by Snow, Jenika
So Good
Jenika Snow
Contents
Synopsis
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Epilogue
About the Author
SO GOOD
By Jenika Snow
www.JenikaSnow.com
[email protected]
Copyright © May 2019 by Jenika Snow
Photographer: Wander Aguiar
Cover Model: Jonny James & Amanda Joan
Image provided by: Wander book club
Cover design by: Designs by Dana
Editor: Kasi Alexander
Content Editor/Proofreader: All Encompassing books
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: The unauthorized reproduction, transmission, or distribution of any part of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to five years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000.
This literary work is fiction. Any name, places, characters and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or establishments is solely coincidental.
Please respect the author and do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials that would violate the author’s rights.
Matthew
Ivy. So sweet and young, so innocent and mine, even though I was crossing a line by simply desiring her.
My step-brother’s daughter. Forbidden, taboo. I should stay away, but in my mind I’d already claimed her, already made the decision I couldn’t let her go.
If wanting her was wrong … I didn’t want to be right.
Ivy
I was still in high school, hadn’t even experienced the world, but I already knew who I wanted to spend my life with.
Matthew.
He was someone I could never be with, yet here I was, feeling him, touching him … being with him. It was all so perfect until it wasn’t, until my father found out … until my world was turned upside down.
And through it all Matthew was there, telling me he wouldn’t give me up, wouldn’t let me go.
But could he keep that promise during the fallout?
1
Ivy
My very first memories involved Matthew, the way he’d held my hand as he took me to the park. The way he’d helped me on the swing and then pushed me. He’d watched me when my mother and father had been at work, playing board games with me, sneaking hot fudge sundaes before dinner.
He’d been a constant presence in my life always. I trusted him more than anyone else, knew that he’d never let anyone hurt me.
I remember looking up at him, the sun behind him, the glare intense, and thinking he was a superhero.
My superhero.
And when a little boy had been picking on me, Matthew had been there to tell him that treating girls with respect and kindness was the only way to grow up being a good man.
He was Matthew, my Matthew, my best friend, my father’s step-brother.
My step-uncle.
He was family, the one person that I knew would never let me down. And after my mother died in a wrong place, wrong time kind of thing, I never thought the world would be right again. I was young, so young that as time went on, I started to feel like I would be okay, that things would get better.
So I’d focused on school, knowing that she’d want me to focus on what made me happy.
And I don’t know when it had changed, when my feelings for Matthew had started changing from adoration and admiration to ... desire.
It was wrong, a sin, right? He was family, and although not a blood relative, I’d only ever known him as Uncle Matthew.
I was eighteen and finishing up my senior year of high school. I had plans, ambitions.
I had a future.
And I should have been happy, excited about it all, but over the summer something had changed within me. Something had grown, like a branch of a tree that was twisted and barren, reaching for the sun because that’s all it knew.
And Matthew was my sun.
He was all I knew.
I’d felt something shift and turn in me, clawing to get out.
Matthew was outside in the garden, his short dark hair slightly damp at his temples from perspiration. He was installing a new walkway, not something we especially needed, but Matthew liked to stay busy. He liked to work with his hands.
The way his biceps flexed as he worked on the cobblestone had my heart racing. The sight of his tattoo-covered flesh had my body reacting in ways I’d only ever felt with him.
His white T-shirt had smudges of dirt on it, wet from sweat, the sun beating down on him.
My sun.
I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, my ultimate death awaiting.
He lifted his arm and wiped the sweat from his forehead, his bicep flexing. He was muscular. Having worked in construction most of his adult life had made his body powerful, like a tank.
My hands started aching and I looked down to see my fingers twisted together in my shirt almost violently. I loosened my hold, breathing out slowly, and lifted my head to look back out the window, only to see Matthew looking at me. The air left me viciously and I should have glanced away, but I found myself transfixed at the sight of him, at how he drew out this reaction from me.
Time had no meaning in that moment, no physical hold on me.
I felt a tightness claim me instantly when I saw Mara, our very attractive, very available next-door neighbor walk up to Matthew with a bottle of water in her hand and a come-fuck-me smile plastered on her face.
“Earth to Ivy.”
I blinked a few times and pulled my focus away from the window. My cheeks felt hot, the very real possibility that Georgia had seen me watching Matthew embarrassing me.
“I’m here.” I cleared my throat and walked back to the table, sitting down across from her. We were in the last month of high school, our senior year, and I couldn’t focus.
I hadn’t been able to for months now, ever since I realized what I’d been feeling for Matthew was most definitely not appropriate.
I brought my pencil up to my mouth and started chewing on the end as I zoned out. I could hear Georgia talking, but I wasn’t focused on what she said.
I didn’t know how long I sat there, but I soon heard the side door open and my heart jumped into my throat. I knew it was Matthew coming inside.
Acting like I had my shit together in that moment was easier said than done, especially seeing as I felt flushed and aroused.
I straightened and looked out toward the hallway, watching as Matthew came into view. He pulled a rag out of his pocket and started wiping the sweat from his forehead, then dragged it down and over the back of his neck.
My fingers were wrapped tightly around the pencil, so hard that it was almost a little painful. He glanced over at us and grinned, giving me a wink and making butterflies move wildly in my stomach, sucking the very air from my lungs.
He stepped into the entryway and leaned against the doorframe, crossing his big, muscular arms over his chest. “You girls studying hard?”
He glanced between Georgia and me and I cleared my throat, hoping he couldn’t see how affected I was by his presen
ce.
“Hardly studying is more like it.” Georgia giggled and I glanced over at her, seeing this dreamy-eyed expression on her face.
But I couldn’t blame her for being attracted to Matthew. He was all man and I’d fallen down that rabbit hole, too.
He gave me one last look, the corner of his mouth kicking up in a smirk, before the sound of my dad calling for him rang out.
“See ya later, girls,” he said and walked away. I couldn’t help but sigh at the way his powerful body moved so stealthily.
“Good God. Your uncle is hot as hell,” Georgia said.
I glanced over at her and saw her fanning her face, her cheeks pink. Her gaze was locked on mine and she grinned before shrugging.
“He’s too old for us, Georgia,” I muttered and then realized what I’d said. I glanced up, feeling my eyes widen, but thankfully she hadn’t heard the slip in my comment. I should have said he was too old for her. I most definitely shouldn’t have said he was too old for us.
“What can I say? He’s every girl’s fantasy.”
I shook my head and glanced away, hoping she didn’t see how much this conversation affected me. I didn’t want my secret to come out, definitely not like this.
Lusting after my uncle? Related or not, he’d been in my life for, well, ever. And no doubt people would see my feelings as wrong and sick, taboo.
Maybe I shouldn’t care what people thought. But the very idea of Matthew thinking those things was painful. So keeping this to myself, taking it to my grave, was for the best.
2
Ivy
“Party at your house this weekend? Count me the hell in,” Georgia said after she guzzled half her water bottle.
“Calling it a party might be exaggerating. It’ll just be my dad, Matthew, and you. I’m not really feeling anything big.”
“Ivy, it’s your nineteenth birthday, your last year of high school. What do you mean not feeling anything big?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just not a big deal.”
Georgia looked shocked. “Well, it’s your birthday so your decision.” She smiled. “But I think a party would be cool.” She shrugged and went back to eating her food. And then she started talking about Marcus, one of the guys in her class who’d been showing interest in me the whole school year.
That was the thing about Georgia; she didn’t linger on certain subjects, and I was thankful for that. I didn’t want to talk about a party, because the truth was as much as I would’ve liked having friends over to celebrate my nineteenth birthday, there was something going on with my dad.
I’d seen the change in him over the last week or so, how distant he’d been, the lack of conversation, his overall contact with me. He didn’t even act happy, and I’d felt that change thicken the air.
He seemed stressed, and the last thing I wanted to do was bring up something so mundane as a birthday party when he was obviously dealing with stuff.
“So, what about Marcus?” Georgia said, breaking through my thoughts.
I wrinkled my nose and shook my head.
“Seriously?” Georgia asked. “He’s one of the hottest guys in school. Not to mention he’s like totally into you.”
“He’s not my type,” I said, really not wanting to talk about Marcus or any other guy, for that matter.
I wasn’t interested in him. I wasn’t interested in anyone but Matthew. Then again, look at how that was going for me. It’s not like I could actually be with him. Not like I could actually admit to him how I felt, or anyone else for that matter. And this wasn’t just infatuation. This wasn’t just some schoolgirl crush. I loved him.
I was in love with him in a way I probably shouldn’t be, in a way that would seem disgusting to society, would seem immoral and just ... wrong.
It was taboo to be in love with a family member, even if said family member wasn’t related by anything but marriage.
But I didn’t care. I knew what I wanted, who I cared about, and that was all that mattered to me.
* * *
I pulled into the driveway of my house, my thoughts on what Georgia had said. Maybe I should just try and push away my feelings for Matthew and go after someone my own age … someone who wasn’t connected to me in a forbidden manner. But even thinking about being with someone else left a bad taste in my mouth. It had my stomach clenching and all kinds of wrong thoughts filling me.
I cut the engine, my heart doing a little flip when I realized Matthew’s truck was parked in the driveway. My dad’s car was right beside his, which seemed a bit odd seeing as how at this hour he should have been at work.
After grabbing my bag and the few textbooks I’d thrown on the passenger seat, I headed up to the front door.
As soon as I stepped inside, I felt something was off. It was this thickness in the air, this electricity that moved over my arms. I felt my chest tighten as I set my backpack on the floor by the wall and stepped farther inside.
I looked in the living room but didn’t see my father, so I headed down the short hallway and went into the kitchen. I saw my dad and Matthew sitting at the table, my father’s head lowered as if he were upset or disappointed about something. He had his hands clasped in front of him on top of the old, scarred dining room table.
I glanced at Matthew, who was leaning back in his chair, his big body tense, something I could tell even from a distance. He glanced up at me and I felt my chest tighten even further at the look he gave me.
Something was wrong.
“What’s going on?” My father looked up then, this surprised expression on his face. He hadn’t known I’d come home, maybe didn’t want me to see him like this. “Guys, what’s going on?” I asked when they didn’t say anything and just stared at me.
“Ivy, come sit down.”
My movements were slow as I walked to the table. Matthew reached out and pulled the chair out for me and I sat down, glancing between the two of them.
“I’m just gonna cut right to it because I’ve already been keeping it from you for the past week.”
My heart jumped into my throat and I swallowed, my hands starting to shake. Every bad thought filled my head. Was he sick? Hurt?
I placed my hands on my lap, curling them together so my fingers were intertwined.
“Okay,” I said softly and tried to act like I wasn’t nervous as hell. My father took a deep breath and leaned back in the chair, staring me in the eyes.
“I lost my job last week.”
For a moment, I couldn’t process his words. I didn’t even know what they meant. Then, slowly reality set in. “Okay,” I said again and looked between him and Matthew. “What exactly does that mean? We’re okay financially, right?”
I wasn’t an idiot. I knew that him losing his job wasn’t good, but maybe he’d found a new one already?
“It just means things are going to be hard, but it’ll work out.” Matthew was the one to respond and I glanced at him. He seemed so sure, so calm.
I glanced back at my dad. “How did you lose your job? You’ve been there for as long as I can remember.” I instantly saw this discomfort surround him. He was nervous, looking away from me, not able to hold my gaze with his.
And then he looked up at Matthew, and I could see that my uncle knew what was going on, knew why my father had lost his job.
And I knew it was bad.
“Dad?” I looked back at my father. We’d always been truthful with each other, but I could see right now him being honest with me was hard.
He cleared his throat and shifted on the chair several times before finally exhaling. “I started a relationship with a coworker.” He paused for a moment and I knew he wasn’t finished. “It’s frowned upon to fraternize in the work area.”
Confusion filled me even more. “Surely something like that, they’d give you a warning instead of firing you? Losing your job seems extreme.” I didn’t understand any of this and could see on my dad’s face he was worried.
“It wasn’t just tha
t we had a relationship and worked together, but I was seeing my employer’s daughter.” He cleared his throat and shifted on the seat over and over again, his nervousness tangible. “His twenty-year-old daughter.”
I saw the frantic look on his face, and knew that him telling me he was sleeping with a woman so young had him panicked because she was so close to my age.
But in that moment, I looked over at Matthew, my love for him growing. I was soon to be nineteen. He was in his thirties. The age gap between us was immense. But I didn’t care.
I looked over at my father again. I wasn’t going to touch on this subject, wasn’t going to ask questions or delve deeper. “So what now?” was all I said. It was all that I could utter.
“Now we figure things out.” Matthew was the one to speak. “My lease is up and I’m going to move in to help your dad out.”
Matthew was moving in?
“It’ll help take some stress off your dad so he can find a job and not worry so much about bills and watching over you.”
I wanted to tell him that I was nearly an adult, that I didn’t need looking after, but the truth was the very thought of Matthew here constantly was almost like a dream come true.
I glanced over at my father and saw he looked dejected. “Did you love her?” The only woman I’d ever seen my father with had been my mother. So this was all a little bit strange, definitely new.
His throat worked as he swallowed, and I could practically feel the tension in the air.
“I care about her,” he said and I heard the genuine tone in his voice. “And so I refused to stop seeing her—”