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Chapter Sixteen
Come all undone
Before we all sat down for dinner, I set out to fetch Elizabeth. Ayden and Edward returned from town with boxes of fireworks for our special July Fourth event and quickly washed up for supper before night fell. Edward was planning to keep watch with Ayden for the next several nights. As well as giving me some time to catch up on much needed sleep, I enjoyed watching Ayden light up every time his father paid him a compliment. Receiving his father’s praise made Ayden’s chest stick out just a little more and possess an air of subtle confidence he clearly wore on his sleeve.
Elizabeth was quietly sitting in a corner when I walked into Ayden’s room. She couldn’t hear me climb the stairs, didn’t notice the door crack open. She was studying a magazine, and before I stepped in and made her aware, my breath sucked in as my eyes fell onto the front cover of the magazine. It was me! I was on the cover of the ladies magazine. Ayden knew. He knew all along and lied about it. Ayden pretended not to know, made me believe he was unaware. I began to tremble, and eased myself out of the room before Elizabeth noticed me. Already things were going bad - questions, lies, and doubt creeping into my harmonious marriage.
I didn’t waste a moment. I had to find Ayden. I hurried to the stairs when unexpectedly he appeared before me, from the top of the last step.
“Lillian,” he said as I stepped back from him, startled and distressed. “I didn’t see you there!”
When I didn’t respond he peered at me and noticed my daze. He then frowned, and stepped closer. He easily sensed my dismay, and when he looked to his room where Elizabeth strode the hall with the magazine in hand, gulped hard. I flew from him and to my room, where I slammed the door shut. Ayden came after me. “Let me explain!” he begged through the door.
“Go away!” I moaned, then threw myself onto the bed.
He refused my command and entered my room. “Please, just listen to me,” he said softly and sat on the bed next to me, stroking my hair as I sobbed into my pillow. “Yes, I knew you were famous, but I didn’t know the details of your life until you yourself told me. I saw this magazine in the store; I gasped when I saw it. I bought it and looked at your image every day, hoping you would come to life for me. It was all I had…beside my dreams. I should have told you, I should never have pretended as if I didn’t know anything about where you were or what you were doing. For that, I am sorry. I wanted you to tell me on your own accord, and you did. I needed to believe you were sincere,” he choked, and buried his face into my hair. I turned over, sat up, and cradled him as he knelt over me. “Heath, was it Heath who told you?” I asked between sobs.
Ayden lifted his head. “Heath? What does Heath have to do with it?”
“Heath and I had an encounter. An unexpected, unpleasant reunion at his engagement party, then later when I was ill, he tended to me. Heath was aware of everything, Ayden…my affair, my addiction. He turned his back on me, rejected me.”
“He knew all this time?” Ayden gasped.
“Only since I was in New York. Heath knew nothing of my time in Savannah living against my will. The only ones who know of my terrible ordeal there is Richard and now, you.”
“That brother of mine! He is a disgrace. Heath thinks he is better than I, better than all of us. He went off to Massachusetts, became a doctor, and ever since has turned his back on his own family. We weren’t even invited to his engagement party. I bet he thinks we are not good enough for the likes of his fiancé and her family. And…” he reached for my hands and kissed each one, then added, “He hurt you. If Heath had told me where you were, I would have come and rescued you from that hell. I swear I would have!”
Ayden was angry, mad as ever at his brother. Now it was definitely best Heath stay away from our island and us. Good riddance, Heath, I said to myself. Then I embraced Ayden and thanked him for owning up and revealing his secret. Now we could move ahead, with no skeletons in the closet to damage our blessed union. Our relationship was based on truth; we were to build a strong foundation, one that would stand strong against the worst storms, devastating catastrophes, and hold up to anyone who would seek to destroy what Ayden and I were most entitled to.
I allowed Elizabeth to keep the magazine after Opal helped with an explanation as to why it was me who graced the cover. Elizabeth was even more enamored with me, my constant companion and my shadow for the next few days. I didn’t mind, in fact, I was elated. Elizabeth was habitually curious, looking for an explanation about everything on the island. I taught her everything all over again, from when she was a baby. I easily recalled how to sign simple things like whale and bird. I showed her fossils the same way Heath had done for me, and when night fell, she and I lay side by side on a quilt outside near to the bluff and studied the stars. I spelt out the names of the constellations that were visible in the month of July; the same ones Heath taught me about long ago. And though we didn’t have his telescope to gaze through, she easily spotted them by eye; excited when the constellations appeared evident to her. Her eyes became wide and bright while pointing them out. I revealed it was Heath who took me out as a little girl almost her age and taught me about the stars.
Elizabeth didn’t respond with a sign or gesture that was apparent, though I sensed she was just as disappointed in her older brother as everyone else. I hated Heath for making everyone feel bad, put down, and neglected. While we lay under the blanket of stars side by side, I made a wish for myself and for Elizabeth. I wished no man would ever take advantage of her, that she remained as innocent as that very night, and for me - my wish was to reclaim all I had lost, recapture the life I had longed for, and always surround myself with good, kindhearted people such as the Daltons.
I suspected the new family due to arrive on Jasper Island would be just as upstanding and was growing anxious for them to arrive. I would have loved for Opal and Edward to stay on with us, but understood Elizabeth’s education was the priority. I believed she would be successful at anything she decided to do in life. She was that fortunate, and I was even a bit jealous as I gazed over at her staring up into the night. She may have had a hearing impairment, but for me, I would have taken that loss any day over all my scores of imperfections.
July Fourth, our nation’s day of independence, was hot and muggy. The breeze was unusually tranquil, the sea calm. Vessels of all kinds sailed by with happy vacationers on board. Many even waved over to us.
The men slept for only an hour, then after a hearty breakfast, went straight back up to the gallery of the lighthouse to clean the all windows. Elizabeth kept busy on the shore seeking out more fossils as Opal and I cooked for the remainder of the day. I wanted the day to go by painstakingly slow, for tomorrow, the Daltons were leaving for Connecticut and I knew I wouldn’t see them again for a long time. Opal saw my sadness, consoled me with a warm embrace, and promised they would return as soon as next summer. “Time will pass by and before you know it, we’ll be right back here in the kitchen cooking side by side again. Maybe you and Ayden will be expecting a baby by then,” she said with a glimmer of hope in her eyes. I didn’t respond, I couldn’t even find the words to reveal I didn’t want to have children. What kind of woman would she think I was if she knew I hated the thought of a baby growing inside me, or even the fact that I was repulsed to be with men after all I had been through? Opal was never abused, taken advantage of, and treated like a worthless human being. Her husband had only loved her tenderly. She didn’t know the kind of anguish men had put me through.
I excused myself from the kitchen, complaining I needed some air before I passed out from the heat.
“Of course. Take your time. We’re just about finished. If you fetch Elizabeth, she can set the table.”
Ayden was striding toward me when I stepped outside. His face lit up and he hurried over, then swept me up, and planted a long kiss on my lips.
“What was that for?” I asked when he placed me down.
“For being you, my beau
tiful wife, the girl of my dreams. I have been lonely without you.”
“Oh stop. You have been busy with your father, not given me a second thought,” I teased.
Ayden’s face grew serious and his lips turned into a boyish pout. “You don’t really believe that, do you? I think about you every minute I’m awake and dream of you while I sleep. You invade every part of me. I can’t exist without you.”
His solemnity jolted me as his feelings for me began to seem alarmingly familiar. Initially his habitual longing for me was flattering, comforting. However, when he held me, pressed me against him, my nerves began to unravel, as his intimate need for me was evident. Why was it that all men gravitated toward me and wanted more than I could give? The question pained me, although I chose to hide it from Ayden.
I smiled, masking my concerns. “I can’t exist without you either.”
Ayden beamed, his heart soared higher than the seagulls in flight. How I didn’t ever want to fail him and oh how consumed I felt with the expectations he unknowingly bestowed onto me.
“Where are you off to? Supper is almost ready. Father and I want to get the fireworks set to light soon. There appears to be a summer storm brewing. I hope it will hold out until we’ve had our fun.”
I peered up at the overcast sky and the dark, threatening clouds that slowly began to creep in, casting cool shadows all around. The wind that had been nonexistent kicked up, and the sea began to churn furiously. Vessels nearby took heed of the approaching storm and headed into the harbor.
“It doesn’t appear that way. I think it’s coming in faster than expected,” I shouted over the sudden gale force winds.
Ayden grabbed onto his hat before the wind blew it off and hurried back to the lighthouse to prepare for the blinding rain. I ran off to find Elizabeth struggling to climb the embankment.
“Come, Elizabeth,” I instinctively shouted and reached for her small hand, then pulled her up. It was then, as I lugged her forward, that I noticed a ship anchored only a quarter mile out, and a tiny row boat with two men struggling to row ashore to our lighthouse station. Ayden and Edward had the lens illuminated - the beacon rotating. He must have seen the rowboat and the two men risking their lives, braving the giant sea swells to come ashore.
I motioned for Elizabeth to get to the house, and then made my way through the pouring rain back down the embankment to the beach. The visibility was minimal, and I had to strain my eyes to keep sight of them. Up and down, the boat rode the giant waves, and I was certain it would capsize at any moment. I yelled over the howling wind at the top of my lungs for Ayden, and finally he appeared from the observation deck. He nodded and pointed to the boat, and I waited for him to hurry down to the beach. I ran to the boathouse and prepared the rope for a rescue, then waited only a minute in the battering rain before Ayden appeared by my side.
“Are you going out there?” I shouted frantically. I had always been afraid when Daddy would have to do rescue, but looking up at Ayden, I wasn’t anxious. Ayden stood resolute, quickly deciding whether to use to rope or take a boat out, ready to challenge the dangerous, pounding surf to save the sailors. However, it was the men on the boat who called off the mission by making it close enough to the shore for Ayden to wade into the breakers and pull the boat onto Jasper Island.
The men climbed out and stumbled onto the beach. I rushed over to guide them to the house while Ayden secured the rowboat.
“This way,” I yelled, drenched, soaked to the bone, and hoped they would hurry and follow me. I couldn’t make out their faces, though it really didn’t matter. No seaman was a stranger to us. All were welcome to a warm blanket and good home cooking until the storm passed and they could make it safely back to the harbor.
As soon as they were inside and stripped of their hats, my eyes flew open, my mouth agape. Elizabeth and Opal came to greet the lucky seamen who had braved and won against Mother Nature, only to stop in their tracks.
“Heath, is that you, as saturated as an old mop?” Opal gasped. Ayden came in, scanned his brother with a scornful glare, then left to go back up to the lighthouse, but not before he placed a quick kiss on my cold cheek and said, “Thank you for all your help, Lillian.”
The older gentleman gave warm thanks and accepted the blankets I’d retrieved. When I handed one to Heath, I didn’t make eye contact with him. Instead, I kept my gaze down, and that’s when I noticed his hand. It was covered in a hideous scar. His hand had obviously been badly burned not too long ago. I looked at him - in shock and sheer dismay. When he noticed my stare, he pulled the hand up inside the sleeve and discretely pleaded with his weary blue eyes for me not to reveal his grotesque injury.
I wanted to yell at him, tell him to go away, that he wasn’t wanted or needed by anyone here, especially me. Even Opal seemed distant with her son, though she acknowledged his arrival with an awkward hug, then suggested we dry off and all sit down to eat.
Heath excused himself and hurried upstairs, knowing the house well. He returned in a pair of Ayden’s borrowed trousers and a shirt, and had found the bandage wrap kept for emergencies and had covered up his wound. I assumed his hand must have un-bandaged from all the water the boat took on.
At the table, Heath kept his hand hidden, and Opal didn’t notice. She was too busy with the inquisition that Edward normally would have given, if he wasn’t obliged to help Ayden mind the light all the stormy night. “Why didn’t you send a telegram, at the very least? And the storm . . . to set out in such bad weather! What were you thinking?” she cried and shot both Heath and Hank a condemning look. Hank was a local fisherman who had offered Heath a ride out to our island from the harbor.
“It was an unexpected arrival, Mother. I wasn’t sure I could get away from Boston. At the last minute I had an opportunity to come to the magnificent celebration,” he said in a mocking tone.
Opal sat down and took a long needed breath, then asked, “Where is Sarah? Why didn’t she travel with you?”
Elizabeth’s eyes scanned everyone’s lips, trying desperately to decipher what was going on. I could hear everything very clearly with ears that worked perfectly, and yet, I couldn’t understand any of it either.
“She wasn’t available to travel,” he replied coolly, then began to eat. Hank had already devoured a plate full of food and politely asked for seconds. He ate even faster than Ayden.
“Is it that she is better than us?” Opal fired.
“Mother, that is not it,” Heath snapped. “Can’t we discuss this later?” Heath gave her a look indicating he wanted to speak with her alone after supper . . . that his business wasn’t meant for me to hear.
My anger and resentment toward Heath brewed. I tried desperately not to lose my temper. Just the sight of him made me ill, and I didn’t take more than a bite of my meal. And as he sat there quietly enjoying the meal I had worked so hard on while he purposely ignored me, I all but lost control and lashed out at him. “You know, I do think Sarah Van Dorn has shunned us . . . the Daltons. She is most definitely too high and mighty to adorn us with her presence. After all, she is wealthy and beautiful, educated and well bred. None of which are we. And . . .”
“That’s enough, Lillian,” Heath snapped.
“Isn’t it all true, Heath?” I shouted.
“Please, the two of you,” Opal pleaded.
“Heath thinks he can waltz in here unannounced and unexpected, take over, and go through Ayden’s belongings without permission!”
“I kindly asked my brother permission before I put on his clothes,” Heath made sure to let me know.
I stood and slowly backed away from the table. Heath was furious, his eyes blazed with anger and resentment, and there was a hint of warning - if I dared expose his injury, he would make me regret it. He made me perfectly aware that I was the one who truly didn‘t belong. Heath was cold, heartless, and it was obvious the only reason he returned to Jasper Island was to torment me. There was no doubt about it.
I didn’t look back when I
left the table, and went straight to Ayden. I was going to demand he have Heath leave as soon as the storm passed. I was certain Ayden would agree, but to my astonishment, he refused my plea.
Edward politely stepped out to go see Heath for a short while, and Ayden stayed with the light. The storm had eased up some, enough for Ayden to give me his undivided attention.
“Don’t you see why he is here? All he wants to do is ruin our celebration. You know what he thinks of me. He is not here to give us his blessing on our marriage. Heath is here to remind you of what he thinks I am!” I cried.
“That’s not the case,” Ayden reassured me, but I didn’t believe him. I defiantly folded my arms over my chest and stood in disbelief that he would be so easily convinced Heath’s visit was made of pure, honest, brotherly intentions. “It’s nothing what you think.”
“It is Ayden! Please make him leave,” I implored.
“He has nowhere to go. He asked to stay here, with us on Jasper Island.”
“What!”
“Heath had a terrible accident. He ran into a burning building to save a child. His hand was mangled and burned severely from a burning timber that fell as the building collapsed. He saved the boy, but sacrificed his career and his personal life as well. While he was in the hospital recovering, Sarah called off the engagement and left him. She wanted nothing to do with him after learning his hand was paralyzed and he could no longer be a doctor. Can you believe how shallow a person can be?” Ayden cried.
“Why did he come here of all places then? This is the place he wanted to run from most. Why the lighthouse?”
Ayden sighed, tired from the grueling night, exhausted from the emotional upheaval Heath brought with his return.
“He has nowhere else to go. He asked if he could live here, on Jasper Island with us, and I said yes.”
“No, Ayden. No!”
“You expect me to turn him away after what I just told you? He is family, he needs our help.”
I fought back my tears as I went to him and smothered his neck with kisses while I implored him to rethink his decision. “I love you. Please understand, please respect my wishes.”
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