by Sabre Rose
Before he had a chance to tighten his grip on me once again, I broke away and walked across the floor, ignoring Gabe’s questioning glare and going outside.
I needed fresh air. I needed to breathe.
But I wasn’t given the chance.
Tyler was quick to follow. I could feel him standing behind me as I looked out over the lights of the city.
“Tell me what to do and I’ll do it, Lauren. Whatever it takes. I want you.” His words danced through the night air and floated around my mind, confusing my thoughts and scrambling my common sense. “I need you,” he added hoarsely.
I flicked my eyes to his as he stood there, a devilish temptation dressed in a tuxedo. Stepping forward, his hand reached out to take my wrist between his fingers, twisting me until I faced him. My eyes fell down to where I was trapped and he released me, letting my hand fall limply back to my side.
“It’s just you and me. Block everything and everyone else out. Do you want me, Lauren? Look me in the eye, tell me you don’t and I will walk away right now. Just tell me you don’t want me and I will leave.”
I kept my eyes trained to the ground, not trusting myself to look at him. I was afraid if I did, I would throw my arms around his neck and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. Like there was no one else who existed apart from him and me. Like there was no Gabe.
“Look at me,” he said softly and tipped my chin upwards.
My eyes met his and I knew in that moment that I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone else. Derek and Gabe faded to nothing. Every inch of me ached to be held by him, ached to know what his body would feel like, how his lips would feel on my skin.
“Do you want me?” His voice was low, almost begging.
There was only a fraction of space between us. I took a step forward, my heart pounding, my legs shaking, and before I could register what I was doing, I pressed my lips to his for the briefest of moments.
It was all the invitation Tyler needed. His hands cupped my face and he brought his lips back to mine, kissing me passionately as desire and pleasure swirled inside. He tasted of mint and smelled of musk. Crushing himself against me, his mouth devoured mine. All other thoughts fled. All I could think about was Tyler. How big and rough his hands felt as they cupped my cheeks. How, even though the rest of our bodies weren’t touching, I could still sense every inch of him as though we were pressed against each other. How his mouth felt like heaven.
It was only as someone cleared their throat behind us, that the waves of panic and shame rippled through me. Tyler pulled away, his hands still clasping my face, my eyes searching his even as my mind flew to Gabe.
“Dad’s looking for you,” Jake said.
“Give me a minute,” Tyler said, his voice rough and broken.
“I think it best you come now.”
Tyler’s breath came out in short pants over my face. His eyes searched mine as the panic began to rise. “Don’t,” he whispered. “Don’t regret this.”
“I—” But Tyler pressed his lips to mine again, silencing the words that never came.
“Wait,” he said. And then he was gone.
“So?” Jake asked, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. “Are you going to tell him or am I?”
The tears came immediately. “I never meant—”
Jake cut me off angrily. “You or me?”
I hung my head. “I will,” I said.
“When?”
“Now?” I asked.
Jake shook his head. “Not tonight. Not here. Not while Tyler and Gabe are in the same area code. But you will tell him.”
I nodded as the tears fell down my cheeks. “I never meant—”
“No one ever does,” Jake replied. “But it doesn’t change the fact that you did. Is this thing between you and Tyler serious?”
I shook my head and shrugged. “I don’t know what it is.”
“Well, I suggest you figure it out before you tell Gabe.”
I nodded again and wrapped my arms around my chest, suddenly feeling cold.
“We all make mistakes, Lauren, there is no shame in that. But there is in lying. Don’t put Gabe through that. He loves you.”
A sob escaped and I covered my face with my hands. “I know,” I said. “I never meant for this to happen. I know what it’s like to be on the other side of this equation and I never thought I would be the one to—” The words fell away as another sob escaped me. “I never meant—” I hiccupped and Jake’s expression softened.
“Tyler can be very persuasive when he wants something,” he said. “And if he’s the one you want to be with, then you need to own up to that. I warned him not to go near you, but you turned out to be too much of a temptation for him.”
“You knew?”
“I’m one of the few people he actually confides in.”
“So is it all about the chase for him? Am I just caught in some sick game he’s playing with Gabe?”
Jake shook his head. “Only he can answer that. All I know is I’ve never seen him pursue someone as relentlessly as he’s pursued you, even when he didn’t want to. In fact, I’ve never seen him pursue someone at all. You’ve certainly got under his skin.”
24
LAUREN
Music poured through the open doors and windows of the house, spilling onto the street and greeting us long before the shadows passing over the open spaces became people.
I gripped Gabe’s hand tightly. I still hadn’t told him. I didn’t know how to tell him. What to tell him. And tonight wasn’t the night. Tonight was a night for Gabe to enjoy himself, for Stefan to celebrate his twenty-first, for them to have some fun together.
Gabe released my hand long enough to wipe a sweaty palm down his jeans. “You okay? Your hands are all clammy.”
I looked down at my hand as though it wasn’t a part of me, instead, a stranger, and wiped it down my jeans, mimicking Gabe. “Sorry.” I swallowed the tightness at the back of my throat. “I guess I’m just a little nervous.”
“Of this lot?” Gabe jerked his thumb in the direction of the house. Two girls moved to sit in the open window, placing cigarettes between their lips and lighting the ends. It was Elise and Haleigh, the girls that came to the beach with Gabe and me not long after we had first met. I groaned and Gabe laughed, taking my hand in his again and tugging me closer, before releasing my hand and slinging his arm around my shoulder instead. He placed a sloppy kiss on my cheek.
A wolf whistle sounded. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Ashton himself.” Haleigh leaned out the window, cigarette dangling from her mouth, breasts bulging from her top.
“Ashton?” I asked Gabe, but he just shook his head.
“Haleigh, Elise, you remember Lauren, right?” We stopped in front of the window and Haleigh and Elise looked over me slowly before tilting their heads to the side and taking a long drag on their cigarettes. They did it perfectly in unison as if they had been practising before our arrival. I had met Haleigh a number of times, but she still looked as though she were struggling to place me.
Finally, she smiled. “Of course,” she replied. “You work at the café with Gabe, right?”
“Actually,” Gabe said. I could see him preparing himself to tell them we were together and I didn’t want to stand there and see the smirks on their faces so I interrupted him.
“Was good to see you again, Haleigh, Elise.” I nodded to each of them and snaked my arm behind Gabe’s back, hooking my fingers into the waistband of his jeans. I tugged him towards the door, letting my actions speak the words I wouldn’t let Gabe use.
The lounge of Gabe’s flat pulsated with music, people and light. Someone had strung a disco ball in the centre of the room and particles of light danced across faces and walls. Stefan spotted Gabe across the room and raised his beer bottle, leaning back and yelling a greeting into the room. Threading his way through the heaving mass of bodies, shoving them aside when they wouldn’t move, he hugged Gabe, sweat glistening from his forehead and d
ampening his shirt. “You’re just in time,” Stefan said, releasing Gabe from his grasp.
“For what?” Gabe yelled, even though Stefan was standing right next to him.
Stefan cupped his hands around his mouth, funnelling the words, “Make way! Make the path clear.”
Bodies jostled and moved until a path to the coffee table appeared. Twenty-one shot glasses filled with clear liquid lay in perfect lines across the table.
“Tradition,” Stefan yelled. “You have to do them with me.”
Gabe laughed. “I think I’ll give it a miss tonight.”
Stefan shook his head, little droplets of sweat flew from the ends of his hair and splattered across my face. I wiped them away, taking a step back, but bumping into another body when I did so.
Stefan poked a finger into Gabe’s chest. “It’s my birthday and the birthday boy gets to nominate who does the shots with him. I choose you!” Stefan threw his arms around Gabe’s neck and held him in a head brace. “You can’t say no,” Stefan yelled. He leaned closer. “I’m in no state to do all twenty-one,” he hissed. “You need to help a fella out.”
Gabe grinned and stumbled backwards when Stefan leaned heavily on him. “Do you mind?” he asked me.
I looked around the throng of people crushed into the lounge. It felt like all eyes were on me. “Mind?” I said, laughing, though it sounded strange even to my own ears. “Why would I mind?”
Gabe planted another sloppy kiss on my cheek. “Thanks.” Then he followed Stefan to the table, the clear path disappearing behind him.
I found myself on the outskirts of the crowd, pressed next to Haleigh, watching Gabe and Stefan down the shots one by one, the crowd chanting the countdown. Gabe shook his head after the fifth shot and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His eyes widened and he let a whoop into the air. Stefan wiped his hand across his forehead, dripping with sweat. His t-shirt clung to his body in large wet patches.
“Take it off!” someone yelled. Stefan raised a thumb into the air and fell into the wall as he twisted himself into knots while trying to remove his shirt. The chants of numbers turned into the chant of ‘take it off’. Hands appeared out of the crowd to help remove the shirt, and then I lost sight of them as cat calls and whistles filled the room. When shirtless bodies rose high into the air, standing on the table and downing the remaining shots, Gabe’s toned body flashed back at me, his t-shirt now slung around his neck.
Haleigh put her fingers into the air and whistled loudly, almost deafening me. When the last shots were done, the glasses were thrown against the wall but since they were only plastic, they ricocheted off and bounced into the crowd. The shirts were next. Stefan threw his into the crowd, then grabbed Gabe’s and did the same, tossing it further, close enough for Haleigh to grab it and bring it to her nose, inhaling Gabe’s scent while winking at me.
I walked away. Well, I tried to walk away but every part of the house was crammed full of people. Even the bathroom had a couple making out in one corner while a girl sat on the toilet relieving herself. I finally found space outside on the steps but the repetitive thud of the music still pounded in my ear.
Drew was already there, his head jerking up in greeting. “Too many people,” he said.
I sunk to the concrete beside him. Drew took a sip of beer and then let the bottle hang loosely in his fingers, dangling it between his legs. When he saw me looking, he tilted it my way. “Want some?”
I shook my head. “I’m pretty sure Gabe has drunk enough for both of us tonight.”
Drew laughed. “So Stefan convinced him, huh?”
“Didn’t take much.”
Laughter spilled out the door behind us. We twisted around in unison to see Gabe in the middle of the dance floor, Haleigh seductively writhing up and down his body as the people cheered them on.
I waited for the pang of jealousy. It didn’t come.
Gabe looked up, caught me watching and blew me a kiss. Somehow, the misshapen shagginess of his hair made him look even younger than he did before the haircut.
“He loves you, you know,” Drew said quietly.
As I watched Gabe move, I noted the way that even as another girl had her body plastered against him, he only had eyes for me. It was the moment that I knew I had to tell him before I hurt him any further.
Detangling himself from Haleigh, Gabe pushed through the crowd, lowering himself to the step behind me and placing his legs either side of my waist, cocooning my body in his. His chin was heavy on my shoulder.
“You want to go home?” he asked.
I pressed my cheek against his and shook my head. “I’m good. You look like you’re having a good time in there. It’s just a little too crowded for my liking. Besides, Drew’s keeping me company out here.”
“You sure?” Gabe got to his feet. He moved across to Drew and wrapped his arms around him, crushing him into a bear-hug.
“Get off.” Drew laughed, pretending to struggle away from the embrace.
“I love you, man,” Gabe said, squishing him hard.
“Put a shirt on,” Drew said, finally breaking free.
Gabe merely laughed and blew me a kiss before disappearing back into the house.
It turned into a struggle when it was finally time to get Gabe home. He was drunk, but happy drunk, flirty drunk, affectionate drunk. He kept trying to kiss me as we drove, and he made a fumbling attempt at convincing me to have sex with him when he fell into bed. But soon he was quietly snoring beside me with his jeans half unbuckled and his shoes still on.
* * *
By the time morning rolled around I felt like I had barely got a wink of sleep. The guilt that ate at me as I lay beside Gabe was unbearable. I couldn’t live like this any longer. I couldn’t go on knowing that I had hurt him, betrayed him the way I did.
“Hey, beautiful,” Gabe said as he woke, rolling over to his side and grinning at me. His hair was scrunched awkwardly, parts sticking upwards, other parts plastered against his scalp.
My heart ached. My throat was raw and my chest tightened with anxiety. I couldn’t drag it out any longer.
“Gabe, I’m so ashamed.”
He sat up, shuffling himself closer as my tears began to fall. “Hey,” he said, brushing one of my tears aside while blinking rapidly to get the sleep out of his eyes. “Hey, it’s okay.” He attempted to put his arm around me but I reeled away, knowing I didn’t deserve his kindness.
“Gabe,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”
He shifted uncomfortably, running a hand through his hair and attempting to smooth it back. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” he whispered, his eyes wide as he looked at the space between us. “Whatever it is, it’s okay.”
A sob escaped and I covered my face.
Gabe peeled one hand away and peered at me through the remaining fingers. “You’re beginning to worry me a little here, Lauren. Whatever it is, just tell me.”
“I want to,” I said. “But I can’t.”
Gabe scooted closer. “Yes you can. You can tell me anything. I hate seeing you upset like this. Just tell me.”
I drew in a shaky breath, trying to regain my composure, but as I looked back over at Gabe’s eyes, ones filled with such compassion, another sob racked my body.
“Hey,” Gabe said and pulled me close.
This time I was unable to resist and melted into his body.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he repeated into my hair.
Taking another deep breath, I pulled away so I could look at him as I blurted my confession. “I kissed Tyler.”
Confusion crossed over Gabe’s face and he sat back a little. “Tyler?” he repeated.
I nodded, a nervous knot of guilt and fear twisting in my gut.
“My brother?” he asked.
It was almost as though I could see the thoughts racing through his mind as he processed the information. I expected him to be angry. I expected him to yell and to curse, but he merely sat back from me a little more, and that fraction of
distance hurt more than any words, even though I knew I deserved it.
“How did it happen?” he asked finally. “Did he come onto you?”
“No,” I whispered, my voice nearly failing.
“What sort of a kiss? Did he kiss you, or did you kiss him?”
“Does it matter?”
The anger began to rise. “Of course it fucking matters,” he said. “If we talk about it, if I understand, I might be able to move past this. But I sure as hell won’t be able to if I don’t understand. When did it happen? Where did it happen?” His voice rose in volume. “Tell me, Lauren, tell me or I won’t be able to move on from this.”
“But that’s the thing, Gabe,” I said quietly, scared to look up at him. “I don’t want you to move on from it.”
Gabe looked as though someone had just knocked the wind from him. And when he realised what I was saying, all the colour fell from his face. “Fuck,” he cursed. “This is about last night, isn’t it? This is payback for dancing with Haleigh. You want me to feel the same pain as you did, right? You were scared I would cheat on you? You know I’d never do that.” He moved closer again, hesitantly looking over at me, his expression begging for me to tell him this was all made up as a payback over jealousy.
I shook my head. “It has nothing to do with last night.”
“You know she means nothing to me, right?”
I shook my head again, too scared to say the words I needed to make him understand.
“What then? What is this all about? You haven’t—” Gabe swallowed deeply, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he worked to get the words out. “Did you sleep with him?”
“No!” I said quickly, reaching out to take his hands in mine, but he jerked away. “There was a kiss. Nothing else.”
“Nothing else, but the kiss was enough for you to decide you didn’t want to be with me anymore?”