by Bree Wolf
Smiling at his grandfather, Gabriel asked, "What do you think I should do?"
"Be there for him," was all his grandfather said.
"That's it?" Gabriel asked, feeling the sting of disappointment. "But I want to help him."
His grandfather placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know, and it makes my heart soar to hear you say that, but as much as you want to, you just can't. Love is a tricky thing, mostly because we have no control over it. When butterflies fly, there is no stopping them. We don't get to choose where they land."
"Butterflies?"
"Have you ever been in love?"
Gabriel shook his head. "I don't think so."
"Well, it's the most curious feeling. In a way it makes you feel sick to your stomach."
Staring at his grandfather, Gabriel said, "That doesn't sound good at all. I thought people liked being in love."
"Oh, they do. Your heart is pumping faster as though it can't keep up, your palms are all sweaty and there is that strange queasiness in your stomach...butterflies."
Gabriel frowned. "That sounds like a sickness."
His grandfather nodded. "In a way it is, but it is also exciting. There is nothing like it. That is, if both of you feel the butterflies fluttering in your stomachs."
"What if only one of them does?"
Scratching his head, his grandfather looked at him with sad eyes. "It's agony, pure and simple."
***
Sitting at his desk, Gabriel looked through his notes for Mr. Eves' class until he found the assignment sheet. He scanned the lines until halfway down the paper he read, What makes a good friend? What makes a bad friend? Why?
Gabriel took a deep breath and touched his pen to the notepad in front of him. Slowly, his hand began to move, carrying his thoughts onto the paper.
Friends are friends because they like each other, because they have a lot in common. They share hobbies and interests. But that's good times. Good times are easy. Good times don't tell you who your friends are. Only bad times will.
A good friend is someone who stands with you in good times as well as in bad times. A friend is there when you need him. A friend listens. A friend tells you the truth. And a friend protects you.
Thinking of Jack, Gabriel desperately hoped that he wouldn't need protecting. Even if you have someone to protect you, needing protection is hard too. Jack would get hurt, even more than he already hurt.
Chapter 11 – Hidden Pain
The last few days, Gabriel had kept his distance from Jack. He didn't want to be too intrusive, making Jack feel obligated to share his thoughts with him. But after seeing his friend walk the hallways with a hanging head and sadness in his eyes whenever he thought no one was looking, Gabriel realized that Jack might be interpreting this distance differently. To him, it might feel like a friend who he'd confided in was abandoning him. So, to avoid any misunderstandings, Gabriel walked up to him during lunch break.
"Hey there," he said. Jack's head snapped up as though he'd been slapped. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I just wanted to see how you were."
Without saying a word, Jack picked up his tray and headed over to their group's little table. When he saw Liam and Jordan sticking their heads together, whispering, he stopped for a moment, took a deep breath and then approached the table.
Gabriel observed from afar, as Jack was greeted with a quick hello, but then was left to his own devices, when the other two resumed their hushed conversation. Feeling clearly uncomfortable, Jack seemed to loosen up a little when Eddie showed up, dumping his tray on the table and complaining about something or other.
Sitting down himself, Gabriel couldn't help but watch his friends with a scientist's curiosity. Knowing what he knew, he wasn't sure how to act without rousing their suspicion. More than anything, he wanted to distract Jack from his gloomy thoughts, and yet he didn't want to interfere with Liam and Jordan's new-found closeness. Had anything happened between those two? He wondered. Ever since Liam had been helping her out with her afternoon clean-up chores, they'd been almost inseparable.
"So, any plans for the weekend?" Eddie asked, chowing down a hamburger.
Gabriel shook his head. "Nothing specific. You?"
Eddie shrugged. "Well, right now there is boredom, followed by more boredom and...oh yeah, did I mention boredom?" He rolled his eyes. "So, whatever you're gonna do, I'm in!"
Jordan grinned. "I'm sorry to disappoint but–" She chuckled. "Actually I'm not. I'm enjoying it quite a lot." Liam tried to stop her, but she went on. "You are not invited."
Eddie frowned. "Invited to what?" His eyes narrowed as he looked at Jordan. "What are you talking about?"
"We are going to the movies." Again Jordan flashed a grin at Eddie. "And by 'we', I mean Liam and I. But maybe one of the others will take pity on you and rearrange their schedule." With a mischievous sparkle in her eyes, she turned to look at the others. "Anyone?"
This time Eddie chuckled. Their still considerably civilized banter went on until they rose to head to class. As Gabriel put down his empty tray, he realized that Jack was still sitting at their table, eyes focused on the remains of his lunch.
Eying him closely, Gabriel walked back over. "Are you okay?"
Jack just shrugged.
"Is it Liam and Jordan?" he whispered, sitting down across from him. He glanced around. Slowly, the tables around them were emptying.
Again Jack shrugged.
"C'mon Jack, talk to me! Please!"
"What do you want me to say?" His head snapped up, eyes wide, searching the room as though hoping to find an answer. "They are getting really close. And...and..." He trailed off.
"You don't like it," Gabriel finished for him.
Jack snorted. "Quite big of me, isn't it? Jordan's my sister and Liam's my best friend. Only an ass would not wish them happiness."
"You're not an ass!" Gabriel insisted, voice serious. "You're hurt! And you have every right to feel the way you do."
"Do I?" Again Jack shook his head, eyes distant. "Why can't he just be my best friend?" His voice dropped to barely a whisper. "Why do I have to feel like that about him?"
Gabriel shrugged. "It's unrequited love," he said. "You're not the first person to experience it, you know?" He grinned at his friend, hoping he would take the bait.
A faint smile passed over Jack's face.
Remembering something, Gabriel leaned forward. "Hannah once said that, without unrequited love, half the books in the world would never have been written."
A slight chuckle rose from Jack's throat. "Thanks."
For a little while they sat in silence, as the cafeteria slowly emptied. Then Gabriel spoke up again. "Maybe you should tell them."
Eyes wide, Jack stared at him.
"I just thought it might make it easier." Gabriel shrugged, not knowing what else to say. "Maybe they could tone it down."
Jack shook his head. "They must never know. Especially Liam. I don't want him to know how I feel about him."
"What?" The harsh word echoed through the silent cafeteria, making them spin around.
Just a few feet behind them, over by the tray collectors stood Eddie. A disgusted frown on his face, he stared at them.
Jack froze, unable to say a word.
Seeing his face, Gabriel rose to his feet, approaching Eddie. "Let me explain. You don't understand."
Eddie took a step back, shaking his head. "I heard what you said. I understand exactly." His eyes moved over to Jack, now hard as stone. "I can't believe you were my friend," he spat. "I want nothing more to do with you!" Not taking his eyes off Jack, Eddie walked around the table, bent down to pick up the notebook he had forgotten and left without another word.
***
Riding home, Gabriel was lost in thought. Before his eyes he kept seeing Jack's hurt face and Eddie's filled with anger, and it pained him that he didn't know what to do about that. The friendship in their little group had always seemed so steady and unshakable. He remembered the night they
had worked hand in hand to help Hannah escape the white room and meet up with her mother in the forest. The way they had all stood up, without a moment's hesitation, had impressed Gabriel more than he had realized in that moment. And ever since that night, he had simply assumed that things would always be that way; that no matter what, they would all be there for each other.
Only now things had changed. Something was wrong. To Gabriel, it felt like Eddie had betrayed their friendship, and yet he couldn't be mad at him. Gabriel felt like there was something he wasn't seeing. Something right before his eyes, that he still couldn't grasp.
"Grandpa?" Gabriel called as he walked into the house. His head was spinning, and he had no clue how to fix what was going on with his friends. He needed to talk to someone. Someone who would help him make sense of everything.
"In the study," his grandfather called back. "Something wrong?" he asked, as Gabriel rounded the corner. He put down the book he had been reading and bade him sit down. "What's going on?"
Taking a seat on the couch, Gabriel took a deep breath. "Eh, remember what I told you about Jack?" His grandfather nodded. "There is...eh...a new problem?"
His grandfather frowned. "A new problem? What do you mean?"
"Well, someone heard about...Jack's feelings and...he didn't like it." Remembering the anger in Eddie's voice, Gabriel shuddered.
"Didn't like it?" his grandfather repeated, trying to make sense of the bits of information Gabriel was offering him. "I see. Do you think he...whoever 'he' is...could be jealous?"
Gabriel shook his head. "I don't think that's it. He seemed...offended somehow. He got so mad. Said that Jack had betrayed him."
"Oh, that is serious," his grandfather mumbled, scratching his head. "So I take it they were friends...before?"
Gabriel nodded. "They were. Good friends. I always thought they'd stand up for each other no matter what. And now, I...I don't understand. I mean, I was surprised, too, when Jack told me...," he hesitated for a second, "...the truth, but Eddie–" Shocked, Gabriel clasped a hand over his mouth.
"Don't worry," his grandfather told him. "I won't breathe a word of this." When Gabriel relaxed, he went on. "So Eddie? He is angry that Jack fell in love."
"Very angry."
"Well, if he is not jealous, then it must be something similarly personal," his grandfather said. "Deep anger is always born out of some kind of pain. My guess, Eddie got hurt, bad, and the situation with Jack somehow reminds him of that pain. I mean, I don't know the circumstances, but they were good friends. Have been for a long time, and if something like this breaks them up so easily, there is more to it than meets the eye."
"You think?"
His grandfather nodded. "You should talk to him. Find out what happened. Maybe by helping Eddie you can help Jack, too. At least a little. It might get him his friend back."
"Okay," Gabriel said. "I'll try."
Placing a hand on his grandson's, his grandfather smiled. "I'm very proud of you."
***
Walking down the driveway, Gabriel glanced across the fence and saw Liam and Jordan about to enter the house. As they spotted him, they stopped and came walking over to the fence. "Gabriel, did Eddie talk to you today?" Liam asked. "He seemed mad, and he said some weird stuff."
Gabriel froze. "Eddie? No. What did he say?" He felt his heart beating in his chest, every now and then skipping a beat.
Liam frowned and looked at Jordan. "I'm not sure. Something about how Jack wasn't who he thought he was."
Jordan nodded. "Yeah, and when I walked back from gym, I ran into him and he actually said–" Here Jordan stopped, a deep frown on her forehead as she looked back and forth between Liam and Gabriel, both of whom were staring at her with different degrees of curiosity on their faces. "He said that Jack liked...guys." Her eyes flashed to Liam, and Gabriel couldn't help but wonder if Eddie hadn't said more.
"Guys?" Liam asked. "You mean, Jack's...gay?"
Jordan shrugged. "I guess so. I can't imagine it meaning anything else." Again her eyes went back and forth between them. "But why would Eddie say something like that? And all of a sudden?"
Liam shrugged. "Do you think it's true?"
"I don't know. Maybe, maybe not." Jordan turned to look at Gabriel, her eyes narrowing. "You are being awfully quiet." Her eyes seemed to examine every inch of his face, and Gabriel felt himself beginning to squirm. "What do you know? Dish!"
Trying to look convincing, Gabriel shook his head. "Nothing. I'm just surprised, just like you."
"Whatever," Liam said. "Should we talk to Jack? I mean, whether it's true or not, there clearly is a problem. I've never seen Eddie so mad. There was steam coming out of his ears, and he...he actually snapped at us, as though he wanted to bite our heads off."
Jordan frowned. "Why do you think he is so mad? Shouldn’t we talk to Eddie instead? I mean, clearly he is the one with the problem."
"Maybe we should give Eddie a little time to cool off," Gabriel suggested, afraid of what he might say to them, if they cornered him now. "What do you think?"
Jordan and Liam shrugged. "You really think so? Fine, we'll wait a few days and talk to him then."
Gabriel exhaled, relieved to have a little time to talk to Eddie and try to fix his friends' relationship before it might be damaged beyond repair.
Chapter 12 – Lies & Guides
For the past few days Gabriel had been watching Eddie very closely after being so surprised by his rather harsh reaction to Jack's outing. While he knew that some people feared what they didn't understand and quite often covered up their fear with anger and rejection, Eddie's reaction seemed too extreme, too emotional to be fueled by that alone. He retreated from the group, neither speaking nor looking at Jack. Should he happen to run into him, he would hiss insults, eyes glaring with hatred. The good-natured, charming story-teller had vanished into oblivion.
Convinced that a deeper problem had to be the root for Eddie's behavior, Gabriel waited for him the next day after school, determined not to let him get away with excuses.
As Eddie finally pushed open the door, heading for his bike, Gabriel went after him. "Can we talk?" he asked, straight-forward.
"I don't really feel like it," Eddie glared at him.
"Well," Gabriel shrugged. "It wasn't really a question."
For a second Eddie looked at him, assessing the situation. "Leave me alone," he hissed, getting on his bike and riding off.
Gabriel hurried over to his own bike and pursued his friend. As he raced down the street, dodging pedestrians here and there, Gabriel felt the icy wind of November on his cheeks. It reached deep within him, getting a hold on his heart, and threatened to break it right then and there. His eyes on Eddie's hunched back as he tried to outrun his problems pained Gabriel, and he pedaled faster. Catching up to his friend, he called over the street noise, "You're not getting rid of me that easily. We need to talk!"
"Leave me alone!" Eddie hissed at him again, riding his bike at high speed around the next corner. Approaching the outskirts of town, he turned onto more uneven terrain, which slowed him down. Not allowing Eddie to shake him off, Gabriel held on tight to the handlebar. After what seemed like forever, his friend finally slowed down.
"What the hell do you want?" Eddie asked, coming to a stop. "I want nothing to do with you!"
Catching his breath, Gabriel simply said, "Why?" He shook his head in bewilderment. "Why are you so angry?"
"I'm–" Eddie started, but then stopped, gritting his teeth as though trying to force the words back down. "You wouldn't understand." He turned to leave. "Now leave me alone."
Gabriel stopped him by grabbing the handlebar of his bike and didn't let go. "I won't," he said, his voice calm. "Whatever it is you can tell me, but this hatred has to stop. Jack didn't do anything to you, so why are you so mad?"
A hostile glare returned to Eddie's eyes at the mention of Jack's name. "He is gay!" he forced out, his voice sounding choked. "Nothing could be more wrong!"
&nbs
p; Gabriel frowned. "Why would you say that?" he asked. "Do you really believe that?"
"Of course, I do!" he snapped. "It's not only wrong, it's disgusting!" He shook himself as though trying to rid himself of something. "Had I known, I would never have been his friend."
"Then why were you?" Gabriel asked, desperately trying to think of a way to save his friends' friendship. "For years you were friends, why?"
Again Eddie turned to leave. "That doesn't matter."
And again Gabriel stopped him. "It does. Now more than ever."
Eddie shrugged. "I don't know. He was a nice guy." His eyes turned to the grass below his feet. "He laughed about my stories and told Mike to buzz off when he would make fun of me." Suddenly his head snapped up. "But that doesn't matter anymore."
"How could it not matter? We all become friends with people who we like because of who they are," Gabriel tried. "Only because Jack now realized he is gay you want to give up on that friendship. Why? He is gay. He hasn't change. He is still the same person. He is still Jack. Your friend Jack." He shook his head, looking disappointed. "I thought you knew that. I gotta tell you, your reaction makes me scared of the time you might learn something about me that you don't like. Will you then suddenly stop being my friend?" Eddie stared at him, the hint of a confused frown appearing on his forehead. "Friends don't ditch friends, no matter what. That's why friendship is so valuable."
"But he should have told me," Eddie snapped. "Right when we became friends, he should have told me. Friends tell each other the truth. They don't lie." He shook his head, chin thrust forward in determination. "He lied to me."
Sensing that he was getting closer to Eddie's real reason for being angry with Jack, Gabriel said, "But he didn't lie. He didn't know." He looked at Eddie, trying to make him understand. "He didn't know. How could he have told you?"
Not looking at him, Eddie turned away. Slowly, he walked his bike through the high grass over to a shaded spot under a group of willow trees. There he dropped it, letting it almost disappear among the tall stalks, and sat down on a thick root, curving its way just underneath the earth's surface, barely visible.