Remorse and Reconciliation

by Don Miller

  “And what inspired you to come at this particular time?”

  “Darcy came to town on some business and I called on him. He told me he had spoken with Miss Elizabeth and Mrs. Gardiner and had discovered that you had cared for me and the duplicity of my sisters.”

  “Would you have come to see me had you not received this information from him?”

  “Honestly, I cannot answer that question. I thought about it several times, but then decided it may be best, now that so much time has passed, to move on. I was rather sure that by now you would be so upset with me, you would not welcome my attentions. It was only after I learned what I learned that I thought there might be some hope you would.”

  “I will be frank with you, Mr. Bingley. You judged me correctly. I would not welcome the attentions of the man who left from here last November. If I could be convinced you have changed, I could imagine we might become a couple. But to tell you the truth, I am not sure how you could go about convincing me.”

  Bingley thought for a moment. “If I reopened Netherfield Park and brought my aunt to be acting mistress instead of Caroline, who would not even be with me, would you let me call on you?”

  “Would not that require you renewing your lease for another year?”

  “It would. But as far as I know, no one has leased it for the next year, because the owner has not yet contacted me to see if I wish to renew the lease.”

  “Therefore, you are willing to put at risk several hundred pounds with no guarantee that it will work out between us?”

  Jane had to think about his willingness to make this commitment. She had decided in the past few weeks she was glad he had not returned and she would forget about him. But his willingness to make such a commitment implied he did have considerable feelings for her. Perhaps this experience had affected him and his character is much as it had affected hers.

  “I am impressed you are willing to make such a commitment. Therefore if you choose to renew your lease, I will allow you to call on me and we will have some very serious discussions. It will not be as it was before.”

  “I appreciate that, and assure you, I am resolved to try to win you back. Now I suspect I should go face your father.”

  “I must warn you, he is even angrier about your behavior that I was. I believe he will not give you his blessing, but because I am of age, there is little he can do about you calling on me again, other than throwing me out of the house, which I am sure he will not do. Let me take you into him.”

  Soon Bingley was sitting in front of Mr. Bennet, who was staring at him and drumming his fingers on the desk. Finally Mr. Bennet said, “So Jane is going to let you call on her if you open up Netherfield Park again.”

  “Yes, sir. I am resolved to show her I am a new man and deserving of her love. I acted immaturely and improperly when I left here November and I acknowledge it. The experience has affected me more than any other experience I have had the last several years. The way she has dealt with me here has convinced me even more that she is the best young woman I have ever met.”

  “Those are good words, Mr. Bingley, but I will definitely need convincing that your character has improved to the point you deserve my daughter. She is a wonderful woman and deserves the best. She probably told you, had she not achieved her majority, I would not have allowed you to call on her again. But she is her own woman now and apparently through her discussion with you she has been convinced you may be the man for her. She certainly had deep feelings for you when you so unceremoniously left her. It has changed her and I believe you will have no difficulty deciding whether she has feelings for you or not. But now I must ask you, why did you leave without speaking to her first?”

  “Because I was a coward and I put too much faith in the observations of my sisters and Darcy. I know my sisters did it out of malice, but Darcy was honestly only giving his opinion. Yet he did not know Miss Bennet nearly as well as I did and could only judge by her expressions and public demeanor, which, when I reflect on it, changed very little, no matter whom she was addressing. I have definitely learned that I need to rely on my own judgment. I have always avoided confrontations with women, feeling extremely uncomfortable when I do. That was true with my sisters and that was true with Miss Bennet. I have realized how immature it was of me, and am resolved I must stop avoiding unpleasant situations. To put it bluntly, I hope I am becoming the man I was meant to be.”

  “I am happy you realized it was an act of cowardice. Perhaps there is some hope for you, Mr. Bingley. I will be watching this relationship closely, and believe me, if I see evidence that you have not improved, I will have no compunction in telling Jane what I believe.”

  “I can understand your concern, sir, and assure you I will do all I can to convince both Miss Bennet and you of my acceptability.”

  Mr. Bennet arose and came around in front of his desk. He offered his hand to Bingley, who took it. As they shook hands, Mr. Bennet said, “To tell the truth, before you came in here, I had no thought that I would be willing to shake your hand, but like Jane, you have convinced me you should have a chance. Have a safe journey back to London.”

  Chapter 10: Darcy Returns

  On September 29, Elizabeth, Kitty, and Georgiana took an especially long ride and did not return until almost 6 o’clock. As they rode into the courtyard to dismount, where a stable hand would take charge of their horses and return it to the stables, they saw the large Darcy carriage.

  Elizabeth looked at Georgiana in a panic. “You told me I would be gone before he returned.”

  “Actually, I told you he would be gone when you arrived. I said nothing about whether or not he would return before you left. In any case, he is home before I expected him.”

  “I have to get to my room and pack. I will leave early in the morning, assuming you will provide me a carriage to at least take me to Lambton, where I can catch a post coach.”

  “Do not be silly,” said Georgiana. “You know we will provide you a carriage to take you home, but why must you leave just because he is here. You and he are supposed to be examples for Kitty and me. Surely you can be civil to one another a day or two.”

  “Georgie, we could probably be civil, but I, for one, would be miserable. Sometimes the best way to deal with uncomfortable situations is to avoid them. I am thinking of your brother as much as myself. I am sure he did not expect me to be here when he returned. I doubt very much he wants to see me. Now, I am going in through the servant’s entrance and up to my room. Please have Mrs. Reynolds send something to me to eat.”

  She then turned without giving Georgiana a chance to reply and hurried toward the servant’s entrance, where she entered and said hello to several of the servants as she hurried down the hall and up the stairs to the first floor. She could not help but notice the questioning looks they gave her, but they said nothing other than returning her greetings.

  When she arrived at her room, Leila was not there, so she went to her dressing room and drug out her luggage so that she could start packing. A few minutes later Leila walked into the room. Seeing Elizabeth putting things into her luggage, she rushed over to her and said, “Miss Elizabeth, what are you doing?”

  “I am packing, Leila. I need to leave early tomorrow morning.”

  “But Mr. Darcy just returned. Surely you are going to stay a few days while he is here.”

  “No, Leila, it is precisely because he is here that I must leave. I will be eating dinner in my room tonight and going to bed early. Please tell your grandmother I would like to have breakfast no later than 7 o’clock and be on my way before 8 o’clock.”

  “If you insist, Miss Elizabeth, I will go inform Mrs. Reynolds now and then be back to help you pack. Do you need anything else?”

  “No, that will be all. Thank you.”

  A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door, and when she asked who it was, she was told it was Georgiana and Kitty; therefore, she asked them to enter.

  “Lizzie,” said Kitty. “We have to co
nfess, we set this up so that you and Will would have to spend some time together. We both feel the two of you would be perfect together and thought that if you two could spend some time together, you might work out the problems between you. I thought you told me you liked Will. Why do you refuse to see him?”

  “Because I am sure he will see this as either your attempt, that is you and Georgie, or my attempt to force us to be together. I suspect that will put him in the wrong mood to discuss any kind of reconciliation between the two of us. Georgie, you know how much he hates women who use subterfuge to force him to spend time with them. I do not want him equating me with that kind of women. I think our first meeting needs to be sometime in the future and needs to be a situation where we meet by chance or he knows I am going to be there and is still willing to go.”

  “Do you love him, Lizzie?” asked a frustrated Georgiana.

  “I have deeps feelings for him, Georgie. I know he is one of the best men I know, and I am sorry I treated him unfairly. I can only hope that over time his disillusionment in me will lessen and he might consider me acceptable, as he apparently once did. Now I think you should return downstairs. I know it is time for dinner, and you should not be late. We can talk again late tonight when you come up to retire. You know I love you both and appreciate what you have tried to do for me, but I think this is the wrong time and place for him and me to meet.”

  They both sighed and shook their heads and turned around to leave the room. They had barely gone when there was another knock on the door and then Leila entered with a tray of food, followed by Mrs. Reynolds. After Leila put the tray on the table, Mrs. Reynolds asked her to leave, then turned to Elizabeth.

  “Miss Elizabeth, I hope you will not think I am being impertinent, but might I speak to you a moment about you and Mr. Darcy?”

  Elizabeth looked at her questioningly. “I suppose so. What is it you wish to say?”

  “The staff has come to care very much for Miss Kitty and was looking forward to meeting you after all she said about you. We were not disappointed and are all impressed with what you have done for Miss Kitty and Miss Darcy. As you may know, the staff usually knows more about situations than their master and mistress comprehend. We knew that at one time there was a Miss Elizabeth Bennet who was of interest to Mr. Darcy. I am not sure the source of the information, but we all wondered what this Miss Elizabeth Bennet was like if Mr. Darcy was interested in her. His requirements for a wife are absurdly high and we found it hard to believe he would ever find a woman to match them. When we heard no more of you for so long, we decided there must have been nothing to the story. And then suddenly we meet Miss Kitty, whose sister happens to be Miss Elizabeth Bennet, we have an opportunity to meet you, and lo and behold, you are a gentlewoman who we all believe may actually meet his requirements. Given the lengths you have gone to avoid him, I assume all is not good between you two. I do not know what happened, but I want to assure you that Mr. Darcy is the best master we can imagine, and I could not be prouder of the man he grew up to be if he was my own son. If there is something about him that makes you think he is completely unacceptable to you, then I want to come to his defense, because I think you are perfect for him. He would probably be very upset for me having the temerity to tell you this, but it is what I think.”

  “Mrs. Reynolds, I can see why Georgie loves you so much and thinks of you as almost a mother. I suspect Mr. Darcy has somewhat the same feelings. But you have it backwards. It is not he who is unacceptable to me, but I who am unacceptable to him. I misjudged him and insulted him by believing another man’s disparaging remarks about him when I should not have. In fact you know the man who made the disparaging remarks. It was Mr. Wickham, and given what Mr. Darcy thinks of him, you can imagine how upset with me he is. I am avoiding him because I am sure he did not expect to see me here and may think I have contrived to have this meeting. You know how upset he is with scheming women, and I do not want him to think I am one of them.”

  Mrs. Reynolds smiled and nodded her head. “That puts an entirely different light on things. I am rather certain I can convince him of your worthiness.”

  “I do not understand why you would do this for me. You have known me less than two weeks.”

  “Miss Bennet, you may not fully understand the effect you have on people who meet you. I do not believe I have ever met a gentlewoman whose personality and character so impresses people the moment they meet her. The more the staff here sees you, the more they think you would be the perfect mistress of Pemberley. They are all sure they would love you and that you would be wonderful for the atmosphere of this home and for Mr. and Miss Darcy.”

  Elizabeth did not know what to say. Finally she shook her head and said, “Thank you. I believe that is one of the nicest compliments I have ever received. But I am sure you know neither Mr. Darcy nor I will marry without love and respect for the one we marry. I think I have to earn both of those from Mr. Darcy before there is a chance for us. I believe I had it once and threw it away. I do not know if it can ever be regained.”

  “Miss Elizabeth, I cannot imagine what happened, but I also cannot imagine he will not love you or that he does not already love you and is unwilling to admit it.”

  Elizabeth chuckled and shook her head. “You are a unique woman, Mrs. Reynolds. I would not have believed a discussion such as this could occur between a guest and a housekeeper. I will perhaps have a little more confidence that reconciliation between me and Mr. Darcy may yet occur. Thank you for coming to speak to me and making me feel better.”

  “You are welcome, Miss Elizabeth, and I hope to see you in the future.”

  After she had gone, Elizabeth thought back over what had been said and could hardly believe it happened. Perhaps she has been shown a way to win back Mr. Darcy: win over all of his staff and friends.

  As she was eating, there was another knock on the door, and when she told the knocker to enter, it was Dr. Stewart.

  “I wanted to say goodbye to you, Lizzie. I heard you intended to leave early in the morning.”

  “That is true. I am happy you came, because I have enjoyed our conversations about medicine. If I were a man, I might have considered being a doctor. I greatly enjoy being able to help people.”

  “Someday women will be doctors also. You were just born too early. But, I am sure, whatever you choose to do, you will do it well. Now I need to ask you a question. I have never seen Will in the state he is. He is adamant he will not ask to see you. If you wish to avoid him, then he will honor your wish, but I think in his heart he wants to see you. I have never seen a woman upset him so much. Oh, I have seen many who have angered him, but this is different. Did he perchance ask you for a courtship and you refused?”

  Elizabeth’s tried not to react to his statement, but for some reason she blushed. However, she honestly answered, “No, he did not.”

  Dr. Stewart looked at her for a moment, as if reading her thoughts. “I can only come to one conclusion then. He proposed to you and you refused him. I find that almost impossible to believe, but it is the only thing that would explain his actions since he returned to Pemberley. We were sitting in his study talking about his visit to Rosings this afternoon and he inadvertently mentioned your name, but then quickly went to another subject and did not mention you again. But I could tell by his reaction something had happened with respect to you. When I met you, I could see you were exactly the kind of woman to whom he would be attracted. May I ask why you refused him?”

  “You forget, Stewart. I have not confirmed your assumption.”

  “Yes you have. Your whole demeanor and body position tell me I am right. Why in the world would you reject such a good man? I have never known better. I have tried to be a father to him since his father died, and as such, I would have welcomed a union between the two of you. Why would you reject him?”

  Elizabeth looked down at her hands, not being able to look at him. Should she answer or not? She could just tell him she did not want to speak of it.
She decided that was what she would say, but when she looked up and saw him looking intently at her, concern on his face, she sighed, shook her head, and said, “Because he insulted me when he first saw me and helped separate my favorite sister from a man she loved, because I was a fool and believed terrible lies about him that made me think he had dishonored his father’s name, and because he insulted me when he asked me. Deep in my heart I knew I cared for him, but at the moment he asked, I thought, because of all the reasons I just listed, I disliked him and that we would have an unhappy marriage.”

  “May I assume you no longer dislike him?”

  “You may assume what you wish. It makes no difference. I will leave tomorrow and I will let fate deal with our relationship. Perhaps it is just not meant to be.”

  “I find that fate sometimes needs a little help. Are you aware that most of the staff here hope he will marry you? Are you aware that Georgie has come to love you and wishes you and Kitty were her true sisters? Most importantly, are you aware I want to help deliver the heirs to the Darcy estate before I die?”

  With his last statement, she could not help but lift her eyes to him and give a soft laugh. “I might have had some inkling of the first two, but not the last.”

  “Well, it is most important and you are by far the best candidate for the position of Mrs. Darcy I have ever met. You cannot believe I will give up my dream without a fight.”

  “Stewart, I would be happy to have you deliver my babies, but it is up to Mr. Darcy at this point, not me.”

  “Ha, you have admitted you love him. You want to have his babies. Therefore, I am going to give you some advice. Come downstairs with me and ask to speak to him privately. He will take you into his library and tell him you love him and wonder if he loves you. I think that is the only way you will break this impasse.”