up at my face, sizing me up with her warm, gray eyes. If my relationship wasn't such a ruse, I would have worried she would see the horrible sins of my family and my impurities, and not think I was worthy. But she quickly smiled and patted me on the hand, then said, "Welcome, Lillian."
Ned reached over and pulled me close. I briefly glanced around the well-kept rooming house, then my eyes flicked back onto his mother. I smiled nervously and felt a familiar nagging fear that things were going too far. There was Ned's mother waiting on me, offering me a hot cup of tea, sitting me down on a lovely but old sofa in the parlor, and all the while, I knew, just knew, what she was thinking. Ned had talked of marrying me. After hot, passionate nights when I lay in his arms, he would talk of our future. “I want to marry you someday, Lillian. You are the woman for me, the one I have been waiting for all my life. You make me feel the way no other woman has. Now don't jump to any conclusions. I haven't had as many women as you think. Not like some other men I know."
I knew he was talking of Richard. Richard was very much a ladies’ man - handsome, sophisticated, and sensual. Ned was those things as well. But, he chose not to abuse them. Most of the girls in the show had wanted to date Ned. They flirted and sauntered around him, flaunting their big bosoms and exposed cleavage, just to capture his attention. None of that fazed him. "I only have eyes for you," he said to me more than once.
Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy Page 70