“Mine as well. You girls know all about Christmas, don’t you?”
The rest of the Coopers came in and sat down just after Sylvia rang out the dinner bell.
“What about Christmas?” James, Jr. asked.
“Santa Claus. Has he visited you children before?”
I stared directly over to Heath, thinking years back to when I was just a little older than Lizzy. It was Heath and Ayden who revealed that a jolly old man flew in a magical sleigh driven by flying reindeers on Christmas Eve and delivered presents to all good little girls and boys across the world. I had never heard of such a tale before, never woken up on Christmas morning to have presents left for especially me. That Christmas, I believed for the first time that Santa Claus had come and left me a beautiful dollhouse.
With our gazes locked, James, Jr. and the other children described their Christmases in years past. I wasn’t listening to the details, instead drawn into the mesmerizing stare Heath and I shared from across the table. It was Sylvia’s loud screech that brought us out of the unexpected trance. “Lizzy soiled her dress again, and I’m not cleaning it up!” she protested.
Lizzy’s howls echoed throughout the house. In a now typical Jasper Island ruckus, Lizzy was removed crying and moaning in discomfort, while Hazel belted out orders. Ayden, fortunately, was not there to be sickened by the sight. This time, Heath was not splattered. He went to get some medicine to calm Lizzy’s temperamental stomach. He returned shortly.
“Take Doctor Dalton up to Lizzy,” Hazel ordered. Sylvia huffed and threw me an icy glare, as if it was somehow my fault. Then, she stomped ahead, and Heath trailed behind with a small medicine bottle in hand.
We managed to clean up the mess in record time, then insisted everyone get back to eating. Lizzy’s brothers and sisters were used to the vile smell and could eat through the offensive, stomach-turning odor, but I couldn’t.
“I’ll take Ayden a plate of food, and James as well.”
“Thank you kindly,” Hazel replied, and plopped down on the chair, exhausted.
First I delivered the warm meal to James, who was happy to see me. “Starving to death I am,” he said. He rang the fog bell at the designated interval, then chowed down.
“I need to get this plate to Ayden.”
“Have James, Jr. come relieve me in an hour.”
I approached Ayden with more prudence, since we were still rather awkward with one another after the last night’s conversation. I was happy when he smiled at me and welcomed my arrival with a warm, tender hug, the kind that made me appreciate I was truly home.
* * *
Chapter Twenty-Two
Room to breathe
I spent the evening with Ayden, relaxed and comfortable again with him. I stood by his side, not leaving the lighthouse for a moment. His unspoken gratitude for my company was evident in his soft-spoken voice, content expression, and relaxed attitude. I told him about the fiasco at supper, which made him chuckle. “Just happy I wasn’t there to witness it.”
“That poor little girl. She can’t keep much of anything down.”
Ayden adjusted the vents, then motioned for me to climb back to the lantern room.
“Heath has given her some medicine for her upset stomach. And he even saw to Mrs. Makson when we were in the village the other day. Perhaps He’ll reconsider and practice medicine again.”
Ayden trimmed the wick while shaking his head in objection. “I don’t think he has his sights set on staying a doctor. From what he told me, most of his hand was paralyzed from the fire. Said there was damage to the nerve.”
“That means he isn’t able to use that hand?”
“That’s what he said. It’s all too bad. Heath was a fine doctor.”
I was undecided whether to reveal the fact that Heath could indeed use both his hands and was only pretending at times. Why it was that Heath only allowed me to see and no one else, I wondered. Was it his way of testing my loyalty? What did I have to lose by divulging Heath’s secrets to Ayden anyway, I asked myself. Or better yet, what did I have to gain?
The sun rose that morning and chased away the dense fog. The Coopers announced early that they were leaving for church, taking both rowboats. They stopped along the way to the boathouse to ask if Ayden and I wanted to join them.
“No, thank you, Hazel. We worship at home,” I lied. We hadn’t even opened the Bible since I’d arrived back on the island. “Did you ask Heath?”
“No, didn’t see him this morning. We’re going to have a picnic afterwards. It’s a brilliant fall day. Are you sure you and Ayden won’t join us?”
I didn’t want to confess that I had no desire to either attend Sunday services or deal with the children this morning. I was tired from the night and longed for a nap. Then I planned to get straight to my daily chores.
Hazel lifted the picnic basket up around her arm, and said earnestly, “Perhaps next week.”
“Possibly. Have a good day. Enjoy your picnic.”
“Where are they going?” Ayden asked when he came in to wash up for breakfast. Hazel had left two plates out on the stove for us.
“Church and a picnic. She invited us along, but I declined.”
“Sounds like it would have been a nice time. We should really think about attending services. Seems unnatural to sleep, then get up to do chores on the Lord’s day. Your momma wouldn’t have stood for it.”
I looked over to her piano where every Sunday, before she became too ill, mentally and physically, she sang hymns for hours, and I knew Ayden was right. The one thing Momma was adamant about was being a worthy Christian. I just didn’t feel any need to sit in church where I was inclined to question all God had put me through and where he was taking me. Instead of praying, I might lash out at him for taking Momma away from me at such a young age and allowing my daddy to lose his senses and unmercifully forsake me to a woman who might as well have been the devil. And even though I finally made it back to the lighthouse station where Ayden proclaimed his love for me, and my world seemed to be at peace, perhaps with his holy guidance, maybe it was really just an illusion. Was God looking to take it all away the minute I was truly happy because I in no way deserved it? Was it I who was chosen to pay for the sins of my mother and my uncle, since all of Momma’s praying and repenting didn’t seem to appease God?
“Let’s eat. We can talk about this another time.” I sighed heavily and went into the kitchen to bring out the plates while he washed up. We didn’t talk much while we sat across from one another. I think we were both enjoying the peace and quiet, relishing the tranquility that had been lost since the Coopers’ arrival on Jasper Island. When occasionally I glanced over at Ayden, I realized how fortunate I was to have him. Although our marriage didn’t contain the magical spark I’d witnessed between Momma and Daddy, Ayden and I did have something special. We shared a past, a childhood, and a love for the sea. That’s what I felt drew us together; that’s what made me feel close to him. I longed to recapture the memories of our early days and the magical moments we’d found together as children.
“The children will be starting school tomorrow. Do you think they are excited?” I asked.
Ayden shrugged his shoulders. “Who knows? Maybe James, Jr. will be. He is sort of like Heath - real smart. The others will probably protest, like I did.”
“Oh, Ayden, I don’t believe you hated school as much as you let on,” I replied with a smile.
Ayden appeared annoyed at my suggestion. “What makes you say that?”
“Well, I suppose school wasn’t your fondest pastime, but it we did have some good times,” I said, trying to encourage even the slightest warmhearted memory he might have harbored. After all, I was with him in the rowboat and in the schoolhouse. We shared lunches, and he pushed me on the swing that hung from the big oak tree in the schoolyard. Ayden and I had gotten closer when Heath became smitten over Clara Roth. We were all we had. Then there was Victor, the old keeper who haunted the lighthouse station, who watch
ed over us, and who saved Heath and Ayden from drowning in a ferocious storm. Ayden and I were the only ones who knew of his ethereal existence. It was our secret, and one we shared to this very day.
Ayden pushed his plate aside, stood and stretched, then announced he needed to prepare the light for the night, and then was going to straight to bed. “I have a wicked headache. I really need to sleep it off,” he mumbled as he headed out.
I felt an instant sting to my heart. Ayden wasn’t aware of how important it was for me to recapture those precious memories - the memories that kept me alive when I was locked away and tortured. Between starvation and whippings, youthful Ayden and Heath were all I thought about. The hope that one day I would return to Jasper Island to live just as I had before Daddy took me away gave me the will to go on. Perhaps it was a bit unrealistic and idealistic, but it made me feel good.
However, Ayden held no nostalgia for yesteryear. He lived in the present, for today. His focus was to wait for the night and any impending storm or impenetrable fog to roll in and blanket the region, making it nearly impossible for vessels to navigate the waterway. Ayden wanted me as his wife, to serve as his better half, and that is also what I wanted. But there was so much more I longed for, so many emotional undercurrents I needed help to overcome.
Heavyhearted and crestfallen, I washed the dishes, then made my way to my room for a short nap. I heard Ayden come in not long after I laid my head heavily onto the feather-filled pillow. I thought I heard his footsteps stop before my door, and waited to hear a knock. Occasionally, there were mornings when I knew he was outside my door. I sensed his yearning for me, but I always stayed still, unable to rise and open the door and allow Ayden to become something more than the man who emotionally was more like a brother to me than a husband.
My nap was deep, my dreams took me years back to when I was little and Momma and Daddy were here with me, before Momma went mad, before Daddy lost himself in such despair that he could no longer function. In my dreams, I felt his strong arms holding me up on the ship’s bow on the day we came to Jasper Island. I could almost feel the brisk wind whipping through my hair and taste the salt from the spray of the ocean on my lips. The dream seemed so real. When I woke, I rubbed the sleep from my weary eyes, looked around, and quickly remembered that I was on Jasper Island, only Momma and Daddy were long gone.
The day was as brilliant, as Hazel had predicted. The air was light, the breeze mild. Over on the mainland the leaves were taking on the radiant colors of early fall - brilliant fiery orange, red, and yellow. I was anxious to get outside, to fill my lungs with fresh, crisp autumn air to take away the heavy woe that was slowly seeping in and weighing me down. I had rugs to beat the ash out of, and I dragged them outside, then painstakingly hung them over the clothesline.
I noticed Heath sitting on his favorite rock with his fishing pole in hand, inconspicuously glancing over my way when he thought I wasn’t looking. I paid little attention to him, but secretly wanted to stop my work and sit beside him and fish, as we had as children. If it were Ayden there, I would have.
I spent half the morning beating the rugs, as Heath caught fish after fish. Hazel would be happy, I thought. No supper for her to prepare. Heath had caught supper.
I strolled over to him when I was finished with the last rug. I stood looking out at the calm sea and the crisp blue sky, the same color as Heath’s eyes.
“Is there enough for all of us?”
“Almost enough. I need two more, then there will be a flounder for everyone.”
“Hazel will be pleased,” I said. Heath squinted and looked up at me.
“Do you want to fish for a while?”
I didn’t jump at the offer, didn’t want to seem so eager to slide the long, wooden pole in my hand, sit on the rock facing the warm sun, and relax while waiting for a nibble. If Heath knew how much I missed these things, if he saw how vulnerable I was, would he take advantage of me, I wondered.
“I have so much housework to do, lunch to prepare . . . ”
“Sit down, Lillian. You’ve been working all morning. You love to fish, I remember. If you don’t want me to sit with you, I’ll leave. But then who will put the worm on the hook? Aren’t you still squeamish over worms and snakes?” he asked with an impish grin.
“I am not still squeamish over such things anymore,” I retorted.
He stood and brushed off the dirt from his trousers, then handed me the pole. “Here you are. I will be sitting over there.” He pointed over to the end of the island, under the tree where I used to sit and cry and wonder and daydream about Heath. “I’m going to take a catnap. Enjoy . . .”
He wandered off, not looking back to see if I was serious or not. I was definitely frightened of slimy, slithery creatures, especially snakes. A snake had driven me into the arms of Warren Stone.
“Wait!” I called. Heath spun around. “Would you mind?”
He smiled with satisfaction, as if all along he knew I was fibbing.
“Not at all. It will be like old times.”
I sighed and resigned myself to his assistance. When we were side by side with my fishing line dangling down into the water, and I caught my first fish since I was eleven, I felt genuinely happy. “This is nice,” I said, as he dropped my second fish into the basket.
“You caught the largest fish. Doesn’t surprise me, though,” Heath said, with eyes that finally sparkled with cheerfulness when he looked at me. Heath no longer scowled; his gaze wasn’t harsh and judgmental any longer.
“Thank you for baiting the hook,” I said, handing him back the pole.
Heath lifted the basket and brought it near to the house, where he would scale and gut the fish for supper. I trailed behind, forgetting about my chores, not remembering to take in the rugs.
“It’s been quiet around here today. I suspect that’s why the fishing was so good,” Heath said, as he started on the first fish.
“They begin school tomorrow. All but Mary and Willard. I suppose we can catch fish for supper every day.”
“It doesn’t seem so long ago that we were in school. Amazing how time flies,” he said.
“I remember my first day. I was so nervous, sick to my stomach. I was so embarrassed when I threw up all over myself,” I confessed. Heath looked up.
“I was happy you didn’t quit and give up. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t gotten on that rowboat and come with Ayden and me to school.”
“Oh, it wouldn’t have mattered to you. You were smitten with Clara Roth. You probably wouldn’t have even realized I wasn’t there,” I said nervously, wringing my hands. This was the first time we had had a nice talk since Heath came to Jasper Island.
Heath put down the filet knife, and his expression turned serious. He was about to speak when Ayden turned the corner. “Fish for supper. Yum!” Ayden didn’t notice he was interrupting.
Heath continued his gutting while I pried my eyes from him and awkwardly turned to Ayden. “I have to bring in the rugs. Will you help me?”
“After lunch. I’m starving.”
I gulped. There was no lunch prepared.
“I can fry you up a fish. Give me a minute. I’m just about finished with this one,” Heath interjected, saving me from Ayden’s displeasure.
“That sounds great. I have to go to the oil house first, then we’ll sit down for lunch. It’s a fine day to eat outside.”
Once Ayden was far enough away, I thanked Heath.
“I must take the blame. After all, it was I who persuaded you to fish, taking time away from your lunch preparations.”
I responded with a nod and a subtle smile, then set the table. We all sat and shared one of the large flounders I’d caught. Ayden and Heath sat across from me. Often, I glanced at them admiringly. Through Heath’s moustache and the shadow of a beard on Ayden’s pale skin, even with their deep voices and masculine physiques, it wasn’t hard to remember them as boys.
The day grew warmer, almost mid-summer-like, unusu
al for this time of year. Clear days like these were short-lived, and fierce storms would arrive with little warning as they did nearly every fall. The waves grew into enormous swells; thick, menacing grey clouds darkened the day. Winds were wicked, and I remembered the stories Daddy told me about the most well-built lighthouses that toppled, demolished by wind and waves from such ferocious storms. The storms that raged in the fall were the most feared.
Before the day was over, the Coopers returned, and life at the station was again turned upside down. Immediately, there were children laughing, crying, arguing, and underfoot. Ayden stayed clear of the kids, losing himself up in the tower, unlike Heath, who lit up when they came running up to him, asking if he could take out his kite. “Please, Doctor Heath!” they urged. Oliver and Owen tugged on his pant leg as Lizzy gave him sad puppy eyes at the thought of him saying no.
“You kids have chores to do. I’m not the only one who has no time for fun,” Sylvia snapped and yanked her siblings away from Heath. “And you have school tomorrow. First thing. Hear me Owen, Oliver!”
“She’s right. You all need supper and then you should get straight to bed. School is hard work, and takes great concentration. If you don’t get enough rest, then you’ll be likely to fall asleep. Then you will have to sit in the corner with the dunce cap on. You wouldn’t want that, would you?”
The children were mesmerized with Heath. He had such a soft spoken, carefree way of conversing. I could see he must have been a very popular doctor. Besides, his good looks were soft on the eyes.
“What is so important about school? Ma didn’t have much schooling. Besides, I want to grow up to be a keeper, just like Pa. All my schooling should be here on the island,” Sylvia stated adamantly.
Heath immediately went on to defend the importance of school, its fundamental purpose, and the consequences of a poor education. Sylvia had her arms crossed over her chest defiantly and huffed at his somewhat drawn out lecture.
Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy Page 82