by Laura Kaye
And then she saw the perfect little guy.
He was a brown bear with black stitching here and there like he’d been hand-sewn or put back together. He had a sweet face and an even sweeter red patchwork heart on his chest. And something about all that stitchwork and the heart reminded her of Caden. Without letting herself overthink it, Makenna grabbed him and threw him in the cart.
It was a short trip from the store to Caden’s townhouse. She’d always loved where he lived in Fairlington. Built in the 1940s to house workers for the then-new Pentagon office building, the neighborhood was all red-brick collections of townhouses grouped around small cul-de-sacs. They were charming and close to everything and some of the units were surprisingly spacious, including Caden’s, which had two bedrooms and a finished basement.
As she parked her Prius in one of the visitors’ spots, that got her to thinking.
Here she’d been wondering why he didn’t get rid of his place. Given the baby, it would make much more sense for them to get rid of hers. Caden’s house had easily twice the square footage of her apartment, and he didn’t even use the room next to his bedroom, which would make a perfect nursery.
As she stared at the front of his house, her belly did a little flip. Obviously, she was getting ahead of herself. But thoughts of where the baby would live represented just one in about a million things she now had to consider. Well, they. They now had to consider. She had to stop thinking about this like she was on her own.
She had Caden.
And right now, he needed her.
Makenna collected all the bags from the car and hefted them up to his front porch. She had to sit some down to knock on the door.
It opened in less than a minute.
“Makenna? What are you doing here?” Caden asked, clearly surprised to see her. Wearing a pair of old sweatpants and a threadbare T-shirt, he was a sight for sore eyes, making her want to throw her arms around him and burrow into his chest. But he also had dark and almost sunken circles under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in days, and something about his color wasn’t quite right. He really did look unwell.
“I missed you too much to stay away anymore, so I brought you a care package. Well, it kinda grew into a care grocery order, but same difference.” She smiled, though inside she was bursting to tell him their news. “I won’t stay if you’re not up to it, but at least let me put this away for you and maybe make you a bowl of soup or something.” Was she imagining it, or did his face look thinner, too? God, she really should’ve come sooner.
He frowned but nodded, then reached down and grabbed the bags she’d rested on the porch. “You didn’t have to do all this,” he said, leading her inside. “But thank you.”
“Of course, I did,” she said as they walked through the open living and dining room to the small kitchen at the back of the house. “I’ve been dying to come take care of you, but I didn’t want to wake you up if you were sleeping or something. But then I started worrying that you were over here needing help or food or medicine and would be too stubborn to ask for what you needed.” She gave him a knowing smile.
He chuffed out a little laugh as they settled everything onto the counters. “Yeah. Well. You know me.”
“So what’s been going on? Is it a stomach virus? The flu?” she asked as she started unpacking the bags.
Brow furrowed, Caden crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. “Yeah. Uh, my stomach. But, it’s starting to feel better.” Looking down at the floor, he gave a little shrug.
And there was something so…almost…defeated in the gesture and his posture that Makenna immediately stopped what she was doing and went to him. “I don’t care if you’re sick. I’m hugging you.” She gently wrapped her arms around his waist and held him. And damn if he didn’t feel a little leaner, too. “Have you been getting sick a lot?”
Caden’s arms came around her on a long sigh. Like he’d been needing her. “Nothing I can’t handle,” he said in a low voice.
Which probably meant he’d been puking his brains out. Poor guy. “You don’t have to handle this on your own, you know. I would’ve come sooner. I would’ve slept over here to take care of you.”
“Didn’t want to be a burden.” He nuzzled his face against her hair.
Heart clenching, she pulled back to look him in the eye. “Caden, you could never be a burden to me. No matter what you needed, I would be there for you. Every time. You can always count on that. Do you hear me?” How did he not know this by now? The question had her wanting to lay all her feelings on the line. If he knew she loved him, he’d know all of this was true. But she definitely wasn’t doing that when he wasn’t feeling good.
He stared at her a long moment, almost like he was weighing her words. Finally, he simply said, “Yeah.” He kissed her forehead. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. This is me officially taking care of you. Do you think you could eat something?”
“Probably,” he said.
Makenna kissed his cheek, and his stubble tickled her lips. “This is kinda cute,” she said, stroking her finger along the couple of days’ worth of growth.
“Oh yeah?” He lips almost quirked into a smile. “Good to know.”
“Yep,” she said, returning to the groceries. She had everything unpacked within a few minutes. “What would you like?”
His gaze roamed over the choices. “Soup and crackers would be great.” He stepped closer. “I can’t believe you brought all this. Ooh, M&Ms.” He picked up the bag.
Makenna laughed. “You might want to wait on those until you’re not getting sick anymore. It would be a shame to ruin M&Ms by knowing what they look like when you vomit them.”
“Nice,” he said with a smirk.
“Just saying. Okay, you go sit, and I’ll get everything ready,” she said, shooing him from the kitchen. “Oh, wait. One other thing.” She handed him the bag with the bear in it.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“A feel-better present,” she said, unable to hold back her grin. He was going to think this was so silly. And it was. In a good way.
Caden stuck his hand in and pulled out the stuffed animal. “You got me a teddy bear,” he said, his face finally breaking into a little smile. He rubbed his hand over the scar on the side of his head, something she’d seen him do so many times.
“Everybody needs a teddy when they’re sick,” she said. “That’s, like, totally common knowledge. He can keep you company when I’m not here.” Which wouldn’t be often, but still.
Nodding, Caden gave her the softest look. “Thanks, Red. I…I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She smiled, so glad she’d come to see him. He needed this. They both did. “Well, don’t worry about that. Because you won’t ever have to find out.”
Chapter Twelve
Makenna walked alone into her doctor’s office on Tuesday morning. After going back and forth, she’d decided the best approach was to gather all the information she could before telling Caden she was pregnant. Most importantly, she wanted to know that the baby was healthy. Assuming that was the case, she planned to tell him tonight after work. Tell him everything.
It was time. And she was bursting at the seams.
She checked in at the desk and took a seat. A number of other people were waiting, and two of the women were obviously pregnant. Excitement shivered through Makenna’s chest. That was going to be her in not too many months. At the side of one of the women, a man sat whispering into her ear, making her laugh. He rested his hand on her belly as they spoke.
And that…that would be Caden. Who hadn’t had a family in so very long. God, she hoped he was excited about having one now. Even if he was scared—hell, she was too—she hoped his excitement would outweigh it. Because at the end of all this, they were going to have a tiny product that was a part of them both. And that was amazing to Makenna.
The waiting room door opened. “Makenna James?” called a nurse wearing a set of pink scrubs.
She followed the woman to an exam room, her heart racing a little faster with each passing moment. Because she was about to see her child for the very first time.
Before too long, she was wearing a paper gown and her long-time gynecologist entered the room with a nurse. “Makenna, nice to see you again,” Dr. Lyons said.
“Nice to see you, too,” she said, smiling at the woman’s always upbeat personality.
“Are you here alone today?” the doctor asked as she scrubbed her hands.
Makenna nodded. “I wanted to make sure the pregnancy was okay before telling my boyfriend.”
“Okay,” Dr. Lyons said, “well, let’s get started then.” The doctor explained how the internal ultrasound worked and then Makenna laid back with her feet in the stirrups—which always felt incredibly awkward no matter how many times she’d had to do it in her life.
But all of that fell away as an image appeared on the screen and a fast beat rung out in the room.
“Hello, little one,” the doctor said, taking some measurements on the monitor.
Tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump.
“Is that the heart beat?” Makenna asked, the sound planting itself inside her chest and squeezing.
Dr. Lyons smiled as she made some adjustments with the ultrasound wand. “It sure is. Sounds perfectly normal, too.”
“It’s supposed to be that fast?” Makenna’s gaze locked on the screen where the doctor had zooned in on a grainy, peanut-shaped object with tiny nubs protruding from the sides.
In her mind, she heard her father calling her peanut, and now she knew why.
That was her baby and he was totally a little peanut. Well, he or she.
“Based on the measurements here you’re nine weeks and three days along, and your estimated due date is July seventh. Everything looks to be progressing normally.” Dr. Lyons smiled. “So I think you’re safe to share your news.”
Makenna couldn’t pull her gaze away from the screen. Suddenly, the whole situation crashed down on her and she caught her breath as tears pricked her eyes. “This is so incredible. I wish I’d brought him now.”
“There will be plenty more to share with him, including more scans,” the doctor said as she removed the wand. The image stayed on the screen. “And I’ll send you away with parting gifts.” The imagining machine made a whirring sound and spit out a strip of paper. Dr. Lyons handed it to her.
Pictures of their peanut. Makenna pressed them to her heart, any uncertainty she might’ve felt about having a baby disappearing. “I can’t wait to show him. So everything’s okay?”
“Yep. I want to put you on pre-natal vitamins and we’ll get you set up with your pre-natal appointments. We’ll see you back in four weeks.” The doctor discussed some pregnancy dos and don’ts and gave her some information sheets to take home. God, there was a lot to learn about all this, wasn’t there?
When they were done, the doctor walked to the door, then turned back with a smile. “Have fun telling your boyfriend tonight. I hope it goes great.”
“Thanks,” Makenna said. Dr. Lyons left, and Makenna slid off the table. Looking down at the pictures, she just felt so amazed and overwhelmed and excited. “I hope it goes great, too.”
As Caden climbed the five flights of steps up to Makenna’s apartment, he felt like years had passed since he’d last been there. He certainly felt like he’d aged years since he’d last been there.
What a wasted wreck he’d been the past few days. His PTSD hadn’t flared like this for years. For most of the weekend, he hadn’t slept, and when he had, the nightmares had been torturous. His mind was like a maze full of dark corners and dead-ends and looming shadows. He’d had no appetite, and the two times he’d tried to eat, he’d thrown it back up again. Luckily, Makenna had left on Sunday evening before he’d lost the soup and crackers she’d brought him. Aches racked his body like he really had been sick, and he’d had a non-stop headache since Friday night that made it hard to think.
All of which was why he was hoofing it up the steps. In the lobby, he’d stood in front of the open elevator door for a long moment before his central nervous system had threatened a full-on lock-down, and he’d known he just couldn’t get in that little box. No matter how short a ride it would be. That’s how out of control his bullshit was right now.
The last twenty-four hours had been his first shift back to work, and getting out of bed to get his ass down to the station had taken Herculean effort. Not to mention making it through the shift itself. It felt like he was walking through molasses-filled air that made his limbs heavy and his muscles tired.
He’d finally given in and made an appointment with his doctor.
As he stepped out into the fifth-floor hallway, Caden recalled feeling this bad once before.
When he’d been eighteen. During the weeks leading up to high school graduation, when he hadn’t yet known exactly what he was going to do with his life but had at least known he couldn’t keep living with his bitter shell of a father. The uncertainty of the situation and his father’s near-total abdication of parental responsibility for or interest in Caden had been bad enough. But it was also what would’ve been Sean’s sixteenth birthday, and the combination sent Caden into a downward spiral that had ultimately resulted in a diagnosis of depression.
And fuck if Caden wasn’t feeling the similarities with that time more than he wanted to admit.
It felt like such a colossal defeat after having held himself together for so long. And now everything seemed to be coming apart at the seams.
It was all almost more than he could bear. And didn’t that make him feel weak and worthless. He was better than this. He should be better than this. Sonofabitch.
He slid his key into the lock on the apartment door, eager to see Makenna. It had helped seeing her Sunday night, when she’d been so sweet as to bring him that care package. She was the light to Caden’s darkness and had been since they’d been trapped in that elevator. If anyone could take some of the weight off his shoulders, if anyone could make it easier for him to breathe, it would be her.
Stepping into the apartment, he was instantly surrounded by the rich, spicy smell of tomato sauce, and for the first time in days, he actually felt hungry. “Red? I’m home,” he called.
Makenna rushed out of her bedroom, wearing a pair of jeans and a blue sweater and the most beautiful smile. “There you are,” she said, rushing right up to him. She flung her arms around his neck. “God, I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you, too,” he said, reveling in the press of her soft heat against all his cold hardness.
Loosening her hold, she pushed onto tiptoes and kissed him in a soft meeting of lips that quickly deepened to more. “Really missed you,” she whispered.
Caden managed a little chuckle as he slid his hand into all that gorgeous red hair. “I can tell.”
Makenna pulled back and gave him a smile. “Are you feeling better?”
He nodded, because what else was he going to do? And being with her did make him feel better, so it wasn’t really a lie. “What smells so good?”
“I made spaghetti sauce and meatballs. All I have to do is cook the noodles and dinner will be ready. You hungry?”
“I could eat,” he said. He’d kept down the small cup of corn chowder he’d eaten for lunch at the firehouse, so he was hopeful that his body would let him have this.
“Good,” she said, slipping away to the stove. She turned on the burner under a big pot. “Make yourself comfortable. Everything will be ready in less than fifteen.”
“Okay,” he said, heading for the bedroom. He changed out of his uniform into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, and then he sagged down to sit on the edge of the bed. Exhaustion settled over him like a lead blanket. God, what was wrong with him?
You know what’s wrong, Grayson.
Yeah, he probably did. Goddamnit.
But for the next few hours, he was going to let all that go and just be with Makenna. If
that was possible. He hauled himself off the bed and returned to the kitchen to help get dinner ready. Soon, they were seated at the table with mounding servings of spaghetti, sauce, and meatballs. Crusty, warm garlic bread filled a little basket, and Caden took a big piece for himself.
“This looks fantastic,” he said.
“Good. Eat up. There’s tons left,” she said.
They dug in and ate in silence for a while—which was really unusual for Makenna. She’d always been the one initiating conversation or keeping it going. The talkative yin to his quiet yang.
Looking at her, he asked, “How was your day?”
“Oh.” She looked up. Gave a little shrug and a nervous laugh. “The usual,” she said, waving her fork.
Since he was the king of nervous awkwardness, he recognized it when he saw it. “Is everything okay?”
She scoffed. “Yeah. Of course.” Her smile was just a watt too forced.
He arched an eyebrow and nailed her with a stare.
“Okay, fine,” she said, setting her fork down. “I have some things I’d like to talk about, but I was trying to wait until we were done eating.”
Caden didn’t love the sound of that. He set his fork down, too. “What do you want to talk about?”
She heaved a deep breath, like she was bolstering herself for what she had to say. A boulder parked itself in his gut. “So, I have an idea. We’ve pretty much been living together for the last two-plus months, right?” He nodded, wariness clawing over his skin. “And I’ve been wondering why you’re keeping your place because you’re always here—which I love, but it’s a waste of money, really. But when I was at your house the other night, it occurred to me that if we were going to think about fully moving in together, it would make more sense to move into your house since it’s bigger. And then I’d get rid of this place.” The words spilled out of her in a rush.