by H D Coulter
Saving Grace
Deception. Obsession. Redemption.
This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.
SAVING GRACE
First edition. May 11, 2021.
Copyright © 2021 H D Coulter.
ISBN: 978-1393707196
Written by H D Coulter.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Acknowledgements
Sign up for H D Coulter's Mailing List
Further Reading: Ropewalk; Rebellion. Love. Survival
Also By H D Coulter
About the Author
For my own Saving Grace,
My friend, my editor, thank you.
Chapter 1
April 1832, Beacon Hill, Boston.
“You are my child; you are not his – you are innocent – you are loved – you are mine.”
Bea rubbed the protruding foot stretching outward from under the swollen skin of her belly. Tipping her head from side to side, she hoped restlessly that the tormenting dream would trickle out of her ears and leave her in peace. The polished wooden arm felt cold and smooth as she gripped tight on to it with her free hand, planting herself back in reality. Without realising it, her hand gradually crept up to her neck, following the pale mauve line that stretched from ear to ear. The mark left by the rope had faded but it had left a scar, an irremovable brand on her skin that would never allow her to truly forget. Her mind still enjoyed torturing her regularly, and now and then she would relive a moment from the harrowing night of the attack to the last second, the moment she had thought she was dead. Minor aspects would change in her memory until she wasn’t sure what was real, or what was now a fantasy. She felt a sudden kick from the tiny foot, and this time the jolt brought her firmly back to the present. She repeated the same mantra again, reminding herself this child, formed in an act of hate, was going to be born into love. Tiredness engraved in the lines across her face and a dull ache in her bones. She breathed deeply, in and out, rubbing her distended belly in a repetitive motion. Pulling tighter the shawl around her shoulders, her Da had given her at home however many Christmases past. How much she missed him. She stared out of the large window and down to the street below. The gas street-lamps filled Boston with a warm golden glow all night long, seeping into the house and creating shadows in the corners. She missed the stars, a simplicity she had taken for granted back in Ulverston, and instead of the soothing noise of the swelling waves and the night-time birds, the city was brimming with voices, with bodies, with the hustle and bustle. It didn’t stop for the night; it never stopped.
Joshua stirred in the bed, peacefully ignorant of her wakefulness. She was envious of his ability to sleep. Each night, he would cradle her in his arms as they both drifted off, allowing her to feel safe. But in her dreams, it would all come flooding back, haunting her with vivid images of Hanley’s face; that night; the jury laughing at her; and eventually, the sensation of the noose tightening around her neck. She had tried to stop herself. She remembered that keenly. She had tried to walk away from them both, but she knew in the end, despite all her efforts, it was all her fault; she had made the choices which lead her down this path. Guilt ate her up. A clammy, twitching sensation ran through her body. Her heart pounded, fearful of the shadows in their room. Then she felt it again, the baby shifting in position, kicking her bladder or a rib. Her forever-reminder of him.
AT FIRST, THE PREGNANCY hadn’t felt real. For the first month, she had still expected to see her monthly blood staining the sheets every morning. Convincing herself it was a lie, she willed herself to believe that she and Joshua would have the life they had dreamt of, and they would leave everything dark and violent behind them. Watching him contemplate bringing up Hanley’s baby as his own made her morning sickness worse. But as the bump grew out of her slim frame, the idea became too real to ignore. They could no longer hide it and instead acted to the best of their ability like the joyous soon-to-be parents of a wedding-night baby. No one could know the actual truth. Each time she had thought about having the child, the questions brought forth images of the recent past, and her entire body shook with fear. She couldn’t love this child, not his child... Joshua would sooth her, tell her all the right words, every assurance she needed to hear, but he couldn’t look at the growing reminder, or touch her around that area. Every day he told her he loved her, that he didn’t blame her. And yet she saw a darkness grow inside him, and a quickening temper when there used to be patience.
During the first few months in Boston they had secured rooms in a Boarding House; one bedroom and a small sitting room, where the lady of the house, a Ms Huddersfield, would bring their breakfast and dinner every day. During the worse of her morning sickness, it had been a blessing, spending her time in a fractured sleep; numb to life passing her by. Joshua, unable to watch his new wife disappear, would spend his days out, from early morning until late evening, telling her not to worry and that he was working everything out; that he would find a job soon and they would finally find additional security.
But she didn’t worry, she didn’t care. The only thing that consumed her was the growing reminder and the thin line between nightmare and reality. It wasn’t until the first time she felt it kick that the movement in her belly became a baby, and her mind shifted away from its relentless anguish.
Sitting in the darkness, Bea felt the baby wiggle, followed by a spattering of tiny hiccups, and she watched her bump gently jump with each one. It was one of the few times she smiled. The first time it had happened the sensation had felt strange, like tiny bubbles popping in her belly, but once the realisation had kicked in, so did the memories of her sisters. An image of little Rowan or Holly when they had had the hiccups, giggling at the silly noises coming from their mouths as they tried and failed to talk through them. In that moment she had known that this child, her baby, would be an innocent boy or girl, untainted by her wounds or its father’s crimes, deserving only to be loved. She embraced each movement as a sign of the child’s character, instead of a painful reminder of all they had lost. Coming up with her line, she had repeated it to herself, to banish away the fear and hatred: “You are my child; you are not his – you are innocent – you are loved – you are mine.”
“Come back to bed, my love”. Joshua’s half-asleep voice filtered through the dark room.
Bea slipped back under the covers, whispering gently: “She has the hiccups again – feel her.” Sh
e guided his hand over the bump. He let out a sleepy chuckle.
“Why are you convinced it’s a girl?”
“Just a feeling I have.”
Bea lay on her side with Joshua’s arms wrapped around her. She heard his breathing getting deeper once more, but she couldn’t rest; the baby was awake, and it scared her to close her eyes, fearful of the endless that might occur if she did. Her mind wandered over the simple tasks which lay ahead, making brief lists until she fell asleep.
Chapter 2
Ulverston 1832.
“THAT IS QUITE A DEBT you are racking up, dear Max.” Hanley stacked the gold coins into a pile as he held the owing slips of paper in his left hand.
“I can pay you; I just need a couple of days to free up the money.” Max licked out the last dregs of whiskey from his glass. There were three other tables surrounding them in one of the smaller rooms in the club where high stakes were thrown away more often than anyone involved cared to note.
Hanley grinned and gestured to the serving staff to bring two more. “On me.” They placed the tumblers down in front of them within seconds. With a simple nod, Max lifted his and swallowed the contents in one gulp. “We both know you are running out of capital. That’s the dreadful business with ships, you never quite know when you’re going to lose them like that.”
Max relaxed back in his chair and allowed the haze of alcohol to blur his thoughts. “Storms happen... we have insurance.”
“Yes... and yet I had heard they are refusing to pay - and that would suggest you owe me a great deal of money that you simply do not have.” Hanley laid the pieces of paper in front of him like tarot cards, then gathered five more from his pocket and added them to the spread. “Your friends were more than happy to allow me to buy your debt.”
Max jumped forward in his chair and stared at the extra pieces of paper on the cards table. “You will get your money – I just need time.” He could no longer hide the panic in his voice.
“But Max - I can make sure the wheel of fortune turns again and makes all your troubles disappear.” Hanley drew an invisible wheel in the air in front of them, turning it around with his hand. Max watched the motion as if Hanley were casting a spell over him.
“What... what would you want in return?”
“Information... tell me where they are.”
“Who?”
The Captain’s face twitched in anger and his tone became darker. “The boy and his whore.”
“I don’t know. I cut ties with him after that dreadful... situation.” Max paused, remembering who he was speaking to and the lengths that person would go to to achieve their aims.
“A little birdie has told me he has been sending you letters.” Hanley held the younger man’s gaze, warning him to weigh his next words.
Max leaned in a little closer and lowered his voice from the other gentlemen in the room. “If I told you, then – then it would all disappear – the debt?”
Hanley mirrored his actions playfully. “You have my word.”
“They... they are in America. Boston, to be exact.”
“Excellent, what else?”
“He wants help to find work. Once word spread of their situation, none of the usual employers would send him a reference after they heard his own father had washed his hands of him. Without a reference, he can’t get a decent situation, not one that would... suit.” Max stared down at his empty glass, longing for it to fill once more with whiskey. Hanley paused, his hand in the air, and waited. “Joshua seems to think I can help him, that I know of people in Boston. I told him... I couldn’t - I can’t... I won’t, I won’t help him now, not anymore - but the letters keep coming.” Hanley moved two fingers, a sign for a refill.
“I want you to send him a letter back, informing him of the contrary – a convenient position in Boston has manifested itself, and you can furnish him with the relevant names and addresses.”
“Why? What’s in it for you, Hanley? Why would you want to help him get a job?” Max paused, the glass touching his lips, the smell of the single malt intoxicating.
“That is none of your business now, is it, Max? But, if you do this, I will sweeten the deal by having a word with your insurance company.”
Even through his hazy thoughts, Max realised the power that this man held, and knew it would not be wise to cross him, especially on the behalf of a disgraced and former friend. “If you tell me what to write, I... I will send it.” He masked the taste of guilt and betrayal in his mouth as he gulped down the whiskey. “I must say, it will make him pleased, especially with the news... Oh -”
“What news?” Hanley tilted his head, and a curious grin fell across his mouth.
“That he... well... he is to be a father, you see. A wedding night blessing, he said, but if that’s the case why ask for me to keep it quiet...?”
“Now... that is excellent news!” Hanley looked elated as he ordered two more drinks. “We must toast to their newfound fortune.”
Confused as to what he might have said, Max kept his thoughts to himself on the transaction. “You will... keep to your part of the deal, won’t you, Victor?”
“You doubt me?”
“No, no, of course not.” Max lowered his eyes from Hanley’s stare; the world was moving around him, a sign he needed to call it a night.
Hanley played with the pieces of paper in his hands, shuffling them like a deck of cards. “A man will deliver a letter to you tomorrow. You must copy it, word for word, and hand it back to him. In return you will get your little pieces of paper, and the good news you’ve been waiting for.” Max nodded in agreement, finished the last of his drink, and made his move to leave. Hanley rose to his feet and remarked loudly, “A pleasure doing business with you, Sir Max Elliot.”
Max held his head high and staggered out of the club, doffing his hat to familiar faces and disapproving looks.
Hanley sat back in his chair and gestured for another drink. Joyous news. His plan was taking effect and now, on top of everything, he was going to be a father. He knew there was no way the baby was a wedding-night blessing. He relived the event in his head for the hundredth time, knowing he had left his seed in her. There was no doubt in his mind that the baby was his, but what was he going to do about it? He smiled at the imminent chaos, wishing he had been there when she had realised, when she had told the Mason boy of the news.
An image of Bea popped into his head, smiling at her sisters in their old cottage kitchen. How much they had looked like her; how sweet she had seemed... how innocent. The scene shifted to her standing in front of him, holding out their child. His child. And in that moment, he knew the game had shifted.
Chapter 3
April 1832, Beacon Hill, Boston.
THE LANDLADY ENTERED the small living-room with a pot of coffee in one hand and a letter in the other. “Morning sir - a letter came for you in the early hours.” She placed both on the table, side by side.
“Good morning, Ms Huddersfield.” Joshua noticed the writing straight away to be that of Max Elliot. “Thank you.” He nodded to her gratefully as he held up the letter, impatient to know its contents.
“Would you like any breakfast today? Do you think Mrs Mason could manage anything?” She stared at the mound, still lying motionless in the bed through the adjoining door.
“She was up again through the night.”
“A bit of fresh air will do her good, that’s what she needs.” Ms Huddersfield nodded to herself. She reminded Joshua of one of his mother’s former housemaids, plain-speaking and clear in their opinions, a definitively northern trait.
“Thank you, Ms Huddersfield. I will pass that on.” She replied with a low huff and made her way back through to the stairway. Joshua waited until the door clicked shut and tore at the envelope.
“DEAR MR JOSHUA MASON.
I received your letters and sent out inquires on your behalf. Recently, I received word that a position has opened in Boston Harbour with the Wentworth Shipping Company, and ther
efore took the liberty to arrange a meeting for you with the proprietor, a Mr Goldstein, on the 8th of April at midday. I have enclosed the address below.
I hope this news is agreeable to you and concludes our business for the foreseeable.
Yours sincerely,
Sir Max Elliot.”
Joshua read through the note several times. Felt the loss of his friend in the lack of emotion with each word more keenly, though undoubtedly grateful for the effort. He had heard about Wentworth Shipping during his initial investigations and knew they were the large firm with multiple ventures and opportunities; exactly what he was looking for. He checked the date on the letter and then back at the blank calendar which hung next to the door, holding no invites or events. They had been in Boston for about six months now, but the friendly connections he thought he’d made in Liverpool and London that he’d banked on setting him up in Boston had turned their back once they had heard of the circumstances. The only favour they would agree to was not spreading the rumours further, so not to spread the disgrace into Boston society and allow a fresh start for him. Therefore, each day, the only choice open to him was to sit by this small fire, and watch his new wife being consumed by guilt, grief and her own piercing fear of bringing Hanley’s child into the world. That, or drift from one firm to another in the bleak winter, without a reference or connections, receiving rejection after rejection, each less civil than the last. Existence was a lot harder than he thought it would be. And the money he had saved wouldn’t last them much longer. He glanced back at the letter. Today was the 8th. He had a few hours to make himself presentable and race down to the docks. Thank you, Max.
He changed into his wedding suit, the best one he had, and studied himself in the small, tarnished mirror hanging in the bedroom. Looking back at him was a man he barely recognised. A man with forlorn eyes set in a complexion as pale as milk and a face framed with unruly hair. He slicked it back as much as the tousled blonde waves would allow and smoothed down his suit.