by Lannah Smith
Iris laughed. "Kidding aside, I wish you would give him a chance."
"A chance to break my heart again?" I said through clenched teeth.
"He said he likes you."
"He probably tells that to all the girls he slept with."
"God, you're so stubborn," Iris mumbled. "You're lying if you tell me your heart didn't skip a beat when he told you those words."
No, it didn't.
It didn't skip a beat.
Instead, a sharp pain gripped my heart because it hurt to hear those words coming from him.
I wanted to be done with him but the problem was he wasn't done with me. And I was afraid that if I gave him a chance, if I believed in him again, he'd really break my heart. I wasn't keen on taking that risk and get hurt all over again.
Emitting a heavy sigh, I mumbled, "I invoke my right against self-incrimination."
"Just hear John out, Terry. And try not to lose your temper and sock him before he could finish telling you everything."
"I wouldn't sock him," I told her petulantly.
"I know you, Terry. You'll probably try at least once. So you'll go?"
"No."
A hesitation, then, "Look, I know you're afraid. You have every right to be. But I don't want you to regret not going. I don't want you to keep regretting the chances you didn't take and the decisions you waited too long to make."
My heart clenched.
She kept going. "He said he was going to explain the reason why, right? From what you told me, the way he spoke about not wanting to lose you makes me think something happened to him. Something that made him, no, forced him to sacrifice your friendship."
"If what you're saying is true, did he really have to sacrifice me?" I said in a small tone.
"You'll never know the reason why until you give him a chance to explain, Terry," Iris said in a tone that boded no argument. "And I know it's been eating at you. No matter how much you say you've moved on, it's clear that you haven't. And you may not owe anything to the young master but you owe it to yourself to learn the reason so you can finally decide whether you want to really move on, cut him out of your life, or let him back in."
I clenched my jaw. "I don't want to let him back in."
"You're lying again."
"I... I can't let him back in, Iris," I replied softly. "Haru wouldn't permit it."
Iris grew quiet.
Then she said, "But your father likes John."
"Dad listens to Haru. He could be persuaded to dislike him. And Haru said..." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "He said he had plans for me."
Iris was quiet again but this time, the silence was saturated with horror.
Then her angry words spilled out.
"No. No fucking way. He's not thinking... after what Lucas did to you? After what that maniac did to you? He fucking better not be thinking about it, Terry, or I'll go to Japan myself and kick the family jewels."
My lungs seized.
I shut my eyes tight.
Lucas Russo. The guy I was with for two years.
Everyone thought he was my boyfriend. He was, in a sense, because he was my fiancé. Until he wasn't.
I pushed these thoughts aside and said, "Iris, calm down."
"Calm? You want me to be calm?" she asked then yelled, "I was there when you came home looking like a dementor had just sucked all the life out of you. Like the abuse you suffered from your brother and mother wasn't enough. And you want me to be calm?"
"Iris, be quiet." I snapped. "What if your roommate hears you?"
"I don't care!" she snapped back but thankfully quieter this time. "Since Haru has apparently lost his mind, I'm considering this an intervention. I only need the funds to get to Japan and I'm all set."
I couldn't help it. I laughed.
"Laugh all you want. You know how dead serious I am when I make a decision."
I stopped laughing.
Iris was usually pretty mellow and laid back but I've seen her fight with the other maids and go against one of Haru's bodyguards so I knew she wasn't joking.
I tried to use logic. "Iris, it's over and done with. And besides, Haru obviously thought Lucas was unfit for me when he ordered me to break up with him."
"Well," Iris started, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "since his family had gone bankrupt on an investment gone wrong, of course he thinks that insane bastard is unfit for you."
I had nothing to say to that.
"So are you going to go see John or not?"
I gave in ungraciously on a sigh. "Do I have a choice?"
"You always have a choice, Terry," came her reply. "You just always choose the easy way out."
John looked at his left.
Then he looked at his right.
When he couldn't take it anymore, he groaned and placed his head face first on the kitchen table.
"Will you please put some clothes on, Leon?" he muttered.
"Shut up," he heard his buck-naked best friend say. "You said you were leaving so why are you still here? Hey Skull, didn't we just go over this problem? What the hell don't you understand?"
"At this point, I don't even understand what I don't understand," Skull grumbled, making John grin.
"Damn it. I don't know how to explain this any more simple."
"Oh, God. Are you telling me I'm doomed to fail?"
"Shut up. I'm thinking."
Snickering, John lifted his head and stared at them. Skull was scratching his head as he pored over the papers cluttered across the table. Leon was writing, a frustrated expression on his usually blank face.
He glanced at his watch. It was almost 3. It was almost time to see Terry.
And he couldn't wait to see her.
"Stop that stupid noise, John," Skull snapped. "I can't think with you tapping your stupid rings on the table."
Leon gave him a sidelong glance. "You're nervous."
John blinked. "What?"
Leon returned his gaze to the paper he was writing on. "You sometimes play with your rings when you're nervous."
John's eyes widened innocently. "How about bored? Can't we go with that?"
"Bored, my ass," his best friend grumbled. "If you're bored, help Skull study for his exams. Don't be fucking useless like Rohan."
He grinned, playing the charade of being his usual self while trying not to freak out at the same time.
"I've got a date," he replied. "I would have gone ahead but I figured if I'm too early it might make me seem so desperate."
At this, Skull snorted. "Date? When do you date? Hey, Leon, what do I do about this part?"
"Use this equation." Leon tapped his pencil on Skull's paper before he gave John his attention again. "You need some tips?"
"You're kidding, right?" John said wryly. "I don't need tips from someone who keeps a knife under his pillow and whose girlfriend's parents didn't like."
"Fuck you."
"Language, Leon. And for the love of tits, please go put some clothes on."
"You can't tell me what to do in my own house," Leon muttered darkly. "You should go get a girlfriend so you'd stop barging here."
"I'll consider that."
Leon raised an eyebrow and then raised another when he saw John was serious. His eyes widened comically and John chuckled.
Bewildered, Leon asked him, "Are you high right now?"
John lost his smile. "No."
"You don't do steady."
"You didn't either, you ass."
"Will you too shut up?" Skull barked. "Whatever happened to 'Help Skull pass his exams'? I need to learn about math, not your stupid love lives!"
"You're just jealous I had lunch with Sophia." John folded his arms and gave Skull a cheeky grin. "And that she's going to make me something the next time I have lunch with her again."
Skull looked startled. "She said that?"
Leon's face turned dark and ominous at the reminder and John snickered nervously. Leon didn't like the way John basically forced himself on the c
ouple and how he scared Sophia for a moment. He especially didn't like how John ogled at his girlfriend for just smiling.
John stood up and backed away from Leon when he remembered his best friend had talked about getting even with him. And he did not want to sport a black eye today. "Right, I'm leaving. Wish me luck," he ended with a wink.
With a grumpy expression, Leon grunted and bent his neck to Skull's papers. Skull watched him leave and curiously, he didn't look happy with him. John gave him a smirk before closing the door behind him.
Then he began praying that he'd keep his shit together during his confession to Terry.
Chapter 21
Four years ago, John and Terry at age twelve
"Do it now, son."
His mother's grip tightened around his shoulder but John didn't feel the pain. There was pain but it came from his chest, suffocating him, knowing that what he was going to do, what she was making him do will make him lose the only girl he cared about.
John watched Terry with his mother from the corner of the ballroom. She was opening gifts, surrounded by children her age his father had rounded up to show the pretense that she had friends. The birthday was smiling, though it didn't quite reach her eyes, and her gaze kept moving around, searching.
For him.
"You're not moving," his mother's icy voice came to him. "So you choose her?"
He shook his head.
He didn't know.
He wasn't sure.
Why did he have to choose?
Why did she have to make him choose?
"Then you won't see Leon again."
His body froze.
"You won't be able to help him."
His hands clenched.
"He'll be suffering. Alone."
Leon's bruised face flitted through John's mind, along with the image of his battered body lying on the small hospital bed. A bleak expression had now replaced the cheeriness he had always seen on his best friend's face and his sparkling eyes turned weary and guarded, eyes that had seen too much pain and misery.
He couldn't leave his best friend alone.
Leon needed him.
"It's her birthday," John whispered pleadingly to his mother and how he hated resorting to begging.
But his mother was unmoved. For reasons he didn't know and for reasons she wouldn't tell, she prompted him mercilessly to do it.
To break Terry's heart.
And his.
"It's now or never, son."
John closed his eyes.
And breathed deep.
When he opened them, they were filled with so much rage and hatred.
"I'll always hate you for this," he told her in a low, venomous tone.
His mother said nothing. She simply stared.
He knew she was still watching when he approached Terry, the first time he did that night as he kept ignoring Terry's attempts to talk to him.
He knew she was still watching when he spat out cruel words and ended their friendship while Terry struggled not to cry before she finally ran away.
He knew she was still watching while he restrained himself from going after her, to beg her forgiveness and tell her he was so, so sorry.
But, like always, she did nothing but watch as her son's whole world collapsed around him.
It's was past 6 in the evening.
Terry was making him wait.
Or rather, she obviously wasn't coming.
And her not showing up felt just as crippling as that time he hurt her when they were children.
John sucked in a rush of cool air and put his hands on the railing. The view from the greenery from the top of Steele Towers was magnificent, the city lights beautiful and mesmerizing, but he couldn't fully well appreciate it when all he could think of was being stood up by the only girl he cared about.
Most of him believed she would show up. That part of him held hope she would.
And her choice not to see him, not to hear him out broke his fucking heart.
He turned to leave the greenery, to take the elevator, to go home or get fucking wasted.
This was the end.
He was never going to try again because she would never give him a chance.
And it broke his heart.
Yet she was there, standing by the glass doors.
The sight of her relieved John so much he closed his eyes and let out a shaky sigh.
He opened them again and looked at her. The wind blew strands of hair across her face as she looked at him across the expanse of the greenery. They both stood still for several long seconds and for a moment he thought she was going to turn around and leave.
Instead, she walked towards him, pulling the beret off her head, fingers plunging into her shining hair at the forehead and pulling it back. Distracted, he watched her hair settle to frame her extraordinary face perfectly.
Then he noticed she was wearing a dress.
Actually, she was wearing a black jacket over the blue dress she was wearing but still, his body reacted at the sight.
Okay, John, chill, he frantically thought. You may be a horny teenager but you're not that horny. You need to talk to her before you try to lay your hands on her.
He called out and tried to grasp all the things he had learned as a child.
Self-control.
Discipline.
Strength of mind and will.
But fuck.
Why did she have to wear a dress again?
Her mouth was moving. She was talking to him.
And yet his eyes couldn't help but go back to her legs.
"Are you listening to me, Steele?" her voice finally penetrated his senses.
John closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just... just give me a moment," he muttered.
"Has the cold addled your mind?" She sounded pissed and he opened his eyes to look at her. "You shouldn't have stayed out here for long—."
"I'm just distracted," he interrupted her tirade.
She cocked her head to the side. "Distracted?"
By your legs, he thought.
"Want me to bring you back to earth with a slap?" she continued to ask when he didn't reply.
He chuckled. "Nah, I'll be fine."
Because you're finally here.
Wear a dress, indeed.
I shouldn't have listened to Iris. It was cold and breezy on the greenery and the short skirt of the blue collared dress I was wearing was swaying to the wind, revealing my bare legs. Thank heavens I thought of wearing a jacket.
I thought it would be difficult to get inside the Steele Towers as I didn't have an appointment.
And considering how late I was, I thought that maybe John had gotten tired of waiting and had already left.
But there was a man waiting for me in the entrance, the same man who took me home after that night with John in his mansion. Wordlessly, he led me to the private elevator and pressed the button of the top floor. Then he stepped back and gave me a short bow.
As soon as the elevator moved, I forgot about the man immediately. Butterflies flew around my stomach, making me sick, and I had to take a couple of deep breaths to calm my nerves. The elevator opened to a lushly carpeted hall and I stepped out. I knew the way to the greenery so I began walking to its direction. A fond smile touched my lips when I remembered how we used to play there and watch the moon rise up the night sky. It was getting dark so I knew the moon had already risen, and the thought helped me calm a bit.
John had his back to me when I arrived in the greenery. The slump of his shoulders read defeat, like he'd already given up on me coming, but when he saw me, my heart squeezed to see the relief and happiness light up in his eyes.
"I didn't mean to be late," I told him in an apologetic tone, now that I was sure I finally had his whole attention. "I had a prior appointment that I couldn't reschedule."
He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that you came."
A cold breeze wafted across the greenery and I shivered.
"Can we take this conversation someplace else? It's cold here."