If Ayden was anywhere near, watching Heath and me stand close to one another, I didn’t care. This moment was mine to treasure, and was one I had wished for long before I gave my life and promise of love to Ayden.
“I want to thank you for taking care of me, for your unconditional devotion. You have been my angel, and if it wasn‘t for you, I‘m not certain I would have recovered. The weeks I lay in bed while you nursed me back to health gave me so much time to reflect. I know I didn’t deserve such loving care, after all I have put you through.”
“That is all in the past. I forgive you,” I said through my happy glow.
“Please, let me finish,” he insisted, lightly squeezing my hands.
I bit my lower lip so I couldn’t smile, so I wouldn’t intimidate him with my joy.
“Since my return, I have been cruel to you, and I am deeply ashamed. There are no excuses for my behavior. I feel terrible. Just terrible. I would give anything to change what happened and all you’ve been through. It isn‘t fair how you‘ve suffered so.”
Heath released my hands, then reached out to caress my cold cheeks. “I wish I could go back in time and save you from Richard Parker and the nightmare he dragged you into.”
By now, I was panicking inside. Something about the distress on his face filled me with unexpected alarm. My heart fluttered madly in my tightening chest. My throat suddenly dried. Why did he mention Richard in what was going to be his love declaration? I worried. It was odd, and it disturbed me. Nevertheless, I attempted to remain calm and confident, and, still believing this was heading to a confession of love, allowed Heath to continue.
“I know I can’t fix what happened to you. There is no magical time machine that can go back, change the past, and bring me to you once again, only this time to save you from Richard and Judith and the life they threw you into. However, I am here now, and I intend to protect you. I know it is truly Ayden’s place, and he has every right to be the one to keep you safe. After all, he is your husband. I am here to tell you, that no matter what, you can count on me, even when you feel all others have failed you.”
Although his words didn’t sound like a traditional love pronouncement, I was elated to know Heath was there for me, like no other. He was going to protect me the way Daddy protected Momma. Nothing else was going to matter but my happiness and well-being from now on. Heath was always my gallant knight in shining armor!
Without warning, I threw myself onto Heath and through tears of joy, hugged him tight, not wanting to ever let go. He tenderly caressed my hair as I buried my face in his chest, but in only a moment, abruptly pulled me back. “Do you remember the day of the storm, when you fell over into the frigid sea?” he asked hoarsely.
“Of course,” I laughed nervously, brushing my tears away with the tips of my fingers.
“Do you recall my trip to the post office?”
My smile faded when I noticed how serious he was.
“Yes, of course I remember. That day is etched in my mind. It was a terrible day,” I said softly.
“There was a letter I mailed that day.” I didn’t want him to know I had spied and looked at the letter.
“A letter?”
“To an old college friend of mind in New York City.” I was becoming restless and impatient. What did any of this have to do with our newfound relationship? “He is an attorney. The assistant District Attorney, Felix Lowell.”
“I don’t understand what this is about,” I said hastily.
“There is a trial about to happen, a murder trial.”
“Ned Griffin’s murder?” I uttered with great anxiety. What did this trial have to do with me? Why were Heath’s eyes burning for me to understand what he was saying, hoping for it to click in my mind without his having to say it aloud?
“Richard is on trial for his murder. Remember when I told you?”
“Yes, yes I remember. But what does this have to do with you, with us?” I cried.
“The prosecution is planning to use you as a witness. You are their star witness.”
“A witness to what? I didn’t see Ned’s murder. I was here on the island when it happened.”
Heath pulled me into his embrace and soothed me as I began to tremble with fright. I wanted nothing to do with Richard.
“You have to return to New York,” he choked. “And I will go with you.”
I wildly shook my head in protest and shoved him back. “No!”
“You have no choice. You will be summoned to appear.”
I fell onto my knees, down onto the cold sand, and sobbed into my hands. Heath hovered over me, blocking the sun. The air suddenly turned bitterly cold and damp. No! It can’t be true. I can’t go back there. Too many shadows and demons to steal me away and never let me return.
“I will talk to Ayden. I’m sure he will insist I look after you.”
I was blindsided with Heath’s news, crushed he hadn’t brought me to the shore to confess his true love, and shattered that I would have to return to New York and face my horrendous past and the man who had left me with deep emotional scars that no one but Heath could see.
Heath bent down and gently lifted me up, and I collapsed into his comforting embrace. “Go rest. I will talk to Ayden. We need to be leave by the end of the week.”
I was crying in my room that night when there was a rap on the door. I’d fallen asleep for the remainder of the afternoon, and had woken to instant tears.
“Come in,” I called out through my sobs.
Ayden stepped in, lit the lamp, and cautiously approached me. We were on bad terms, neither one of us sure of where we stood in the marriage. Curled up on the bed with my back turned to him, I assumed he would keep his distance, say whatever he needed to say, then leave, so I was surprised when he knelt down and lowered his head to rest beside where my head lay on my tear-soaked pillow.
“Heath told me about the pending trial,” he said softly into my ear. “I don’t know anything about big cities or lawyers.”
Ayden wasn’t as worldly or sophisticated as Heath. He didn’t have a way with words, or know very well how to express his feelings.
“I have failed you. In every way. I can’t take you to New York. I have to step aside and allow Heath to hold you up and protect you. My emotions have been in an endless fog, my mind battling storms, my heart wreaking havoc,” Ayden admitted, all choked up with emotion, “When you came back to Jasper Island, I thought we were going to live happily ever after. I wanted to make you happy and proud,” he said solemnly, with his lips brushing against the lobes of my ear, sending tingles throughout my body. “My own selfishness has stood in the way. My wants and needs have built a fire in me that has burned out of control, and I’ve made terrible mistakes. I have hurt you.”
I blinked back my tears and held my breath, waiting to hear how he was in love with Sylvia. But, to my relief, instead, he adamantly insisted he loved me and only me.
“I flirted with danger, I admit that. I wanted her, but fought my own demons, and have remained faithful to you, I swear it,” he cried lifting his head. I sat up, turned myself, and faced him. Ayden’s eyes were bloodshot from crying, his face overcome with gloom.
“So you and Sylvia didn‘t . . .” Ayden rushed to hold me, smothering my lips with his, passionately kissing my breath away. Then he cradled me and kissed my face and neck, winning me over, allowing my mind to shut down and my body to feel the sensations that had remained dormant for a very long time.
As if the end of time were coming, Ayden and I clung with breathless anticipation to one another as we amorously consummated our marriage. Ayden was fervent and attentive with me. It was a fantasy fulfilled. Afterward, Ayden brought me into his embrace and stroked my long hair, using his fingers as a comb, whispering how beautiful I was. He swore, as God was his witness, that he would never again let anyone other than me capture his affection.
* * *
Chapter Twenty-Six
Lead me through the fire
T
he days before Heath and I were to make our journey to New York, Ayden and I spent every waking minute together and slept soundly in one another’s arms after long, passionate nights of lovemaking. I wasn’t consumed with worry over the upcoming trial; instead, I was thrilled with our newfound passion.
James was gracious enough to take every watch after he learned of my plight. Ayden and I were going to be separated for a few weeks. Everyone on the island gave us the time and space we needed to enjoy each other until we had to part ways. Sylvia, however, continued to linger.
When her father was up in the tower and her mother preoccupied with the burden of so many children, Sylvia snooped around and tried to corner Ayden when he was alone for the few minutes on the day when I was helping Hazel with supper.
The night before I left Jasper Island, Ayden told me he set her straight, letting her know in words that left no room for doubt that he was not interested in her. I didn’t want to hear the details of their encounter. Instead, I begged Ayden to make love to me repeatedly, to hold me and kiss me until the light of morning.
I left Ayden sleeping soundly, and placed a delicate kiss on his lips so as not to wake him. Heath was loading up the rowboat, lugging in my bag, when I appeared. Hazel came down, trailed by a few of the children with a bundle sandwiches in hand, and bade us a modest farewell and safe journey. “Take care,” she said somberly, giving us each a tight hug. “Don’t forget to eat. You must keep up your strength through this terrible ordeal.” The way she looked deep into my eyes indicated she was more troubled about something else than concerned over Heath and me eating well.
“Thank you for the food, Hazel. Please don’t fret,” I begged. Her worried frown had my stomach twisted up in knots. “We’ll come home safe and sound, I promise.”
“How long are you going to be gone?” Oliver asked. Owen stood right beside him, also waiting for Heath’s answer.
“As long as the adventure lasts,” Heath said in a jovial tone, shooting me a quick wink.
As Heath rowed us to the mainland, the Cooper children ran to the bluff to wave us a fond farewell. I kept my eyes locked on the lighthouse, afraid even to blink, fearing it would vanish out of sight forever. I was distraught to leave my newfound passion with Ayden, worried about Sylvia’s sinful determination to win my husband’s affections, and compelled to forget what I had read in the letters - the scented letters from Heath’s former fiancée. I finally found the courage to read them only a day before our departure. In the letters, Sarah had pitifully begged and pleaded for Heath to return to her.
I know you have ended our courtship in a premeditated fiery blaze in an attempt to find your way home and into the arms of Lillian. I will love you, my darling Heath, no matter who your heart belongs to, and I forgive you for betraying yourself. Come home to me.
The disturbing letters left me feeling deep pity for Heath. Heath had unimaginably burned his own hand to permanently end his career as a doctor so he could return to the lighthouse station and proclaim his love for me. There was no rescue; he saved no boy from a fiery death. It was what I had suspected all along - a lie.
Heath had an unbearable choice to make. He alarmingly believed he had to choose between being a doctor and loving me. Only days after the incident, when he was in the hospital, did he learn the devastating news that I had married his brother. Heath was left with no choice. He was too ashamed and humiliated to stay in Boston where he would never practice medicine again, nor could he face Sarah. Heath’s hand was temporarily paralyzed, and he was in such despair that he returned home, for he had lost everything - both his profession and me. That’s why he was so angry, so despondent. After all these years, Heath had finally given into his unspoken love for me, only to have his heart broken when he learned of my marriage to Ayden.
Before placing the letters back under the mattress, I took out a pen, ink, and paper from one of my old writing tablets, anxiously sat down and wrote Heath an intimate love letter I never intended for him to read. It was my way of letting go of the deep love I had carried for him since I was nine years old - relinquishing my devotion. With this unprompted secret confession, my heart would now belong exclusively to Ayden, and my conscience would finally be clear.
My dearest Heath,
For so long my heart has belonged to you, waiting for the day you would come to me with open arms and words of love and adoration. Since the day I met you, I have thought of and wanted nothing more. Even during our years apart, I felt you with me, your eyes following me and your heart empty without me, or at the very least, that is what I wanted to believe.
When we were finally reunited, I was crushed to learn of your engagement and devastated to meet the beautiful woman who had won your heart. I envied Sarah Van Dorn, and was jealous to the bone. I wished I was the one you swooped up in your arms and twirled around the dance floor. I wished your blue eyes shined upon me that momentous evening, instead of on her. I couldn’t blame you for rejecting me, for my life had turned into a disgraceful mess.
When I found my way back to Jasper Island, Ayden was there waiting for me. He had stood holding his breath for the day I would return. How elated I was to learn someone had missed me and yearned for me since the moment I was whisked away in the darkness of night. Ayden at once proclaimed his love for me, and though it was the vision of you that filled my eyes, I said yes to him - vowing to be his wife.
The day you arrived, not long after Ayden and I were married, I began to feel my heart tear apart, and deep anguish settled in. Seeing you again instantly stirred up my buried love for you and sent me into an emotional tailspin. And though your eyes revealed nothing but revulsion for me, instinctively I knew that would someday change.
Forgive me for hiding the letters from Sarah that rightfully belonged to you, though I feel no guilt or shame. I admit I wanted to discover the truth, needed to know if you truly felt the same way as I felt for you. With disbelieving eyes, I read every letter as my heart soared beyond the heavens.
At the same time, it pained me to think of what I had done and how I am responsible for keeping you and Sarah apart. For I can never have you, Heath - it was not written in the stars, not ever meant to be.
I belong to Ayden now, mind and body, but my heart and soul will always be yours to treasure, and this will be our forever secret. I love you with unspeakable passion, Heath Dalton. I love you, love you, love you . . .
Lillian
I felt miserable when we boarded the train to New York. Heath was aware of my melancholy, though he didn’t truly understand the depth of my emotions. An enormous part of my sadness came from seeing how he looked at me with such unconditional love and knowing all he had sacrificed because of me.
Our travels went without incident, and we arrived in the foreboding city in the freezing, bone-chilling rain. Heath predictably had our itinerary planned, and before I had time to take in the city that had stolen my innocence, I was unpacking in a luxurious suite in one of the city’s most lavish hotels.
Heath had the connecting suite. He knocked on the adjoining door just before I climbed into the strange bed, longing for the comfort of sleep and sweet dreams of our lighthouse station. I was almost in denial about all that was happening. I was reluctant to speak of the upcoming trial and refused to think about it. In my mind, I had shut off all the bad memories of Richard Parker and of Ned Griffin’s murder, and concentrated on nothing but my days with Ayden and all the amorous words he had finally whispered after we shared one another in the most loving union. “I can’t imagine how I became so lucky to have you as my wife,” he murmured in between hot, breathless kisses. “You are all that is beautiful to me, Lillian. You are the brilliant sunrise, fiery sunset, and endless horizon of my every waking day. You are the wild wind that sweeps through my heart and makes it beat. My life is truly nothing without you.”
Heath wasn’t as exhausted. In fact, he seemed rather invigorated. “Isn’t this hotel extraordinary?” he exclaimed, gazing around the elaborate suite.
“I suppose. All I care about is getting a good night’s sleep,” I said dully.
“Felix Lowell is paying for this. No need to eat Hazel’s sandwiches anymore. Let’s go down to the restaurant and have a delectable meal.”
I fell into the nearest chair, exhausted, and sighed, “I’m tired, Heath.”
“The city has energy like no other. There are so many people, so much going on,” he remarked with a bright twinkle in his eye as he looked out the windows of the tallest hotel in any city in the world. “Get dressed. Let’s dine together.”
At Heath’s insistence, I dressed and freshened up, then allowed him to escort me to dinner. To my surprise, hotel guests whispered and gawked at us when we entered the grand dining room. I scanned the room to see if I recognized anyone.
“Why are they staring at us?” I asked Heath, as he graciously pulled out my chair.
“The trial of Richard Parker is the talk of the city, on the front page of every newspaper,” he revealed, sitting down across from me. I placed the napkin on my lap, feeling all eyes upon me.
“You’re going to have to get used to this,” Heath said reassuringly and took my hands in his. “Don’t let their stares and whispers bother you.”
I gulped hard and sat silently as Heath placed our order with the elderly waiter. I felt very out of place and uncomfortable, and wished I was far away from anything that had to do with Richard Parker. However, that wasn’t meant to be. Mr. Lowell made his entrance, causing more whispers as he approached our table. “Mrs. Lillian Dalton?” he asked and handed me an envelope. I looked to Heath for support, and he gave me a humble nod. “You have been officially served a subpoena to appear in court. It’s just a formality,” Felix indicated in a friendly manner. He leaned over me and gingerly shook Heath’s hand.
“Old friend, good to see you,” Heath said as he rose and patted Felix on the back.
Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy Page 86