by Chelle Bliss
I didn’t want the conversation to be about me anymore. I wasn’t looking for compliments and didn’t need to open old wounds that had already healed. I wanted to know about him, about Kayden, and what made him tick.
Me: You’ve given up on dating entirely?
Kayden: Yes, strictly physical relationships now.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that his statement disappointed me for some odd reason. It’s not like I was going to run out and throw myself in his arms, but it would’ve been nice to know it was a possibility.
Me: So…you have sex with strangers? Are you that guy—the type who sleeps with a girl, never to be heard from again?
What other type could he be? Really, I’m not different. I don’t sleep with men I don’t know, but I’ve slept with Gary, and I wouldn’t call him my boyfriend by any stretch of the word.
Kayden: Fuck no, not anymore at least. I’m upfront with each of them.
Each of them? Did that mean he’s sleeping with more than one?
Me: Them?
Kayden: I’m not banging my way through the female population of New Orleans, but I turn to a couple girls I know in my times of need.
A porno clip played in my mind, and he was the star with his rockin’ body and hard cock, doing what he just claimed he didn’t. I fanned myself, heat crawling up my neck because the thought of him fucking anyone turned me on.
Kayden: I’m not a dick about it.
I blinked, being pulled out of my sex haze and realizing I needed to get a goddamn grip. I’ve been basically celibate for so long that a man I’d typically run in the opposite direction from now turns me on.
Me: You sound kind of like a caveman to me.
Kayden: I don’t take what’s not freely offered. They know I’ll never be their boyfriend. They take it for what it is, a night of pleasure…mind-numbing pleasure. The type that makes your toes curl, takes your breath away, and leaves you wanting more.
Every part of my body ignited. I’d never had that…ever.
I wanted it more than anything in the world. The bland vanilla sex in my real life lacked the passion and want of the carnal pleasure I had with my book boyfriends.
Me: OMG. You’re a manwhore.
Kayden: Ouch, Sophia. That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?
Me: I thought it was more funny than harsh. I meant it in the nicest way.
I didn’t blame Kayden.
I’m sure he’d been upfront with them. Some didn’t mind being used in that way, hell, maybe they were using him.
I’d never been a user or let myself be used.
Maybe that was my problem, why my life was navy blue.
I was drawn in by him, a man my exact opposite. He was hundreds of miles away, not looking for a girlfriend, but just messaging him added color to my dreary world.
2
Sophia
Getting to Know You
We’d been talking for a week now. We worked and messaged each other every moment we could, usually falling asleep in the middle of a conversation. I wanted to know everything about this man.
The manwhore title still fit him perfectly, but I’d learned he was more complex. Even passionate and romantic, but his heart had been destroyed, and I needed to know why.
Me: Can I ask you something? If you don’t want to answer, I understand.
Kayden: Shoot.
Me: What happened in your relationships to make you swear them off forever?
I hit send and wished I could’ve erased the message before he read it.
Kayden: It’s not an easy answer. I’ve been divorced for a long time, and I finally fell in love again four years ago. We were like oil and water, and it ended horribly.
I wanted to believe in the fairy tale, but I didn’t know many people who found it and stayed married. It seemed like everyone I knew was either single or going through a divorce.
Me: Twice and you’re out?
Kayden: My ex-girlfriend, Lisa, ripped my heart out, and I don’t think I could survive going through it again.
I knew the feeling, but it didn’t stop me from still trying.
Me: Heartache can make you feel that way. You’re too young to give up on it, though. And really, you can’t stop love—sometimes, it just happens.
Kayden: Not if I have my way. I’m not looking for love, and I stay away from any situation where it’s even a possibility.
Why was I bothered by his answer? I furrowed my brows and took a deep breath because I needed to get my shit together.
Me: I’m sorry. You’ve just picked the wrong ones. You shouldn’t give up on love, just your taste in women.
Kayden: Maybe, but for now, it’s easier for me. I work seven days a week and keep myself busy. I’m happier than I’ve been in years, Sophia.
Me: I don’t believe it, but you can keep lying to yourself.
Kayden: Tell me about your past relationships or your current one.
I bit my lower lip, thinking of a way to sum up my love life. There wasn’t much to tell, though. Although I only had one major heartache, even my single life had been as dull as my married one.
Me: They’ve all been passionless, an endless sea of navy blue.
Kayden: Can I ask you a couple questions? It only seems fair since you’ve been questioning me.
Palm meet forehead. He always answered my questions; how could I say no? I swallowed hard, trying to figure a way out of it, but nothing came to me. Hopefully, he kept the questions simple and short.
Me: Go ahead—fair’s fair.
Kayden: Did they hold you every night and kiss you each day?
Me: No. Does a kiss good-bye count?
I didn’t want to admit to the mediocrity in my love life, but I didn’t have anything to lose either.
Kayden: There’s problem number one. Do you like to be held?
Me: Yes, but guys just don’t seem into it.
Kayden: Maybe the guys you’ve been with. I fucking love it. One thing I miss about not being in a relationship. Okay, so what about kissing? Why only a kiss good-bye? I mean, that’s how you kiss a friend.
I tapped my thumbs against my phone, thinking of how to answer. I always wanted more, but the men in my life didn’t. The lack of passion was why I kept my nose stuck in books.
Me: I love to kiss, just haven’t found someone who brings me to my knees with a kiss. It’s always too sloppy or too neat. I don’t even try to kiss anymore, why be disappointed?
Kayden: Ahh… Maybe you’re the problem. Maybe you’re a bad kisser.
My mouth hung open. How dare he think I’m the problem? I typed faster, my anger at his statement making my fingers fly across the tiny screen keyboard.
Me: WTF. No! I’m a damn good kisser, or at least I used to be.
Kayden: I don’t know about that. There has to be some reason behind it. I could tell you…if you’re good or not.
The thought of kissing Kayden sent tingles throughout my body. Do. Not. Geek. Out. My fingers shook as I typed my reply.
Me: Oh, you’re the authority?
Kayden: I’ve never had any complaints, and I’m just offering to help you out.
Me: You’re so full of shit.
Kayden: The offer stands, Sophia. When you want me to give you my honest opinion, all you have to do is call me. My number is…
I quickly added his number to my contacts, not wanting to take any chance of losing it. He didn’t ask for mine, but if he would’ve asked, I would’ve given it to him.
I don’t know what it was about him that had me adding him to my contacts. Maybe someday I’d grow a pair of balls or get so bored, I’d take him up on his offer.
All-consuming.
It was the only phrase that accurately described my thoughts over the last three weeks. Kayden had taken up my every thought, my dreams, and my fantasies. I hadn’t spent as much time with Gary since I started chatting with Kayden. My conversations, although I’d never heard his voice, were far more interesting than anything Gary had
ever said or done.
Kayden: I want to hear your voice, Sophia. Can we talk instead? It’s just hard for me to type right now.
My heart raced as my fingers hovered over the keys.
That would take whatever this was to an entirely new level. I wouldn’t be able to hide my shock or laughter like I could via text. I gnawed on my jagged nail. Did I want to talk to him?
God, it would be such a letdown if his voice was like a squeak toy or he sounded like Kermit the Frog. The fantasy of the man behind they keyboard was probably way sexier than the reality.
Kayden: You still there?
Me: Yeah. Sorry. I got distracted there for a minute.
Kayden: Call me, then. I don’t have your number, woman.
I stared at my phone and tried to slow my breathing to regain my composure. I hit send and closed my eyes.
“Hello.” His voice was smooth and deep, almost a purr in my ear.
“Hi.” Even though I tried to keep my voice even, it cracked.
“It’s nice to finally put a voice to the words.”
I paced around the room, needing to find something to do to get my mind off the fact that I was talking to him. Kayden, colorful Kayden, hot Kayden.
What the fuck was I doing? Breathe.
“I thought about not calling you,” I admitted.
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It’s a big step. Besides, I hate my voice.” I cringed because I knew I needed to stop pointing out my flaws.
“Oh, stop. Your voice is sexy.”
Knowing that he liked my voice made my heart misfire, and I knew I was in trouble. I kept telling myself it wasn’t true, but over the last few weeks, I’ve developed feelings for a man I never met.
“Tell me about your harem of women. I find it fascinating.” I needed to switch the conversation to something that would probably make me realize he was an asshole.
“I’m getting bored with them. I think it’s time for a change.”
Did I want to know what he meant by that? I mean, shit, I didn’t want to think about him screwing some girl while I had a lovely dinner with Gary. “A change?”
“I have someone very specific in mind.”
“Does she know?” I was torturing myself at this point.
“I’d have to ask her, but I’m pretty sure she does. She’s a smart girl. She had to figure it out by now.”
“Maybe you should tell her.”
“Okay, hold on a sec.”
Utter silence. I swore at myself under my breath. What a fucking idiot I’d been.
I heard a low chuckle. “I want you, Sophia. I don’t want just any woman. I want to taste you.” His voice was smooth as silk.
My breath hitched, and I closed my eyes as images of Kayden fucking me, bringing me to my knees with pleasure, made me squeeze my thighs together. I was in so much trouble.
3
Sophia
Summer Vacation
Summer vacation had begun weeks ago, and I had entirely too much time on my hands. Daydreaming about Kayden had almost become the only thing I wanted to do anymore.
Suzy, my roommate, and I spent our days at the pool, soaking in the sun while she read and I texted him. I’d moved in with her a few months ago and grown closer than we’d been before.
Kayden: What are you doing?
Me: Swimming with Suzy.
Kayden: Send me a picture. Ask Suzy to take it. I want to see your swimsuit.
No way would I send him a photo. I didn’t even like the few kids in the pool seeing me in my swimsuit, let alone sending a photo that could never be erased to a total stranger.
Me: No way in hell—not going to happen, Kayden.
Kayden: Please.
“What are you shaking your head about?” Suzy asked, setting her book down on the table between our lounge chairs.
“Kayden. He wants me to send him a picture.”
“What are you going to do?”
I shrugged. “Any ideas?”
Suzy looked around and stopped on the glass doors that lined the back of the pool clubhouse. “Oh, I have a fabulous idea. Use the glass doors and take a selfie.”
Kayden: Humor me, please.
“You’re a genius, Suzy.” I jumped up from my lounge chair and headed for the clubhouse.
Kayden: Come on, just do it. For me, please.
Me: Gimme a minute. Stop begging.
I stared into the glass, checking my reflection, and realized Suzy was a fucking genius. The image was muddy and dark, but it would give him what he wanted while not giving him too much. I snapped a couple of them, picking just the right one before hitting send. I had the biggest smile on my face as I walked back to my chair, feeling mighty proud of myself. I could almost hear the curse words from here.
Kayden: Damn. It’s blurry. Can you take another one?
Me: Are you zooming in?
Kayden: Hell yes, but it’s hard to see. You did that on purpose!
Me: You asked for a picture, and I gave it to you.
I smirked, knowing how frustrated I’d just made him. I loved teasing him and the playfulness of our conversations.
Kayden: I’m not going to get another one, am I?
Me: Nope, that’s all you’re going to get.
Kayden: Why?
Me: I don’t want you seeing everything. Pictures aren’t always kind and can’t be erased.
Kayden: Oh, come on, Sophia. You’re perfect.
That statement right there was why I didn’t want to send him one. Me in a swimsuit wasn’t perfect. My body was flawed, and after lying in the sun for the last few hours, I was also verging on hot mess status.
Me: Where’s my picture of you? Fair’s fair.
I wanted to see naked. I almost salivated at the thought. I had a fantasy of him without clothes, moving over my body, in my body.
Kayden: I’m working and can’t take one now. I’m all sweaty too.
Me: I want something, anything.
Kayden: Bossy… One second.
A picture of him in his work uniform, covered in sweat, standing near a lush garden of tropical plants filled my screen.
I was enthralled by his eyes—the green flecks of his irises matched the color of the leaves behind him. He was so freaking hot.
Kayden: Come see me. It’s summer and you’re off. Come here. Have some fun. Live a little!
Could I? I wanted to hop in the car right then and drive straight to New Orleans, but I didn’t want to be another fuck—meaningless and disposable. But I was also done being navy blue.
Me: Feel like adding another notch to your bedpost?
My phone began to ring right after I hit send, and my heart leapt in my chest.
“Hey,” I said, trying to play it cool.
“Sophia, you aren’t a cheap whore. I’ve never thought of you in that way…ever.”
I sighed, still unconvinced. “Kayden, I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
“You didn’t make me mad at all, Sophia. I just want you to know how I feel, what I feel for you. For the first time in a long time, I look forward to waking up. I check my phone and message you before I even crawl out of bed.”
My stomach filled with butterflies—a feeling Kayden often gave me. “It’s the same for me, Kayden. I only want to make sure I don’t become just another girl to you. I have to think about it.”
“I don’t want another notch in my bedpost. I want to spend time with you. I want to show you this amazing city. You could use a little fun in your life—wipe away that navy blue.”
Navy blue… I’d stopped seeing Gary weeks ago. I couldn’t pretend to be interested in him anymore. I’d rather be home talking with Kayden more than spending the night with Gary. My fantasies and daydreams of Kayden were far better than anything Gary could deliver.
“I’ll keep my hands to myself. I’ll be a gentleman. Come on, just for a weekend.”
“So, you don’t want to have sex with me?” I covered my mouth, shocked that I actuall
y had the nerve to ask him that.
“Fuck yes, I do,” he said, causing my core to pulse. “I plan on it. You won’t be able to resist me.”
He was so full of himself, but it didn’t mean his words were a lie.
“Well, it’s nice to know your self-esteem is still intact.”
“What’s stopping you?”
What was stopping me? Fear, mostly. For weeks, I’d been trying to live outside my comfort zone but had failed miserably.
“I’m not used to sharing, Kayden. I’ve never slept with anyone who I haven’t been in some sort of a relationship with, and I need to decide if it’s something I can do.”
“I haven’t seen any other women since I started talking with you. I couldn’t do it. You’re all I think about, morning until night. I even dream about you.”
“Oh,” I whispered, realizing he felt the same as me. “I thought when you disappeared, sometimes for an hour, that you were with someone.”
“Baby, I need way more than an hour. What kind of men have you been with?” He chuckled.
Jesus. I loved when he said such naughty shit to me. I wanted to believe him, I wanted to buy in to the fantasy, but I didn’t know if I could. Everything was perfect just as it was, and if I went there and he sucked… If we were a disaster, I wouldn’t even have our phone calls and texts left to look forward to anymore.
“I’ll let you know.”
“If you don’t come here, I’m coming there.”
“Okay. We’ll see if you can find me first,” I teased.
For a solid week, I thought about nothing else but spending time with Kayden. The positives outweighed the negatives. I couldn’t deny the pull he had over me. I needed to act on my feelings or break off whatever this was because he was becoming a distraction to any possible happy future that might be waiting on me that didn’t involve him.
My heart ached at the thought of him not being in my life. He’d become a fixture, a necessity to me like the air I breathed and consumed my days in such a short time.
Kayden: Well, since you can’t seem to make up your mind, I came to you.