Tessa walks over to the small table in the corner and picks up the dagger with the dragon hilt Zhang used on her. She turns it over in her hands and then holds it out for me to take.
Brushing my fingers against hers when I take it, our eyes meet, and I see every emotion she doesn’t say. Anger, pain, fear, determination.
For her, I can become the monster I was trained to be. He doesn’t come out as much as when I was first starting out and had to prove myself, but it’s a role I can easily slip back into like a second skin.
“You thought you could cut up my woman and I wouldn’t retaliate?” He just looks at me, his nostrils flaring with barely controlled anger. “You don’t have anyone or anything to go back to, Zhang. The Chin days are over. Their little empire is being dismantled as I speak, with the pieces being fought over by whoever wants it.”
His body jumps, pulling at his restraints, trying to lunge at me.
Holding the dagger up to the dim lightbulb that hangs from the ceiling, I let it glint off the blade so he sees the freshly sharpened edge.
“No one touches my woman without dying. And that death can either be a bullet to the skull, or a slow and tortuous one. You happen to fall into the latter category. You put this blade to her perfect skin to get to me.”
Turning the dagger in my hand, I plunge it into his thigh, then rip it out. He only grunts, his mouth pressed firmly together to keep silent.
Plunging the dagger into his other leg, his eyes burn with fire, but he merely grunts again.
I feel Tessa behind me, her eyes trained on me. Feeling her here with me is an experience that fills me with pride.
Her acceptance of me, all of me, is something I never knew a woman would, or could, be capable of. She truly was made for me. Even the things that should pull us apart, bring us closer. And this fucker used her to get to me. He tried to take her away from me.
My anger flares, and I get in his face.
“I know you thought you could make it so I didn’t want her anymore. But you overlooked one simple fact.” I grip his throat and push his head back so he’s looking me in the eyes. “Her beauty is only a small factor in why I love her. And even if you were able to cut her up before I got there, I’d still fucking love her and fuck her harder than I ever have while your blood drained from your body from everywhere I cut into your skin with this dagger.”
I’ll love Tessa no matter what. I’ll avenge her no matter what. And I’ll always want her no matter what.
Squeezing his throat, I feel his veins bulge and his pulse pound beneath my grip.
“Alec.” Tessa’s small voice penetrates through my hazy brain that’s sole focus is on watching the life leave the man in my grip. “Alec,” she says again, and I turn my head to see her standing right there. “Just kill him. I need you.”
Those three magic words snap me into action. I release his neck in a rush, but only to plunge the dagger into the side of it so the dragon’s head is flush against his skin and the tip of the blade exits the other side of his neck.
Tessa grabs my arm and pulls me toward her. She throws her arms around my neck and buries her face in the crook, my arms locking around her small, strong frame automatically, holding her tight.
“Did you mean that?” she murmurs against me, and I pull back far enough for her to see my eyes. She’ll see the truth there. I always show her the truth when I guard myself from everyone else.
“Yes, mia bella rosa.” Tears gather in her eyes and I swipe at them before they have the chance to stain her cheeks. “Don’t cry.”
“I just thought it was me who was feeling this way. This…this is more. You and me. And I feel crazy for feeling the way I do. You’ve shown me your darkness, and it’s slowly consumed me, becoming a part of me in the best, most fucked-up way. I need it, though. It feels right. Wrong, but right. You said you’d love me even if he got to me before you did, and that you’d…” she pauses, swallowing her emotions. Another tear escapes her and I lean forward, licking it from her cheek bone.
“Mia bella rosa, I’m going to fuck you right here against the wall so you know how fucking serious I was. I’ll always want you, and need you, no matter what. Always.”
“Yes,” she moans, and I kiss her hard, her nails biting into the nape of my neck.
Garbled sounds from Zhang make me tear away from Tessa, and when I turn to him, I see he’s still holding on. I grab the hilt of the dagger and pull it out of his neck, tossing it to the floor. It had acted as a plug to keep him alive, but blood spurts out from the wound at a rapid flow now, and he quickly loses consciousness.
Tessa’s wild hazel eyes blaze up at me as I back her up to the cement wall. Cupping the back of her neck, I tilt her head back and kiss her deep, my tongue plunging into her mouth – tasting, taking, owning, claiming.
She tastes like a mix of heaven and hell – white and black roses. A heady combination that has my addiction growing with every hit.
Tearing her shirt off over her head, I yank the cups of her bra down and twist her pert nipples between my fingers, her sharp cry into my mouth one I swallow and take for myself. Every sound she ever makes I’m keeping as the soundtrack I’ll hear play on repeat in my head whenever she’s not around.
Biting her bottom lip, I toss my suit jacket onto the empty chair to my left while Tessa unbuttons her skin tight jeans. I could watch her peel them down her sexy legs all night, but I don’t have time for that. Unfastening my pants, I push them past my hips and then push her hands away so I can yank her jeans down in a single tug.
She braces herself on my shoulders as she steps out of them, and then grips the small opening of my dress shirt at the top of my chest and rips it open with a strength that makes me need her even more.
I rip her lace thong off with little effort and then grip her ass, lifting and throwing her against the rough cement wall. She moans, her fingers digging into my shoulders as I position myself at her entrance and thrust up into her at the same time I pull her down onto me.
We both groan. Finally.
I take her hard and fast, biting my way down her neck. Tessa’s cries fill the small room, and when I feel her pussy start to flutter around me, I grip her ass and drive into her harder. I know her back is scraping against the cement, but with each thrust deep inside of her, she moans with the sting of pain, and my chest tightens, driving me to give her more.
“Come for me, bella,” I demand, my gravelly voice filling her ear as I bit down on her lobe. She screams, her pussy squeezing me so tight that I only need to burry my cock inside of her one last time before I’m letting go right along with her, filling her with my hot release, wanting her to feel all of me.
Tessa collapses against me, but I hold her up easily. Her erratic breathing in my ear and thumping heartbeat against my chest fills me with pride in that I know how to make my woman fall apart and then put her back together.
When we both catch our breaths, we re-dress, all the while Tessa actively avoids looking at the dead man in the room. Gripping her chin, I bring her face up to look at mine. “Don’t be embarrassed, bella. What we just did was fucking hot, and I don’t want you second guessing your desires. I told you I’m here when you need me. Anytime. Anywhere. Any situation.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, she closes her eyes and I kiss her, not letting her question herself further.
I don’t care that we just fucked with a man bleeding out behind us. In fact, I found it heightened everything. Killing Zhang to balance out the evil in the world fueled me to fuck the wild out Tessa’s eyes.
Chapter 35
Tessa
Forgiveness can’t change the past, but it can change the future.
I never understood the full weight of that statement until I lived it. Forgiving Alec gave me a sense of clarity and freedom that I’ve never known before.
I can still mourn and love my brother, flaws and all, and love Alec at the same time. He didn’t know.
I didn’t know the sacrifices Ja
mes made or the illegal paths he took to make sure I could still dance while having a roof over my head and food to eat. He didn’t deserve to die for his actions, but punishing Alec for a choice he made six years ago without knowing the consequences won’t bring James back. And punishing Alec would also punish myself. Denying myself him would bring me more pain and sorrow than knowing and being with the man behind my brother’s murder. I’ve come to realize and accept that, and the only thing I can do is move forward and live the life I want. A life with Alec Carfano.
My newfound resolution has had me dancing different all week. Alec thought I should take time off if I needed it, but I told him I needed to dance more. It’s how I sort through and express my feelings when they build up and I feel like I might explode if I don’t get them out.
I even asked Dan if I could change my solo this week to accommodate my heart’s evolution. He was hesitant at first, but when he saw me rehearsing a few days ago, he changed his mind. He told me to just give the sound guy my new song and to pick a costume from the rack of extras if I wanted. I knew exactly which one I wanted, too.
I had to have a little talk with Alec about my duet with Jeremy, and while he’s not happy that I refuse to stop dancing it, he does feel a little better knowing that Jeremy’s gay. He just thinks every man on the planet is out to take me away from him. I told him that it’s him I picture myself dancing with anyhow, and to just use his anger at seeing another man touch me to teach me a lesson later on when we’re alone. He knows I love his bedroom punishments.
Gone is my usual red costume, and in its place is an all-black one. I put on black sheer tights and then a long-sleeved black unitard that has a deep V in the front to my belly button, and one in the back to the bottom of my spine, with a sheer material between to hold it together. Black rhinestones cover the entirety of the sleeves, as well as the edges of the V necklines. It’s sexy and alluring, and meant to make my arms and legs appear longer so the audience will follow my lines as I dance.
Tying my black pointe shoes, I stand and stretch out my ankles, rising and falling on my toes a few times to make sure the silk ties are secure enough.
This is going to be me – real, raw, and unfiltered.
My eye makeup is dark and sultry. I used my black eyeliner pot and brush to draw on swirled lines coming from the corners of my eyes that frame them to look like the beginnings of a mask one would wear to a masquerade party. Adding black glitter on top of it before it fully dries, I turn my head in the mirror to watch the light catch off of it in shimmers.
I hadn’t mentioned to Alec that I changed routines. I want him to be surprised. I want him to feel everything that I do in the moment.
The song I chose and the routine I created…it’s all for him. I want to show him how I feel. Telling him with words and expressing my feelings through our mind-blowing sex is only part of our story. I need him to watch me show everyone else how I feel – let my body talk.
Walking over to the stage left entrance, Dan looks me up and down and smiles, nodding his approval. “Go and kill it, honey.”
I chose “Deeper” by Valerie Broussard as my new song for tonight. It’s a reflection for how I feel and gives me the perfect chords and beat to dance to on top of the lyrics.
When the lights fade, I walk out to center stage and lift up onto my toes. With my head cast to the side and down, I raise my arms above my head and let my hands fall to behind my head as my opening pose.
When the violin notes start, a spotlight shines down on me and my head snaps forward, my arms moving as waves out to my sides. I lift my leg up and out to the side, spinning slowly in place until the bass beat drops and I look ahead, walking towards to the front of the stage slowly on pointe, dragging out the steps as if in slow motion to accentuate each beat.
When the chorus hits, I drop to the floor, spreading my knees and arching my back so my hands touch my ankles. I spin out of the position, and from one knee, lift onto my left foot’s toes and stretch my right leg all the way up into a vertical split, keeping my torso flush against my thigh before straightening and making four pirouettes in equal time to the repeating of the word deeper at the end of the chorus, then slide down into a split.
Time seems to morph at this point, and I can no longer hear the audience in any capacity, only the song. Only these lyrics.
My body moves of its own accord like it did at that party, and I feel like I’m having an out of body experience. I can feel Alec’s eyes on me. I can feel his love. I can feel his desire.
I’m his everything just as he’s mine, and just as I can feel what he’s feeling up here on stage, I know he can feel what I am from his seat. We’re tied together. Every fiber of our bodies are woven together to form an impenetrable bond that can’t ever be broken. Life will throw whatever it can at us, and we’ll never break apart. We can’t. We can only turn into the other and share whatever we’re feeling – pain, loss, joy, love, hatred.
When the violin hits, I swear I’m floating across the stage, my toes and feet barely touching it. Through the slowing of the beat, I walk on pointe like I’m on a runway, and then as the violin speeds up again, I stutter step and run into a split jump.
I’ve never felt more out of control while also remaining completely in control.
The song is right – there’s no saint without the sinner, and there’s no relief without the fever.
We need both the good and the bad in life to appreciate what we have. You can’t have good times without knowing what the bad feels like.
Even the brightest of days are when the most shadows are cast.
On the last bars of the song, as the word deeper is sung out four more times, I pirouette in time to each one, feeling myself being cut open deeper each time, with Alec filling the caverns left behind until he’s reached the deepest, darkest parts of me that only he can heal and claim as his own.
As the song echoes out when it’s over and the lights fade, I collapse to the floor, feeling like I just wrung my heart out for everyone to see. I can’t even lift myself up. I gave my everything.
I know I have to move, but I don’t have the energy. The next thing I know, two strong, familiar arms are lifting me up and carrying me off stage.
“Mia bella rosa.” The sweetest words are whispered in my ear and I curl into him. “Così bella, amore mio.”
Alec walks me over to my dressing area, sitting me down in my chair. “Thank you,” I breathe, looking into his beautifully dark, yet soulful eyes. “It was for you,” I tell him, and he brushes his fingers against my cheek.
“I know, bella.” Leaning in, the moment his lips touch mine, I’m flooded with his love for me.
I know Alec’s not a man who grew up with people around him voicing their love for one another. They showed it in their loyalty, respect, and actions, and he shows me in the same way. It just makes when he does say the words, all that more powerful. Any man can say they love you. It takes a real man to show you, and make you feel his love and devotion every single day.
Chapter 36
Alec
Shrugging on my suit jacket, Tessa comes up behind me and slides her hands around me as she circles around to my front.
“Can I help you pick out a tie? I wouldn’t want you to clash with my dress.”
My mouth tilts up in the ghost of a smile when I look into her hazel eyes, but then I look down at her dress and holy fuck. Every curve of her lithe, tight little body is on display. “I’m going to have to kill every man who looks at you. Are you trying to make me crazy, bella?”
“Maybe.” She smiles coyly. “I like when you get crazy.” Pressing against me, she leans up on her toes to whisper in my ear, “You always fuck me harder when you do.”
Growling, I grab the side of her neck and bring her mouth to mine. Her innocence is all mine. And even though I’ve taken it from her, and tainted her beyond belief, I can still taste its sweet remnants no matter how many times I kiss her.
“I wasn’t going to wea
r a tie.”
“You do look plenty sexy like this,” she tells me, her fingers trailing along my neck and under the collar of my shirt.
I run my hands down her hips and around to cup her firm ass. “And you look too sexy.”
“Are you complaining, Mr. Carfano?” She cocks her head to the side. “I picked this dress with you in mind. I thought after a few drinks that I’d maybe let your hands wander.”
A small groan leaves me and I grip her ass tighter, making her teeth sink into her bottom lip.
“Does that not interest you? I could always change into something a lot less accessible.”
“No,” I bark, and she smiles, my chest tightening.
“That’s what I thought. We better go so we’re not late.”
“Katarina won't even notice.”
“It’s her birthday party. She’ll notice. Let’s go.”
When we get to the main casino floor, Tito meets us there at the elevator, walking behind us as we make our way around to the entrance of Royals. Tessa told me not to kill him since she thinks it was her fault that she was taken. I know Tito couldn’t have foreseen her ditching him, and we both know she’s not going to do it again, so I saw her reasoning not to hurt him. For now.
Tessa’s hand squeezes mine when we approach the front of the line and I stop, facing her so she’ll look at me. “No one will touch you in there. Jess and Kayla have been banned and security has been upped with how many Carfanos will be present. But above all, I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I took care of Jess and Kayla for Tessa. She reconsidered her need for punishing them herself, and let me handle it, so long as I didn’t totally destroy them. I had them fired from the show and banned for life from The Aces and all casinos in town so they can’t work in this city again.
I gave direct orders to every security team around not to let them inside their establishments, and they have the both of them flagged on their facial recognition systems in case they try and slip through. Those two have nowhere to go in my city anymore.
Casino King: A Dark Mafia Romance (Carfano Crime Family Book 1) Page 25