by K. Sterling
Parker sighed as he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. He reminded himself that Ross didn’t mean it and all of this was understandable considering who he was and what he was going through. Ross grabbed the countertop and tried to pull himself but his arms were shaking and gave out. He gasped and rested his cheek against the wood and shut his eyes, avoiding looking at Parker. Muscle failure. After a long, exhausting day of therapy and a painful fall, Ross needed Parker.
“You have to stop making this about you.” Parker said gently as he got behind Ross and hooked his arms under his shoulders and Ross laughed.
“I’m pretty sure it’s me that just fell like a toddler running across a slip and slide. And I’m pretty sure it’s me that can’t get himself off the floor.” He growled as Parker helped him sit on the toilet. Parker shook his head as he grabbed the crutches and quickly placed them in the bedroom, by Ross’ side of the bed.
“Yup. That was you. Mostly because you want to lash out and push me away. If you would have let me stay and help, it wouldn’t have happened.” Parker said matter-of-factly as he helped Ross stand. He wrapped his arm around Ross’ waist and pulled Ross’ arm over his shoulder. “You need to stop acting like these setbacks are about you.” Parker explained as he guided Ross through the bathroom door. “You thought you’d show up to physical therapy, they’d toss you a bionic leg and you’d be as good as new and running a marathon a few weeks later.” He stopped at the bed and helped Ross sit then grabbed his thighs and turned him so he was laying in his spot. “You forgot to take into account that you’re made of human parts and you’re going to have to give it time, like all the other people that have gone through this.”
Ross rolled onto his side and hugged a pillow to his chest and buried his face as Parker undressed. This had become standard as well. Ross wouldn’t look at Parker when he was naked and he pulled away when they were in bed. They hadn’t had sex since Ross came home. Parker stopped and rested his hands on his hips as he watched Ross try to make himself invisible. Parker realized just where his limits were. Instead of pulling on his pajamas and gently getting in bed next to Ross and carefully holding him, Parker crawled onto the bed and covered Ross’ body with his. Ross became stiff beneath him.
“What are you doing?” He whispered. His voice sounded so small and tight and it was a sharp pain in Parker’s chest. He took a deep breath before he settled on his elbow and turned Ross so that he was on his back, beneath him.
“I miss you.” Parker murmured before his hand cupped Ross’ face and his lips feathered across his brow. Ross exhaled raggedly and his arms wrapped around Parker. It felt incredible and sacred and tears filled Parker’s eyes. “I love you and I need you.” He admitted as his lips brushed against Ross’. He felt them turn down and he shook his head faintly.
“You don’t have to pretend, Parker.” Ross said as he tried to push him off and Parker’s brows pulled together as he looked down at Ross.
“Pretend?” He was completely lost as Ross finally looked at him. His eyes were hard and heavy as he stared up at him.
“I know you love me. You wouldn’t have put up with all of this if you didn’t. But, you don’t have to pretend that you still want me, that it doesn’t bother you.” Ross swallowed painfully and tried to look away. Parker grabbed his jaw and ducked his head so he could find Ross’ eyes.
“You need to stop that. Now.” Parker demanded and Ross’ eyes flared. Parker kissed him, quickly and hungrily. There were hints of anger and frustration and Parker let Ross feel them. “Fuck you for thinking that I could be that shallow or that I’d lie to you about that.” He didn’t try to hide the hurt or make his voice less harsh. “Does it feel like I’m pretending?” Parker ground his hips against Ross, letting his extremely heavy and insistent hard-on drive into his thigh and Ross groaned. “Why, Ross? I’ve needed you for weeks and you won’t let me touch you and you won’t look at me.” He refused to release Ross’ face so he could look away so Ross shut his eyes tight and his chest heaved beneath Parker’s.
“How could you still want me? I’m not complete and I can’t do anything?” His voice shook and Parker had to bite his lip to keep from gasping as he felt another flash of pain.
“Look at me.” Parker demanded and waited. After a few moments, Ross opened his eyes and they were shattered. Parker pulled in a deep breath and sighed as he dropped his forehead and let it rest on Ross’. “What if it was me?” He asked and Ross’ mouth fell open. Parker laughed softly. “Would you stop wanting me?” Ross didn’t hesitate, he tried to shake his head and Parker claimed his lips and kissed him swiftly. “Are you a better person than me? Do you think I love you less?” He asked and Ross frowned as he stared up at him.
“No! I…” He bit his lip as he considered. “It’s just something I was always prepared for. You don’t do what I do… what I did and not realize that losing a limb is a possibility. I’ve seen too much of that.” Ross whispered and Parker rested his forehead against Ross’ again.
“You don’t think I was aware of it as well? You can’t imagine all the scenarios that kept me up at night. Why do you think I chickened out in the beginning? I was afraid that something like this would happen and it would hurt too much to see you like this.” Parker saw the muscle in Ross’ jaw twitch and he stroked it with his thumb. “I was right. It hurts like hell but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you.” Ross sighed and pulled Parker tight against him.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered shakily. “I’m sorry I couldn’t let you go and that I did this to us.” Ross pecked at Parker’s lips and Parker shook his head.
“It’s too late for that now. You’re stuck with me. And what you did was amazing and I don’t want you to regret it or think that I do.” Parker rose on his elbows and dipped his head so he could bury his face in the corner of Ross’ neck. He breathed deep, filling his senses with Ross’ scent and warmth before he let his tongue wash over Ross’ skin and moaned ecstatically. “Oh, God. You can’t know how much I’ve missed this.” He murmured as he lapped at Ross’ collarbone. Ross groaned as his hands kneaded at Parker’s shoulders and he arched beneath him, offering more.
“I do.” Ross insisted and he gasped when Parker’s tongue traced his nipple. “I think it’s half the reason I’ve been such a miserable asshole.” He admitted and Parker growled as he flicked then bit playfully and Ross hissed.
“You brought that on yourself.” Parker teased as his lips bathed Ross’ stomach with open mouthed kisses. “All you had to do was ask. My pants would have come off so fast…” He heard Ross moan and Parker chuckled as he slid lower. His hand slid down Ross’ thigh and he jumped when it brushed against the stump. “Did that hurt?” Parker asked gently as his thumb caressed the tender skin and Ross shook his head and reached for Parker’s hand.
“No. Just…don’t.” He begged and Parker pulled his lips tight and stared up at Ross for a moment.
“Don’t what?” Parker asked slowly and Ross looked away.
“Don’t look at it or touch it. I don’t want it to ruin the mood.” He mumbled and more pain burst in Parker’s chest. He had to make Ross understand.
“You’re not listening to me.” Parker said firmly before he lowered his head and pressed his lips to the tight skin at the end of Ross’ stump. Ross jerked and gasped Parker’s name as he reached for his shoulders. Parker swatted his hands away and licked gently along the stitch scars. “This doesn’t scare me or turn me off.” Parker insisted as he rubbed his lips along the raised line. “I don’t see something lacking or that you’re incomplete. I see more. This is the physical embodiment of everything that I love about you.” Parker looked up and his eyes locked with Ross’.
“You love me because I’m damaged?” He meant it as a joke but his voice trembled and was watery. Parker shook his head, letting his lips slide gently back and forth and Ross squirmed.
“No one can look at you now and not see what I’ve always known.
This shows it all. It’s your strength, your bravery, your loyalty, your selflessness, your determination, your sacrifice and it’s going to be your success. You will overcome this and then, you’ll be even more amazing and inspiring. I look at this…” Parker kissed the scars. “And I see all those things and I’ve never wanted you as much as I want you right now.” He promised and Ross sobbed as he sat up and reached for Parker. He grabbed his arms and pulled him on top of him as he fell back on the bed and wrapped his hands around Parker’s face.
“I love you so much!” Ross’ face was streaked with tears as his lips crashed into Parker’s.
His tongue was demanding and frantic as it twisted around Parker’s and his hands gripped and pulled at Parker’s back and shoulders. Everything became desperate and hot as need, joy, relief and acceptance crashed upon them. Parker’s hands slipped between Ross’ back and the mattress and he clawed at the long, taut muscles of Ross’ back as he angled his head and took the kiss deeper. Lust roared within him and Parker groaned as his hands wrapped around the firm globes of Ross’ ass. Ross’ lips pulled free and he gasped as he bucked beneath Parker.
“Now you’ll really have to do all the work. I can’t do anything.” Ross grinned as he nipped at Parker’s lips and Parker rolled his eyes.
“Shut up. We’ll learn how to adjust.” He said as he stretched and pulled the bedside table drawer open. Parker sifted through the contents before his hand fell on the lube and he snatched it and shut the drawer. “There’s still a lot that we can do.” He murmured as he returned to Ross’ lips and he felt them turn down.
“But I can’t fuck you like I want to.” Ross complained and Parker shrugged.
“Not yet. I’ll just have to ride you, for now.” Parker growled softly as he wrapped his hand around Ross’ erection and began to stroke. It was so hard, Parker could feel it pulsing and he felt an empty, tingling ache in response. Parker knew he should go slow and feast on every inch of Ross’ body, to show Ross with his mouth and hands just how much he still loved and wanted all of him. But the need to feel Ross inside of him was overwhelming. Parker needed to feel connected to him and he really needed to get off. Fast. “I know you, it won’t be long before you’re bending me over and fucking me from behind in the kitchen or holding me up and fucking me against the wall.” Parker predicted as he coated Ross’ cock with lube with a shaking hand. Ross groaned as he thrust against Parker’s hand and his lips clung to Parker’s.
“Rehab goals?” He laughed hoarsely as Parker tightened his grip and stroked harder.
“Exactly.” Parker stated as he rose over Ross and guided the head of his erection to his entrance. “Think of all the ways you’re going to fuck me because it’s all I can think about while I’m watching you.” Parker sat back and held his breath as the head pierced the tight ring and he forced his body to relax and pushed back. It had been a while and he felt tight around Ross as his hard, solid length pressed deeper into Parker’s passage. He breathed through the burning pressure until he was resting on Ross’ thighs.
“Are you all right?” Ross whispered as his hands rubbed Parker’s thighs soothingly. Parker nodded and sighed as the discomfort was quickly replaced by warmth and fullness.
“It’s good. I just needed a minute.” Parker fell forward and kissed Ross tenderly as he slowly rocked back and forth.
Parker felt Ross’ fingernails dig and drag down his back as he groaned into Parker’s mouth. Heat and pleasure rippled out in heavy waves as Parker rolled his hips and ground against Ross’ pelvis. He sobbed as he rubbed his prostate against Ross’ throbbing shaft and rode him faster. Parker knew it wasn’t going to take long. His balls were already tightening and his movements were becoming jerky, his coordination was failing as he pushed off the bed and slammed back against Ross. Parker’s head snapped back and his eyes rolled when Ross’ hand wrapped around his cock and began to squeeze and pull.
“Come for me.” Ross urged as his hips lifted off the bed and his cock drove deeper. “I’m so close but I need you to come for me.” He panted as he stroked faster. Parker tried to nod as he arched his back and grabbed Ross’ thighs. Heat and pleasure coiled tight in his groin and his mouth fell open as he stared, blind and gasping at the ceiling as his nerves flickered and his muscles locked.
“Ross.” It slipped from his throat as a breathless prayer before Parker’s body shattered and he began to shake wildly. Pressure surged up his shaft and the slit at the head stung as a thick, heavy stream of come burst violently from the end and Parker screamed as he swung forward and clawed at Ross’ chest and shoulders. Ross’ hand slid up Parker’s length, gathering his come before Ross pressed his fingers to his lips and greedily licked them clean.
“Fuck!” He whimpered as he sucked on his fingers while the other hand clamped tight around Parker’s hip as Ross thrust into him. “Jeeesusss…” He moaned as he arched and froze beneath Parker. Ross’ head thrashed on the pillows and Parker hissed as Ross’ cock swelled and pulsed before heat erupted deep in Parker’s ass. Parker hummed happily as he squeezed around Ross and a warm tremor spilled through his body as Ross twisted and bucked beneath him. “Holy shit!” Ross pulled Parker to him and moaned into his mouth as his body twitched and shivered. Parker wrapped his arms around Ross’ neck and sighed as his body became boneless and heavy.
“Love you.” Parker whispered as he buried his face into the corner of Ross’ neck. Ross’ arms tightened around Parker.
“I love you too. You’re everything, Parker.” He murmured as his fingers traced up and down Parker’s spine. “I can survive anything as long as I have you.”
Chapter 34
Ross grabbed the parallel bars and held his breath as he stood. Everyone was watching him closely but it was Parker that drew Ross’ attention. His focus was so complete and he looked so…tense. Ross frowned as he watched Parker whisper a silent prayer as he stared at Ross’ legs. And Ross knew. Parker wasn’t praying that the prosthetic would work because he wanted Ross to walk, he was praying because he didn’t want to see Ross disappointed and frustrated. Ross knew that Parker had faith in him, that Ross walking again was never in doubt. It was the pain and heartbreak that Parker was afraid of.
You stupid asshole. He was right, this isn’t about you. It’s about him. Ross waited for Parker’s eyes to drift upwards, to reach his and he smiled. Parker’s face lit up.
“Is it better?” Parker asked hopefully and Ross shook his head.
“I don’t know.” He said and Parker’s brows fell in confusion.
“Oh.” Parker leaned forward on the bench, resting his elbows on his knees. “Are you going to walk or are you just going to stand there?” He asked and Ross laughed. Parker’s head tilted and his eyes flicked to the therapists and they both shrugged.
Ross stepped forward cautiously and there was definite friction against the outside corner of the stump. He ignored it and swung his other leg forward and there was pinching against the back of his leg. He took a deep breath and brought his left leg forward and there was definite pressure and discomfort. By the time Ross got to the end of the bars and back, the stump felt raw, his thigh muscle was screaming and his right hip ached from compensating. Ross turned and looked over at Parker and the therapists. Once again, a smile filled his face as Ross stared at Parker.
“Did it work?” He asked excitedly and Ross shook his head.
“No, it still hurts like hell.” Ross announced and Parker groaned as his head fell and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Guilt streaked through Ross as he became very aware of the strain he’d put on Parker. “Hey.” Ross said loudly and Parker’s head snapped up. “It’s ok. I know we’ll get it right.” He winked at Parker and he nodded slowly, clearly unsure of what was happening.
“So, what’s going on with you?” Parker asked once they pulled onto the highway. Ross shrugged then reached for Parker’s hand. An idea was taking shape and he didn't want Parker catching on.
“I just reali
zed that getting angry and taking it out on everyone wasn’t helping. It’ll happen when it happens. And it’s not going to be an instant thing. It’s just going to take time and it’s going to be a slow process.” Ross said and Parker’s head lurched back in surprise.
“That’s a really healthy attitude.” Parker squeezed Ross’ hand. Ross nodded as he raised their hands and kissed the back of Parker’s hand.
“You were right. I need to accept that I’ve got limitations and have to work hard, just like everyone else that’s gone through this. My expectations were unrealistic and I was putting too much pressure on myself.” Ross saw a relaxed smile fill Parker’s face and another ripple of guilt passed through him. He hadn’t seen Parker smile like that since he came home. “I know what I need to do now.” Ross whispered. I have to walk again so I can marry Parker.
If the first few months felt like an uphill battle, the next three were an uphill battle through hell. But, it was all paying off. Two visits after Ross adjusted his priorities and his motivation, the leg felt infinitely better. They had finally found the right fit. After that, Ross was on it for hours, walking, going up stairs, jogging in little bursts, kicking… It was exhausting and his legs were smoked for days after but Ross was overjoyed. The day he came home, walked through their front door on his new leg, Ross set his plan in motion.
The first thing he did was call Parker’s mom. Ross was fairly certain she approved of him, but he needed to hear it from her and he wanted her blessing. After that, he brought in Bryan and Ian. There was no way he could pull it off without them.
Ross knew how he wanted to propose. He’d worked it out weeks before he lost his leg. Parker had given Ross the idea for the perfect location and Ross knew he wanted to wear a tux and had picked out a ring from Tiffany’s. Every time Ross’ body screamed for him to quit, he pictured the location and everything he had planned and he was able to keep going. He’d do it for Parker, to prove that he was worthy and that he believed that Parker was worth fighting for.