“Men have been hung for much less.”
“I suppose. Who was the outlaw?”
“Henry Keats.”
Grace felt Mitch shudder at the name.
It was a haunting name. Keats was the worst and most wanted outlaw in the west. A gun for hire when it suited him, a kidnapper when the price was right, bank robber when he was low, but most of all a murderer for no reason other than his own pleasure.
“Father keeps moving to avoid him. That is why Mother and Father have moved twelve times in the last four years.”
“Three times every year?”
“Well, if you average it out. He moved and changed identities five times one year. This is one of the longer times that he has stayed anywhere, between hiding from Keats and Charlotte’s mother.”
“Does Charlotte’s mother have a name?”
“That changes too. Father knows he is running out of places to hide A bad reputation spreads like wildfire. Once you are labeled, you’re stuck. I wanted to stay at finishing school and become a teaching assistant to my French tutor. Father didn’t like that idea; it was too much like Hannah’s plans I think. So here I am.”
“How is your mother holding up?”
“So far, so good. She doesn’t dare venture out much. She has lost too many friends and is afraid to make any more because of this mess.”
“How poor is her health?”
“I don’t really know,” she said pushing herself away from him but not leaving. “Mother has been like this since Hannah died. She doesn’t have the will to live, but yet she has too much life to die. Her miseries are her best company. They understand all of her pains and problems, they solace away the hours that my father has left her alone to grieve. When she thinks no one is around, she bemoans that she married my father. She was the hotel manager’s daughter, and he was the sheriff’s son. Mother was a beauty that many young men were enamored by; one dance with my father on a dare, and she fell in love with him. Father was considered quite a catch, he’d had a steady job since he was fifteen and he had laid quite a bit of money aside. Once they were wed her father would set them up with a hotel. They would sit in the lap of luxury all of their days. But father has wanderers blood in his veins, and has to work for everything he gets so...” Grace looked up at Mitch’s concerned face. A wave of guilt washed over her. She scrambled to her feet.
“Hey, where are you going?” he said scrambling to his feet and catching her by the arm.
“I told you too much,” said Grace refusing to meet his gaze. Her heart winced at his touch.
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did!” she half pleaded, half shouted at him. Why can’t he ever leave me alone?
Mitch caught her chin and lifted it to meet his face. She closed her eyes, a single tear escaping down her cheek.
“No, you didn’t. You can trust me. I will not utter a word of what you have told me to your father or anyone else. I promise.”
Grace opened her eyes and looked up at him. “But I must. I have broken his trust.”
“Has he made you promise not to tell anyone?”
“No. But it was understood that I wouldn’t tell a soul.”
“Then don’t tell him.”
“He is my father! I owe him that much.”
“You owe a man who dared to strike you?”
“You saw that?” She felt as if a part of her heart ripped into tiny pieces, for him to see that...Tears were once again flowing without refrain.
“I did.”
Grace pulled away, but Mitch held her firmly.
“Let me go, please.”
“I will, but why?”
“I can trust you. That is why. You are honorable and noble and kind. When you are around, I feel free. I let my walls down. I can’t do that. Not with you. Not with anyone. Not ever.”
“Grace, don’t say that. I can’t let you go on like this. You will destroy yourself. If you rely solely on yourself, you will break.”
“Maybe that is what I want!”
“Grace, do you really mean that?” his voice was grave and grief stricken.
Grace looked up into his honest face. She had hurt him. Suddenly she realized he had let her go. When had he done that? Why did the wounded look in his eyes make her heart ache? Had she really meant it? Did she really want to break? Up to this point, it seemed the only way out. Honestly, though she wanted to feel safe and whole again. Mitch made that happen. If he stayed in her life though…she could only hurt him. She had to say yes, it would drive him away and her breaking heart would be safe.
“Is that what you really want Grace?” he repeated softly.
Grace looked up into his face. I can’t do it! I can’t say it not to his face. She looked at the ground. “Yes,” she barely whispered.
“What?”
The tone of his voice said he was wounded by her reply. Why isn’t he leaving! I gave him my answer.
Mitch once again took her chin and lifted her face to meet his gaze.
“Tell me, Grace. Tell me to my face.”
“Don’t make me, please.”
“Grace please, do you really want to push yourself to the place of no return?”
“No,” she answered tremulously as she looked him in the eye.
He stepped closer, and Grace’s tempered flared.
“Stop it! Stop trying to help me. You will only get hurt if you do. So stop it!”
“I can’t Grace.”
“Why? Why can’t you just get on your horse and leave me be!” She was screaming at him now. “Leave now while you have the chance!”
“Because, it’s not what you actually want Grace.” His volume increased against hers, but he remained calm.
How in the world could he know my thoughts better than myself! “Yes, it is!” she yelled,
“Grace, stop pushing me away,” said Mitch with a gentle shake, stepping closer, his voice soft. “Wake up. If you don’t stop, you will be exactly like your father.”
“How dare you! Stop it!” anger soared through her veins. Her hand rose to strike him, and he caught it.
Mitch didn’t stop. “You have to stop blaming your father and everyone else for your problems. You have to stop accepting other people’s guilt thinking that it will make you feel better. You have to get grounded in the truth. If you want to survive this, you have to let God in.”
“He abandoned me the day my sister died!”
“Or did you abandon Him?” he shot back.
The power of the question struck her full force. She gasped in surprise taking a step back from him.
“Grace, you can’t give up this easily. I can’t make you go on, but I am telling you if you don’t, you will regret it.”
“How do you know?”
“I just do.” The look in his eyes said that indeed he did. “Please think about it, Grace. God loves you even when you don’t have enough to love yourself.”
“I-I.” Grace shook her head trying to wrap her brain around everything he had just said.
“Don’t say anything now.” There was a pause as both stood there. “Grace, I am not asking you to lie to your father. If he hasn’t made you promise not to tell anyone I would rather you didn’t. At least not yet. Please let me try and help you and your family, and don’t shut me out. I am not afraid of being hurt, Grace. Please.”
Grace stood there and thought. Mitch waited patiently for her answer.
“All right,” she whispered
Mitch took her hand and squeezed it. Grace smiled slightly at his answer. If he had said, “Thank you.” She would have snapped at him. If he had said “I will try” she would have told him not to trouble himself. The squeeze of his hand somehow said more than both.
They walked side by side to their horses. “Will you let me help you?”
Grace bowed her head. “If you want to you may.”
“It is a matter if you want me to.”
Grace stood there biting the inside of her cheek. If she sa
id no, and refused him, she knew she would be kicking herself mentally all the way home. If she said yes, that would mean a whole different thing. She did want his help but to actually tell him she wanted it would hurt her pride. What was more important, his possible friendship or her wounded pride? There was no malice in him, why could she not just surrender herself to the fact? Telling him yes was no crime.
Grace put both of her hands in his and looked up into his face.
“Yes, please, if you would, Mitch.”
An expression of quiet happiness crossed Mitch’s face. This had been the first test of their friendship, and she had passed.
Chapter 19
Together they rode towards Grace’s home. Both were silent; one in prayer, one in thought. An occasional sob broke from Grace, the wound was so deep, so open and bleeding. When they reached the barn, Mitch opened the doors and Grace rode in. He came to her side and assisted her down; Grace’s head coming to rest on his shoulder.
“Oh, Mitch, it hurts!” she whispered.
“I know, Grace, I know.”
Slowly her gasping breaths synchronized with Mitch’s calm, steady breathing.
Grace stepped away, tears still trickling down her cheeks.
“Can I help you put up Ria?” he asked
Grace only nodded. In silence, they did the necessary work.
“Grace, I am going to leave, will I see you soon?”
“I hope so.”
His hand reached out gently stroking away the tear hovering on her cheek. Leaning against the barn she watched Mitch leave, her heart feeling torn. It is such a relief that someone knows, but such a someone? She shivered. Going to the small back porch, she washed her face with cold water and entered the kitchen.
Milly was sitting at the kitchen table eating fudge and reading a book.
“Well, hello Milly, when did you get here?”
“I came almost an hour ago. But you weren’t home, and I wanted to talk to you, so I decided to make myself welcome. Have you been crying?”
Grace blushed, yes, she had been crying. Once again on Mitch’s shoulder. Suddenly the thought gave her butterflies, and she blushed a shade brighter. “Yes, I did but I think I am better now,” she said trying to shove her emotions aside.
“Well good, because I have been thinking. You haven’t been out much this summer, and I am having a party, and I want you to help me plan it. I thought maybe we could make it your party at my house. I mean…people really haven’t gotten to know you, and your mother is too ill to have it here. So I want you to have it at my house. I have asked my parents, and they said yes, so, please! Pretty please, don’t say no.”
“I will have to ask my father.”
“Can I ask him for you, please? No one can say no to me, and I have a feeling the way you would go at it would make him say no. That or you would forget to ask him.”
“I don’t know, Milly.” You really don’t want to put your neck out for me right now; you’ll get it cut off.
“Come on, please!”
“If you want to risk asking him, I guess you can.”
“Oh goodie. Well, I have to dash and tell Mamma what you said. By the way, can I borrow this book it is interesting?”
“Better than those romance novels?” Grace asked with a lilting smile.
“Almost. He makes life as a boy sound so interesting, and there is a damsel in this one. He just rescued her before you came in.”
Grace smiled; she detested romance novels, and to see Mildred reading one of her favorite books was a treat. “You can borrow it as long as you tell me exactly what you think of it when you are done.”
“Oh, I will,” said Milly taking the book and preparing to leave by the back door.
“Milly, did you hear me ride up?”
“No. I didn’t hear a thing.”
Grace smiled with relief. “Enthralling, aren’t they?”
“Oh, yes they are,” and she closed the door.
Grace let out a sigh of relief, there would be no teasing about her and Mitch. He is nice, but there is no way I want her asking if I like him. There is just too much confusion with this whole thing. I don’t even know what I am feeling anymore. Grace sat at the table trying to sort through her mixed emotions. Tt felt like finding a path in the fog. There were so many things around her, and she could hardly see. She nibbled a piece of fudge and looked at the clock. Father will be home soon. Her spirit felt suddenly weighted down. Hiding her face in the crook of her elbow, Grace let her heart bleed in prayer.
“God I don’t know what to do or where to go.”
“Do the next thing, Grace. Take the next breath. Make the next meal. Wash the next dish. Just do the next thing for Me. You can’t figure out your future because you can’t see it. I can. All I want is for you to do the next thing.”
Quietly, Grace started on dinner the softest peace she had ever had covering her heart. In a half hour, Grace recognized the hoof beats of a familiar horse. Her father’s. A short while passed, and Grace found herself just trying to breathe evenly, just to keep herself calm as he came in the door.
“Evening, Grace.”
“Evening, Father.”
“Where is your mother?”
“Resting. She took something to help her sleep. It should be wearing off about now.”
“Well, I want to talk to you first.”
Grace cringed and turned around. “Yes?”
“Can you guess who came and visited me in my office this afternoon just before I came here?”
“Who?” I hope it wasn’t Milly!
“Milly Cunningham.”
“Oh, and what did she say?” Grace asked almost holding her breath.
“She said she wanted to throw you a party at her house and wanted to know if that was all right by me.”
“Oh, really?”
“What do you think I told her?”
“I have no idea, Father.”
“You haven’t gotten yourself very involved in this community, and I think you should. I mean, I can’t do everything around here, like going to all the social gatherings and the like. It is a huge burden, and it is high time you took a share. I think it is a good idea. You’ll go down to Cunningham’s after supper to discuss the details.”
“I-I will?”
“Yes, Milly and I talked it all over and have the date settled. So after supper dishes take your horse and go up to Milly’s and figure out the details.”
“You mean it, Father?”
“Of course I do. Now, what is for supper?”
Within the hour Grace was riding towards the Cunningham’s home. As she dismounted, Milly came rushing out to greet her.
“Your father said yes! He said yes.”
“What did you say to him?”
“I have my ways, and I intend to keep them to myself. But come, we have food and games to plan, oh and what to wear!”
“My father didn’t give me a budget for things.”
“Of course not because my parents are covering the cost. Your father does so much for the town to keep it safe that it is the least we can do. Now come, and stop your delays.”
Grace looked at Milly, a stunned feeling washing over her. Wasn’t it just last night that my father was in a drunken brawl? Wasn’t it just last night that your father and a posse of other men were at my door asking questions. And now you want to throw me a party? How can this be? What kind of place is this?
“Milly, are you sure you want to do this?”
“Of course I do,” she took her friend’s hand and started pulling her up the stairs.
“But after what happened last night, I mean.”
Milly stopped on the top stair. “That has nothing to do with this at all. It is overdue. Now come on let’s start planning.
Chapter 20
Milly and Grace were walking side by side into town. “I can’t believe your party is tomorrow night! I am so excited!” squealed Milly. “Have you decided what you are going to wear yet?”
“No, no, no, you cannot wear that one. It makes you look queer. The pink part is fine, but the green.” Mildred made a face and shook her head. “I would suggest your white or blue dress. Those look beautiful on you.”
“I wouldn’t want to wear white; I would be bound to spill something on it.”
“So it is your blue dress, and you will let me do your hair right? You always do it so plain and there are so many things that could be done with it.”
“Of course I will.”
“Good. We have all of your invitations out except the one for the new school teacher, but since she isn’t here yet, it will have to wait.”
“So your father relented?”
“Yes, he realized how much I was needed at the store, so I don’t have to teach children! I just hope she lasts. Lots of girls who take these posts are often out for the men not for their devoted teaching habits. Can’t find anybody back home I guess. I didn’t think men were that scarce out east.”
“But that is you, Milly. You can find a man anywhere to like you.”
“I suppose I can. Oh, by the way, I finished your book.”
“What did you think about it?”
“Well, I loved it. The only part I really didn’t like was he accidentally, let the princess get captured by the enemy, and instantly afterward he wanted to die. I think wanting to die is just wrong, don’t you? I mean, if he were a real hero he’d go out and do something about it, don’t you think?”
Grace almost stopped mid-step but kept going. “You’ve never felt that way? Not in your entire life?”
“Felt what way?”
“A desire to die?”
“No, I haven’t. I think it is wrong. I mean if God gave you life you should live it, not want or ask God to cut it short.”
“Why not?” Grace asked, longing for a new perspective. I love this character because I know how he feels. I know his pain but this? Is it really wrong to wish to die? To want to break apart and never have pain again?
“God gives everyone a purpose and to cut it short before it is fulfilled would just be wrong. It takes more courage to live than to die. Now that is the most brilliant thing I ever said, and no one was around to hear it.” Milly sighed.
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